Letting go is easy when you STOP saying this...

there's certain phrases we use that can limit us from really tapping into our true power. Now, anytime someone says that I got pulled back into someone else's energy, or someone's like, oh, they pulled me back in, they reeled me back in, it is insinuating that someone else has the control mechanism. It's almost as if someone else has the lever and has the ability to control the strings of someone else. And what happens is once we become aware of the language we use, and once we become aware of the way that we view our relationship to other people, that's when we can really begin to change at a fundamental core level. Now, I was coaching someone just yesterday actually, and this person comes on and he explains to me, here's my challenge. He's like, I was in relationship, we broke up. Then what happened is a couple months later, I knew I shouldn't have gotten back into the relationship, but she pulled me back in. He basically said his ex pulled him back into this relationship. And what I asked him was interesting. She pulled you back in. Is it even possible for someone to pull you back into a relationship? Now, ultimately, our language is dictating and reflecting our belief system back to us. So it's not so much that he got pulled back in as he allowed himself to get pulled back in. Maybe getting pulled back into the relationship felt familiar to childhood. Maybe that power dynamic that's at play is a similar power dynamic to childhood. So ultimately what happened is it felt familiar, it felt normal to get pulled back into a situation. Now, this is something that I had to become aware of in my own life was 2 or 3 years ago when I was learning how to set boundaries, when I was learning how to be in my own frame of reality, I became aware that I had a very similar perspective to this. People kept pulling me back in or I would feel obligated or responsible for other people's emotions, for other people's energy. And what that would result in is that would result in me feeling like a leaf in the wind. That would result in me feeling energetically drained until eventually I realized that I am doing it to myself. I am in a way controlling myself by allowing someone else to control me by pulling me back in. It was a way I was able to find safety in a power dynamic that felt normal. Now think of it, if somebody has that of a healthy attachment style and they were to attract someone else that maybe has a toxic attachment style, that person would be able to set boundaries, but also would not tolerate or associate themselves with an energy that's not in alignment with their belief system. So it's almost like when you start to come to your own power and you start to set boundaries, you no longer either allow people into your life that are controlling or manipulative, and you become aware of the thought patterns and the language you're using that's insinuating a certain loss of power, a certain loss of control. I remember back when I first— I've shared this story a few times on YouTube. However, back in 2000— I don't even know what year this was, but when my dad divorced my ex-stepmom, I remember that once we were in this process of this whole new reality, we had all of this freedom. We went from not allowing to have friends, not allowing to eat enough, even get enough food to eat, having to sneak food to get enough. Not allowed to watch television, having to earn to go to school activities. My dad divorces my ex-stepmom, we have all this freedom. We moved in with our grandma at the time while the divorce was happening, and there was allowed to eat enough food, allowed to have friends, allowed to watch TV, not just working outside all day. It was a completely new reality, but with that came anxiety. There was this anxiousness around the freedom. And I remember at one moment, a few weeks after the divorce, my brother and I go back to the house to pick up clothes close. And when we were, there was this big dramatic situation where my ex-stepmom and her mom were throwing clothes on the, like yelling at us and throwing our clothes in the dirt. And when that was happening, there was this realization that I had that even though it was so toxic being in that house for years and having to put up with someone that was controlling and manipulative, there was something about it that felt familiar and safe almost. There was less anxiety in that lifestyle than there was with the freedom of being able to do whatever I wanted and to be able to have that freedom. Now, in an interesting way, years, even just months after that, I attracted people into my life that reflected back that same control dynamic, that reflected back who do I have to be? I have to walk on eggshells to be free. I have to walk on eggshells to, not to be free, I have to walk on eggshells because it feels familiar. It relieves that anxiety. So in an interesting way, it's like that was soothing. They call this, by the way, Stockholm syndrome, when people find some form of safety attachment where they feel in a way like less anxiety or they feel safe under the control of somebody else. And what happens is they stay stuck in that pattern They stay stuck attached to the abuser or to that kind of energy pattern because it feels familiar. And one thing that I became aware of is that I kept attracting people into my life that would reflect back that energy dynamic, whether it was an ex-girlfriend who was controlling and jealous or a manager when I worked at Nordstrom's in women's shoes, same controlling dynamic, very similar to the past childhood energy. And there was a certain part of that that probably felt Familiar. And the story was on autopilot too. There was a story there that I have to fight for my freedom, things aren't fair, I get pulled back into these situations, and that was the way reality was for me. Even if that— I broke up with that ex-girlfriend after a few years of being with her. Within 2 weeks of breaking up with her, I got transferred to a better shoe department at Nordstrom's and from Brass Plum Shoes, which is a cheaper shoe department, into Salon Shoes, designer shoes. And that manager was the same personality construct as my ex-stepmom. Why? Because it was in direct alignment to my beliefs. I believe I have to fight for freedom. I believe things aren't fair. And therefore, what is my reality? It's a complete reflection of that dynamic. Why? Because maybe it's a familiar power struggle. It's a familiar energy that also relieves a certain level of anxiety. So something to look at when it comes to your relationship to other people is are we replaying energy dynamics that feel familiar? Because if it's a familiar pattern that shows up and you attract someone in your life that represents a certain energy and then maybe it doesn't work out, but then someone else comes in that's very similar, maybe the common denominator is not the other people, Maybe it's your story about the other people that is causing the block. And what I realize is I had a block around quote unquote other people. My belief was other people wanna take your energy. My belief was you have to tiptoe around like unstable people. You have to walk on eggshells around them that almost subconsciously they had the validation and the approval to give to you so that you could feel safe. And especially with power dynamics, And what you have to do is give this up. Now recently, I experienced this within this last week. Within this last week, I went through a process of letting go of a pattern that I became aware of in myself that completely has shifted my perspective of how I show up in my power. Now let's, here's the situation. What I realized is growing up, things weren't fair to authority figures. People that were of more authority than me. So what I found myself in a pattern of is attracting specifically landlords, people that I'm renting houses from. I would have issues with people I rented houses from. In Vegas, there was an issue with this guy that I lived in this nice house for years, made lots of YouTube videos in it. The guy that owned it was very controlling. He was very, demanding in a certain way that was like not the correct role for me as a tenant renting the house. Like, for example, I moved into this house and within a week of being there, I go to use the oven for the first time and the oven doesn't work, even though it's like a— it's a nice house. And I let him know, I say, hey, the oven's not working. He goes, okay, it's going to be $500 to send someone out there to fix it. And I'm like, why would I pay it? I'm renting the house. He didn't understand how it worked, so I had to like fight for it to be fair. And I had to explain to him, this is not how it works. And I had to show him like things online to show, hey, this isn't the way it works in the tenant-to-landlord dynamic. I don't own the house. And even at one point, the pipe broke in the backyard and with the pool and the water bill was $2,000 a month. Literally, I was paying $2,000 for one month of a water bill because the pipe broke. And I said, hey, you need to get this pipe fixed. I'm not paying $2,000 a month the rest of my lease here. And he wanted to sell the house in a couple months and he was fighting to not fix the leak and I'd have to pay $2,000 a month. I'm like, this isn't fair. So it was this dynamic where things weren't fair. I eventually got out of that situation, but then I just moved to Los Angeles recently and I was living in a house for a year in Austin. It was a beautiful house. Lots of YouTube videos once again were made in that house. However, the people that own the house were very neurotic in a way. They were worried and fearful that the house was gonna like, tear down somehow. And I knew when I moved in, there were red flags there of how controlling this was. This house was furnished and I could tell that the owner of the house was this woman that was very particular. And I knew that because she had the person that cleaned the house that she used, I ended up using, and I could tell she was walking on eggshells. She's like, oh, this person is, she's super like the super high expectations, super strict. Anytime I wanted something done with the house, it was like I could tell they were just worried things were going to go wrong with the house. They were in a way perfectionists. Well, I rented that house for a year, single guy renting the house, don't have kids, don't have animals. I was traveling half the year as well, and they were really strict with putting things on certain plants during the freeze, and there was just all these rules, and I did every single thing they asked for. Now at the end of this lease, what happened is I moved out of the house. I moved out like 3 weeks early and I moved to Los Angeles. And what ended up happening is I put the house back exactly how I found it. However, when after a month of me leaving the house, she goes there and there are all of these things that were wrong with the house. There were literally lists of things and I left the house as perfect perfect as I could possibly make it. And even the lady that cleaned the house that would normally work to clean the house, she wouldn't even clean the house as the move-out clean because she said last year it just wasn't good enough for Miss Jessica. And therefore, I was like, okay, this is a red flag, right? I pay $1,000 to get the house cleaned. I do all of these things to make it perfect. Turns out it wasn't perfect. Turns out I have to go— I'm going back and forth with this person and it becomes this thing where I have a large security deposit that may not come back to me because it wasn't good enough the way that I left the house. And there's a surcharge for all of these things. Now, when this was going down and there was, I was getting this long email of all the things that weren't done correctly and how this large security deposit may not come back to me at all. What I was realizing was first off my reaction. See, this isn't fair. See, this is how the power dynamic works. And what I realized is when it comes to an authority figure is me seeing someone as the authority because it's a landlord-tenant dynamic, I was in a way projecting onto this person this control dynamic. Now what my epiphany was was that my inner energy did not have to be dictated by her really high expectations. What I mean by this is I read this long email, by the way, it was a really long email, and at the top of the email it said part 1, which I thought was funny because I'm like, there's gonna be a part 2? And I was getting in reaction, I was getting angry, and I have an assistant, so I was telling my assistant was the one dealing with it, and I eventually said to my assistant, you know what, you just deal with it. I trust the abundance, I trust, I'm gonna be fine, but it's not worth the energetic energy of like getting super micromanaging about it. But what my epiphany, my breakthrough was, is no longer do I need to be dictated by this energy. No longer do I need to let it drain my emotional energy. Whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen. I'm gonna do what I can to help fix things. Like there was like, you know, 'cause the house was furnished, there was like a little, one of the tables, there was this little like dot or something like that. So it's like the idea is I might have to replace a whole entire table, like $2,000 table because there's a little dot on it. And I'm like, it doesn't feel fair to me, but also I don't have to keep letting my energy be drained by this. So my epiphany in this situation was how am I replaying similar familiar dynamics? Where is this story that I have that authority is that this isn't fair and that there's this really high expectation to meet by this person. And guess what? When I was a kid, nothing I did was ever good enough. It was like I would do chores, I would do things, and it was always done incorrectly, and I had to do it a second or third time. Here I am moving out of this— moved out of this house, not even in Texas anymore, yet I'm having to have people go and handyman go fix up the things a little bit more just to make it absolutely perfect. And my epiphany in this dynamic was that authority figures to me represent this unfair power dynamic. Now, here's another thing I realized. I am seeing the authority dynamic as if this landlord is above me. Now I'm not saying I see them as below me, but my epiphany is I'm pretty fucking, I'm like a, I guess the way I could say this is like there's enough self-worth there that I don't have to view them as on a pedestal or below me. And the epiphany is like realizing my own self-worth. Oh, I'm a successful guy that is renting this really expensive house and I did everything I could to put everything back in place properly, but I did the right thing, didn't have like a whole bunch of guests staying there that were wrecking things, wasn't throwing parties. I'm a pretty good tenant. And not only am I a good tenant, but I was probably one of the easiest tenants they would have. And they probably had this situation with other people before, but it no longer is something that I had to internalize. So basically, I believe that my breakthrough was around becoming aware of the story dynamic, Knowing that I'm not a victim of circumstance, knowing that I don't have to be a leaf in the wind of the situation and that where the cards fall, they will in the sense of I believe that this situation was also an echo of an old energy dynamic that I recently learned. So the way that I think about it is when I signed this lease a year and a half ago, whatever, when I got this house, there's still certain patterns that were on autopilot that I wasn't aware of. And now I would never rent a house from somebody with the red flags that were there. So in the same way, this person that I was coaching at the beginning of talking about this YouTube video, they got pulled in by their ex. When they become the kind of person that can't get pulled in, they become the kind of person that's in their own frame, they become the kind of person that's questioning their own beliefs, they're then not a victim of circumstance. They can't get pulled in because they have a high center of gravity. They're in their own frame. So the power of what I'm sharing here is my breakthrough was I don't have to be emotionally or energetically moved around because of the high expectations of this person. Now also, here's what I realized. There's forgiveness as an option. The person that is controlling with really high expectations, what I realized is this lady, she, is doing the best she can with where she is. And what I realized is she's a perfectionist. She is getting the house ready for the next tenants that are gonna come through. And she's worried that if anything doesn't look perfect, it's a reflection on her. It's a reflection on her if, and I could tell she's got this perfectionist mentality. Now the power of this is that I don't have to internalize it. A lot of this is my projection of story. This isn't fair, she's doing this to me. No, she's a perfectionist who doesn't want to be seen as a sloppy person that has a little— I spilled a little Organifi Gold, which is this chocolate drink I drink at night on one of the granite countertops in the bathroom because at nighttime I drink this hot, this like hot superfood chocolate gold thing, and it got a little stain. So I'm like, what does that mean? That I have to replace the granite countertop? Literally, it's in the conversation right now that I might have to replace the granite countertop because there's a little speck there that may not come out. Interestingly enough though, is it that she's being mean to me and this power dynamic's not fair and all of these things? When at the end of the day, the dynamic is it's not personal. So in the same way, it's not personal. That person, that's your ex that's pulling you back in, probably doesn't feel safe unless there's somebody else there that's affirming their frame. They're trying to get their needs met. It's not because you're a weak person and they're trying to manipulate you in a person— they're trying to get their needs met. And when it comes to this kind of energy dynamic, there's a lot of healing that can happen when you realize it may have nothing to do with you. And really let that sit in for a minute. Maybe it's not personal. Maybe it's just an energy dynamic that's been on autopilot. You're becoming aware of it, but take your power back. What are the stories you have about people? What are the stories that are on autopilot? And is there an opportunity for forgiveness? For people are doing the best they can with the level of consciousness they're at. My ex-stepmom growing up, that's how she, she was treated a certain way growing up and her way of gaining control was having power over people, other people. It doesn't make it right, but it does help me understand that at the core, everyone's doing the best they can with the patterns they learned. She learned that pattern from someone else in her family. I don't think she was the first person in the collective consciousness to come up with this idea that if you bully other people, you feel powerful. She was treated that way. She enacted that on my brother and I, and it led to my spiritual awakening years later and for me to take my power back to become aware of these stories and to forgive her. So what is the breakthrough for you here watching this video today? Is it that you can take your power back by changing your language? Taking your power back and realizing that you're not a leaf in the wind. I was watching this thing on Netflix the other day called Starting Five, where there's these— the main NBA players were basically behind the scenes. And I thought it was interesting. I love watching sports documentaries. And there's this guy, I think his name's Jason Tatum or something like that. He's on the Celtics. And he was talking about— they were asking him, do you have to experience all the scrutiny because your team is so big and because you're one of the star players? And he was getting a lot of scrutiny because his team played bad in one game, even though they were the team the number one team last season. They lost a game and the coach was there with him and he says, does he take, does he have to take a lot of the blunt because he's the leader of the team? He says, no, he gets to, he gets to. It is a privilege for him to be in that role, to get to take that criticism. He gets to do it and he gets to do it because this is the person he always dreamed of becoming. He always dreamed of becoming one of the best players in the league. He gets to. And the reason I say this is the language puts a powerful shift in you, doesn't it? When you realize the person you're becoming in the process gets to experience what you did in the past because it allows you to become a new version of yourself. So before we give our power away, how can we take our power back through our language, through our belief system, and through realizing we're replaying similar energies over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until we become aware of it? And how can you take your power back and allow yourself to be in your power? Forgive the old power dynamic struggle, forgive the person that maybe this has to do with, realize they're doing the best they can with the level of consciousness they're at, but then make a choice of who you choose to become and what are you gonna emotionally be swayed by? Whatever happens with this house situation, I'm good. I'm good, I'm having my assistant manage it, just the details of this long list of emails that I don't feel like I wanna go through and respond to every little thing. It's getting taken care of. It's fine. I've surrendered that whatever's meant to happen will happen. It's not passiveness. I also know that if I need to express something, I will, but I'm not gonna be emotionally swayed. I'm not a leaf in the wind. I'm not a victim to circumstance. And that's where I believe I broke out the pattern. So before the next time someone, you say something like, I got pulled in, this happened to me, this isn't fair, turn the energy inwards and see, What beliefs am I holding onto that feels safe to childhood? And as you do that, you'll find that you then begin to become more free. Now, if you wanna become more free and go through a process of transformation towards getting in your own frame, I have a whole entire section inside that of a free course I have called High Vibe 101. It's a $1,000 course for free that comes with breathwork, step-by-step processes, and meditations to help you elevate your vibration. If you wanna check that out, I'll go ahead and link it below. It's in High Vibe Tribe, which is a free community you can join. You can go through that process, do the power of the frame technique, and watch how much your life changes. Now, if you want a meditation that will show you how to apply the frame technique, it's one of my most popular meditations. I get stopped when I meet people in public that don't recognize me from my videos. It's very often the thing that people say transforms them the most is the frame technique. Here is a free YouTube video that you can watch right here. Welcome to the Frame Technique meditation and activation.