LOVE will come to you when you "give up"

Why is it that when you let go, when you give up, when you stop trying, love actually comes to you? Why is it that the more you look for it, the more you try to put yourself in the right place at the right time, the more you try to look and come off a certain way to other people, the more you try to get other people to like you, why is it that the more you try, The more the attraction dies. And why is it when you give up, you finally allow yourself to be seen and you allow that magnetic energy to come through? And this video, if you're seeing this right now, this is the video that in 6 months from now, you can look back and see that your energy shifted. You can see that because you actually let go, not as a manipulative tactic. Like, I'm gonna let go, I'm gonna let go and let God, but then I'm just doing this because I hope I get the love. This is where we're going deep in this video on what I've seen work for so many people, including myself, and how love might be actually all around you right now. The person might be around you right now, but you literally can't perceive of them because of the energy of wanting and attachment. So first off, realize attachment is the root of all suffering. And if you are attached to attracting love, if you are attached to what people think about you, if you are attached to wanting someone else to choose you, you're actually resisting it. Now, the paradox is that when you're good either way, this is the energy that happens a lot. You probably know of someone that this has happened to. And when you make the energetic shifts I share with you in this video, it changes everything because think about it, how often do you hear from people that have said, "You know, I made the rule for myself that I wasn't gonna date for the next 6 months. And when I made that rule, it happened," right? Someone lets go completely. Maybe someone's trying for a while and they go on dates and they get kind of disheartened or something and then they start focusing on their business or their passion and they completely let go and then it happens. It happens as a result of letting go, letting go of attachment, letting go of control, letting go of trying to make it happen. But when you give up, that's when you actually allow it to come to you. Now, first off, let's understand this. I remember for years, even for myself, it was something I was wondering and curious like, when am I gonna attract love? What kind of inner work do I need to do? Done a lot of inner work, gotta do a little more. And ironically enough, I kind of intuitively knew that when I start really focusing on this next level of me, and maybe as a guy, because masculine energy is also more attractive when you're on your purpose, I always kind of intuitively knew that it would happen. I would even tell the person this because the person, So basically what happened was I would always say it's going to happen once I'm really on my purpose and once I'm really like in a momentum and flow with like live events, like in-person live events. Like I felt like certain areas of my life were stagnant and I knew that it's not gonna happen in this stagnant state of energy. It's gonna happen when I'm in alignment with the me that is running live events consistently, that's in my passion, confident energy. I also knew it was more magnetic when I'm in front of a crowd with people and like, you know, like in that passion more consistently, people can feel that. Either people in my personal life or even people like just seeing what I'm doing in the world as well. And I recognize that like it'll happen once I have momentum in this area. It's almost like, Maybe part of it was too, is a belief that like God isn't gonna give it to me until I am like in a certain passion energy and I'm like living my purpose. Then as I have that momentum, then it's almost like I'll be rewarded for it. Maybe that was part of the belief that also blocked it because that's actually what happened. Like what happened was, is as I finally was getting in the flow with doing in-person live events, hot seat coaching people on stage, making content, putting that out and not in the old hamster wheel of just making YouTube videos like I used to for years, I was growing. And as I was growing, I was letting go of attachment to trying to attract love at all, needing to work on myself more. Of course, I was doing that in my own way, but as I let go, that was when then that momentum was there. Maybe you could say that magnetic energy was there too, but I wasn't attached to how or when it happened. To find out that as I wasn't attached and I was in flow, Synchronicity would have it to where there was the awareness of someone that I'd been best friends with literally for 5 years, but had it as like a pretty much a strict friendship because her and I felt so connected, but we didn't wanna chance that turning out some other way. But then what we realized is there were different synchronicities that came in play that made us realize the emotion that was under the surface. To find out it was all around us the entire time, but we weren't energetically able to perceive it until there were like certain synchronicities that came into play. But ironically enough, I was so detached from needing to attract love at all that it allowed it to happen. And we look back, we're like, why didn't this happen like 4 years ago or 3 years ago or 2 years ago or even a year ago? And maybe eventually I'll share it in a whole video, the whole story. We have a friend of ours that has a podcast that really wants us to both to come on the podcast to talk about it. So you could comment below if you wanna see that podcast. We're thinking about it, okay? But in general, it happened when there was a letting go of it. And I think a lot of times what happens is when there's unconscious wounds under the surface, It's like there's a trying to fight to prove yourself to someone else, trying to fight to get someone else to choose you even. Now understand this, when you actually give someone the ability to choose you or not, that's when you are in freedom, that's when you are more free. If you're demanding people choose you, it's because as a kid, you may have not felt chosen. But understand that choosing is not actual love. Choosing, getting someone to choose you is what you believe the condition to love is. Now here's one of the most powerful insights you will ever learn that in 6 months from now, you will look back and notice that the way you relate to people has shifted because of this. What you love in someone else is not just the person, It is the way you feel around that person. I'm gonna say that again. You think what you love is the person, but in fact, it is the person you get to be around that person. It is the permission you give yourself to feel the love that is already inside of you. So there's certain people when you're around that you feel very expansive with. There are certain people you around that you feel very contracted with. There are certain people you're around that you will feel like you are in fight or flight around. And when you are in fight or flight or in survival mode, you might think this is love, this is connection, please choose me. And if you're saying, please choose me, it's because you feel naturally not chosen. And because that survival mode of being chosen is what you're actually going after, you're actually attached to. So trying to fight for someone to approve of you, you might think is love, but approval and validation is the condition you believe is necessary to feel love. It's not the person that's going to choose you. It's that because they chose you, you've given yourself permission to feel chosen and validated. So as a kid, think about this. As a kid, if mom or dad didn't choose you or you didn't feel chosen, you didn't feel validated or accepted, you will say to yourself, who do I have to be to get validated love or approval? And that's where conditional love happens. That's not unconditional love. Unconditional love is where you are empowered to Approve of yourself. You are empowered that you can do it, you can fail and even figure it out. Validating your emotions of what you feel and not thinking you have to feel different. These are all different ways. As a kid, if you didn't feel worthy for being you, you might say, well, I must be perfect. I must stay out of the way. I must ease peace in the family, ease tension in the family. I must overgive. I must absorb the energy of everyone around me. These are many times things as kids we absorb as beliefs, and then as adults, we are looking for people to play these energy dynamics with. And that's what's blocking love, the attachment to one of these things. So because you overgive, you attract overtakers. It's the opposite side of that dynamic. And then you wonder why you feel unfulfilled. Well, you're literally playing the game of let me overgive because when I overgive, I feel validated and approved of. I feel like the person will never leave. It creates codependency. And what happens is you find people to play that game with, but that's not love. That's a pattern. Maybe there are aspects you can learn. I mean, you can love You could have unconditional love for someone and still choose yourself, which might mean not choosing them. Because when you say like, stop overgiving, someone says, that's just who I am, but I'm loving other people. I just have so much love to give. You believe that you overgiving and having so much love to give is what's gonna create the codependency to keep people around. Let's be honest. The pattern has gotten so enmeshed with your identity that you forgot that you can be loved for simply being you. And that's why you're overgiving and you're over trying to prove yourself, which actually deflects and repels away love. One of the most powerful insights to understand about love is that it's simply a reflection. It's a reflection. You love the person you get to be when you're around somebody else. You love the version of you you get to be. And love and approval are different. Approval and validation might be the condition you thought you needed as a kid to then allow yourself to feel love. But you can feel love for simply being you. And when you start being you and you start living in that authenticity, that will attract to you the people that resonate with that deeper level you. So where most people get caught up is instead of being that, they focus on being this performative thing. Well, who do I need to be to get validation and approval? Do I need to morph myself? Do I need to be perfect? Do I need to overgive? How do you want me to be? And then people say to me, Aaron, how do I— 'Cause I say all the time, if you want someone else to choose you, you must choose yourself. And you say, Aaron, how do I choose myself? Well, in what ways do you not choose yourself? In what ways do you overgive to gain love and approval? In what ways do you abandon yourself to say yes to things when your body is saying no? In what ways do you outsource your own validation and approval? In what ways do you not accept yourself? In what ways do you hold back vulnerability for the fear of rejection? This is a better question to ask 'cause it's so simple. Literally choose yourself, choose to be the real you. Stop trying to control the outcome of what people think about you. Literally give up. Literally give up what people think. Give up caring what people think. Give up needing them to choose you. Let it go and realize that's where freedom is. Freedom is when you let go and you don't need that reflection to come back to complete you. My life has completely shifted since sharing what I'm sharing with you. It's understanding that what you thought of as a problem when it comes to being the real you, like for me, my relationship evolved out of vulnerability, literally a vulnerable conversation where there was a lot at stake and that was a belief there was a lot at stake. You wanna know why? Because for 5 years we were best friends and it was very clean energy between us. And we kept it there because that felt safe because we wanted to know each other for life. And at the same time, at the other side of that, what I realized is eventually there was the realization like, you know, there's no guarantee. I felt like soon I was gonna meet somebody and I'm like, there's no guarantee that when I meet someone, they're gonna be okay with us being friends even though We can say we've only been just friends, which is true. Not everyone's cool with that. So I've had plans before with friends of mine that we were like really close friends, but because, I mean, it was a little bit of a different situation, but it's like we can have plans in the world, but when you meet somebody else, those plans might change. And that can be very sad or it can be something that, you know, with her, I didn't want a chance. So I thought to myself, well, there's really not, it's not like, it's not guaranteed that there's no risk at all, but just we're gonna be friends for life. But then we're gonna meet people and are they gonna be cool with us hanging out, talking and connecting like we normally do? I was like, okay, so maybe this isn't what we thought. It's not for sure a done deal. So then what I thought is, okay, through a trip that we were on, becoming aware that there was certain things under the surface, like, huh, maybe there is something more here. but having a conversation with somebody that you've been friends with for so long and saying like, is there anything else here? What if that wasn't mutual? What if then it was like made things weird and then the friendship was weird? These are things that went through the mind. But what I realized, you know what, at the same time, like the way in which I choose to show up in the world is vulnerable. And vulnerability will attract to you emotional availability and it will repel emotional unavailability. Not to say that if it didn't, if it was a thing where it's like, oh, that energy isn't there, that that was immediate, that's emotional unavailability. You know what's interesting? I don't think I've shared this before. I was in a relationship a while ago where one of the stories was was I felt like I wasn't emotionally available enough. And that was kind of the story. There was, I was with somebody that in my opinion, there was more of like a codependent energy. There was an expectation that I like almost like what was being coined as emotional availability in my opinion was more like emotional codependency. But there was a feeling like I'm not emotionally available enough. I'm not giving enough. I'm not as obsessed about somebody as they would want me to be. And I'm like, obsession, that's codependency. But I was always feeling like I wasn't enough or I wasn't doing enough, et cetera. And also, funny enough, there was blocks around like even thinking about marriage and things like that. There was blocks around that. And I look back and I could see that literally there was a belief I was emotionally available, but you wanna know what part of it was? It also just, you will be emotionally unavailable to the wrong person. That's what I realized. I was like, oh, it's just the other person. There was something in that energy where it felt like unsafe and it felt like I didn't understand why in the moment, but something felt unsafe about it in the sense I was like, I didn't energetically see a future of marriage with that person. So I had blocks around marriage. So it's not just blaming the other person, but I was like being honest with myself. I didn't see that. Which is funny enough because I was in a way emotionally unavailable to the wrong person, but to the right person, that emotional availability is there easily. That ability to see the future is there easily. So I think part of myself was I was feeling shame, like I'm not emotional, I'm not, you know, I'm working through emotional unavailability and I feel like I'm being avoidant and all of these things. And I'm like, no, It was also just, I didn't feel not just safe around that person, but I just felt like there was something off with that connection. And to find out that there is, a whole longer story, but to find out that there was a certain intuition there that I was probably picking up on. To come to find out like by the end of that relationship, there were certain things that weren't congruent. And I look back, I'm like, oh, that's what I was picking up on. My emotional availability was also partially, but it was tricky 'cause I was like trying to grow myself. I was trying to open myself up, but You don't have to prove yourself to the right person. There's acceptance there. But also that acceptance comes from you. That acceptance comes and that validation comes when you also give it to you. So this whole thing with attracting love is only there because we believe the love is in somebody else as well. That other person is reflecting back to you a person that you are around them where you allow yourself to feel love and somebody that you have similar values to that you can then grow with. But a lot of times what happens is people keep playing the game of survival mode, of the ego trying to control. Now here's the huge shift. When you give up from the ego trying to control and the ego trying to stay in survival and the ego playing the game of overgiving, being perfect, proving themselves, you can then become aware of the energy of God, the energy of the universe, or the divine flowing through you. Because the more I let go and the more I focused on becoming the version of me that was most in alignment with the version of me I prefer to be, the most authentic, vulnerable version of me, not attached to outcome, the more it attracted that reflection into my life. I literally gave up trying and started focusing on just being the version of me that was in alignment with this next level me. Running live events, putting myself out there, getting outta my comfort zone, having fun, focused on friendships, focused on community. These are all things I focused on and then it happened and it was all around me for 5 years, but I couldn't perceive of it. For years, her and I were in different relationships, sharing everything with each other about those relationships, sharing everything about our dating life. We know like everything about each other, almost too much. Can you imagine everything you share with somebody and then you're dating, you're like, "I know way too much." It's not too much, of course. It's good to have that solid foundation. At the same time, it's a very interesting thing that it's almost like years ago we couldn't know that this would happen now, otherwise we would've held back and controlled from the ego's perspective. It will happen when you let go and you let God. And you say, okay, Aaron, it'll happen when I let go. I'm gonna let go 'cause it's gonna happen. There you go trying to manipulate it again. There you go trying to create the, you're trying to like create it. It's almost like you're trying to play a game with God. No, really let go. Let go of trying. What if you let go and let go of any tactics? Start being authentic and vulnerable. Vulnerability is your filter that will attract to you realness. Vulnerability. And even in my relationship now, as we've transitioned from this one way of being to a new way of being, there's times things have come up and always the breakthrough for me is actually sharing what comes up, being vulnerable. And on the other side as well, that allows us to grow together and allows us to process. And grow from a deeper place. I mean, our whole relationship happened because of one vulnerable conversation. So understand that love and connection comes as a response to who you are being, the energy you're embodying. And when you give up trying and you give up the control of the ego, you can then let go and allow God to flow through. You can allow the right people to come and not realize that's not your thing to manage. Have you ever noticed that there's certain things in life you can't control? Like try controlling yourself to fall asleep. A few nights ago, I'm here in Amsterdam right now, and my intention was I want to conquer jet lag. I want to get rid of jet lag and I want to sleep. And here I am on the first couple nights, like trying to force myself to sleep. And I realized, wow, the more I try to sleep, the less I can sleep. It's like you gotta Jedi mind trick yourself. Like, it's okay if I sleep, it's okay if I don't sleep, I don't care, it's whatever. But then trying to manipulate the universe, that's what I was doing. And then I'd get up and I'd like change my state. There's this whole thing. And I realized, man, the more you try, the more you resist. And then last night what I did is I just kind of like, I actually pushed myself to stay up till like 2 o'clock in the morning Amsterdam time. And then I fell asleep and actually slept through for like a good amount of time. But part of the reason that was, was because I was trusting my body and just kind of let go of the outcome. So it's like something else you can't control. Control, right? You can't control, you can't force yourself to fall asleep. Like, yeah, Aaron, I could take this thing and fall asleep immediately. Well, that's still a form of control. Wouldn't it be nice if you just had a little pill? Little, yeah, you wanna attract love? Here's a pill. That's what some people do. They go to Burning Man and they take a little pill and they're like, I'm in love. And they're in love and they're around a whole bunch of other people. But guess what? Those other people are also reflecting back the love that's in themselves. And if because they're in a certain state. You guys get the idea. So realize when you give up is when you will actually allow these things to happen. And giving up means choosing to be you and it means giving up the validation, the approval, the chasing, the old patterns that you think are you and that you think are love when they're actually conditions to love. And when you start to create mind and heart coherence, that's also what everything shifts. The most popular meditation I have on YouTube has almost 9 million views Literally hundreds and hundreds of comments from people saying they've attracted love from doing that meditation for 21 days. You wanna know the magic of it? Mind and heart coherence. Literally read the comments to this video and see what's possible for you. And it'll increase the belief it can happen for you too. Commit to that meditation for 21 days. I believe it's an energy that's in the collective consciousness for so many millions of people doing it. And watch what happens. So check this meditation out right here. Read the comments to see what's possible. Commit to it for 21 days. And watch what happens. This meditation will change your life.