NEVER fall back into your old vibration Again (PERMANENTLY Shift like this)
Aaron Doughty traces why people slip back into old habits to unmet childhood needs for safety and control that show up as shame and codependency. He broke the cycle by forgiving his past, reshaping his trauma story, and meeting his inner child's needs through meditation. Real change requires dropping your identity attachment and choosing a new self moment by moment.
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Why is it so easy to fall back into old patterns? Even though intellectually we may understand that it's like not good to be in those patterns, we may have focus on a specific outcome we want, and we may make a little bit of change when we start like really focusing on it and setting intentions for certain habits, et cetera. But then no matter what, we find we keep falling back to the old patterns. Now in this video, I'm gonna show you how you can finally break free, why you've been falling back into the old patterns. Something that honestly is, it's so superficial the way this is normally looked at. It's like, well, if you have these old patterns, these old habits, this is what you need to change. There's a deeper core thing here that most people aren't even aware of. But if you look at this one core thing, it completely changes your life. I'm gonna share with you how I did that in my life. I'm gonna share that how I've seen this happen in tens of thousands of people over the last 3 or 4 years that I've been running these 21-day challenges, and how you can apply it in your life too so that you finally make the permanent shift that you desire to make. Now, first off, back in June of 2012, I had a huge shift in my consciousness. I went through what people call a spiritual awakening. I went through a process of realizing that life is more than I priorly thought that it was. And from that, I remember that there was a constant looking at myself in different ways because I had to get really honest with myself. And when I look at myself back in 2012 in June, I was very much stuck in the old ego patterns. Now realize this, we get in life a reflection of who we are being. And who we are being is a combination of how we think, feel, and act. Now imagine there's this wall around who we are being that is connected to familiar. What is familiar to us? Funny enough, familiar is very close to the word family because the familiar patterns from our childhood many times can be recreated to be familiar in our lives. So look at these two examples. Many of you know the story if you watch my videos, but from 7 to 15 years old, the controlling ex-stepmom, life wasn't fair for me. That's how I felt. Life wasn't fair. Wasn't allowed to have friends, wasn't allowed to watch TV, had to sneak to get enough food to eat, had to earn going to school activities. Life wasn't fair. Nothing I could do about it either. My brother and I, if we were to tell anyone about it, back at, you know, this is when I was 7 to 15 years old, we would get in more trouble. Literally, we would get in more trouble for actually expressing it. So we wouldn't say anything. And then 15 years old came around and my grandma kind of stepped in and basically we became free. Didn't have to deal with the ex-stepmom anymore. But we talk about what is familiar. What was familiar was that life wasn't fair. Someone else is trying to control my life. I have to fight for my freedom. And it's not fair because There's like some level of protection there to where I'm not allowed to express the real me. So then fast forward to 2012, right before that awakening, I am in a 9-to-5 job, familiar in the sense that there's a certain level of control there, the way that I have to be to like just get by. The manager of that women's shoe department, I worked in women's shoes at Nordstrom's, was literally the same exact personality as my ex-stepmom. Literally, like she was controlling. She couldn't physically do anything because, you know, but she was able to, like she would make people cry coming out of her office because she would gaslight them so much and she would talk down to them. And guess what? We would go to HR or upper management. You wanna know what happened? She was protected by upper management. We got in trouble. Same energy. Whole ex-stepmom thing, if we say anything to a therapist or something, we get in trouble. Say anything to our teachers, we get into trouble. Here I am at a 9-to-5 job, if I say anything, get into trouble. So there's a feeling of this isn't fair, life's not fair. There was a feeling of being stuck because it was like, I wasn't aware, why do I feel stuck in this reality where I'm still recreating the same childhood dynamics of when I was a kid? Life is not fair, I'm fighting for my freedom. And there was this feeling of life is happening to me. Then what happened is I started to look at these patterns. I started to look at these energies. I realized that, oh my goodness, this is familiar. This, I literally, as I started meditating and observing my thoughts, I became really oddly aware of how familiar this is to what I experienced as a kid. So what I could have done is I could have fought, gone to HR, done all these things, but you know what, you know what I did instead? Instead, I went through a total process of looking at my own childhood and noticing that there was an unmet need that I had that unless I became aware of and unless I gave myself and kind of like met that need within myself, I would keep creating it on the outside. Now that unmet need was that I felt like to feel safe, I needed someone to control my life. This was a very subtle thing that like, I remember even back in 2000 and, well, I don't remember what year it was, 2005 or whenever the divorce happened. I remember in this weird moment, I remember my dad and my brother and I, 2 weeks after the divorce had kind of started, we moved out of the house we were living in. We came back to get clothes. And I remember my ex-stepmom and her mom like throwing our clothes on the floor, it was really dramatic. And they were like yelling at us and stuff. But I remember how much anxiety I felt with, now that I can watch television, I can have friends, I can get enough food to eat, that felt like anxiety to me. Why does this feel like anxiety? Why did it feel safer for me to be in, I remember very specifically thinking of this exact moment, like even though, I would have a remote with my finger on previous channel. My brother and I might be sneaking, watching television when no one is home, 'cause the only time we were allowed to watch TV. And what I would do is if someone were to pull in the driveway, we'd click previous channel, throw the remote so they didn't know what channel we were on, turn off the TV, run outside, continue working. That was the kind of life we had that we were in. But there was something about that that felt safe. I knew my boundaries. I knew what I was allowed to do and not allowed to do. And what happened is that kept me quote unquote safe. Then instead of, after my ex-stepmom left, I found that of an ex-girlfriend for a while who was extremely jealous. That felt safe to have someone controlling me, always asking me where I'm at. Broke up with her within one week, got transferred to Salon Shoes at Nordstrom's, the same manager, the same personality as my ex-stepmom. That person was always in my life until I did this one thing. You wanna know what that one thing was? That one thing was learning to reshape the way I related to my past. Really what it was is I forgave my ex-stepmom because I realized in a weird way that bad situation that happened From 7 to 15, it led me to a spiritual awakening in 2012. And as I started to see the benefit in it, like that led me to creating the pressure to create this growth inside of me, it changed the way I related to her. Instead of her being the evil villain that I had no freedom from, I had no freedom and no childhood really from 7 to 15, I started to see it as kind of like a blessing. I saw that it led to my spiritual growth. It led to a more expanded version of me. And as I realized this, no joke, within 2 weeks of realizing this and being like, why do I feel so stuck? Why do I start to make change? Why do I fall back into old patterns? Within 2 weeks of doing that and forgiving my ex-stepmom, because I also realized that my ex-stepmom was kind of like just playing out the same patterns her dad played with her. Her dad was a narcissist or is a narcissist and was abusive towards her. She'd tell me stories about these crazy times her dad abused her. I remember hearing it, so I was like, oh, imagine the childhood of somebody that feels like they have to like abuse kids. Probably pretty bad 'cause they think they've normalized it. Once I realized that, it wasn't like it made it all right, but I understood a little bit more. It made it a lot easier to forgive. I forgave and it began to release that energy. It began to release that pattern. And then within 2 weeks, that manager got fired for something dumb. Not because we went up to HR, She got fired because she said an email to, she said that she had a response to an email to a lady that was pregnant and it was like not the appropriate response that she could have said and she got fired. She was like undeniable, there was proof of it and everything. Freedom, we're all free. Now to cope with this though, let me show you to cope with the unmet childhood need that I had, 'cause this is what this is about, the shame, The guilt that we feel from our childhood, we are in a very subconscious way addicted to and we don't even know it. So we create these habits, we create these shoulds, we create this energy of us wanting to shift to a new version of ourself, but we always fall back to the old. The falling back to the old is the unprocessed shame, blame, and guilt. And the way that I dealt with this 'Cause for a while, you wanna know what I did? There's a certain level of codependency, wanting the control, wanting somebody to tell me what to do even though I didn't like it, but there was something that felt safe about that. You wanna know what I did to cope with that? I smoked a lot of cannabis. I was codependent on this substance to numb my emotions because I did not want to feel it to heal it. And then I'd wanna change. For a long time, I wanted to stop smoking weed, but it was so hard for me to do. One, there was also an identity level where I, as my identity, saw myself as like a, I don't know, like a stoner, somebody that smoked. Yet I would wanna change, but I would always fall back. It makes it hard for us to change when we're tied to the old identity. Like if you're a cigarette smoker and you're like, I wanna quit smoking cigarettes, but you identify as a cigarette smoker, remember, you will do everything you can to remain consistent to the way that you define yourself. If you define yourself as a cigarette smoker and you're trying to quit smoking, it's gonna be extremely hard because there's this story of, I'm a cigarette smoker, how would I not smoke? Or then the story that comes with that, right? There's a story that comes with that. For 15 years, I've smoked cigarettes. For 20 years, I've smoked cigarettes. This is all that I know. But really at any moment you can make an identity level choice about who you are that strips yourself from it. But you don't wanna say, I smoked for 20 years and now I decided I didn't, I'm not. You make every moment, you're a new version of you. Every moment you're a new version of you making a choice about who you are. You don't have to carry the past with you. The reason it is hard to change is because there's an attachment to the past. There's an attachment to the past and the past happening to you versus for you. If you were to reframe the things that happened to you in your past and give it a new meaning, it would stop having so much weight in your life. But the substances, the weed, the cigarettes, whatever it is, it's a way of coping with not feeling the shame, the blame, or the guilt. The funny thing is, is if you let yourself feel it, inside of your body, it begins to complete and integrate. Ah, and then you feel so much more free. So maybe the way to permanently shift your reality and to stop falling back in your old patterns is to stop running away. Stop running away. Realize that the stuff that you experience as a kid It's not your fault. Mom or dad not emotionally available, it's not your fault. When you believe it is, you have shame. Something wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with you. It's not your fault. And when you start allowing yourself to feel it, to heal it, and forgiving, to stop blaming mom and dad, you stop giving them power. This is all about taking your power back and realizing At every moment, you're making a choice about who you are. And you have to get to the place to where you realize staying where you are in the blocking of the emotion you are feeling is keeping you stuck. And sometimes people tell themselves, I'm stuck, I'm stuck, I'm stuck. And guess what? They're stuck, they're stuck, they're stuck. I'm a smoker, this is who I am. Once you realize that every moment you're a new version of you, you can change your past by saying, I never did smoke. That was never really who I was. You may have took the action of smoke, but it wasn't the real you. From a level of presence, it wasn't the real you. I look at the past of myself and I'm a, like I guess a YouTuber, a speaker, a teacher, whatever label people give me. When I look to the 9 to 5 job, you know, of me working that 9 to 5 job for 10 years, I sold women's shoes and had like imposter syndrome on becoming a YouTuber. You wanna know who the real fake version of me was? The 9 to 5 job goer that was playing the part in the old familiar childhood dynamics. That wasn't the real me. That wasn't really me. The imposter syndrome is like, I feel like an imposter. I'm being a YouTuber, this thing that felt fake from the 9 to 5 job goer. But you realize, that if you associate pain with where you are, pain, like I need to make a new choice about who I am, you're more likely to take that action. The stoner wasn't the real me. You see what I mean? I'm now separating myself from the identity. You can start to shift your identity by realizing that's not the real authentic me. That's why I remember back in, I don't even know, like 4 years ago when I was on YouTube, Maybe 2018 after I was on YouTube. I saw someone in the sauna at Lifetime Fitness and Lifetime Athletic in Vegas and she was reading a book called "How to Break the Habit of Being Yourself" by Joe Dispenza. And I remember reading the title, I was like, I don't like that title. Don't you wanna be more of yourself? How would you break the habit of being yourself? The thing is, is who you define to be yourself is just familiar childhood dynamics, similar thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are on autopilot. Break the habit. Of the limited self and embrace, give yourself permission to be this new aspect of you, knowing every moment you're a new you. So the reason it is hard to shift into a new version of you is because there's some unmet childhood need that has been avoided being felt. And that's what is trying to be escaped. That's what people stay and they keep recreating the same thing over and over again. This is why people stay in abusive relationships. This is why people attract the same person over and over and over again in their life because at some level it feels safe. And there's an attachment sometimes to being right about the childhood. It's like, this is the way reality is. Life's not fair. I didn't have much of a childhood. All of these perspectives. So then we kind of fight for it subconsciously in our life because deep down there's a payoff there not being aware of. Maybe it feels somewhat safe to have someone in your life that is playing the part of mom or dad. It's like we attract people into our lives to play similar parts from our childhood so that we can at least, so we can finally either stand up to the energy, learn a lesson from the energy, have a breakthrough, It's all subconscious, but you become aware of it, you start to take your power back. Now, one of the other things I wanna talk about is this idea of pain versus pleasure. Unfortunately, people are way, way, way, way more motivated to avoid pain rather than pleasure. So if you are here in your old identity and I say, hey, just so you know, your new identity over here, it's gonna be pleasure, it's gonna be everything Awesome, you're gonna have all this freedom, you're gonna have great relationships, you are gonna feel so free doing what you love and all of this stuff. And you're like, wow, Aaron, that sounds so good. That does not even begin to compare to a tenth of the power that comes from the pain of staying in this if it is not pleasurable. Now, for example, the way I use this is 100%, when I was working my 9-to-5 job, what motivated me to get out of it was the pain. The pain with staying the same, the pain with being talked down to by upper management, them bringing me into an office and talking down to me like I'm a little freaking kid. And then I was like, wait, one time I was being talked down to so much where they wanted me to watch this video of me on my phone for 5 minutes, and after a minute I'm like, I get it, just write me up. I'm like, no, we want it to sink in with you. We want you to really get the idea. Reminded me of like Dolores Umbridge in the fifth Harry Potter book. I'm a Harry Potter nerd. The fifth Harry Potter book where she was like, he's like writing on this quill and says, I must not tell lies. And then on his, it's a scar on his hand. She's like, he's like, how many do I have to write, professor? And she's like, until it sinks in. And these managers are like, just keep watching it until it sinks in. I'm like, That pain, I was like, I am not gonna work for someone else very soon. I am going to take ownership and start taking responsibility and go in the direction I want and no one will tell me what to do. No one will talk down to me like this. So I also looked around working that 9 to 5 job. All my coworkers were older than me. I was one of the youngest ones. And what happens is from looking at them, I could see that if I were to remain the same, If I were to remain as that version of them, like if I were to remain as that version of me, I would still be 15 years later working that 9 to 5 job that I hate 'cause they didn't like it. One of 'em liked it and she was the top salesperson. The rest didn't like being there. So in a similar way, that was my future pain. I don't wanna be that. What would it be like in 10 years from now if I stayed in that box, that would, I'd feel pain. And then I would make more of a choice to make an identity level choice that this is who I no longer prefer to be. So the part of this video that I think can change your life more than anything else is realizing that the reason you fall back into old patterns is because there is an unmet childhood need that has been avoided being felt. Shame, blame, and guilt. And if we feel responsible for our parents, if we will feel responsible for our friends, then we keep creating codependent patterns within ourself. Codependency also linked to substance abuse. That's why I smoked a lot of cannabis and took Adderall. Never really was a big drinker, but I didn't wanna feel the emotions, I just numb it. So to not fall back in the old pattern though, eventually you have to make a new choice about who you are. A new choice. I made the choice to be a YouTuber in 2017 in February. My whole entire life changed from that choice. I made a choice in 2012 to meditate every day and that I just simply knew that was gonna change my life, completely transform my life. I then saw myself almost as a meditator. It wasn't like I was like, I'm Aaron the meditator, but it was like I would just, I made the choice that that would change my life. So based on that, that is what will really help you shift your life and even shift your vibration. Now, if you want help shifting out of the old familiar childhood dynamics, I have an inner child meditation that will help you to become aware to meet the inner child need. If you want to check that out, click the link below or go to aarondoughty.com/child. Check it out. See how much that allows you to really heal, feel it, and let it go so that you really start meeting your own needs in a very powerful way and realize that as you do that, it changes absolutely everything. Now also, if you want a meditation for raising your dominant vibration permanently, read the comments to this video. There are literally like tens of thousands of comments. I've met people in public that say that meditation helped them get off of weed, helped them get off of depression, all of these crazy things. Read the comments to see what's possible 'cause it'll increase your belief. Commit to it for 21 days and watch what happens. Here's the video right here.
