Nice Guys & People Pleasers MUST Watch This For The CURE...

If you are watching this video right now and you identify as either a nice guy or girl or a people pleaser, or somebody else in your life has maybe said that that's the way that you are, then this video may be the most powerful video you've ever seen to transforming that energy so that you create magnetic energy from the inside out and you stop being this way that was built from childhood. You stop being this, in a way, inauthentic way of being that you say, this is who I am. It's not who you are. Being a nice guy, being a people pleaser is not who you are at your core. It was a survival mechanism that was placed when you were a kid to try to keep you out of disapproving of your family, of your friends. And it's a way of getting your needs met is really what this is. And in this video, I'm gonna show you exactly how to transform that, what I did because I used to be a nice guy and it completely changed my life when I made the shifts with you. And I'm gonna, or when I made the shifts in my life, and I'm gonna show you exactly how to do that in this video. Now, first off, what the hell is a nice guy or a people pleaser? And why is that pattern even in place? Well, let me say that my dad still is to this day a very nice guy. Now, a lot of times when you see people talk about nice guys, they're like, "Oh, he's such a nice guy. This person's such a nice guy." But you know what the funny thing about nice guys are? The people that say that, they're like, "Oh, he's so nice. Isn't it so nice?" A lot of times they're not attracted to the nice guys. They say they are. Oh, you just need to find yourself a nice guy. They're not. It is not attractive to be a people pleaser. It is not attractive to be a nice guy. It is a coping mechanism that a lot of people have that are avoiding shame. They're avoiding that they have this belief deep down that says, I'm broken, there's something wrong with me. And in order to, have people not see that, they put on the mask. The mask is, I'm really, really nice. I just want you to be happy. I don't want you to feel any tension whatsoever. And people pleasers are like, I'm gonna please you because if I please you, then you're gonna give me in exchange validation. You're gonna give me approval. You're gonna give me the things that I feel like I lacked when I was a kid. So really what this is about is the people pleaser and the nice guy, what they really want is they want a lack of tension. They don't want any tension. They wanna make everybody happy. These people are normally also the glue of the family growing up. They didn't like the anger that maybe they witnessed growing up, so they said, okay, I'm gonna be perfect. I'm gonna get the approval and validation of my mom or dad. I'm gonna be perfect because if I'm perfect, then I'm gonna be loved. And there's a belief there that says that love is conditional. Love is conditional based on you being safe, you being just a good boy, you just being a good person, just be exactly the way mommy and daddy want you to be. And guess what? I will love you, I will approve of you, and I will validate you. That's the energy of people pleasing and nice guys. Now, one of the first things you have to do, and I'm gonna explain my transformation through this process of going from the nice guy and people pleaser and to me being authentic, me being real and me just, I got so much energy back when I started doing this. And not only that, that's when I truly became attractive to the feminine because before that, I was only really attractive to people that had a lot of their masculine energy activated. Reason being is because I had a lot of my own, I wasn't in my own masculine energy. I was more so trying to nurture, trying to nurture everybody. Now, here is the thing. About this whole entire process. Whatever we define ourselves to be, how we identify ourselves, we will do everything we can to remain consistent to the way we identify ourself. So at a certain point in our past, we decided it is safe for me to be a nice guy. It is safe for me to be a people pleaser. You know, I guess it could also be nice girl. There are people that are nice girls where it's like the girl version of a nice guy, right? Which is also kind of like a people pleaser. "It is safe for me to be this way because then I avoid problems, I avoid tension, I avoid people getting mad at me." And then you said, "Okay, I'm a nice guy, I'm a people pleaser." Now, the interesting thing is, is the way out of being the nice guy and the people pleaser is making the choice to be vulnerable. It's making the choice to be the real you. It's making the choice to actually lean into the tension. And when you start leaning into the tension, you start breaking out of the identity, but the identity, The way you see yourself wants you to remain consistent to the nice guy people pleaser. So it's gonna feel kind of weird. One of the reasons you think, oh, I'm the nice guy people pleaser or nice girl, whatever, is because you've been being that way for so long that you think thoughts that are equal to that version of you, you feel emotions equal to that version of you, and you take action equal to that. And taking action and putting tension and actually expressing the real you is gonna feel very uncomfortable. Because it's not something you're familiar with. You're used to not being the real you. You're used to just being nice, not giving people tension, not, you're used to pleasing other people. Now, the key to transformation is one, becoming aware of that energy, becoming aware that this was probably a coping mechanism when you were a kid, and then making the choice to then be this new version of you. Transformation is about realizing that you've been familiar with this version of you, Become aware of those patterns, become aware of those energies, and you'll start to catch yourself when you start doing it. And then what you do is you start being this new version of you that is built upon new ideals, new values, because our values make up our identity. So the old version of me was very afraid to set boundaries with people. The old version of me was tuning to the feminine, like would tune to everybody else and try to get their approval or validation. The old version of me was afraid to express my true emotions. If I was dating someone, I was afraid to show them, hey, I'm attracted to you. I would be in the friend zone for a very long time because of that. And it caused a lot of frustration. And there was a belief there is I'm broken, there's something wrong with me. I just have this problem. And it made no sense to some of my friends. 'Cause some of my friends, this is up until like 2 years ago. This only changed about 2 years ago, literally. Because before that, I'd have friends that are like, oh, you have all these, you have all this YouTube clout and all these things, but you have problems? Like, why would you have problems? It doesn't even make sense. And that made me feel even worse. I'm like, what is wrong with me? What I realized was I had this wall around myself where I was being not authentic. I had this wall around my heart in a way where I didn't want people to, I wanted to like, it was like a mechanism that I created of not being vulnerable because I didn't want people to see the real me because I was afraid of getting rejected. The answer was actually opening my heart, Being vulnerable, expressing the real me. As I started to do this, like a year and a half, 2 years ago, it completely transformed my life. Then if I was dating someone, I would actually express how I felt. And then having a girlfriend, I'm able to actually express how I feel. It changes everything when you begin to, but there's a little lag time in between where you have this old version of you where you're like, you're gonna have friends that ask you to go out and you're normally just gonna try to appease them. I'll go out even though it's gonna like screw up my whole day tomorrow and I don't really want to, but I don't want you to disapprove me. You'll catch yourself and be like, you know what? Actually, if they don't like the fact that I'm not going out, that's their stuff to deal with, not mine. You stop tuning to other people to look for validation. That's also nice guy, people pleaser, tuning to other people to feel validated, to feel love and to feel support. That's what's been happening. And what this really goes down to is as a kid, you had to please your parent. You'd please someone else in your family. You had to be the glue in your family. And you decided it's not safe for me to be me. It's not safe for me to express myself. And a lot of times what's happened is you then abandoned yourself to then make other people happy. You literally abandoned yourself and stopped looking and checking in with you. And what this is really about, it's about looking at that abandonment wound and making the choice to stop abandoning yourself. Stop doing what everyone else wants you to do. Start doing what you wanna do. And when you stop abandoning yourself, you'll find that you have more magnetic energy. People respect you more. It changes everything. But you have to understand when there's something that you're doing in your life, what in, you have to be able to delineate what is the real you versus what is the BS you that's the coping mechanism that's trying to please your parents. So really, you attract these people in your life that you're trying to please, that you're trying to prove yourself to because, you didn't get that loop closed in childhood, and there's still active energy, needy energy, codependent energy on the inside that's seeking that validation or approval. The key is to become aware of that energy and to make the choice to live according to your own ideals, your own integrity, and to open up your heart. And to do that requires making the choice. It requires also looking at the pain because a lot of nice guys and people pleasers, they think this is still working for them when it's not. I've talked to my dad about this many times and I can just tell he kind of likes being known as the nice guy. The nice guy though attracted my ex-stepmom who is a narcissist. And my dad, definitely the biggest stress in my dad's life has been my ex-stepmom because even after they divorced when I was 15 years old, he still had to deal with her because he has two, my two half sisters are with her or with my dad's, like that's his ex-wife's who, That's their real mom. So he's had to deal with her a lot because the nice guy tends to attract people that have a very strong frame, even a narcissistic frame. If you've ever felt like you're a magnet for narcissists or people that control you, it's because at a deep down level, you feel safe when you're around other people that have a strong frame because you haven't activated that frame within yourself, your own sense of reality, living by your own integrity, being vulnerable and expressing the real you. These are all things that transform as you begin making the choice. And for a lot of spiritual people, I've noticed, there's a lot of spiritual people that are very empathic. And when people are empathic, here's the idea that I have around people being empathic, by the way. So what happens with people being empathic is people that are empaths, what happened is at a certain point in your childhood, there was a feeling of not feeling safe and you didn't feel safe in your own body. So what you did is you moved your energy from inside of your body and you started tuning to your third eye and you started connecting to everybody else in your environment, ask yourself the question, is it safe? Am I safe? Am I safe? And you say, okay, how does mom want me to be? How does dad want me to be? How does my family want me to be? How do I be so that I can create safety? And your idea of safety is anything that's not tension because when mom or dad got mad, holy shit, I feel bad. I'm not approved. I'm not validated. When mom gets mad that I don't get straight A's, I'm not validated because love is conditional. And the thing to understand about this is that then you moved all your energy into your third eye and you're tuning to everywhere else. But guess what happens as you're tuning to everywhere else? As you're tuning to everywhere else, you're not safe in your own body. You start abandoning yourself because then your sense of safety comes from adding value to everybody else, from making sure everybody else is good. So then you start dating people that where you're just pleasing them. You're just, they don't mind, they like it. In a way, but you're like their servant. You're like the cameo in their movie. Being a nice guy or a people pleaser means you are a cameo in someone else's movie. And one of the things and the solution to being the nice guy and the people pleaser is for you to actually become more in your own frame of reality. It's for you to stop abandoning yourself to make others happy. And it's for you to start living in integrity with your own vulnerability, with showing the real you. Expressing how you really feel, setting boundaries with other people, knowing if they get mad, that's their shit, not yours. And at the same time, it means that if there's someone you're attracted to, nice guy people pleasers don't wanna get rejected. So they're not gonna show that they're actually sexually attracted to someone else. What you wanna do is you wanna actually go up to someone else, if you're single, of course, and then show that you have interest. If you're dating someone else, then actually express your emotions because there's a safety mechanism that's in place that keeps you from being vulnerable, but it's also inauthentic because being a nice guy or a people pleaser is manipulative. It's saying, I'm gonna give you this kind of energy. I'm gonna be nice to you. I'm gonna please you. And you're gonna give me in exchange validation, love, and support. And what you're trying to do is close the loop from childhood. So one of the most powerful things you can do is actually pull your energy back. And instead of focusing on pleasing, instead of focusing on transaction, focus on being. Focus on being the real you. Focus on expressing your real heart. Focus on showing your real desires, knowing that if somebody else rejects it, if you set boundaries and they say, screw you, you're setting boundaries to me, you've never done this before, that's their shit, not yours. It doesn't mean you're not worthy, you're not good enough. If you express to someone else your true emotions, like, hey, I'm having feelings for you, or I like you like this, and they don't like it, it's okay. It doesn't mean you're not worthy. It means you're expressing the real you and you're doing it because it's who you are, not because you're a people pleaser trying to get something out of them. You're being present to the moment. You can have fun with the process as well, which makes it a lot easier, but you don't have to internalize all these things because what this really comes down to is a level of shame. I'm broken. I believe I'm broken because I believed that when I was a kid. And it's understanding you're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you. If your mom or your dad as a kid, if your mom or your dad as a kid left emotionally and physically or however, it's not because you weren't worthy. If your parents divorced when you were a kid, it wasn't your fault. There's nothing wrong with you. As kids, we make these meanings. We then say, it's not safe for me to be in my body. The key is to actually bring your energy more into your body, out of your third eye, tuning to everyone else. Into your body and start saying, how do I feel? You will have magnetic energy if you do this. Put the energy in your hands, put the energy in your feet. Watch how much begins to change from simply activating this energy inside of yourself. Now, if you haven't checked it out yet, I have an inner child meditation that will completely transform your life. You'll go to the core and it's a worthiness meditation is really what it is. So you get in life a reflection of what you believe you deserve. If you haven't downloaded and listened for 21 days to my Inner Child Meditation. It's my most powerful meditation. You can click the link below or go to aarondoughty.com/meditation. There's the Inner Child Meditation, the Attract Love Meditation, and that of the Self-Image Meditation. So you can completely transform your identity from the inside out. They're completely free. Download those meditations, watch how much they transform your life over the course of 21 days. And then also, if you want a video that will help you to cure the codependency, tuning to other people's frame, the most powerful video I have ever created on this concept that will help you is this video right here. In this episode, I'm gonna be showing you the cure to codependency, how to never be needy again. I'm gonna share with you also my journey through this process, what I've learned about the inner child, how you can heal this process, how you can be in your own frame. This also is directly related