In this 2026 YouTube monologue, Aaron Doughty explores why many people can consciously desire love yet subconsciously block it. He argues that childhood conditioning creates specific roles—over‑giver, people‑pleaser, invisible, hyper‑independent, perfectionist—that dictate how we relate to love, often forcing us to regulate others’ emotions and suppress our authentic selves. Doughty explains that these hidden roles generate repressed emotions (shame, fear, guilt, anger) which keep us out of alignment (incongruent) with our true feelings, preventing us from becoming a magnetic match for love. He emphasizes the importance of congruence, authenticity, and embracing tension/polarity (the “dark side”) as essential for healthy, reciprocal relationships. Practical steps include identifying childhood role patterns, feeling and integrating unresolved energy, expanding one’s energy field to include parental figures, and allowing others to sit with tension rather than fixing them. Throughout, he shares personal anecdotes, illustrates how patterns attract certain partner types, and promotes his 21‑Day Magnetic Love Challenge—a paid program featuring meditations, live coaching, and a group ceremony designed to release love blocks and wire in a magnetic love identity. The video concludes with a call‑to‑action to join the challenge and a link to a guided love meditation.
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Why is it on one hand you can consciously want love, and on the other hand you can subconsciously completely block it from coming into your life? Like, you might want to attract love, but at the same time, love may mean you need to regulate someone else's emotion and energy. To be in a loving relationship might mean intimacy stuff comes up for you, vulnerability comes up for you. And he might be like, well— And it might mean lots of freedom. It might mean you're gonna lose your autonomy. You have to repress yourself. You have to be someone other than who you really are. You see, subconsciously, these beliefs and energies are underneath the surface. And when you shift those and integrate those emotions, you can then allow yourself to become an energetic match to love and connection. So in this video, I'm gonna show you how to become aware of your subconscious patterns and blocks around attracting deep, healthy, reciprocal love. So that you can either go deeper in your relationship, or you can attract love in general, or you can just stop abandoning yourself and start loving yourself in a deep way. I'm going to show you how to create the shift to finally start being congruent to the actual magnetic you so that you attract more of that love and connection into your life as a reflection of the emotion you embody on the inside. For many people, I'd say, hey, do you want to attract love? And you might say, yeah, I want to attract love. But then I might say, do you want to regulate someone else's emotions and energy 24/7? Do you want that? And you say, no, I don't want that. But you see, here's the thing. If as a kid, who you had to be was the one in the family that was regulating mom and dad's emotions or regulating the tension in the household, The way in which you relate to love may be that you believe your role is to regulate someone else's emotion. So on one hand, this is why you can consciously want love, but subconsciously completely block it from coming into your life. So in this video, I'm going to show you how to remove your subconscious blocks to attracting love. And how this will expedite the process of you either attracting love into your life or going deeper in your relationships. Okay, so first off, let me say that in my own life, this was something that would really boggle my mind. It was like I was doing the inner work. I was learning and doing meditations and inner child healing. Everything on paper was like, you shouldn't have problems in this area of your life. But for some reason, I still did. I'd be like, this is a challenging area of my life. And for years it was. It was like money was something that was a lot easier for me. Business was something that was a lot easier for me. But on this hand over here, it was like this. There's resistance here. And the subconscious patterns that were underneath the surface was something I was aware of. But I was like, how do I actually shift these things? So very often people will stay stuck because of this dynamic right here of not recognizing that there is a certain role that feels familiar. So realize there is a role that feels familiar from childhood that's subconsciously there underneath the surface that will keep you in the pattern being not you. You know, it's, it's interesting too because the love that you want to attract on the outside is actually already inside, but we search for it on the outside and we project importance to it being on the outside, and therefore we don't allow ourselves to feel it now, which when we're not feeling it now, we only experience a reality that is equal to that lack. So for me, for a long time, you know, it's funny, love comes into people's lives so often when they stop looking for it. It comes when they start being present with themselves. It comes when they begin to actually resolve the unresolved energy that's underneath the surface. So one of the first things you want to ask yourself if you think that you're subconsciously blocking love Is, are there certain roles under the surface that are causing you to stay not being you? Now think about this for a minute because this might be an unlock for you. There are certain people you're around that when you're around, you just give yourself permission to be you. I know my best friends, people close to me in my life, it's like I can just be myself. I'd be a little bit weird. I can say kind of weird things. And those people are people that I love to be around because it gives me energy to be around them. But then imagine somebody that the stakes are high. Imagine somebody that reminds you of your mommy or dad. And then when you're around them, what happens? You get a little tense, don't you? Yeah. You get a little tense. You kind of clamp up a little bit. And then You stop being the real you. You stop expressing yourself authentically, vulnerably. And what happens is then you feel drained being around them. You go, these people drain me. These people I like to be around. And on one hand, it can be true that there's certain people that you more enjoy being around. On the other hand, there's an opportunity to give yourself permission to be the real authentic you, even when you're around people where the stakes feel high. Because at times the people you attract into your life will bring that out of you, those, those patterns out of you, of you feeling like you're on eggshells or whatever those patterns are. But remember, when you're in a role, you're not really being you, which is the love and the joy and the play that you naturally are. And therefore you stay blocked, you stay in the role. So, when we talk about role, one of the strongest questions you can ask yourself, and I share this in a lot of my videos, is who did you have to be as a kid to receive mom and dad's love? To receive love in general. Who did you have to be as a kid to receive love? A good kid. Begin to ask yourself this question. Because whatever this is, whoever you believed you had to be as a kid, that becomes the role that you stay in where you're not being you. And when you're not being you, it's very hard to attract love because you're not in love with yourself. You're not connected and congruent to yourself. You know, it's interesting if we talk for a moment about this idea of congruence. When you are congruent to how you think, feel, and act, you are magnetic and attractive. Even if you're feeling sad. Like if somebody— if I were to get up here, you know what? Right now I'm feeling kind of sad. I feel kind of angry right now. Whichever those emotions, when I'm congruent to how I'm feeling, you watching that are going to be like, ew, disgusting. Like, oh, that's how he's feeling. But somebody that comes up that's like, I don't feel this way and I won't give myself permission and I'll just pretend to be really nice, that's not very congruent. Something can feel that something is off. So one of the most important things to understand when it comes to attracting love is it's actually the thing that we've been told for years That's actually true. The key to attracting love is to be you. Now, where it gets tricky is you might think you is the pattern from childhood. You might think you is the overgiver. That's not you. That's not you. That's a pattern. You might think it's the people pleaser. Once again, That's not you. That's a pattern and an adaptive mechanism that is used to survive, to manage how you feel. Because if you feel shame, fear, or guilt, you might not allow yourself to feel it. So you could say this not you is this repressed energy. Repressed energy. If you let yourself feel shame, fear, guilt, if you express the true self, That is a very magnetic quality. It may not mean that everybody likes it and everybody wants to be around it, because when you start being emotionally available, that may mean you start to repel emotionally unavailable people. That's not a bad thing. That's a good thing. And what if in 21 days you could become the most magnetic version of you? Well, what we are doing is a 21-day magnetic love challenge that's starting soon. Remove your blocks to love and connection. Remove your blocks to expressing the most vulnerable and authentic version of yourself. Start to actually choose you because the degree to which you choose you is the degree to which you allow yourself to be chosen in life, whether it's love, abundance, or whatever you want to create in your life. So go ahead and click the link below. Now is the time to join. It's the last time we're running it live, and I'd love to have you be a part of it. So you can click the link below. Grab your ticket and let's wire in magnetic energy at the identity level. So when we're looking at this, who did you have to be as a kid to receive mom's, dad's love? You got overgiver, people pleaser, invisible. We've got self-reliant or the hyper-independence. These are all different patterns. Perfectionist. These are all like this. You might have certain patterns in different areas of your life. But you see, these patterns are there as mechanisms to get you to not feel certain emotion. And then you're in this dynamic and you're like, why is it so hard for me to attract love? But what's actually the key is you starting to be you, process the emotions that you feel, let the emotions be there. And as you're in that energy, you will be more emotionally free. And you'll be being authentic. So let's look at this for a minute. I think this can unlock a lot for both of you. For both of you. For both of us. Authentic. So here's the difference too. Who we believed we had to be as a kid, one of the top values we'll have subconsciously in our identity is we will crave validation and approval from other people. So subconsciously, this is why you might want something, want someone else to like you, want them to stick around, want them to text you back. And the more you want it, the more what happens? The more you repel it. Partially because that person is in your life reflecting back the dynamic of the unresolved energy from childhood. And a lot of times you might even just be misreading what they're doing, but you're still interpreting it as abandonment or they're not choosing you. Wherever you go, there you are. There's unresolved energy there. I was talking to a friend yesterday that was talking about, we met this guy, had this great date, then he went to China on a business trip, and that now he hasn't texted. He's taken 2 days to text me back. What do I need to do? Maybe it's not worth it, blah blah blah. It's like all this, all this heady intellectual energy trying to figure it all out. But truth is, you don't know. Like, somebody might not be It could be someone's not the best texter. It could be somebody's busy on a business trip in a different country. It could, it could be many things. And I'm not saying that it's not that the dude's emotionally unavailable and not interested. But what I'm saying is when we go into the pattern of trying to fix it, we end up draining ourselves and we end up repelling the situation because we're projecting all of this unresolved stuff into the space. So a question I kept asking is, what emotions are coming up for you in this situation? It's like the sharp energy, gotta figure it out. What are you avoiding feeling? Because every one of these patterns, by the way, is avoiding feeling a certain emotion. People pleasers are avoiding tension. Perfectionists are avoiding disappointment. Self-reliant or reliant hyper-independent people are avoiding vulnerability. Invisible people, people that want to be invisible and not be seen, they don't want to be rejected or being seen as bad or shine too bright because then other people will feel uncomfortable. What does it mean to be seen? You see, these are important things to ask because this is where people get caught up. Now, one of the— I remember one of the first times I ever saw the book How to Break the Habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza. I was in a sauna at the gym in Vegas, and this woman was reading the book, and I remember seeing the title, and I like self-development, but I was like— I was thinking to myself, I was kind of judging it. Break the habit of being yourself? The key is to be yourself. And it's like, well, yes, it's true, the key is to be you, but the key is how do you break the habit of being yourself when the habit of being the self you've been being is the pattern and the role, and it's not really you? For a long time when I felt blocked in love, you want to know what the big— biggest problem was? Biggest challenge? There was repressed emotion underneath the surface. There was anger that was there towards my stepmom, my dad, my past. There was a role that was alive of being a people pleaser, self-reliant person. And that role had me looking for validation and approval on the outside. It had me abandoning myself. You could also say that these are all different ways of abandoning the self. And when you abandon yourself, it's no wonder that other people abandon you too, because people treat you the way that you treat yourself. So what was interesting is the more that I got back into the energy of instead of wanting validation and approval and wanting to ease the tension in other people's lives, I started to embrace and integrate the unresolved energy from childhood. Part of this meant I learned how to be in my own frame of reality. It stands for the frame technique. So when you think of like, there is me and then there was the energy of mom and dad. But what would happen is I would expand my energy field to include them. And then when I'm dating someone, It was the same thing. Who do I need to be to fix or help or whatever with mom and dad? And if people felt tension, I would take on the attention as— the tension as my own. I would feel responsible for it. I would not want disapproval. I would want people to feel good. But you see, here's the thing that you want to recognize about all of this. What is the energy to integrate here? Because for me, I had to learn to let people sit with tension. I had to learn that being authentic was key because then as I loved and respected myself, I allowed other people to actually see the real me. So, it's like we can sometimes think that by being this version of ourselves, we're actually being compassionate and loving because also we might be enabling people. 'Cause think about what patterns attract certain people in your life. Very important question to ask. Because if you're subconsciously blocking yourself to love, you might be like, why do I attract emotionally unavailable people? Why do I attract people who take a lot, who are entitled? Well, what pattern are you embodying? Remember, you have patterns, but you're not your patterns. You can let these patterns go. I let the pattern go of people pleasing and became more authentic and vulnerable. I let go of self-reliance and then started to be more of someone that could connect with people and be vulnerable and have more play in my life. These are different things that like you, you are not stuck in your pattern. It might be familiar, but be aware of like who do overgivers, who do overgivers attract? You might be like, oh, takers. Who do people pleasers attract? People who want to be pleased. People who are in the pattern of, uh, easy to disappoint. You don't want to disappoint them. You might stick around people where it's way after it's run its course, but you stay around because you don't want them to feel tension. Being invisible, you might attract very loud people. You might attract people that you just fall into their frame. You're not stepping into leadership in your life. Self-reliance, you might attract people that feel like you're the strong one and they're always attracted to you and you take it all and you do it all yourself. Can you see that these patterns attract certain people into your life? But very often, they may not attract deep reciprocal love. Or You might not be able to transform a certain pattern in your life or a person in your life to the deeper levels because the pattern is at play blocking love in your life. Now, remember, love is in you. It's only when we keep trying to get it for who we believe we need to be that we keep abandoning ourselves. So for me, back when I began to shed the pattern of people pleasing, that meant letting people sit with tension But being authentic and expressive. I think of when I went on a date, one of the first times I met someone I ended up dating for a while. And I remember this person was vegan and I was meeting up with them and I'd recently gone out of being vegan and I was almost afraid. I was like debating, like, do I share and kind of like just eat vegan with them and kind of like let go of my frame just to be relatable? And what if they don't like that? What if it's like we don't have the same values and then we don't like each other? All these things came up, and I remember I was like, well, I have to choose and be authentically me. So when she came over, I had like a big chunk of bison, raw meat, just ate it raw. Show her like, you don't— you're not the boss of me. This is what I do. And she's like, oh my God, so attractive. Or she's like, oh my God, that's so not good. But of course, I'm being sarcastic here. But I was like, I need to be bold. I just need to be myself. So, at a certain point, it's like, oh wait, I think into dinner or something like that, oh yeah, no, I eat meat. It was like not— it wasn't a huge deal. I was like, okay, it's like fine. And even if it was like, that's horrible, blah blah blah, then we would see that we don't have like— that maybe we're not compatible if that's a deal breaker. Do you see what I mean? So, it's like it's a win-win-win all the way around, baby. But it's only not a win if you believe that your job is to get their validation approval. But no one— why is it that no one is really attracted to the nice guy or the people pleaser? Because when the nice guy or the people pleaser is in their pattern, they're not congruent. They may think or feel one way but say something completely different. So nice guys are like, yes, you like this, I like this too. And then people can feel there's something off with this guy. This guy is not congruent. So the focus here is on being congruent. The focus here is on letting yourself feel the unresolved energy from the past, letting it come up for you, letting yourself see, hear, soothe, and nurture that part of you. When you do that, literally everything in your life will begin to change. And this is something that I do in my programs, my live events, It's something also that we're gonna be doing in the 21-Day Magnetic Love Challenge. So if you're seeing this video right now, you are able to join the upcoming 21-Day Magnetic Love Challenge where you can remove your love blocks and let go of this old role, which it does include as well embracing what's called the dark side, letting go of the emotion underneath. We do a whole hour and a half ceremony around love to release that energy stored inside of the body. And then wiring in this new magnetic love you. So this is for people that are single and want to be in a relationship. This is for people in a relationship, they want to go deeper. Or this is for people that want to stop abandoning themselves and want to begin to tap into the love that they naturally are. So if you want to join, now is the best time to join. I'll go and link it below. We've had over 5,000 or 4,000 people go through this over the last few years, and we're running it live for the first time in a very long time. It's gonna be a very powerful group energy. Comes with live hot seat coaching, meditations, et cetera. Now is the time to join. Link below, grab your spot. So when we talk and we think about this though, congruence, authenticity, you wanna focus on authenticity being your north star. Now here's the other thing to look at. Very often you may enable these other people that you attract because of your patterns, and you may think this is what's best for them. Like, I am fixing a lot of people. And it's like, why you might be fixing people? 'Cause subconsciously you're seen as good. People will never leave. But you a lot of times will then keep in your life emotionally unavailable people who need fixing. You might think that by staying in the pattern, that's what's best for them because you're being good. But being good to them might actually be enabling them to stay in their pattern. I had to learn this the hard way from like fixing people in my family. Once I became successful on YouTube, I would give people money, fix people's problems, family members, etc. And I think that's a good family member. This is what I do. And eventually I had to realize, oh, this is actually enabling someone. This is keeping them in their pattern. This is keeping them from growing up. This is keeping them from actually looking at themselves. And now the thing is, is when you do that, it's like a loving thing you can do, but it might also bring up stuff where then they'll see you as bad. So that's why we embrace the dark side, baby. You gotta embrace the dark side and let it be okay. Let it be okay that people see you as bad and realize it's not bad. We think we're being selfless by like being in the patterns, but really we're being selfish. You are robbing people from knowing and connecting to the real authentic you. You are keeping superficial relationships in your life and people that are reflective of these patterns. So you're robbing people from that, even if it causes tension in them. Realize tension is good. This is also one of the biggest things that I think blocks people from actually having polarity in their relationships, because tension is what allows— like sexual tension, tension in general is healthy. When someone is in their own frame of reality and expressing their true self, that is attractive to somebody else. Maybe it repels somebody else, but remember, a magnet both attracts and repels. People pleasers and overgivers are very afraid of the repelling thing, but then they also block off their attract thing because everything's just kind of vanilla, baby. Everything's good. You like that? I like that too. You don't really know who I am. I'm kind of a fluid spaghetti that's kind of all over the place. My job to make you happy. You happy, I happy. So that's a, that's a role. It's very tiring to be in that. So you see, tension, tension is a part of polarity, but there's ten— the tension that might be resolved on the inside might be what's actually keeping you blocked. It might be what's keeping you blocked, okay? And that's why releasing this repressed energy is so, so, so powerful. So subconsciously, you might block love Because of the patterns and the unresolved energy. And when you begin to integrate this and you begin to be the real you and you begin to be congruent to how you feel, you begin to see, hear, soothe, and nurture that inner child part of you. You begin to develop a new relationship with tension. You begin to let people sit with tension knowing it's not your thing to manage. You will begin to become more free. That's what I did. That's what I've seen thousands of people do. That's what I've seen people do in the Magnetic Love Challenge. where literally people 2 or 3 months afterwards attract going deeper in their relationships. They attract, they get proposed to. There's people in there that have attracted love. I've been sent photos. It's a really cool experience afterwards because when you do this inner work, things on the outside begin to shift. So with that being said, there's a video that I'll post here that has you go deeper. It's actually a meditation that has thousands of people who've attracted love. From doing it. You can read the comments to see what's possible. I'm going to link that meditation right here, and I'll see you in the next one. Peace, much love, and namaste.
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