Once you detach from importance it will ATTACH to you

Have you ever noticed that the things you make really important, you create a lot of resistance around and you block, and then the moment you let it go, you're cool either way with how things happen, that's when that thing then becomes a match to you? Why is it the more you detach from anything, the more that thing will then attach to you? Think about that for a minute. Have you ever noticed that? How many times have you seen it where people really, really, really want something and then they block it because there's an attachment to it? And then at the pinnacle, there's always this moment where you say, "You know what? Screw it. I don't need it. I don't even want it anymore." I don't even want it. And you let go of wanting it, and then all of a sudden, what happens? Like that, comes into your life. Realize anything you make really, really important, you put on a pedestal, and you immediately say this thing is all the way up here, and then that thing is energetically looking down at you because it's been made important. It's like the more desire you have for something, the more you're saying that thing is not here right now. And the more you're saying that this is not equal to my identity. Do you see the difference in that? You're saying it's all the way up here, it'd be so amazing. And then it happens so often though that when people let go, How often have you seen it happen when people say, "Oh, I attracted my husband or wife when I was just enjoying life, having fun with friends, and I completely like let that go. I wasn't focused on it. I wasn't focused on needing to make that happen." And then that's when you're energetically aligned to it. So when you think of import, this comes from a book called Reality Transurfing, this idea of importance. Anything you make important, you create resistance around and block that thing. And attachment, attachment is what creates that resistance. Letting go, like how do you let go of importance then? You guys wanna go to the deeper layer of healing here? The inner child stuff? The, here's the deeper inner child stuff with why this pattern or this energy's under the surface of making things really important. We subconsciously make things important when it wasn't something that was familiar and normal in childhood as a kid. So for example, if it's really important that someone likes you, It may have been something as a kid, it was not normal to have validation and approval as a kid. So now as an adult, it might be really, really important that someone else likes you subconsciously because you value it because you think that you need validation and approval to be enough. So many times the biggest blocks we can experience in our life and the biggest resistance we'll normally have in our life is the things that we make really important. And the things we normally make very important are the things that we feel reflect what our strategy in childhood was. You guys seeing this? So of course, the key to this and the inner child healing here, or just the inner, the healing in general, is when you learn to actually heal that part of you. And a lot of this has to do with healing your pattern, healing your core patterns. Like when you think of things you make important Think about it like this. If you make what people think really important, you make them the authority. And their authority, then they have something you need, right? You don't have the authority, you don't have the validation approval inside of you, you need it in them. But the thing to recognize is that once again, this is an inner child pattern that's playing itself out because it wants resolve. You attract people into your life that reflect back the unresolved patterns on the inside. So if someone attracts someone that's controlling or narcissistic, was that a familiar pattern in childhood? That's one question you wanna ask yourself. Like, it's not just the person, you subconsciously may feel familiar to that pattern. So the key to this is recognize it. You can recognize the pattern. Here's the thing, the patterns that you have, their job is to help you regulate your nervous system and avoid feeling certain emotions. So if you find yourself making it important that someone else likes you or making it important, like, what people think of you, the outer authority, it's over there, and then you're modifying yourself to make them happy. So a huge part of transformation here is recognizing the ways in which you abandon you and the ways in which you give yourself permission to be you, because you'll normally abandon yourself when you make someone else or something else important outside of yourself. And the core patterns are what takes you into abandoning yourself. There's different core patterns. Your core childhood pattern is running aspects of your life, whether you realize it or not, until you resolve it. The childhood patterns are, some of the core ones, self-reliance and independence, overgiving, people-pleasing, being invisible, like to be seen was painful, controlling, Perfectionism, core patterns. These are strategies, they're not who you are. These, each of these patterns make something very, very important. Do you see that? Do you see how, what would important be to a hyper-independent person? It is important that I do all of this myself. It is important that I create success. It is important. I don't need anybody else. A people pleaser, what do they make it important? Your tension is important to me and I must manage it. Your tension is my tension. I must please you. Overgiving, my worth is connected to what I can give so that you can once again ease tension. Do you see how these patterns result in you abandoning yourself to make other people happy? It makes something important, and that important thing is what then blocks the alignment to that thing being natural for you. This is why people subconsciously block love and abundance in their lives. They want it logically, but their pattern rejects it because the pattern is a survival from strategy. It's a survival strategy. How can you, like, say you're like, "I want more money," and with money is gonna come more people, and with more people, like, on one hand, subconsciously, I can want a bigger YouTube following or Instagram account to have more more impact. On the other side of it though, subconsciously, if there was a pattern of thinking I had to fix people, would that be a bigger burden to have more people that I could fix? Or if people could judge and that meant a lot, it's like, do you want more people to judge you? Do you see? So a big part of this is recognizing that something is made important and that that important thing that's being highly valued is the thing you think is outside of you when in fact that thing is inside you. It's inside you, Boo Boo. He's right there. The validation approval you think's out there is in here. You'd be worthy, whole, and complete now. So huge part of this transformation is recognizing these patterns. Now, something we're gonna be doing soon, if you guys haven't saw, it's completely free. I'm doing a 3-day Magnetic Identity Shift Challenge starting next week. If you guys wanna join that, you can just comment shift, S-H-I-F-T, and I'll send it to you. I'll send you the invite. We're gonna be doing live coaching, live meditations, and a workshop to, 3 workshops to begin shifting your identity from the inside out. So recognize that in general, these patterns are survival mechanisms that are keeping you safe, and that they make something important. And when something is really important, you value it a lot and you create resistance around it. And this is why so often you see people, they're like, I wanna attract love, I wanna attract love, I wanna attract love. People are like, "I wanna have kids, I wanna have kids, I wanna have kids." They're like, "I wanna do this, I wanna do this." And the more you control, the more you resist. And the key is, is so often it happens when you let go because you become at peace. You can also become at peace with either way, knowing that instead of subconsciously trying to make other people Other people become a means to regulating your nervous system. If you think about that, very interesting to think about, isn't it? Other people become a means to regulating your nervous system when you need something from them, whether that be validation or approval. Do you guys see? But realize any energy dynamic you are playing out in your life is because there's some unresolved energy there, okay? Look at this, think of this. If someone is chasing someone else, that person you're chasing, you might think you're chasing them when in fact you are chasing a pattern. It might be a familiar pattern from childhood. The belief is that if I chase them, then I will gain approval, validation, I'll be enough, et cetera. This is many times an unresolved pattern in childhood where with mom and dad, you felt you had to chase or lean in to then be enough. The shadow side of this is that anytime someone is chasing someone else, they are avoiding an inner child part of themselves that wants to be seen, heard, soothed, and nurtured. And if you don't look at the part of you as a kid that wants to be seen, heard, soothed, and nurtured, you're ignoring that thinking the solution is in getting their approval and validation or in chasing anything. Take out just a person chasing love, chasing abundance. Anything you're chasing, it's because that strategy that we talked about, that pattern is subconsciously driving the show and chasing it is a way of regulating the nervous system and it's a way of believing it's outside of you. Those emotions and energies are not outside of you. But there's an inner child part of you. This is why everything I teach comes back to the mother-father-child dynamic because until that is healed or integrated, we will project that out onto every area of our life. So if mom and dad weren't emotionally or physically present as a kid or if they were doing the best they could but somehow it's still, there was still certain things that you concluded, I'm not enough, I'm not worthy, And then who do I have to be to be enough and worthy? The pattern, perfect people pleaser, over-giver, hyper-independent. These stay on autopilot. But the key is recognizing that that part of you, if you would see it, hear it, soothe it, nurture it, that's where the healing happens. Because then you begin to become more integrated and you're not looking for something that you simply believe is outside of you. Money can many times be wanting security, to feel safe of what you think money means. Love and approval from someone else means I'm enough. When mom and dad divorce as a kid or have arguments, you might think there's something wrong with me. Because kids are little narcissists that internalize everything. A 2-year-old, terrible twos, right? At a certain level, we were all, like, when we think of narcissism, at every stage of development, there is a healthy stage of development when you're growing up and we call it terrible twos, and that's when we learn the difference between self and other. So think about it. It's like as a kid, you are one with mom. There's no separation between you and her. And eventually you learn self. You're like, no, mine, me. And that's where you learn self. I am separate, right? Some people stay trapped in that level their whole lives. That's what we call people with like hardcore levels of narcissistic disorders, you know, stuff like that. But there's also a healthy form of narcissism. We call that confidence. I think sometimes people that are on the other side of that, that experience the negative side of that growing up, like a narcissistic person, it's then like, "Narcissism is horrible." Narcissistic energy, there is narcissistic personality disorder, which is more so, which is different than just having like healthy narcissism, it's called confidence. So beginning to embrace confidence, beginning to embrace a strong sense of self that's safe, that's not manipulating other people to make the needs met, is where you start to bring your energy back. So if we get back to what we were talking about earlier, we attract people based on the energy that's unresolved from the past. Now, we were talking about chasing. When you chase anything, a person, money, or you chase love or whatever, it's infusing that that is not here right now, and it is putting the power in them.. And the thing that blocks you is that who do you need to be in order to get that is normally a pattern from childhood. People pleasing, hyper-independence and self-reliance, and being invisible, being perfect, perfection. These are all different patterns. Here's the thing to recognize though. The key to this entire thing that we talk about, the most powerful thing you can do is to recognize that to even be in the pattern of chasing anything you've most likely abandoned yourself. Because you're trying to get somewhere else, you've already abandoned yourself. Trying to get somewhere else, you abandon you. Trying to chase someone else, you've abandoned you to be in that relationship. You've abandoned you and seen red flags as roses and stayed in it. And part of the purpose might be for you to begin taking your power back, to say no to the chasing pattern. But recognize this deep down. So first off, it's not your fault. You may have learned that pattern as a kid. That's powerful. The second thing is it is your responsibility. And your responsibility with this energy is to recognize the truth. You ready for this? If you are chasing anything, you are running from emotional unavailability. Any person you chase, normally people that chase emotionally unavailable people will normally have someone around them that is choosing them or could choose them, but they're like, "Eh, emotional availability? No." Chasing is the pattern I know. It can feel weird and familiar to be chosen, and you're just not attracted to people that choose you. You just might be patterned in abandoning yourself for other people, and you don't have to abandon yourself around this person. It's not a familiar pattern, it's unresolved. So a huge part of the transformation is recognizing that in any dynamic, Normally it's a familiar dynamic that's being played from childhood until you integrate it. And if you find similar patterns and people being attracted into your life, but recognize that if you are chasing someone else, you are ignoring an inner child part of you thinking that they have the solution. Your inner child just wants to be seen, heard, soothed, and nurtured. That's it. They don't wanna be fixed. If you could be there with this part of you, you would start to feel more relaxed in your nervous system. But the thing is, is if you are chasing someone else, you are running from emotional unavailability yourself. Literally, you're chasing someone, you've left yourself. And part of the reason you left yourself, by the way, is because there's a subconscious pattern from childhood that's under the surface, and you're not being the real you. The real you is not a people pleaser. The real you is not hyper-independent. The real you is not all these other things. That's the conditioned you, and that's the part that feels draining. So the layer to which you could begin to instead embrace Being authentic, but saying no to the pattern, recognizing they don't have the validation, the approval, the safety that you're looking for. It exists within you and your relationship to your emotions. And as you begin to focus on being comfortable with feeling the emotions under the surface, you then will find that you are more comfortable even if you're around people that aren't choosing you. And that if they pull away, you're not trying to fix, you're not trying to grab because you're confident and centered inside of yourself. Does this make sense? So if you have questions about this, go ahead and put it in the chat. I'll go and answer a few questions about this. But it might be a game changer to recognize that a big key to this process is the thing that is the most annoying to hear when it comes to attracting love is also one of the most powerful things. One of the most important things, or one of the most powerful things that's the most annoying thing to hear is that the key to attracting love is what? To be yourself. And you say, "It's not that easy." It's the most powerful thing to realize and the thing that's not true at all. At the same time. Why? Because being yourself, if you think you are your patterns, that's not the you that's the real you. The patterns are a survival strategy. And to be yourself, you have to give yourself permission to be the real you, the vulnerable you, the expressive you, And the thing that you really need to learn to be the most magnetic you is how to let other people be with tension without you needing to manage their tension. It's called self versus other. Let other people feel tension, and then when you can tell that they have tension, instead of feeling like you need to ease it, soothe it, or fix it, Your breakthrough might be in letting them be in that tension, knowing they can handle it, instead of enabling the codependency of trying to fix it. That tension then becomes your initiation into the new you. So think about that. That's the key to you if you're chasing anything— money, safety, stability, a person, if you're chasing it, it's because you believe it's out there instead of in here. You can have a desire to change something out there, but you don't change it by actually getting people on board and talking people into anything or making it happen. You get it as a response to who you are being. But who you are being is not the real you, if you are abandoning yourself to be around people. And that's why slowing down and being more present might be the thing that actually shifts everything here. Does this make sense? Someone says, why is love so easy for me but money runs away. Ask yourself this question: what is your story about money and what is your story about love? Because most likely what's happened is you have a story that love comes easily. You have a story that it's always there, just abundance of love. You have friendships, you have connections, it comes easily. Your story about money, that's where you get a little constricted. Well, am I worthy of it? What does it mean? How do I get it? How do I hold onto it? So this is where you become aware of some of the stories you have and is there unprocessed energy under the surface there that hasn't been felt? So if it's around self-worth and connected to money, you see the difference here? And this is something, by the way, we're gonna be doing in that free Magnetic Identity Shift Challenge on Wednesday. So if you wanna check that out, you can comment the word shift and I'll send you the invite. But identity-level transformation is about integrating the core pattern, healing the core pattern, feeling the energy under the surface, and then integrating a part of your shadow of what was bad as a kid, It may have been bad as a kid to let other people be in tension. It may have been bad as a kid to express yourself or to have needs or to ask for help. These are all things that keep you trapped in familiar patterns. So your life will shift very powerfully when you recognize that outside is just a reflection of inside. And anything you make really, really important, you put on an energetic pedestal and you separate yourself from it but the thing that you want of what that thing means is where the resistance is. Because think about it, there are people when you're around that you are just yourself. There are people you're around where you are just the most magnetic you. There's unconditional acceptance there. So you give yourself permission to be the real you and you don't abandon yourself. And then there are people that you put on a pedestal that you think are really important what they think. You constrict your energy and you don't be the real you. The thing to realize, the people you're around, you might be putting some people where you see them eye level. These are your friends. These are the people you feel connected to. They're not better or worse than you. It's just they are, they exist. And then you have certain people you might put on a pedestal, make it really important what they think of you, see them all the way up there. When they're up there, they're looking down at you because of the energy you're projecting. The key is there's no difference in meaning between either of these except for the level of permission you give yourself to be the real you. Around your friends, you can be weird, you can express yourself, and it's accepted. Around other people that you put on a pedestal, it's important what they think, you constrict yourself. So the key is actually realizing it's all neutral. It's all just a game that you've been playing. You're the one that projects onto people whether they're important or not. And instead, see it as eye level. No one is more important or less important than you. We're all on the same equal playing field. And what that allows you to do is actually connect with people. It is also when people chase other people and they make them really important, they're putting them on a pedestal and their importance of their validation approval on a pedestal, they can't actually connect with you because you're projecting that energy onto them. Instead of letting them choose you or not, connect with you or not, you don't need it 'cause it exists inside of you. Does this make sense? Okay. Okay. Let's see, some good questions in here. What if I'm needing new friends, but it's hard to express some sides of myself at home? Once again, it may be hard to express yourself at home because of the permission that you're giving yourself to be you, because the stakes are high around your parents who have that validation and approval, et cetera. Being vulnerable and authentic and expressing the real you, it comes with stakes. It comes with people maybe not resonating with you and maybe even family and friends not understanding now that you're being more authentic and expressive. That might be the gift they need for them to learn unconditional love and acceptance of you. So you actually might be enabling them in a weird way by trying to just appease them and make them happy. It might be hard to express yourself because of the stakes being high. And the key is to realize that even though it's hard, you can still do it anyways. You don't have to let that hold you back. So recognize that your story about it, it's easy to actually, it's actually, it's our story about it that creates the pressure and resistance. It's easy to be you around friends that like have always accepted you, but it's hard to be you around people that are of authority. That's the story. That's the permission you give yourself. And what that means is there's an uncomfortable emotion under the surface if they were to disapprove of me or not. But what if that was actually the breakthrough? If you could surrender to that and let it be there, if you could let yourself, let them be disappointed in you or not approve of you, that's when you'll be free because you like you, because you accept you. Should I give a covert narcissist avoidant another chance now that I am good either way? You being good either way is— you're not really good either way if the reason you're good either way is because it'll get you a different result. It'll get that covert narcissist to come back to you. You're not really good either way. You're good as long as it works in that way as a mechanism. When you're good either way, maybe you're saying, well, actually Aaron, I'm just not attached to whether they come back or not. Great. What part of you feels like you need to make it work out with someone like that? What part of you is attracted to that kind of energy? That's what you might wanna start asking yourself. You see, listening to this kind of content is cool, but if it's to get a specific result and manifest something, it's become a means to an end instead of a way of being. So be good either way. Should you give them another chance? So maybe they're coming back after you. That's only for you to know. You're the one that decides that. I'm not gonna tell you what kind of relationship to get in. Let you be the one that has the authority inside of yourself to understand whether that's, something that resonates with you or not? Or is there an inner child part of you that's still wanting to resolve? Can you begin to integrate that energy yourself? Does that make sense? I understand it, but how to get out of the pain of it? So trying to get out of the pain of it at the level of awareness of a pattern, you can try to get out of it from the level of the pattern. What I have found is actually accepting the level you're at and accepting the pattern is a very powerful way of releasing resistance to the pattern. So for example, someone might be, "I have a pattern of people pleasing. I'm aware of the pattern. How do I get outta the pain of it?" Part of it is to become aware that your integrative lesson might be to actually embrace the tension of letting other people be with tension, but actually embracing expressing the real you. So the way you get out of it is by not letting becoming aware of your patterns be the thing that has you avoiding feeling the emotion underneath. Because the intellect is where your pattern lives. You're aware of the pattern. What is the pattern that helping you avoid feeling? Is it tension? Is it sadness? Is it anger? That's where you begin to process it. Does this make sense? And then when you accept it and you can let the emotion and the pain be there is when it begins to resolve. It's an interesting paradox. So anyways, like I was saying earlier, if you guys wanna join that Magnetic Shift Challenge, it's starting on Wednesday. You can grab your spot by texting or DMing me or commenting the word shift, S-H-I-F-T. I'll send you the invite. It's completely free. We're gonna be letting go of the old beliefs and identity and allowing ourselves to actually be more authentic, to not abandon ourselves, okay? So with that being said, you guys have fun today. You guys want to do more like this? I was— felt such a flow state from earlier. I made a YouTube video earlier and I was in such a flow state that I was like, maybe I'll go live. That's what I did. And actually, I am recording it right now as well. Back in the day, I would just go live on Instagram and I would post these on YouTube, and some of them would get hundreds of thousands of views. And nowadays with like AI and everything, it's like, oh, everything has to be super edited. But I'm like, What if we just went back to just having fun in an Instagram Live and put it on YouTube? What if? Anyways, that's it for now. I wanna thank you guys for being here. As always, I'll see you guys in the next one. Peace, much love, and, and, and what do I say at the end? And namaste, namaste, namaste. Okay, I'll see you guys later, bye. And if you wanna learn one of the most powerful videos I have for taking something off of a pedestal, I have something called The Pedestal Effect, how it changes everything when you learn it. It's a whiteboard video. I walk you through step by step how to transform your life using The Pedestal Effect right here.