People will say YES to YOU when you say YES to this…
In this live coaching session, Aaron Doughty guides viewers through a series of interconnected concepts aimed at breaking subconscious patterns and fostering authentic self‑expression. He begins by explaining how people mirror back the beliefs and energy we tolerate, linking this to the attraction of toxic patterns. He then delves into the subconscious dynamics of over‑giving, tying it to self‑worth and hidden agendas. The discussion moves to inner versus outer boundaries, showing how internal beliefs shape external limits and how misaligned boundaries create control‑related stress. Aaron emphasizes nervous‑system regulation as a foundation for feeling safe in the body, and demonstrates how vulnerability—acknowledging lack of flow or writer’s block—can paradoxically trigger a flow state. He shares personal anecdotes from live events, illustrating how setting clear group agreements (external boundaries) and aligning them with internal boundaries reduces burnout and guilt. The session also covers intentional triggering as a tool for breakthroughs, both in his coaching practice and in everyday interactions. Throughout, Aaron invites audience participation, promotes upcoming live events, and solicits feedback on content formats, reinforcing the theme that saying “yes” to authentic self‑awareness invites others to say “yes” to you.
Chapters
People mirror back to us what we have subconsciously believed about ourselves, and people mirror back to us the energy that we tolerate, the energy we have familiarized. So that's something to ask yourself when you realize you keep attracting certain patterns. If there are toxic patterns or people that you attract, what part of you has normalized that energy? That's something to become aware of. Now let's look at some other patterns. You go and put in the chat right now if there are other patterns, subconscious patterns you wanna look at the subconscious energy of. What are they? Let's see. If you were to think of, let's see, the subconscious pattern around overgiving, right? Somebody gives. Subconsciously, when somebody is overgiving, there is a belief that giving is a part of their identity. There is a belief that if someone is not giving, they are not managing the energy of the room. They are not taking on the tension. I'm talking about overgiving, especially when it's tied to self-worth. Subconsciously, if you are overgiving, you may subconsciously believe that you are not worthy for simply being you. So subconsciously what's happening is you're projecting onto other people the desire to fix them or to give because that feels good to the identity. And that also feels like you might be completing the loop of some inner child energy. Does that make sense? Yeah, exactly. It could be manipulation by giving. It can be. And many times it is when there is an agenda. You guys have probably heard me talk about agenda recently. The more agenda you have, the more there's an attachment to outcome and the more you resist. Does that make sense? The more you resist and you almost kind of like, you imagine somebody really trying to sell themselves to you, right? Imagine somebody selling themselves to you. They're like, I just want you to know that I'm an awesome person. I'm really good at this. I'm really good at that. And there's like this long list of things things that like, "I'm really good, just so you know." And you would listen to that and you'd be like, "Why is this person selling themselves to me? They're trying really hard. Why don't they just be themselves?" And they might have an agenda that you see them in a certain way. Can't you feel that agenda? So what would you subconsciously have to believe to be proving yourself to people? What would you have to believe? You'd have to believe you're not worthy. You'd have to believe that your sense of self-worth is tied to what you do and how you come off to people. But freedom is when you stop playing that game. If you can be good either way, if you can be good whether they like you or not, you're more free. It's like you stop playing that game. Does that make sense? So if you have questions about this, go ahead and put it in. I want this to be interactive. Interactive. Interactive. Let's go. Yeah. So you could say people are reflecting back to you. People are mirroring back to you what you believe to be true about you. They're mirroring back to you what you believe you deserve. They're mirroring back to you how you treat you. You can say, why do people mirror things back to you? Because other people are other aspects of your own consciousness. We're all one. It's a deeper spiritual idea, I know. So it's all a mirror anyways, which means if you talk about regulating your nervous system, One of the most powerful things you can do is begin to become aware of what regulates your nervous system and what dysregulates your nervous system. To become aware of how to feel safe inside of your body, how to put the awareness inside of your body. Does that make sense? Let's see, in the Q&A box, you can put some questions and you guys can upvote the questions that you want to, Know more about. Let's see. Let's see. Hmm. It's a good question. Do you still State needs and boundaries even though that you have no agenda. So boundaries are, there's two types of boundaries. There's inner boundaries and outer boundaries. Inner boundaries are where you really begin to feel inside of your own body and it's where you become aware of what your beliefs are about people. Think about this. Because if you believe that everyone's trying to take your energy, if you believe you even need to protect your energy, then what happens is you literally are projecting onto people and expecting them to, in a way, manipulate you. You're expecting them to cross and to kind of be like high-bearing and people that you need to protect your energy from. So what can happen is if you don't set inner boundaries by becoming aware of what your beliefs are about people, you then have to set outer boundaries. But when you set outer boundaries, it's something that isn't as powerful because the inner boundaries, the inner beliefs are that people manipulate you and you need to protect yourself. Do you guys see the difference here? Now the cool thing is that it can be powerful to set outer boundaries. Here's my boundary, do not cross my boundary. If you cross my boundary, no bueno. And then the real question is, do you hold people accountable if you do set external boundaries? I was coaching a gentleman at the recent live event that I did here in LA, and he was talking about how he had boundaries. He had boundaries with his girlfriend, and it was like, don't talk to this guy, don't do this, don't do that. And he had these external boundaries. But then if she did it, he would just kind of like, there was, it was an energy where there was no accountability for it. He didn't feel like he could in a way establish a like accountability for it, which was interesting. It's like, where's that growth edge? Where's that growth edge? So sometimes people might set an outer boundary but not be consistent to it. They just set it and they're like, "I said it," but they didn't really mean it. Or that's also a lack of congruity or lack of congruence with what the inner boundary is. Because if you have an inner boundary where you are in relationship to other people that you just know you can trust, then you don't have to set an external boundary. Exactly, that's control. And that's kind of what the lesson was when I was coaching him is like letting go of that control, the fear. What is the fear really? The fear is if you go and you do this, then there was like fear and there was a belief that also that that could happen, that somebody was gonna leave. So really it was being afraid that someone's gonna leave. You see? So there's two types of boundaries. There's inner boundaries and external, you can say there's internal boundaries and external boundaries. Internal boundaries are where you become aware of what your boundaries are between you and other people, and you become aware of what your beliefs are about other people. This requires, by the way, for you to own what your stories about other people are. Because many people that have trouble setting boundaries have a story where it's like, these people did this to me. There's an inner child energy that's around the perpetrator, victim, rescuer dynamic. And that's the story. So your story is that people are constantly trying to manipulate your energy. So even if you set external boundaries, Do they listen? Do they listen? Maybe, maybe not. Because your inner boundaries might be different than what your external boundaries are. Belief is where you become aware of your beliefs. You guys see? You've got internal reality of how you relate to you and how you relate to other people and your beliefs. And then you got the external boundaries Some people, they just focus on external boundaries. Don't you talk about me like that. Don't do this, don't do that. Which is also ways of, it's also in a way, a form of control. I guess boundaries are a form of control, aren't they? Control's not always bad though. There's an Alan, not Alan Watts quote, but there's this idea that The more, the more you don't try to control, the more out of control you feel. It's like the more you are controlling that by your beliefs and your story. Is that how it goes? Something like that. I've said it before. You remember me talking about that before? Huh. So it says, why do I always feel like I'm wrong or doing something bad? Why do you? A lot of times when people ask questions, I just flip the question on them because you have the answer inside of you. What are you afraid will happen if you get it wrong? What are you afraid will happen? Because if you're doing something bad, what is wrong with being bad? Because sometimes we think being bad is setting boundaries. We think being bad is expressing ourselves. We think being bad is having needs or expressing how we feel. If that's bad, then you'll be afraid of being bad. But what's so bad about being bad? A lot of the work that I do at live events or in videos, or when you see me coach people, it's helping people to accept the emotion that's coming up and accept the part of themselves they're afraid to look at. You can see. So why do you feel like you're wrong? What is bad about being wrong? Anytime you're wrong, you learn. You're doing something bad, how are you defining it as bad? And what if it's okay to be a little bit bad? For many people that are people pleasers, your breakthrough is to actually lean into tension. Does that make sense? Lean into tension. Let's see. Sometimes when I do these lives, I shift into a flow state very quickly. Sometimes when I do these lives, it takes like 5 minutes to get into a flow state. I'm not really in the flow state yet, if I'm being honest. I'm kind of in the flow state, but not really. But do you see how sharing that is something normally probably some people would not share? But you're probably like, dang, that feels real. And ironically, that will get me into a flow state. Isn't that weird? Like if you are, if you have a block around writing, you're like, Aaron, I have writer's block. And I'm like, you have writer's block? Oh my God, you have writer's block, it's a serious condition. What are your symptoms of writer's block? You're like, well, I want to write, but I don't know what to write about. And I'm like, okay, here's what you're going to do. You're going to write about writer's block. Just go write on a piece of paper, I've got writer's block. And you go, okay, Aaron, I've got writer's block. Write about that. Okay, I've got writer's block. I'm trying to write right now, but I can't think of what to write about. I don't know what to start it with. If you were to do that, you might eventually overcome writer's block because you're writing. I'd be like, oh, you look like you're writing, bro. I'm like, it doesn't look like you got writer's block now. So what's interesting is that me talking about how I wasn't in a flow state got me in a flow state. Can you guys feel that I'm a little bit more in a flow state now than I was like 30 seconds ago? Isn't that weird? What if we were able to just vulnerably say things like this to people and like show this even on social media, like depending on what you do or, if you share this kind of stuff on social media. Think about that for a minute. I came on here for 5 minutes and did a rant and talked about stuff. I wasn't in a flow state. I talked and acknowledged how I wasn't in a flow state, just vulnerably. Guys, I'm not in a flow state right now. That vulnerability put me in a flow state. It sank me in. Doesn't that, isn't that interesting? So where in your life can you have a breakthrough when it comes to actually just accepting the reality of what you feel? Do you guys see that? Literally, I got into a flow state about talking about how I'm not in a flow state. It's like mind-blowing, but it's so, a lot of times it's real. Like if you go on a date with someone and you're like, you're afraid they're gonna see you're nervous and you were like, oh hey, kind of nervous right now. You just call it out. If you're accepting of that, it's like, it's an energy like someone's like, oh, okay, that's cool that they shared that. If you're like, I'm really nervous right now, but I really care what you think and, and, that might be a little different energy 'cause you're attached to outcome. But if you just express yourself and share, it's real. And guess what people resonate with? Real, authentic, authenticity. I'm mind blown right now that I'm so much in a flow state and it came from just expressing that I wasn't in a flow state. So where in your life can you have a breakthrough around just vulnerably sharing what you feel? Like if you had writer's block, you're like, yo, I got writer's block, I'm gonna write about writer's block. And then you're like, oh my God, I'm writing. What if the answer is to move through it? Just call it out. Where else in your life can you see that if you were to just call it out could be the breakthrough? Go ahead and put it in the comments. Let's see what the collective thinks in the audience. Where else can you just call out energy? Just call it out. Where have you experienced a breakthrough by just calling it out? Sometimes, like, where I'm trying to think of an example of where I might experience something and I just call it out and then it just mitigates the tension when most people don't talk about that. What examples can you think of? Just call it out. Sometimes humor can be powerful too. It's like if you're around someone and you know they have like a quirk or they have like something that is there like, thing and you're like, you wonder, you just be like, "Oh, am I doing it? Am I doing it though?" It's just weird for you or, yeah, calling out the energy. Yeah, the saying you've probably heard me talk about, "I'm good either way." It's even like when you, if I were to get on here and go live and it's like, "I'm good whether I get into a flow state or not," it takes the pressure off. Good either way. There's no control. It's okay. Yeah, letting it be there. It's the conditions we live through, the judgments and bullying we received from others growing up, and it still happens as adults. How do we deal with that? Interesting. So You experienced bullying from others growing up and it still happens as adults. How do you deal with that? What is the, not lesson, but what are you afraid of? What are you afraid of? What are you tolerating? And is there an option to express? Here, use this analogy. What if you were to actually say and to share how you feel? What if you were to share that vulnerably? Not from trying to protect, trying to tiptoe around other people. Like in what ways do you feel bullied, right? And you were to say to someone else, you're not in, like as a kid, yes, that may have been very vulnerable to be, you're being a meanie or, et cetera, but if you were to actually express to someone else how you feel or to express a boundary or to remove yourself from being around them, those could all be breakthroughs. Like who's bullying you? And also, is it true that they're bullying you or are you experiencing it as bullying? There's always an interesting, I'm not telling you there's an answer here that I know 'cause that could sound like gaslighting or something. I think it's a self-inquiry practice because there are times in my life that I become aware that sometimes some of what I experience is what I'm experiencing and it's like based in some level of like reality that appears to be true and sometimes it's my projection. Are you interpreting, like if you're around somebody else, for example, and they made a funny joke that you took as offensive, maybe it wasn't meant as offensive, but if you're more sensitive, you may see that as bullying where someone else might be like, "Oh, that's just a funny joke." I'm not saying that's what's happening, by the way. Could be more serious than that. I'm just saying that's the idea of projection versus, you see the difference? Projection versus like what's actually happening. Yeah. Let's see. Someone says, so if you have good internal boundaries, do the external boundaries become not as necessary? Like you have spoken about how external reflects the internal? Yes. So let me give an example of this. When I run a live event, it's a good example of it. It's kind of vulnerable. Vulnerability puts me in more of a flow state. Let's get into it. You guys ready? Here's an example of this. When I run a live event, I run a live event normally with about 100+ people in a room. When I run a live event like with that, I used to have a belief that when I set external boundaries, which I do at the beginning of every live event, and basically what the external boundaries are is it's a form of group agreement. The group agreement is that my job at the live events is to is to basically create the space, add as much value as I can, but to engage with people in that group dynamic. Now what happens is there are lunch breaks, there are group breaks, there are like things that happen throughout the day. Now back in the day before I set external boundaries, what would happen is I would go about the live event, we would take a 10-minute break or people would get into groups and then I would get like 3 or 4 people that would come up to me and ask me a whole bunch of questions. They'd wanna tell me something, they'd wanna talk to me. And sometimes when I run these live events, I'm literally going live for like 8 hours throughout the day with no planned material and just coaching people. So to talk to people in between sessions can be very stimulating and disorienting because I've been speaking and I wanna rest my voice. But what happened is I would, I develop a story around this. And part of it was like, I guess I need to set external boundaries. So then what happened is I started to set external boundaries. So what I would do is at the live events, and this was a game changer, is I would start to set boundaries where I would say my way of interacting with everyone is in the group dynamic. I wanna give 110% in the group dynamic. And on breaks and lunch breaks, if people come up to me and they want me to, Even if they wanna say something nice, et cetera, it still can be, it could still be stimulating when I need like a moment break to myself. You guys see? But what would happen is at first I felt guilty setting those boundaries. I'm like, these people traveled all the way over here to come to my live event. I owe everybody energy. But then what I realized is it would leave me feeling drained and like I didn't have a break to myself and then I wouldn't be able to do what I do in highest energy Do you guys see? So I would set the boundaries at the beginning of the live event and that would help mostly, but there would still sometimes be 1 or 2 people that would come up to me that would still, even though I set boundaries, want to talk to me, ask me a question, et cetera. And that to me would feel like, okay, we're breaking the group agreements here. And what I realized is I would then develop a story. "some people aren't respecting the boundaries I set," and that would bring that up for me. And then what I learned though, is part of it was my internal boundaries were that I didn't expect people to reflect back my boundaries, or I didn't feel like I was completely justified in having them. So what would happen is I would recognize that and realize what are my beliefs about people? What are my beliefs about how people listen to what I ask for and whether they actually adhere to that? I would also develop stories 'cause I'm like, well, a lot of people listen to my content from like the letting go stuff or they're empaths, people that can feel other people's energies. So maybe they don't have as strong boundaries or they're not used to that. So it's like there's like a story that was developed around that. Why do I have to like set boundaries multiple times? So it was my own internal process. But then eventually what happened is I changed that belief and I started to just expect and know that the people, when I set a boundary, they respect it. I stopped projecting into the space this story that like people aren't gonna listen. I need to set external boundaries multiple times. And what ended up happening is when I run live events now, it's very minimal. People respect it. And what happens is when I do the live events, it's like, it's a lot easier now because I'm not projecting or feeling guilty if I just have to say like, hey, I gotta go. What I do is sometimes I set those boundaries and then I would walk to the back of the room and 2 or 3 people would come up to me and then I would feel like still obligated. Now I'm like, okay, and I just keep walking. And what I recognize is that any, of the energy that people have about that, any offensive energy, et cetera. It's their own disappointment to deal with. Does that make sense? It's not my job. And when you set boundaries or you're aware of what might get brought up in other people when you set your internal or external boundaries, it's then their thing to deal with and then you're not responsible. It doesn't feel so heavy. Does that make sense? So now when I run a live event, it's like, it's so much easier because my internal boundaries and my external boundaries are congruent. I'm not expecting, and it's not this big fearful thing if I do have to set the boundary again, which has happened. Does that make sense? So it's like, you will keep, if you have a problem with expressing yourself and it's a big deal to you, it's like you will find people to keep reflecting back that until you've integrated it, until you're good either way. So basically, it's like a reflection of my relationship to myself, and it's a reflection to my ability to be vulnerable and express that to other people. Like even having it maybe said it twice. And it was funny at this recent live event that I did here in LA, Sometimes at the end I'll do like a meet and greet or something for a minute, 'cause I'm so tired at the end of an 8-hour day. And sometimes I don't have time to. And what was funny is I was coaching, one of the things that came up during the coaching was the disappointment. Somebody was afraid of disappointing other people. And the whole lesson was that like that disappointment from other people is theirs, not yours, right? So if you're gonna disappoint someone else, you can't really, it's like their disappointment or their expectation of you. So it was becoming okay with disappointing people. And then what was funny is at the end of this LA live event that I did, I was like, guys, it went from like 11 to 5 with, well, like a 40-minute break. And at the end I'm like, sometimes we have time for like meet and greet, sometimes we don't. And it became part of the lesson. I was like, and if you guys are disappointed, it's your stuff. It's kind of a joke, but that's what we were like, it was a funny joke in the group because that was like a theme of the day. And then everyone laughed and guess what? At the end of it, it was easy. Out of 100 people, nobody, like I was able to just get off and not have to like, I was able to like recoup my energy. Does this make sense? This is all reflection. People reflecting back your relationship to you and the things that you avoid doing or expressing might be things that keep coming up until you familiarized expressing it. Until you're good either way. Does that make sense? So internal boundaries, external boundaries, when you start to really feel safe inside of your own body and you're good either way, whether they adhere to the boundaries or not, because ultimately you also realize that you could leave, you can decide whether you keep interacting with someone or not, you can then express if they cross it. If you set a boundary and they cross it, you could call that energy out. hey, you know, I set a boundary here and this happened. You can call it out. And a lot of times people might think, I can't call this out, I can't address this. Well, then you're just holding it on the inside. Someone says, I'm a single mom. My son is 4 to 5 months, 4 and a half months. "How can be detached from the situation?" You know, as a mom with a 4 to 5 month, 4.5 month old baby, you are attached and that's okay. I would say that it's healthy to be attached. It's healthy to be attached to your baby 'cause your baby completely relies on you. Your baby literally believes it is at one with you. So being attached is not a bad thing. This isn't where, look, just detach, detach from your baby. No. What you could be maybe detached from, I guess, or not attached to is the expectations. If you're attached to the baby must sleep 9 hours a night, and if it doesn't sleep 9 hours a night, then I will not be happy and it's not a good baby. Sounds silly, right? So you can let go of the attachment to a specific outcome or to a specific way in which the baby must be, but the baby right now is completely at one with you. It literally does not know itself from you. So it's okay to be attached. Speaking as one with many kids, I have multiple babies, so I am a very high authority to talk about this. I have so many kids I just haven't told you guys about. Just kidding. So take that one for what it is. I would ask other moms that you aspire to be like what their advice was for that. Have you triggered someone on purpose ever, Aaron, with the intention to help them break a pattern? That is what I kind of get paid to do. So at my live events, I will intentionally trigger people, intentionally. Like go to my Instagram profile from a recent video where somebody was asking, somebody is a good example of this. Like your triggers are showing you where you're still limited. Your triggers are showing you where you're not free. So sometimes what happens is there was somebody that asked a question and she said that she had trouble, she's okay if she disappoints herself, but she has trouble disappointing other people. And I asked her a question and her answer was, I think it's actually okay now to disappoint people. And I said that I did not like that answer. I said that I was disappointed in her answer. "It didn't feel like she was getting it and I was gonna move on to another person." And you can watch this, this is on my Instagram profile. So in the moment I was triggering up in her that, and she responded in a way that was a kind of a reaction, but then she had a breakthrough. She realized, "Well, that's your disappointment, not mine." That was her breakthrough. So the trigger actually catapulted a breakthrough and that was the point of it. So yeah, there are times I will intentionally trigger someone for a breakthrough, but I do it consciously and in the dynamic where I am doing what I do for a living. In my own personal life, do I do that? Sometimes by being myself, I recognize that by me being me, I will trigger other people and I let them, I let that be the medicine sometimes for them, but it's not with an agenda, like, in my business life or whatever, my job is like teaching ideas and like want, you know, helping people transform or like overcome subconscious patterns. That's a part of like triggering people. In my own personal life, I'm not trying to like be a coach to everyone in my life. I'm not trying to like trigger people. Not everyone needs to be a broken through from me. Does that make sense? It's like, I just be me. And that does trigger people sometimes. And I become okay with that. And there are people that trigger me and I'm aware of sometimes that that trigger is in me. And it's also something that, it's something that's like medicine for me. And then sometimes it's for me to like not be attached to that energy or engage with that energy. There's lots of awareness here. That make sense? So anyways, those are some of my ideas. Those are some of my ideas. Let's see. Anyways. Anyways, what else? If you guys are in Europe, the Europe live event is coming up September 26th, 27th, 28th. It's going to be awesome. Go to Europe soon. If you want to join that, you can comment London, L-O-N-D-O-N, London. Early bird tickets are going away soon for that, by the way. So now is the best time to join. I'll send you the invite with London if you want to join. What else is going on? Don't I have other stuff going on? That's the main thing. Yeah, there's some other stuff going on, but yeah, I'm still up. I probably would— do you guys want this video? Do you guys— if you guys want me to post the replays, comment below and let me know. 'Cause I'm deciding whether I post replays for these lives and I post it on replay or I just delete it and put it on YouTube. Let me know what you'd prefer. Do you prefer me to keep them on Instagram? Comment and let me know, even if you're watching this after the live. I realized that last month, I think I had like, we did the numbers recently in a meeting and we realized that like over a quarter million views last month on this Instagram account came from just lives. Which is kind of crazy 'cause like lives normally don't do that well, but you guys like the lives and the replays get views, which is interesting. Maybe it's 'cause it's the unknown, it's magical, and it's awesome for us all to connect like this. So anyways, let me know, comment on the post and let me know 'cause I'll be going through. And if there's a lot of people that want to see the replays on the, once I make it live, let me know. Other than that, I think that's it for now. I'm kind of hungry and that's it. I'll talk to you guys later. As always, peace, much love. And namaste. If you want to learn how to regulate your nervous system and how to become aware of even more of these subconscious patterns under the surface, one of my most popular Instagram Lives that's got the most amount of engagement and views I've ever done, I'm gonna go ahead and post the YouTube video to it right here.
More from Aaron
If you can see this, you're about to become so magnetic you are unrecognizable
