Relationships mirror your subconscious mind... (How to heal)

What if the way you feel about mom and the way you subconsciously feel about dad gets projected out into the world onto the environment and the people that you meet? See, when we grow up and when we're young, we're absorbing the information of our environment. We're drawing conclusions subconsciously about who we are the way reality works, the way authority works, the way women work, the way men work, and our relationship to all of that. So what happens is sometimes I'll be coaching someone or I'll see someone at like a live event or something, and they'll be expressing that they feel blocks when it comes to attracting men or women. And many times you can trace that back and see there may be a block also with dad or mom. And I believe that one of the most powerful dynamics to become aware of when it comes to healing and even the subconscious awareness that can free you from the blocks in your life is when you become aware of what is called the mother-father-child dynamic. That mother-father-child dynamic is something that we are replaying subconsciously with other people in our life over and over again until we become aware of it. Now, this is also subconsciously why very often people may attract people in their life, like people they're dating, for example, that may represent and reflect a similar pattern over and over again. And then sometimes what people do is they say, well, I don't wanna keep attracting this, but there's a part of attracting that that is necessary from a component that there's a healing that wants to be had. It's almost like we're trying to close the loop from childhood. So it's like if mom or dad was physically or emotionally unavailable, what's familiar is emotional unavailability. However, there may be a part of you that's trying to convert them into being emotionally available for them to meet your needs. So what happens is there's this trap that's set up where you keep attracting the same thing over and over again, and you say, why do I keep attracting this? But there's a part of you that feels familiar in it. So that's one reason. But two, there's a part of you that may be trying to close that loop. And one of the things to become aware of is simply becoming aware of the pattern to begin with is a very powerful step. It's a powerful step in taking your power back and recognizing that you can choose something new, and you can also feel the emotions that you haven't allowed yourself to feel. Think about that. Somebody that has attracted someone that's emotionally unavailable, it may be hard to accept that maybe they can't meet your needs or that they're not. So there's someone that then tries to get their needs met through this other person, but guess what? They may have familiarized feeling let down. But what happens is you could really sit with that emotion sit with that energy and just allow them to do what they're doing in a sense, and maybe that means also choosing not to continue to engage with that kind of energy, you then feel free to let it go because you realize them coming around is not related to you finally being worthy, whole, and complete. You know, it's funny, I posted something on Instagram yesterday where it was from that podcast that I did and with the Almost 30 podcast. And one thing that I was talking to Krista around was she said she felt too much. And she said she was always on the cusp of feeling either not enough in relationships or feeling like she was too much in relationships. And one thing I asked her, I said, well, what does too much mean? 'Cause it's kind of a concept, right? Too much, I'm too much. And she says, I'll go on dates, and because I'm vulnerable, because I'm more expressive, it then leads to like her being told that she's too much. And what's interesting about that is both sides of these coins are both not enough. Even though one, think about that, one is not enough, one is too much, but still too much is shame. Too much is there's something wrong. So both is there's something wrong, things aren't okay. Now, sometimes when I'm coaching someone, I'll look back or I'm like talking to someone, I'll look back and say, oh, I could have said some things a little bit differently as well to go deeper in on this. Sometimes having a parent or having parents, maybe one parent was criticizing. What happens is then you may be attracting people later in life, there's this critical energy where there's like, this is too much. And one thing I said to her is I said, too much for what? Too much for what? Because too much is a judgment, is a self-judgment. And here's the thing, you will always be too much or not enough to certain people. So if you choose emotionally unavailable people and you're going on dates with emotionally unavailable people, well, guess what? You will be too much. They emotionally can't handle it. Do you see? So the question is also, what— why am I attracted to this kind of energy dynamic? Now, one thing that I did say to her as well is I said that whatever insecurity you have, there is someone else that has owned that insecurity. It's not something that like drops them down in state. It's not something they feel shame for. So there are someone out there that might be like, yeah, to some people I might be too much, but understand to the right person, you'll be just right. But too much is a judgment. And then, and here's another element of it too. If you carry around a belief that you're too much, it's in your energetic field that you believe you are too much, you will then go out into the world and attract other people to reflect, reflect that energy dynamic back to you because it's subconscious within your field. Does that make sense? So on one hand, of course people are going to reflect back that you're too much if you believe you're too much because you hold the belief. Now that belief was a judgment and a decision subconsciously that may have been made when you were younger. Because maybe one of your parents thought, you know, that, you know, sometimes maybe dad growing up didn't understand, you know, if you're a woman, the feminine energy, and he's like, this is too much for me. I don't know what to do with this hormonal teenager. This is too much. And then the teenager version of you was like, I'm too much. I'm too much. And then later on, there's this belief now that I'm too much. And then later on, 10 years down the road, you're like, I'm still too much. But you don't have to, like, there's a healing that can happen around the mother, father, child dynamic in the sense that there's forgiveness around dad or mom or however that energy dynamic was. And as you heal that and as you accept yourself more and as you allow yourself to feel that emotion that was unfelt from childhood and as you also comfort the teenager version of you, So for example, if when you were a teenager, you felt too much 'cause you're going through your hormonal stuff and you feel too much, or you didn't maybe even feel too much, but then somebody said, maybe somebody was like, "This is too much for me." And then you're like, "I'm too much." There may be a teenager part of you that feels too much that you can begin to see, hear, soothe, and nurture. So it's kind of like there's the unfelt emotion of that teenager version of you that's on the inside subconsciously, and you're going out into the world and attracting people to reflect back that energy pattern. Does that make sense? So it's serving a purpose, first off. But understand that the big part of healing many times is when you can see, hear, soothe, and nurture your own inner child that felt not seen, heard, soothed, or nurtured as a kid that's replaying those dynamics over and over again. Now, there's also a book that talks about this that the, it's called, what's it called? Is it called "Getting the Love You Want" or something like that? It's a book that talks about the psychology around why we attract people into our life that very often reflects what is called the imago. The imago is this subconscious image that we have of what our ideal partner is. And our ideal partner has both the positive characteristics of our parents and the negative characteristics of our parents that triggered us the most. That's our subconscious imago. So when you date someone, very often you're subconsciously putting them through this subconscious image you have of the positive and negative traits of what you experienced in familial dynamics. Familial, similar to familiar. Familiar dynamics. And that's why some people you meet, you're like, I don't feel anything. There's not crazy sparks here. And many times that could be because maybe they don't fit that imago perfectly. And sometimes maybe that's a good thing. It depends, right? So becoming aware of these subconscious energies, by the way, is where a lot of freedom comes. Now, by the way, one thing we will be talking about in the High Vibe Challenge I'll be doing, it's a free 3-day raise your vibration challenge I'm doing next Saturday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, the 31st, the 1st, the 2nd of February. I'm gonna be going live, doing office hours, I'll be doing coaching, hot seat coaching where I bring people up and I coach people. We'll be doing live meditations and breathwork on day 2. It's completely free to join. And if you do want to join, just comment the word SHIFT, S-H-I-F-T, or the link is in my bio. And you can join and I'll send you the information. So that's happening. And that's what we're going to be looking at. We're going to be looking at the story you have about mom, the story you have about dad. And it could be both good and bad, by the way. There could be good stories. There could be good stories. You know, it's just that a lot of times the trauma is where the blocks are, you know? Like you don't question certain things where like things are going really well in your life. You know what I noticed also a lot of times about like if dad wasn't physically or emotionally present or if there's anger towards dad, that can also many times subconsciously affect your relationship towards money, purpose and money. So sometimes people may have unhealed energy around dad and then I have blocks around finances, especially if that energy wasn't modeled growing up. But anyways, these are things we're gonna be talking about in that 3-day High Vibe Shift Challenge that's free. There will be replays if you can't make it live, but I do recommend showing up live if you can. Yeah, I'll be doing a group meditation next Friday. In that challenge. So understand, so if you have questions, feel free to put in questions as well. But these subconscious energies that we have are reflected out into the world. Now also, something that I've in the last year really been looking at is the energy of the core story that I adopted when I was young. Part of it was that life is not fair and authority is not fair. I find myself, I found myself growing up being a kind of a rebel, pushing against authority. Even when I had a 9-to-5 job selling women's shoes for years, I was pushing against authority, fighting for freedom. And it was a story that was on autopilot. And even this last year, there are certain situations that have happened where I really, because now that I am, I mean, I've been my own boss now for like 8 years. I worked for myself for 8 years. So the only place authority in my life really is, is authority probably with taxes and like the government and stuff like that. Authority with certain, you know, probably heard me talk about it in like a landlord dynamic of me renting houses and stuff like that has been like a thing. That was a thing where there was a lot of learning. But what I've learned to do is that even then there was a subconscious belief around authority that I had to look at that story. I had to look at that energy to release it so that I stopped attracting that level. There was something that was unfelt that wanted to come up. And there was also a part of me that wanted to express myself, which caused me to in a way have big breakthroughs around one of the last houses I rented when I was in Austin. Getting out of that situation. If you guys know, then you know. If you've heard me talk about it, but there was like a little— There was a little spill that was on this one countertop in the bathroom and I ended up having to pay like $5,000 to replace a whole granite countertop because of this little speck. And then I had to replace the other granite countertop too so that it matched. It became this whole thing. And there were a lot of stories that were coming up. It's like, this isn't fair. Fair, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it was like this gray area because you sign a, you know, it was this whole thing. But there was so much that I learned from that situation. And part of it was even in my expression of like saying like, this is completely, what I, how do I word it? It was like, this is, there's some word, but it wasn't, I didn't say this isn't fair. I said, this is like very, not unpractical, What was the word? Excessive, that's the word I used. This is excessive. But nonetheless, there were a lot of, like, we project these energies out subconsciously until we feel it to heal it. Yeah, unjustified. No, it's already done. It's already, I appreciate you guys, but I'm just sharing it as just an example. Another thing that I had to realize that I had to let go of is because I've been on YouTube for so long, I share my story because the story is what relates people to my content. But one thing I've become aware of is that when I share the story, even though I'm not in this victim energy anymore, I'm like, oh, this is what happened and this is how I grew. There's a part of me that's aware that even expressing the story does bring about a certain kind of like victim energy. So one thing to let go of that's very powerful is letting go of the self-image around the crazy childhood or that your needs weren't met. It's almost like that story, it's like, well, now I'm not, now I'm much better and I'm grateful for it. But even then, anytime, it's almost like because you still pull from that energy, because you still acknowledge it, maybe not in like a way that's like has power over you, but it's almost like it still has some power. So it's almost like there could be more power in just completely letting it go, Is it like it never happened? I mean, I guess it's just when there's no emotional charge there, but it's always a tricky thing. I mean, maybe it's just for me too, 'cause I'm on social media and I share content for a living. And part of that is sharing content that's also like relatable, right? It's like, oh, if you just say, oh, it never, I mean, it's an interesting thing. It's like you're letting go of the past. So you're letting go of the past, you're letting go of the, The trauma is like letting go of the victimhoodness around it. Part of letting it go is becoming aware of the payoff that you get from it. Like there is sometimes a payoff that you might get from sharing crazy stuff that happened when you were a kid. Maybe it's that people feel bad for you. People see that you've been through a lot, so you're a really deep person. I think for me, there was this energy, especially years ago when I was meeting certain people, it's like I wanted, I didn't like surface level stuff, I liked going deeper. So there was a part of me that was like, if I share the stuff that I've been through, then people will share the stuff they've been through and then there'll be that connection. But that was the payoff from that is, oh, there's connection from this, but that may also be keeping you kind of stuck in that pattern. Does that make sense? So part of becoming free is becoming aware of how that story is serving you. So let go of the story, let go of the identity. And another very important part of the healing is comforting the part of you from the past that feels not seen, heard, soothed, or nurtured, and realize that that part of you is the part of you that may be attracting things in your life now to close the loop from childhood. So if you attract people that are emotionally unavailable, that may feel familiar and normal, but you may be trying to shift them into becoming that which you may have not received growing up. But instead, that part of you is the part you can begin to be with. Someone says, how? Meditation is one of the most powerful things because it, think about this, when you're in the subcon, like the subconscious mind runs most of your life. Your subconscious mind is most influenceable when you're a kid because you're in a theta brainwave state. You're in theta and alpha brainwave state majority of the time. And then you become an adult and you're in beta alpha. And then sometimes theta. So if you wanna reprogram your subconscious mind, you get into a theta alpha state. Theta alpha state comes when you're in meditation, and then you feel emotions are a powerful way of influencing the subconscious mind. So then you feel and allow yourself to feel the unprocessed emotion from the past. But what you can begin to do is do work in that subconscious mind energy of meditations. So that's something we're going to be talking about as well in the High Vibe Challenge, the 3-day Raise Your Vibration Challenge next weekend. That's completely free. Anyone can join. We'll be doing live— I'll be doing live coaching, breathwork, live meditations. If you want to join it, just comment the word shift, S-H-I-F-T. I will send you the information, the signup link, the Zoom link, all of that stuff. I'll be going live maybe about 2 hours every day. It's at 8 AM PST. Guys, look, it's sunny today. Isn't that cool? It's been cloudy for a while and now it is sunny. What is awesome? Shift. Yeah, there you go. Good job. Hi Aaron, how can I get in touch with you please? The, the way that I normally interact with people is through the challenges that I do because I bring people in them. I do live coaching, which is the one I'm doing next weekend. Live events, do live events, and I do live coaching there. But that's the main ways. Right now I'm in Miami and I'll be in Miami for another 2 months and And then I'm deciding where I go after that. The part of me that misses California, but now I think is not a good time to go back to California because of the air quality and just everything that's going on. But so I'll probably go back there in, I was living in LA for 4 months, 5 months maybe. Yeah, probably 5 months. Anyways, I'll eventually go back there, but I can't be there more than 6 months anyways 'cause of tax purposes. And then other than that, I've been feeling out Miami and there's a couple other parts of Miami I wanna check out. I'm in a very busy area. I don't think I'm in the best area that I wanna live in. I'm gonna check out Fort Lauderdale and then Boca. But ideally Miami is a good airport and good for taxes. So I'm kind of looking around right now, kind of shopping around as I travel. I've been traveling. I'll be traveling for like another year or so probably. Let's see. It says, "I was in Sedona this week and thought you still lived here." I have a place there. I go there sometimes. I'll probably be doing an event out there in May, just so you guys know. May, I'm thinking I'll do a live event out there. Oh, did I have a question for you guys? What was it? Okay, so if I run a live event in Sedona, but it overlaps Mother's Day. Is that an issue? I always wonder about holidays and stuff like that. Like if it's a Saturday, Sunday live event in Sedona, but it's on Mother's Day, is that an issue? Let me know, I'm curious. Or is it like you can spend Mother's Day in Sedona and maybe we'll, I'll coach some moms, you know? I always wonder. Or there's one on Memorial Day, the challenge, 'cause those are the two weeks I'm looking at, but Memorial Day, is like also very expensive for people to travel. So like, I don't mind doing an event on Memorial Day, but for people that come, I don't know, you guys let me know. But yeah, I do like, uh, I do like, uh, Sedona. Oh my God, watch Yellowstone and visit Montana, it's so beautiful. I do want to go to Montana because of Yellowstone, which is kind of what the whole show was about, is like it was drawing in all these outsiders. And that was kind of like the challenge of the show. But it's like, hey, you still want to go, right? Still want to go experience that nature. Let's see. So it says, if you still have triggers, rarely but still, does that mean you're not truly healed? There's this concept that one day we are going to be completely healed. Once you look at all the inner child stuff, as you heal the mother-father-child dynamic, all this stuff, one day you're just gonna be good to go, smooth sailing. Understand that at every level there will be triggers, and at every level there will be growth. The triggers aren't something that just goes away. It's something that you process and then there's other levels. So this is why it's important to fall in love with the process. If it's like, I will be happy once all my triggers are gone, I will be happy once no one triggers me anymore, then it's always gonna be in the future. But if you fall in love with the process, when you feel a trigger, instead of thinking, oh my gosh, I can't be happy, I can't be healed, understand it's still, you are still healing, you're in the process of healing. Find the peace with the process, but understand that there's always different layers. So there's no healed version to completely get to. The process is just always healing. Like even as I think of me being on YouTube over the last 8 years, back in the day it was just me and a camera. Now I'm running live events, coaching people at the front of the room at live events, doing breakdowns and breakthroughs. But then I have a team of people that I travel with and I have, my team has been growing a lot recently. So I have more people I deal with. So there's different challenges because now there's systems and it's leadership. And I'm like, I move into this new area of my business and and of my role. So it's not just me and a camera anymore. And I could say, if it's just me and a camera, there's nothing else that's triggering me 'cause it's just me and a camera. Okay, cool. But I'm not able to make as big of an impact because I don't have a whole team behind me and system set up. Well, now that I do, and now that I'm continuing to grow that, there's other stuff that comes up around leadership, around casting a vision that other people are a part of, around, Now there's a different way that I relate at live events when I'm coaching people and things like that. There's always layers, basically is the point. So fall in love with the process. Fall in love with the process and realize that triggers, triggers are also something to be, can you imagine if every time you had a trigger, you just celebrated it? You're like, thank you, I'm now aware of something I was priorly unconscious of. Now, of course, in the moment of a trigger, There's a fight or flight. But what you can do is learn how to feel that and go back and forth with starting to feel safe, being aware of it, maybe getting triggered, but then feeling safe. There's a word for this in Peter Levine's like Waking the Tiger book. It's like a really well-known book on trauma. What's that word? It's not triangulation. It's where you go back and forth between feeling safe and then not safe, but that allows like the energy to dissipate. Does anyone know that word? There's a word for it. So one of you probably knows the word, you'll comment it. Yeah, accepting the triggers, letting them be there. Yeah, pendulum. Thank you, I knew one of you had it. And titration. Yeah, those two words, titration. You're able to go back and pendulum as well. I think it talks, the book talks about both those, but you're able to kind of like oscillate back and forth between feeling safe in a certain situation and then feeling triggered and maybe fight or flight. But then you're able to like go back and forth instead of staying stuck and getting identified with the story. And then, because that's one of the things the book talks about in "Waking the Tiger" or like when it comes to trauma healing is it's not that you're supposed to have one huge trauma release, this huge epiphany, this huge experience, and then you're just healed forever. Very often it's better and healthier to have these little pockets of diffusion. It's almost like there's like a balloon, and instead of just letting the balloon go, just like go all the way around the room, it's better just to let out a little bit at a time, a little bit at a time, like, That's healthier than just letting the balloon go fly everywhere. That's out of control. And then maybe it goes off the balcony into the water, and then there's the balloon, there it goes, and you feel out of control. Does that make sense? Any tips on active listening? Yeah, one of the, one of the things that really allows people to heal in a very powerful way is through active listening. It's through having someone else that is non-judgmental, that is observing. And I have some, I have some people in my life that are very good at this, and I have some people in my life that I do my, do my best to really be an active listener. And I have to be a good active listener when it comes to coaching too, because when I'm coaching people on stage or something, the thing to become really comfortable with is silence, is space. And if you can get comfortable with being silent and listening and not— and observing but not judging, and also not trying— one of the The biggest, here's the biggest thing with active listening. Don't try to fix. You're trying to fix someone, you're implying they're broken. You're trying to figure it out. It's like this person's a puzzle. Can you imagine? It's like you're projecting onto someone else that they're a puzzle. So here's someone else that you're talking to and they're expressing something they're going through and you're like, what's the puzzle piece? Where does this go? This is like a jigsaw puzzle that I'm trying to figure out and fix because it's fricking broken. And by projecting that onto the other person, it doesn't give them the space to really heal. So yeah, someone says, that's great for my clients. If you have clients and the silence, you become, it's something I'm doing my best to get better at because even when I'm with 100 people in a room on stage coaching someone, the more I do it, the more I've learned to kind of like pause and allow the space to be there. Sometimes there's this tendency to want to fill this space. See, confirmation. So that's the, that's the best advice. Don't try to fix. Observe and be comfortable with silence. Someone says, how can I regulate my nervous system when it comes to those fear feelings of abandonment? So one of the best ways to regulate your nervous system is to focus on your breath and on bringing the energy inside of your body. Now, another thing is a lot of times the feeling of fear, the feeling of abandonment, whatever these emotions are, there's a desire and a tendency to wanna run away from them, to not feel them. And what happens is by that avoidance is what causes the resistance to stay inside the body. What if you accepted those emotions? It takes courage to do so, but when you accept them, guess what? When you accept those emotions, and you let them be there, what you'll find is that there's less resistance there. Like what if you realize that allowing yourself to feel the abandonment or to feel the fear was the thing that if you did, that was the medicine for you, if you were present with that part of yourself. And the avoidance is just what keeps it underneath the surface, kind of there, kind of not there, but you're trying to avoid feeling it. So I'll go over here or I'll get validation through this person over here or whatever. But if you allow yourself to feel it, that could be the medicine. But part of regulating your nervous system is about breathing and feeling it, letting yourself feel it. So often people will be afraid of something And then they go do it and they go do something. Like I know in some of my 21-day challenges I've done in the past, we do this identity shifting experience where people will go out in public and do something that's somewhat embarrassing. And they have huge breakthroughs because they realize like, okay, I was gonna go to a Home Depot and put a song on my, put music, like put something on my song and then like dance in public, right? People would be so afraid of doing this. And what they'll find is very often people do this and they feel huge breakthroughs because they realize that as they do it, it's actually not the doing of it that's scary. It's just the thought of it. Does that make sense? It's the anticipation of doing it. But then once you're in it, you're like, this is no big deal. Oh look, everyone's just thinking of themselves. No one's even really judging. And if they are judging, who cares? Some people are actually laughing or what, maybe it's cringe, but who cares? And then people have breakthroughs 'cause they ask themselves, where else in my life am I holding myself back because of a thought, because of a belief, because of the story that I have around fear? But maybe it's a similar thing. Maybe you're just afraid of feeling those emotions, afraid of feeling those energies, but maybe it's really an inner child part of you that feels that way. That wants to feel seen, heard, soothed, and nurtured. So like I said, this is what we're going to be dealing with at the upcoming 3-day Raise Your Vibration Challenge that is free. It's going to be on Zoom. It'll be about 2 hours a day. It'd be live coaching, live meditations, breathwork on day 2. If you do want to join, you can comment the word shift, S-H-I-F-T. I'll send you the information. And other than that, I think that's it for today. I'm gonna eat. I have some other stuff I'm gonna do. I'm gonna enjoy this beautiful sunny weather. Might go to the beach here in a little bit. And, um, yeah, I've also been healing from this. So like 3 weeks ago, right before I went to Costa Rica, I got this cough. That then turned into, like, has anyone else watching this right now been through some weird, like, not sickness, I think it's like a respiratory thing or something. Oh, it is a sickness actually. But anyways, I noticed a lot of people are going through this right now, but I think it could be the shift of seasons or whatever. Anyways, I feel a lot better, but there's still, like, now I'm finally back to where I can go outside and stuff like that, but there's still this lingering cough that comes back every now and then. But I've been seeing online, it's like, yeah, it's weird how you feel not alone when you know other people are going through something, you know? Um, yeah, RSV, exactly. Yeah, I've been sick in 2 or 3 years, so it's weird. Anyways, I'm feeling a lot better though. I'm very grateful. And the thing that I also had to learn is to, to take a step back, like I kept reactivating it. I probably would've been healed like completely like a week or two ago. But what happened was I kept working out and pushing myself at the gym. And because of that, it kept reactivating stuff. But now I'm like really just taking it. I'm gonna go to the beach, chill out. Yeah, it's rest. That's like the other thing. Anyways, I know that was really random. I'm pretty much back to normal, but If you are feeling that way, I sympathize with you and hope you feel better soon. Anyways, other than that, also the Miami live event, if you didn't know, it's happening February 22nd, February 23rd here in Miami in Coconut Grove. It's at an amazing venue that I'm super excited about. And if you do want to join, you can comment the word vortex, V-O-R-T-E-X, and I'll send you the link to join. There is both virtual and in-person tickets available. Other than that, I think that's it for today. Other than that, I'll talk to you guys later. As always, peace, much love, and namaste. And also, in case you haven't heard, I have a course that is free, literally worth $1,000 for free, called High Vibe 101. This is a step-by-step transformational course that will show you how to elevate your vibration to the next level. You'll learn how to create identity-level transformation, how to feel and heal the energy that's stored inside the body. There's a breathwork ceremony in there that is also free. Everything is free. It's literally a $1,000 course for free that you can get by simply clicking the link below and joining High Vibe Tribe, which is also free. There's over 50,000 people in this High Vibe Tribe, other people that are focused on elevating their vibration to the next level. So if that's something that you want to do, I, I really believe this kind of work is so important for transformation for people's lives and also the planet. And that's why you can get it by simply clicking the link below.