Set Boundaries and NEVER feel guilty again (and be in your own frame)

Boundaries used to be something that was really hard for me to set.

And when I realized that in a way— think of this analogy, this is a life changer when you really start to see it—

think of boundaries as an actual fence. Now imagine that you have this beautiful garden. Let's say over here there's like this beautiful garden or something like that. And let's say that your job is to nurture the plants Your job is to water the plants, to take care of the soil, and this is your garden. This is your space. Now imagine what happens is somebody comes into your garden and what they do is they literally tear up all the beautiful plants.

Imagine that somebody comes into the garden, starts dictating how you should go about what you're doing, even if that means It's at the detriment of the plants themselves.

Now imagine that somebody comes in, just starts, gets a rake, gets a hoe, and just starts chopping up your beautiful strawberries or some type of apple tree or whatever it is. Now the key is realizing that when you get that of a fence and you put that around your garden, you are then establishing boundaries so that people don't come into your garden to chop up your vegetables, to take it, dictate how things go. Now here's the trippy thing. Now for myself, I know that with what I went through in childhood, that there was a part of me that felt safe with other people coming into my garden to dictate how things went.

This is the trippy thing.

You might say, well, why is it hard to set boundaries? One of the reasons it's hard for people to set boundaries is because they actually feel safe with other people in their garden dictating how they go about taking care of their vegetables, their plants, their fruits, or whatever it is. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but the other thing is they may feel responsible for other people's gardens. So because somebody over there doesn't have their shit growing well, they're not growing great apple trees, well, come over to my garden.

I have apple trees. I'll let you dictate what goes on. You see what happens?

It's not your responsibility to make sure that everybody else has great apples. It's not your responsibility to tend to other people's gardens, but in the same way, it is your responsibility to protect your own garden so that you're able to fill up your own cup, your own strawberry basket, whatever it is. But the key to this is realizing— and for me, there's a very strong thing that's been happening with me over the last couple months now, really. I've been learning to go more inside of my body and to be in my own frame. And the more I do this, the more empowering it feels. And then the more I'm not like afraid of setting my own boundaries. I don't feel guilty when I do something because I want to do it. And I don't feel guilty when I maybe say no to doing something I really don't want to do. But the guilt comes from responsibility. If we believe it's our responsibility to allow people into our garden, then of course it's going to be hard for us to say no. If we believe that it's safer for someone else to come into our garden and to do that, then what we'll do is we'll keep allowing it in. But realize that you protecting your own boundary gives you the momentum so that you can really go in the direction that you want. So that's my analogy.

I'm going to go back to my house now and I'll finish out the video. What I share with you right now is probably one of the most powerful insights I've had of the last 2 or 3 years. Probably of my life, honestly, now that I really think about it. But what this has to do with is if you struggle with having boundaries, if you feel guilty, and if you also struggle to be in your own frame, and this many times links all the way back to childhood. For me, I was in someone else's frame that felt safe. It was my ex-stepmom who had a very strong frame and a very strong masculine frame. It was kind of having like an army sergeant as a parent or a step-parent or whatever you call her. And what happened is she had this strong frame. I felt safe in that. And what happens is even after my dad divorced her when I was 15, I continued to find myself falling into other people's frame. This was in relationships. This was in managers that I had at jobs. And I became this very empathic person that could feel other people's energy. Now, one of the biggest things I think with this that I want to share is when it comes to being an empath, this is what's happened. What happened is when there was trauma that you went through when you were a kid, you then didn't feel safe in your own body. Maybe you were shamed, talked down to, and made to feel a certain way, or, you know, you did feel a certain way. And what happens is you then escape out of your body and you go more into your top 3 chakras. You literally go into your, your your throat, your third eye, and your crown. Then you become this very intuitive person that can feel everyone else's vibe. And the challenge with this is that then you're feeling other people's vibe, not knowing that it's their vibe, not yours. And then you may even feel responsibility. Like, it's my job, you know, if I feel their disappointment, then I'm gonna feel less of a person, or I'm gonna feel like there's something wrong. So that's also when people pleasers come into play. Now, I've had a shadow integration coach, shadow work coach, who's like Carl Jung, double PhD, and it's been profound what I've learned. Now let me share with you what I've learned, what I've spent a lot of moolah learning over the last, like coaching with him for the last year, 'cause it ain't cheap. But this is what I've learned. I'm gonna save you guys and help save you guys a ton of time. Now this has also helped me wire in a much different vibration. I keep getting people that respond to my videos and they go, wow, It's crazy to see how much different you are, Aaron, than you were like a year ago. My energy's changed a lot. One of the reasons being is I'm actually in my body. I'm more present. I have more masculine energy than I ever have before within me. And one of the reasons being is because I'm not trying to people please. I'm not falling into other people's frame. I'm in my own frame. Replace the word frame for body. If you find yourself lacking your own frame, lacking having your own vision for what you're creating in the world, for your own boundaries for how people treat you, it means many times energetically you are not in your own body. I mean, you are, but you're not grounded in your own body. So the key to this and what I've learned to do is to literally go inside of my body for, do a meditation every day where I put the awareness in my bottom 3 chakras. And what I do is I do this meditation that my shadow work integration coach taught me. And this is all it is. All I do is I go within my body, in my heart, in my lower chakras, I feel it there. And what I do is I then focus on the separation, the container of my body and the separation between me and the candle flame. Me and the walls, me and anything else, subject-object. You see, what happens with the empath is they're so not in their body that they feel everything else around them. There's third eye open, everything, everything, everything. Let's all, we're all one connected. But the thing is, is what you need to hear, what you need to do is get inside of your body and actually feel separation. Oh, that's your stuff. That's like a mantra I've been using lately. That's your stuff. When I have people, the friends that I go hang out with, and maybe if like they feel, I feel their disappointment if I don't wanna hang out or if I care what they think, I'm like, oh, well, that's their stuff. This is my stuff. They need to deal with that. I'm not gonna keep enabling people to think that it's up to me to make them happy or to validate them. Do you see what I mean? So this goes all the way down to that. This is literally about how much are you in your body? If you wanna be in your own frame more, the key is to be in your own body more. Literally put the awareness in your bottom chakras. Feel the separation between you and the walls, you and other people. Watch how magnetic you become, by the way. Look at how people respond to you when you do this. When I'm walking around, I was doing this last night. I was doing a meditation at this, my favorite place to go where I go and I meditate. And what I did is it's on a hiking trail here in Sedona. I then am walking back to my bike And as I'm walking back to my bike from this trail, everyone's saying hi to me. I'm not like, hey, say hi. I used to be kind of like that. I used to like, you know, feel obligated to say hi to people, be really nice and all this stuff. Now I'm like not focused on it at all. I'm in my own body and I'm just walking. And there's a presence that comes with this. There's a frame that comes with it. Literally like 4 or 5 people I passed when I was going to my bike and every single one of them was like, "Hi, how are you?" They were like super nice and like going out of their way to say hi. And it was like, it was a sign and a symbol to me of how much my energy has changed. But I didn't need it. I wasn't like, "I'm looking for this validation." I didn't care. I was in my own body. I'm in my own body even now. And there's a different level of presence that comes with this. So when it comes to boundaries, realize it's also the awareness of what is your shit versus what is other people's shit. Oh, that's your stuff. Remember that. There'll be people that intend to make you feel guilty, or you might just naturally feel guilty from the past. The boundaries is literally the boundaries within your own body. Do you feel safe in your own container? 'Cause if you don't feel safe, you bet you, you're gonna find somebody else you can feel safe in their container. You're gonna feel safe in their frame. I don't have time anymore or energy to be feeding into other people's frame. I could do it if I choose to, but I choose to be in my own frame and it feels so damn good. So that's the key to really creating boundaries and setting in your own frame. This literally goes all the way down to the body. Now the thing is, is many of us went through trauma growing up and that trauma has us escaping out of the bottom 3 chakras and into our head, onto our third eye and connecting to everybody else. If you're an empath and you probably went through some type of trauma where you didn't feel safe in your body or safe in your own frame. So one thing I have is an inner child meditation. It's one of the most powerful meditations I've made. We energetically go to Kauai, Hawaii. You could check that by going below. You can also go to aarondoughty.com/child 'cause it's a child meditation, so C-H-I-L-D. And also like this video if you like style video like this with metaphors in the beginning. Comment below, let me know how you're gonna begin setting boundaries. Let me know what was your biggest takeaway of this video. How are you going to get more inside of your own frame and realize that as you do, your whole entire life will change in a very powerful way? So with that being said, I hope you guys enjoyed this video. And, uh, if you want that meditation, click below. Other than that, I also have a completing the past meditation right here. It's completely free. The child meditation is completely free. You check that out right here. Other than that, I'm gonna talk to you guys on the next video. Peace, much love, and namaste.