Two people discuss a boundary about talking to other men. One reveals the real issue isn't jealousy but fear of abandonment. They explore how past experiences shape boundaries and why the emotion behind them matters more than the rule itself.
Here's the boundary: no talking to other guys. I'm not worried that they're going to talk to anybody else, but you better not cross the boundary.
Well, what I mean is I'm not worried that they're going to leave me for somebody else. But is that true? Find somebody and they think they're better, good for them.
Is that really true though? Why do you need to set the boundary if that's true?
I guess because it's happened before.
So was it that you didn't set boundaries before, but now if you set the boundary, then it's not going to happen? Not necessarily, but exactly. Yeah, exactly. Is that interesting, right? Right. Because you can set the boundary, and that may come off as control. The key here, I believe, is the connection to vulnerability and actually being able to express what's coming up. It's like, okay, I don't want the chance that you're going to not be with me anymore because you're going to talk to some other guy, and I'm not really worried about it, but deep down there may actually be a fear there. But also, if you were really cool either way, there could be still a level of vulnerability that comes up where you still express what you're talking about. I'm not saying that you have to have no boundaries in relationships or you can't express yourself. What I'm saying is the energy from which it comes from is important.
