Shadow work has changed my life (opening up)

I live here in Sedona with a couple of my friends, and one thing we do, because we're around each other so much, we're able to kind of brush up against each other's shadow. And something we do sometimes is we ask each other for what is called feedback. Now feedback is when somebody can tell you bluntly and honestly what they see or feel about you that you might not be aware of. It's almost like how you come off to someone else. So the cool thing is that some of us in the house are super brutally honest about things, and this has been pivotal for me understanding my own shadow. Now, first off, what is the shadow? So I looked it up on that of Google. Shadow work is how you integrate the aspects of your unconscious psyche into your conscious experience and allow the positive aspects of the shadow self to express themselves. When properly used and channeled, the shadow self has traits that you can further your own personal development. Now, shadow work is pretty much where there's the unconscious part of who we are, maybe the unconscious part of our identity, And what we're doing is we're shining light on that. We're becoming aware of what we priorly were not aware of. And I found that this year for me has been a complete year of transforming and becoming aware of my shadow, my own shadow in my life, how I'm showing up in the world. For example, um, I actually learned this when I was in breathwork in Costa Rica. Uh, they say breathwork is extraordinarily powerful. It's where you're breathing in a certain pattern and it brings up a lot of stored emotions inside of our bodies. And when I was doing it, I had no idea what to expect. I got to this life transformation place. I was waiting for my buddy Victor to get there. So what I did is I was like, okay, I'll go to this transformational breath workshop, whatever this is. And I went there and you just breathe. There's music playing. You breathe in this certain pattern for like 45 minutes, like something like that. I don't remember exactly what it was, but after doing that, there were like instructors walking around and like, you know, like adjusting people. And I felt this huge release of energy. My hands did this thing where it clamped up like this, it's like praying mantis hands, and it didn't hurt, but it felt a lot of pressure. And I was, remember, just let go. I just kept telling myself to let go. And I felt this huge release of energy leave my body. And it was so transformative. And then afterwards, I talked to one of the instructors there and she said, actually, when we look at someone, we can tell their personality and kind of how they are just by their breathing pattern, which I thought was interesting. The idea is that you have a certain breathing pattern and at a certain point in your past, something happened and you made a choice about yourself and then your breathing pattern changed. Maybe you became fearful and you started having shallow breathing. Maybe you started holding your breath. For me, what I would do is I do this thing, I still sort of do it to this day, is when I need a big breath, I go, I like, it tenses up my back and I take in even more. And what the instructor said is she said, by looking, I said, can you be brutally honest and give me some feedback? And she said, yes. She said, you have this shell around your back. You have this armor on. She says, very typical in people that strive to be successful. And it's because you have this armor around you of a way you had to be in the past. Something happened and you had to be a certain way. And then you have this armor carrying you around. But the side effects of this is you believe you have to work really hard. You have this like rigidity in like your willpower and how you have to be. And you're so hard on yourself. And I was like, wow, I am really hard on myself. And I became aware of this part of myself that I was unaware of, that at a certain point in my past, I had to be a certain way. I wanted to gain and have this like armor protection around me, 'cause many of you know my past, 7 to 16 years old, had an ex-stepmom in my life that was controlling and manipulative. I had to be a certain way in order to either receive love or to be allowed to like go to school activities and stuff like that, 'cause I was always in trouble for something. For the way I didn't do the yard work or some crazy thing like that. And that was me becoming aware of my shadow. That was an aspect of it, was becoming aware of this, who do I have to be, this armor around me protecting myself. And it's like, well, now I'm not, you know, 12 years old anymore. I don't have to protect myself in the same way. But we develop these defense mechanisms when we're kids and we're not even aware of it. Another example of shadow self is, for example, My dad is an amazing dad. However, he's a super, super nice guy, real nice guy. And I see it, he's nice to a fault where he gets taken advantage of and people kind of walk on him, even though, you know, he's very, you know, takes his job very seriously. He's very good at what he does, but there's this aspect of himself that is just a very nice guy. And I've noticed that within myself, because that was the masculine energy I modeled growing up, I've had to learn how to become aware of what is called the nice guy complex and how not to be a nice guy anymore. Really, the nice guy isn't authentic. Being a nice guy is somebody that wants validation. So it's like, okay, I'm gonna be this way, I'm gonna give something to someone else, I'm gonna be agreeable, I'm gonna seek validation, and if I do these things, then I'll get something in return. I'll get someone's validation, people will like me, et cetera. And the thing that I've been doing, especially this year, last couple years for sure, but especially this year, is letting go of any part of myself that holds back my personality my personality from being more polarizing. 'Cause I actually do have a very, people that know me know this, I have a very blunt, somewhat of an edgy personality with some, the way I am. But I hold myself back sometimes because it's like I'm afraid of, I don't know, maybe not fitting in or saying the wrong thing. I don't know what it is. There's times I'm not actually, there's times I'm actually just completely bold and authentic. But I've had to learn how to undo that shadow aspect that I've seen in my dad. So that's a shadow aspect. Being a people pleaser is a shadow aspect as well. Many people are just like, I just wanna give, give, give, and I don't understand why people are always walking on me, why I don't have boundaries. Well, it's a shadow. It's a shadow. It's a shadow aspect. It's something that you don't know maybe you're doing, that you're giving away and adding value to someone else in exchange for their love, support, validation, et cetera. So this is what shadow work is all about. It's all about being aware of it. So the other day, it was actually a couple days ago, I was in the garage, I was working out with my buddy Drew, who's an awesome guy, guy here that I, you know, we have a house here in Sedona together. And he, we do this thing sometimes where I, I mean, at least I ask, he won't give me feedback unless I ask for feedback. Now feedback is just brutal honesty about the way someone perceives you or what do they think your faults are. And I literally asked him, I said, where do you think my faults are? Where is my, like areas of improvement. And it's cool because when you're not, when you're, it's like when you're in the bottle, you can't read the ingredients on the outside. And the same way, 'cause I'm in my body, I am who I am, I'm not aware of some of these things. And what he said was, is I love how honest he is with me. What he said was is one, it's that I hold myself back from being my true authentic polarizing self in conversation, from challenging other people. And I realized that with this, this is what I realized, that it was true, that I'm getting more and more authentic with this. I'm doing the work, but there's still a part of me that wonders, what do people think? Or like wants to in a way fit in. And I look back to my childhood. In my childhood, I didn't really feel like I fit in that often, even in my own growing up. Like I've always felt kind of like an oddball in a way. And not only that, but because I didn't get a lot of attention or validation growing up, I think I seek it in other people or seek it in groups or seek it in conversation, even just subconsciously, not aware of it. But I'm like, well, maybe that's why I'm being this way or I'm not like being polarizing or saying this. Even on YouTube, sometimes I don't share videos I really wanna talk about 'cause I'm like, well, this is a little bit out of the grain. This might be a little bit more polarizing. And sometimes I don't have that perspective, but I can tell that I'm not being my 100% most authentic self. So shadow work is becoming aware of that. Now, the shadow work of this was me becoming aware of my value system. We all have values. A value is something that we think of as important or more important than something else. And when we're a kid, we have these things happen where we decide, oh, it's very important for me to have this defense mechanism where I have people like me because then I'll feel better. That's the shadow. And what I realized is that my values were just messed up. I had a value that of validation and significance. Tony Robbins talks a lot about this. I valued significance over being authentic. And because of that, it had me seeking or not being my completely authentic self over everything else. But now what I've done is become aware of those values and I've switched it around. I see part of my identity as just being authentic, even bold, even polarizing. And as I wire that in moving forward, it's gonna get easier and easier and easier for me to be that way. That's what shadow work is. It's bringing the dark, bringing the light into the dark, seeing it, and then making a new choice. And realizing shadow work as well isn't about suppressing emotions or not feeling emotions, not thinking, oh, I'm better than that. It's about actually feeling it, but being aware that you are feeling it. It's awareness is the biggest transformation here. The other thing that he said as well that I found was interesting and did resonate with me was I hold myself back on YouTube because in a way, now that, now that it's grown to a certain point, you know, we recently hit what we have on YouTube and stuff like that. It's almost like there's, I think, part of my ego from a childhood that craved validation, that craved approval, I think values that sign. It's like, oh, look at all of this, look at what has happened, I'm now worthy, whole, and complete, rather than knowing that that worthy, whole, and completeness is already inside of me. So a lot of this as well is me just being aware that I'm already whole and complete. I don't need all these external validations, whether that's like a million subscribers or whatever. And because there's that underlying, in a way, once again, significance from childhood pain, it would drive me to continue that way. But what I'm realizing now is I can take my energy back and just be who I authentically am. And then the final part that he mentioned to me was, you know, my buddy Drew's a super successful guy. He's got a big company, big, you know, he's definitely doing what he's meant to be doing in life. And even though he said one thing that really resonated with me, but I didn't really understand at first, and it was that I haven't truly found my purpose yet, which for me, I'm like, what do you mean? You know, I make YouTube videos. This is what I do. I love doing what I love. But what that was meant by that was the true mission that is greater than myself, that is greater than the Aaron Doughty YouTube channel, there's something that is more connected to my soul that when I start sharing is going to impact people. And it's not me being some star or some like YouTube guy that's like, you know, the guru. It's a movement that I get up, that I breathe, eat, sleep, that I'm super passionate about. I believe what that is is helping people raise their vibration. It's kind of starting a movement of, People are realizing that there's a shift in consciousness happening on the planet and that it's time we raise our vibration to a new level. And that's like, that's like something that I can tell that once I get into that mode, it's gonna take on a complete life of its own. And seeing that in me, listen, allows me to go more within myself to see what is here. And once you see it, that's 90% of transformation is awareness. Then you can make a new choice about who you are, go into those emotions, I'm now doing a lot of inward work. I'm looking at my values. Do I value significance or validation, or do I value connection, authenticity? And as I rearrange these values, it changes everything. You know, sometimes people will value acceptance over valuing their own passion or purpose or what they're meant to be doing in life. And that's why then they say yes to friends that wanna hang out when they really wanna like go after their mission. You see, we're motivated based on our values and our values are connected to our identity. So for me, shadow work has been extraordinarily powerful. There is also a way of completing the past so you no longer have to repeat the past. If you haven't seen that meditation I have, it's one of the most powerful meditations I have. It's on feeling 100% worthy, whole, and complete. Listen to that for 21 days and allow this shadow to come out. Allow yourself to integrate it even more. And if you want more training on this as well, you can go to AaronDoughty.com/emotion, E-M-O-T-I-O-N, and you can go to a webinar where I show how to integrate the shadow. That's something else you can do too. So with that being said, like this video if you liked it, share it if you found value from it. And once again, I appreciate you guys. Peace, much love, and namaste.