She Stopped Absorbing Everyone’s Energy — And Took Her Power Back

How do you protect your energy? So I have a lot of energy, I have no walls, I'm somebody, I'm authentic, so I overgive, overshare, overinvest, and it's great because sometimes it opens some amazing doors, so I'm not, I'm okay with it, right? But how do I protect myself where, let's say, it doesn't open an amazing door, I feel drained and it's just overwhelming? How do you deal with that negative energy, but I don't want to give up Who I am at the same time.

Yeah. It's interesting because even in the question itself, there's a feeling like you're giving something up.

Right.

To have a wall.

Right. I don't have a wall.

Right.

And I see a lot of people do. I'm like, well, I want one, but I don't have one.

Right.

I'm like, here's my heart on my sleeve. Just mess with me, please.

What is the— what is the— what is the— what is the— when you overshare, what is the payoff to oversharing?

I have no idea, because when I do, sometimes I'm like, oh, I said too much. I could see the person's like, okay, that's too much to share. I don't know, I just like feel open. And sometimes when you do overshare, somebody will overshare as well, and there's a payoff there. Yeah, maybe not all the time, but yeah.

So do you want to come around real quick?

Oh gosh, okay. Yeah, I'm not used to microphones, so I feel shaky. I'm nervous.

Awesome.

Okay, so help me.

Right over here.

Oh God. Awesome.

So when you, so one thing that I thought was interesting that you said is when you overshare, there is this belief or this reciprocation that happens.

Okay.

So it's like, if you're vulnerable, maybe somebody else will open up and be vulnerable to you too.

And it does happen at times and I know.

What about when it doesn't happen?

It sucks.

Yeah.

It's like, okay, well, I put myself out there and then— Yeah. But it's scary, but it's a good thing to put yourself out there.

What does it mean if somebody doesn't reciprocate when you overshare or you overgive?

That I guess they just don't appreciate where I'm coming from or they're just not my type of person or they're not ready to go where I went.

And why is it important that they appreciate where you're coming from?

It's not. I just wish I could protect myself when it doesn't work out. Okay, that makes sense.

So what— okay, so was there a time in the past where you had to decide that it wasn't safe to protect yourself, or wasn't you— it wasn't safe to have any boundaries at all?

Was it safe to have no boundaries?

Yeah.

Um, no, I, I guess it just feels like not having Certain situations do make you feel unsafe. I mean, but it's okay. I guess it happens. It's not always gonna be perfect, right?

Right.

But then in those moments that things are like, okay, this is, I'm not safe, I'm vulnerable, and this is not working out, and it's a lot of energy you're putting out and it's draining.

Right.

How do you bring it back? Why am I always like, take it?

Right. This is interesting to look at because What happens for many people subconsciously growing up is you've maybe heard me talk about this before in Instagram content, other stuff. But as kids, we may expand our energy field to include our environment. So if we expand our energy field to include our environment, now it is dependent on what this other person does is going to determine how you feel.

Okay.

Because they're literally within your field. So it's like if your field is so expanded and we can call that just being open and loving, but the challenge is that it's so open that then everyone— Yeah, all this shit over here.

I'm just kidding. Yeah.

Well, there's two ways to look at this. On one hand, what some people do is they'll say you should build an energetic shield around your body. Where what you do is you imagine a bubble and then everywhere you go, it's like their stuff doesn't get into your stuff. That's one way. I'm not a huge proponent of that because it also infuses this belief that other people have the ability to impact you in that such deep, powerful way. It's like we're on eggshells around everyone's energy. Like who's got the stuff that's gonna leak into my field, right? It's like I'm gonna like, Okay, I'm good. And then you're walking around hoping that nobody else like bumps into your stuff, right? But what could be even more powerful to look at is what are your beliefs about people? What are your beliefs about energy? What are your beliefs about responsibility? Because if you believe it's your responsibility to ease their energy, to get them to open up, like as a kid, was there an energy? Was it your job in any way to do any of these things to get people to open up or to be malleable?

I have no idea. Like, I just feel like I'm sort of like that. I know that for a time in my life, I've always been the person, the strong one. I've had to take care of everyone. I'm like, and I've had that, but I lived in a different energy. It was more like a masculine energy and had to do everything for everybody and not think about myself. So I'm kind of over that and more my feminine. I'm thinking about myself. I've kind of awakened in that sense. I've let that go. So I don't know if it's like tied to that or not, but I do have like that empathetic— like, I I understand people and at the same time I'm also very open.

Yeah.

But some of it does affect me and some negative energy, like I can attract negative energy too. So it kind of like, I don't know when I feel drained and it's like a negative person.

Well, let's think about that. Let's think about that for a moment. So you feel drained when you're around—

Sometimes.

You feel drained sometimes. What has to happen for you to feel drained?

I don't know, just like—

Describe it. Is it a person? Is it a type of energy? Is it like a situation?

I guess it could be either of the situations. It could be like maybe an environment that there's like a lot of noise or a lot of people, or just like maybe someone that's not open and very negative or not welcoming. Like, I guess it just depends on each. It could be a relationship, different things.

And how do you feel? Imagine somebody that's over here right now that's being negative and judgmental.

Okay.

Okay, so you see them right here. They're judging you. They're being negative. They're being criticized.

It's overwhelming. It's like you feel that.

Yeah.

So what do you do with that energy? Like, I push it back.

Well, here's the interesting thing.

Okay.

What if that reflection is reflecting back something that's inside of your field that also wants to come up to be processed?

Okay.

Because there's one hand, you can block it off. You can put an energy field around you. The other hand, maybe there's an opportunity to feel into your body and allow yourself to observe someone else's energy. Because your beliefs about it and your energy about it will affect how you respond to it. Like when I used to work at Barney's New York selling women's shoes, there was this one guy that worked there that everybody hated working with. He was more negative. He was negative. He was— he would like take sales. He's very competitive. So it was like hard to work with him because he was constantly trying to take more customers and people just didn't like him. But what was interesting is I, I, I had this pattern, I think, where I like, like the person that is like the person that nobody likes. I like to like kind of have a soft spot for them. I don't know if it's I feel bad for them or whatnot, but I also believe that there's good in everybody. Nonetheless, I actually like this person, like him and I vibed and we were like, we didn't hang out outside of work or anything, but I didn't mind working with him. I prefer working with him than some of the other people I worked with. But here's the difference. He was different around me than other people because I was different around him and I didn't see him as that way. So when I changed, when my perception of him began to shift and I wasn't resisting, oh my God, I gotta work with Jay. He's such an energy drain and he's always taking sales and all of these stories. When I was working with him, it was like I got a different version of him. Because part of it was I wasn't afraid of his energy, but also I wasn't projecting that subconsciously onto him. So one thing that might be powerful to look at is what your beliefs about people are and people's energy. Because if you believe that people can even take your energy, then they will. The funny thing is, is we can create the illusion that other people are taking our energy, but at the deepest core, we have to choose to give it away.

Okay.

So that's what, let's look at that for a second. Is it possible that there is an energetic payoff from this pattern? Could there be an energetic payoff from being around people that are negative?

Okay.

Right? And that are criticizing you. And then giving it energy and being like, oh, they've got negative energy. I can feel it, I'm drained. What is the payoff? You know what a payoff is?

Yeah, but I don't know what the payoff would be for that.

What does it allow you to feel?

Negative? No.

Well, maybe.

Okay.

Maybe the payoff is it keeps you in your same story. Okay, well that's true.

And that's funny with the breathing thing, I felt trapped.

Yeah.

And I even felt like physically like I couldn't breathe. The breath work? Yes.

Yeah.

And then finally I let go and it was like, you know, trust yourself is like the message I got.

Yeah.

Let go and—

It's funny how when we let go— You're not trapped. You know, we get trapped when we hold on.

Right.

You know, part of the payoff could be around that. It can also be around the mentality, they are doing this to me.

Okay.

And then, 'cause we're using our own energy and projecting it onto other people, and then we're choosing to give it up. That's the thing. The difference is there are people that, there's the same version of you. So if we were to do the same thing that we've done with 2 or 3 other people, and we come over here and we imagine the poorest version of you that's like a sponge. Every time you're around people, you're like, you just like suck in their energy.

Okay.

Right? Speak into that energy a little bit. What does that energy look like? Embody that energy of that sponge-like energy where you're absorbing. If someone has negative energy.

With the negative energy?

Yeah. Or just how you are when you feel drained around other people.

Like I wouldn't even say it's like a sadness, but you just feel like someone's pulling out anything that makes you feel awake or energetic or you just feel tired. Like just, I don't know how else to explain it.

Yeah. So you just feel tired.

It's like, oh my gosh.

Yep.

You know? And it's funny what you say about seeing good in people. I see good in everybody. Like I really do that. But then sometimes I'm like, am I just like, Why? Like maybe you shouldn't.

Well, there's a difference between seeing the good and the bad in people, but also just being aware and discernment, you know?

Okay.

Like there are still some people that I'm around or that I might see and have the opportunity to be around, but if the energy's a mismatch, I just go somewhere. I still can go somewhere else. I don't have to force myself to be around them, but also I'm not projecting. I'm not like, how do I protect my energy around this person? The way I project my energy is I just—

You just walk away.

I just walk away or go somewhere else, right? But what is, if we were to invite into the space a version of you, what is the opposite of this porous kind of like sponge, like this part of you that's like absorbing and sucking in the negative energy? What is the opposite of that for you? What would the empowered version of that be for you?

That everything just bounces off if it's negative. I could take in the positive and leave the negative with them. They could deal with it.

Yeah, maybe that energy you're perceiving as maybe there's a difference between subject object where you're seeing their energy and thinking it's somehow connected to you or thinking because you see it, it means something about you or that you need to shed yourself from it. And maybe when you see it, you can just observe it and let it be there.

Okay.

Right? Just like she was looking at someone that was maybe judging her And she's like, oh, they can have that perspective. I'm not attached. So it's like, I wasn't attached when I saw Jay at my old job and he'd just do his thing, but everyone else had this judgment and they were drained by him. And I'm like, oh, not only that, I just, not that I was trying to project onto him, like he's so much fun to be around, but I would have fun with him, but it's 'cause I wasn't projecting that stuff. So something that could be very, have you heard me talk about the frame technique before?

Not really. I've like maybe scrolled through it.

Yeah, I find that people that the most need to like would get the benefit from the frame technique, they see it and they don't watch it. They hear me talking about it. I've heard this many times. There are people that are like, they, I'm not just calling out you by the way. There are people that they scroll it and I've had people, I was coaching someone the other day and she's like, oh, I've heard you talk about all the time. And I'm like, you know, and then, and she finally did it. It was a big breakthrough. It was a big breakthrough for her. But like the thing I get told the most from people that like watch my content about the frame technique is how much it can change their life. There's this woman in Sedona live event I did a while ago. She stood up and was talking about how she started doing the frame technique. And basically what happened is she was in a divorce with her ex-husband and they had a kid together and he was a narcissist guy threatening her saying, I'm gonna take the kids, the house, all this stuff. And she was like feeling like scattered giving her, you know, kind of like she didn't have her power. She started doing the frame technique. She started to feel the separation between her and him and feel like strong in her own power. And she said within weeks, she stood up for herself and the entire energy changed. He gave her the kid and she got the house. It was like a complete change and it was this really cool emotional moment. But like the level of shift I see in people that do that consistently, it's mind-blowing. And the magic of it is, by the way, All you're doing is you're staring at a candle flame and you're on the in-breath feeling the separation between you and the flame.

Okay.

And on the out-breath, you keep your eyes focused on the flame and you just focus on the peripheral. So you're still focused on the flame, but you're on the out-breath peripheral, on the in-breath self and separation, the space in between you and the flame. Now self versus other is what this is really about. So the self is the individual expression that you are, feeling safe inside of your own body is the self. Now what happens is other is everything else, subject object. Now what happens is growing up sometimes we look and we literally only see other or self. So what happens is we literally think everything is like part of us, right? So it's like you're seeing, the person and the negative energy and part of you subconsciously thinks it's you.

It's like all connected.

It's all connected to you.

So you just kind of have to separate, I guess, the negative energy from yourself.

Right, well, that's what you believe. That's the belief is like, this is, it's that it's a part of you. So you have to separate your energy. When in fact, doing the simple exercise where you stare at the candle flame and you feel the separation between you and the flame, you begin to feel safe in your own body. And you can also imagine certain people in your life that you wanna create energetic cord cutting with, or I mean, it's like an idea, the metaphor maybe, but also you feel the separation between you and other people. And what you'll find is that you then start to feel safe in your body. But then when you're around people, what you'll notice is that you don't take on as much of their stuff. So the challenge is that energetically, it's like the energy field has gone out to include and it's literally being dispersed far beyond your body. And what happens is when you bring the energy back into yourself, you're in your core. So one other thing I'll share with this that I know I've shared before, but at a life transformation spot, a place that I went in Costa Rica a long time ago, there was a consciousness teacher that was teaching energy and consciousness and understanding it. And this is kind of where the Frame Technique kind of started because I learned it, it's a Zazen, technique that I learned from my shadow work coach. But what she did at the front of the room is she had everyone in the crowd, she said, send me energy, everyone send me energy, send energy to the front of the room, send energy to the front of the room. And as that was happening, everyone was sending energy to the front of the room. She says it has this repelling effect. It actually repels. And it's almost like icky or it's like energy's being repelled at, feels like a bombardment of energy.

When you're overinvesting.

When you're overinvesting, overgiving, oversharing. It's that energy's going out Now the thing is, is then she said, everyone bring the energy back in your body, bring the energy back into your body, feel the space between me and you, bring the energy back. And what happened is as people brought their energy back into their body, what happened is there's this magnetic effect of the crowd to where then you can feel it's almost like a gravitational pull towards because you're in your own, you're present, you're in your own body. So ultimately what the answer is, is basically this is a long way of saying, Bringing the energy inside of your own body and feeling the subject-object differentiation between you and others will allow you to then see their stuff as their stuff, not needing to internalize it. Also not needing to put labels onto it or anything. It's just, it's over there.

And is giving too much energy necessarily a bad thing? Well, if you can separate everything and say, okay, well, this person—

It depends. If you give energy because it's unconditional, then that can be a good thing. Okay. The difference is the difference between being kind and the difference of being nice. Does anyone know the difference between those two things?

Yeah.

Kind is somebody that just gives because whoever wants to receive this can receive it. If you don't receive it, that's okay. I'm giving because it feels good to be, I'm giving just because. That's kind. A kind person is an attractive person. A nice person is, I give with the expectation of receiving. So it's, I will subconsciously manipulate you by being nice to you. And if you see that I'm being nice to you, you're gonna be nice to me. And I want you to be nice to me because you being nice to me makes me feel good about myself.

Which I don't want, 'cause I don't want the negative energy.

Right, right. Which is interesting, right? But the thing is, is you can choose to be nice or you can choose to be kind. And giving isn't a bad thing if you're giving from a place of abundance and you're not attached at all to who receives it versus giving because I want to get. And a lot of people give to then get. And if they don't get what they want, and that's how you'll know whether you're attached, by the way, if you were to give something away and you weren't to get the response you wanted, Does that bring up something in you? Because if it does, there's an attachment.

Right.

So is there anything else? Is there anything else from this? What is the main takeaway?

So I'm taking away that it's okay to give unconditionally.

Yeah.

And I just have to try to focus on if I'm just giving constantly and people's negative energy is—

Let me ask you this. How are you with receiving?

Receiving? Great. I mean—

Even the way you said it. Receiving?

That would be nice. I mean, yeah. Do you wanna give me anything?

Yeah. So what is it? How are you receiving? I find that people, see, people that overgive tend to attract people that overtake.

Right, yeah, absolutely.

So what happens is people are overgiving. That's a pattern. I give, give, give, give. And part of that is I give because then I get from that your approval, validation, or you're happy. but you attract people that overtake, that are entitled, that demand and expect all of that. So it's kind of like fitting into this energy dynamic where you're caught up in this codependent pattern and it's enabling a specific pattern. So part of the key to that is becoming aware of what the motive is, becoming aware, why am I giving? What am I expecting in return? If I'm overgiving, then also I'm probably attracting someone That is overtaking or— Well, different people. Well, what is it? What is the intention behind overgiving?

I have no idea. I just do it. I wish I knew. I couldn't be here.

Imagine you did know.

Okay.

Imagine you did know.

I don't know.

Why do you overgive? What do you get? Like, imagine you give me something, you overgive me something.

What do you get? I want to meet nice people. I want— I want opportunities. I want to see life in a different way. I don't know. Like not—

I don't know. You just said everything.

But I'm just trying to make up random positive experiences.

What is authentic for you? Like if you imagine, if you, because sometimes the answers are hidden behind the belief of, I don't know. Okay. Like we all do this in different ways.

Okay. So positive experiences.

Yeah. So positive experiences. So, and it's totally understandable. That's a lot of times why people give. It's like, if I give, I will get positive experiences. I will give, I will get new opportunities. I'll get people that wanna be around me. I'll get more sharing, more vulnerability. These are all things. But the thing to become aware of is that motive is if I give, then I will get. Versus is there an aspect of you that wants to receive that maybe is trying to get its needs met through the external? That's a question that I'm inviting you to look into. Is there a part of you that wants to receive and maybe overgiving? There's a subconscious pattern there or something that you're trying to get.

I think sometimes, like depending if it's like a romantic relationship, obviously you would want to receive. If it's my daughter, no. So I guess, or I used to teach, I'm a teacher, no. So I guess it depends on each specific situation.

So with your daughter, why when you receive you don't want to receive from your daughter?

Well, not that I don't want to receive, but whether or not, she's a teenager, so she's like, go ahead, Mom, I don't want to be near you. I still love her, you know, it's still the same for me.

So interesting.

I'm still gonna go get her blueberry muffin because she loves it, right?

So what I love about this, by the way, is there's an unconditional energy there, right? You are not tied to what your daughter does, right? Because you love her regardless, right?

Right.

And then on the other side of this, there's some form of it romantically, it's nice to receive. It's nice to give and then get.

Right.

Right?

Right.

So sometimes it's important. You become aware of one area of our life where things work well, right? It sounds like you don't have any resistance to like giving to your daughter, expect anything back in return.

Right.

But in this other area, give and then I'd like to receive.

Right, well, it depends each different.

Right.

But that's normal, right?

Well, what I'm saying is we can look at that and see the energy difference. Okay. Because you can apply that same unconditional energy difference to other areas of your life.

Okay.

Because what would it be like to be in relationship and to be giving without any expectation whatsoever of how they respond and still be good?

Right.

Right? It's like if you give, 'cause you're unconditionally giving and they get it or they don't get it, it's okay. Right? Okay. It's like, what would that be like?

But then you just have to decide, is this energy something I wanna deal with?

Well.

Depending on, right?

Well, yeah, if you, it is something to decide, is this energy in balance? That's one way to look at it. But also, is there an attachment to how they're responding and an expectation there that can also be let go of?

Right, okay.

You see, so you can look at it from either perspective, but that's where the self-inquiry practice like goes. So it's really a self, it's kind of like a self-practice where you go through and you're kind of feeling into these different things. But in general, what I'd recommend you do in your homework is to do the frame technique. Do the frame technique, do meditation on YouTube that shows exactly how to do it. Feel the separation between you and a candle, you and any object really, doesn't have to be a candle. But start to feel that energy and see if it changes the way you show up. See if it changes when you're around people. You don't have to put an energy field around you that armors you from them. There may be just an observation of them, not in a judgmental way, but there'll be more separation. There'll be more safety inside of your own body where even right now, like if you were to look at the crowd and just bring the energy into your body and then feel the separation between you and everyone here. Let's try it two ways. First off, let's send our energy to everyone in the crowd. Imagine sending your energy to everyone in the crowd. Okay, you're sending the energy, you're wanting them to receive it. I hope they like it. You guys like it? How's that feel, right? Oh, I hope everything goes good. I hope you'll return the favor, please. You see, but like, okay, now bring the energy back into your body. Okay, feel the separation between you and them. Feel the separation, feel the space. Feel the space in between you and them. Doesn't mean you don't like them, love them, think that they're awesome. It means that that's their energy, this is your energy. And as you feel the separation and you allow them to be in their energy field and you allow yourself to be in your energy field, you might find like even right now, as you walk around, just this isn't something you have to over-intellectualize or think too much about, but just generally as you're feeling into this energy, Feel the separation as you walk between you and the people in the crowd.

Okay.

So just kind of breathe. Take a deep breath in. Let it go. Can we turn around now? And as we come back, just feel the space in between.

Right. Okay.

And now look back out to the crowd again. Now put the energy on the space. Do you feel any different?

A little bit. I do kind of feel a little bit more actually thinking about it that way.

Yeah.

Like for the first time.

And the cool thing is that when you do this and you start to do it as a part of like something that you do more often, you'll start to feel like it's like your energy comes back to you. And then when you're out, if someone is negative or someone is in a certain energy, it's their stuff to deal with, not yours. And you don't find yourself absorbing it. Because you see it as their stuff, right? It's like if you're in traffic and someone aggressively, like, cuts you off or something, you can internalize that and get reactive, right? Or you could be like, it has nothing to do with you, right? Right.

That's the hard part. Like, I'm always really positive, and sometimes someone starts talking back to you at the cashier. Let's say you're at the grocery store, and it's— this was a great, you know, I had a good time talking to this person that I would never talk to. So I'm happy I was open and friendly and Those are good moments. You know, you have your life, you have all those little moments count. It matters. But then sometimes you get hit with a negative and it, I have a hard time not, but I'm understanding what you're saying.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah. Well, it's a good insight and moving forward, I would say do that every day and then see if things, it starts off small at first. You'll notice that people may respond to you a little bit differently, or if they don't respond to you different at all, you feel differently. Which is even more powerful because you're not tied to what they're doing. But it really is, it's such a simple thing, feeling inside of your body, feeling the separation between you and others, such a simple thing, but it can make a huge difference in how you show up, the presence of your body, the energy that you are absorbing or not. And what happens is it has an effect over time where you may look back one day and be like, oh wow, I used to be so absorbing of all this energy and now I feel, Like, I feel more empowered because you're literally in your power. Does that make sense?

Yes, makes sense. Awesome.