SHOCKING REASON Why Being Nice Leads To REJECTION...

In this video, I'm gonna be sharing with you the cure to nice guys, nice girls, nice men, nice women, to being nice. Pretty much the cure to being nice and the shocking reason why being nice will always lead to rejection. If this was a video that I saw 3 or 4 years ago, it would've completely transformed my life because I'm gonna show you the root cause of why this wound is there and why someone is being nice. Because if you think that being nice is who you really are, I'm here to tell you being nice is not who you really are. Being nice is an attachment to outcome. Being compassionate could be somebody's actual natural trait, but being nice is not. So if you first saw, if you clicked on this video, you've already decided, you've already showed that there's some part of you that maybe is being nice. In exchange for other people's validation and afraid of being rejected. And in this video, I'm gonna show you how to cure this whole entire problem of overextension, of being nice, of really giving more of yourself in exchange for other people's validation and understanding the cure to this whole entire process. Now, the thing is, If you are being nice and you're not honest with yourself about this, you will find that you will continue to be rejected over and over and over again by other people. And mainly because being nice in of itself is a rejection of self. There's a part of us, if we're being nice to other people, that really wants other people's validation, that really wants other people's approval. And if we don't give it to ourselves, we look for it on the outside. And then we've already started the initial level of rejection by rejecting the self. So I'm here to show you in this video, the cure to this whole entire process that will completely transform your life. And in 3 to 4 months from now, you're gonna look back and you're gonna see that this video helped you to unleash that core wound, which by the way, We'll get into this more in a minute, but vulnerability, vulner, the word vulner in the word vulnerability means wound. Your ability to go into this wound is going to be your power of releasing the shame that is present, that is keeping you in this little nice guy, nice girl box, the people pleaser box. And when you become free, you are going to be a whole new you, okay? A whole new you. You're gonna be you in a more embodied form. You're not gonna be so attached to what people think about you. And because of that, you are going to feel more authentic. It's gonna feel like a whole new world. Literally, literally, it's gonna be a whole new world for you. I'm not even kidding about this. So first off, that's what you're gonna learn in this video. The pain of you turning off this video is that you're gonna continue to live in the self-abandoned lifestyle where you overextend yourself, overexplain yourself, and are searching for something that's outside of you when it's really inside of you. So first off, let's just start there. Now, let's look at the title of this video even. Shocking reason why being nice leads to rejection. Now, let me first off say this, being nice, being nice in of itself is a manipulative tactic, manipulation. And by the way, let me just say, I was a nice guy for years, most of my life. And it always led to rejection. It always led to me feeling not good enough. It always led to me feeling needy. And it's not just me that was the nice guy. My dad is the nicest guy in the world. I learned those behaviors from him. And it was something that I had to learn was actually not helping me get results. And not only that, it was inauthentic of itself. That was one of the things I had to become aware of. Now, nice guy leads to rejection, or a nice woman or whatever. Being nice leads to rejection because there's an initial rejection of the self. We've already rejected ourselves in order to get our needs met. So this is something that we can become aware of. Now, something that also spawned this for me is recently I went to like an influencer party. So I'm on YouTube, I'm on Instagram, and I go to this influencer party, which has a lot of different influencers there. And I could even feel myself, even though I've done all this work, I don't have it completely 100% all figured out. I find myself catching myself sometimes. So I go to this party and I meet other people that are in my niche, other people that I've seen on YouTube, other people that I've, maybe been watching for a long time. And I could feel myself start to, as I was around certain people, especially certain people that I blew up in my mind and I saw them and I thought they were really important, I could feel myself losing my sense of almost my own sense of self-worth. And I could feel myself changing myself and almost like just saying things that I knew that they would really approve of or saying things that I became a little yes man. I was just saying yes to everything. And I could feel myself losing my sense of value. And I could tell that by putting out this energy, it was off-putting to some people. And I had to remind myself and I had to get more inside my own body and I had to remind myself and really focus on being present, on being myself, my real self. And sometimes the real me, many times the real me is very sarcastic. The real me says things that is more polarizing. But the thing is, is if we're being nice, we're not giving ourselves permission to tap into this part of ourselves. So from being at this experience, and I caught myself, that's where I want you to understand too, that a lot of this transformation, a lot of you going through this process, is you becoming aware of this part of yourself, becoming aware of this nice guy part of yourself. I watched recently the, there's a net, or not Netflix, there's a YouTube series by Will Smith. By the way, Will Smith, you thought that Will Smith was the most badass man alive, right? He's the Independence guy. He's the Men in Black guy. He's I Am Legend. Will Smith is a traditional, like, as nice as it gets guy. And he talks about in this series how he went through, and it's so interesting because we put certain images onto people based on the characters they play, but Will Smith is a traditional nice guy. And if you look into even his relationship dynamic, and I'm not trying to judge or anything, but I find it fascinating looking at his relationship dynamic between him and Jada Smith or whatever, you can see the dynamic there where she actually is the one that is more alpha. And when you're looking at it too, you can see he talks about it in his childhood where he had somebody, a version of him called Mr. Fluffy. He had Mr. Fluffy, which is a part of his dynamic and a part of his personality. And he had on the other side of that, the Sergeant. I think that's what it was called. And it comes from his dad, his dad wound, where his dad was very angry. So what he decided at a certain time is his dad being very angry is he would be the one in the family to mitigate tension. He became Mr. Fluffy. He'd make everybody laugh. He'd be the one that's funny. That would be his personality. And then on the other side, through his dad, he learned how to be a sergeant, how to be really hard on themselves, 'cause if you didn't win, you died. So he had these two parts of his personality that were ingrained. So he'd work really, really, really hard to get people's validation. And he would do whatever it took to be the best actor, to be in the best shape and all of this stuff, because that was his way of getting his needs met, the validation need. And what's interesting is Mr. Fluffy though is Mr. Nice Guy. It's the Mr. Nice Guy. You can tell that that energy has had a lot of negative side effects in his life. And it looks like he's becoming more aware of it now too, in many ways. But I think all of us, then anyone that's a nice guy, nice girl, people pleaser, there's a fluffy inside ya. There's a fluffy inside you that does not want to be in tension, that does not want to be rejected. And that fluffy is fake. Fluffy is fake. Fluffy is a way of getting your needs met. I almost burped, but I didn't, okay? Now I remember, now let's talk a little bit more about, and then we're gonna talk about what the core wound of this is, by the way. And it's gonna, it really will shock you when you start to really understand what this is, as it did me. And it changed absolutely everything about my dating life, everything in my relationship, Everything, like back in the day when I was dating, in my relationship now, it's changed my energy dynamic where I'm actually able to lead. I'm able to be the most authentic, real me. And it changes everything. Now think about it even in this dynamic. Only nice people can be rejected. Only them. Why? Because nice guys, nice women, nice, whatever we wanna call it. The nice person can only be rejected because they are giving away their power to be rejected. Think about that. If you're really nice, it's saying, "Ooh, I'm looking to you for authority. I'm looking to you to tell me that I'm good enough." And what happens is if we're saying that, then we're giving up our power. And then if they don't give it to us, then we're rejected. Whereas somebody that doesn't need someone else's rejection, doesn't need someone else's approval, can't get rejected because they approve of themselves. Why is it that when you look, and especially with women, why are women more attracted to the person, let's see, let's see, the really nice guy that really wants them to call them back, that really hopes that they like, you know, signs their yearbook a certain way and says nice things to them because they'd really be so nice to have that warm sense of validation. Versus the guy with the leather jacket leaning against the lockers, chewing on a toothpick. Of course, that doesn't happen now. I don't know what that version of it would be now. What do the young kids say now? Lit was a while ago. I forget, there's another like cool word that I hear the youngins saying now. But imagine they're just sitting there with a toothpick in their mouth, leaning against it, and they just don't care. They don't care whether Susie calls them back or not. They don't care whether someone likes them or not. Guess what? Nobody's rejecting them. Why? Because they're not giving away their power to be rejected. Now that I think about it though, there might be another aspect of this that I'm not talking about when it comes to manipulation, 'cause on both sides, somebody can be in so much apathy that they don't care, right? But in general, why is that energy more attractive? Because that energy is not attached to outcome. And when we're not attached to outcome, we are displaying an attractive energy of value. It is incredible how this works, but it works nonetheless. Now, here's another example of how I used to use this. Now, I used to sell women's shoes. Like I talked about in a lot of my YouTube videos, but I used to sell women's shoes. I would greet sometimes 100 people a day. I would be wearing a suit. I'd be walking around at this luxury shoe department selling women's shoes. I'd be like, hello. "Hello, how are you? How are you doing today? Is everything going okay?" I could feel from my energy if I wanted or needed their validation, that people would rebel not to give it because my energy was so off-putting. The days I did the best were the days I was not attached to outcome. It's funny, once you start having sales, 'cause it's commission job, I would then get to a place to where it's like, I already made my sales goal for the day, I don't care if this person responds to me or not, or even I help with shoes or even sell them anything, guess what would happen? I would sell more. It was a self-perpetual momentum because the more detached I became, the more magnetic my energy was. And it was funny, even think about this inflection in my voice. How are you? Hey, how are you? How are you? Hey. "how are you today?" You could feel in my voice, it sounds like I need something from you. It sounds manipulative. 'Cause if you just give me my dose of validation and approval, I would feel enough. And guess what? You don't wanna give it to me. But if I'm just chilling with a toothpick in my mouth, right? I'm wearing a suit and toothpick, leaning against the shoe rack. There's no shoe racks actually at Barney's New York, but I'm leaning and I'm like, "Hey, how are you? How you doing? I don't give a shit whether you respond to me or not, but I'm just here to let you know that I'm here in case you need help because this is what I get paid to do. Can I help you with something? If you need help, let me know. I'll be over here, not attached. I don't need you. I don't need your validation." And because I don't need your validation, guess what? It was a more magnetic energy. I cannot tell you how many times I, and this works in dating as well. If you really want someone's validation or approval, it's a form of manipulation. They feel that, they don't wanna give it to you. So really what being nice is, it's an attachment issue. It's an issue of attachment. If you feel attached to what people think of you, because you want their validation, if you feel attached to outcome, then what that means is it means that there's a wound there and there's a reflection where you're trying not to go into the wound because if you were to go into the wound, you're afraid that people would find out the truth. Now let's talk about this. This is one of the main things I wanna talk about in this video. For a long time, I was a nice guy. I would date women that weren't really choosing me. I would date women and I would put them on a big pedestal and think that they were like, I would just love them so much and wanna give them so much. And a lot of times I'd also find myself attracting people that I felt like I needed to fix. If I could just fix them, like I would find my sense of worthiness and value out of fixing someone else. So if they had a lot of things to fix, I would then feel like, feel really worthy if I could help them. Because why? Because am I enough just for myself? Am I enough just for being myself? And like, would other people really love the real me? Or maybe if I gave them and I helped them and I did all these things for them, then I would get them and then I would get their validation, then I would get their love. So for a long time, I lived in that pattern dynamic. Where I was craving that from them. And it was also a form of manipulation as well. And that's the thing that I really want to express in this video so that you understand that being nice is not the real you. Being nice was the fluffy. It was you creating an aspect of your consciousness that could mitigate tension, that could mitigate being rejected. But by doing that very thing, you are allowing yourself to get rejected because you are putting the authority out front from the self. You are looking to the outside for approval. When I went to that influencer party, I could feel myself look to authority for validation. I was giving them the authority to tell me whether I'm worthy or not. And then as I started to bring it back, I started to bring it back to myself, I started to feel completely different. But nonetheless, one of the things that I realized when it came down to me being nice, And this is what I think will completely transform your life if you really absorb this, is being nice and that inauthentic nice manipulation tactic is there to not be rejected because there is a degree and an abandonment wound that is already present. The abandonment wound many times came from childhood. The abandonment wound was either a parent that physically abandoned you or emotionally abandoned you. And you felt like your needs weren't being met and you then started to internalize this abandonment and you started to think to yourself either, why me? Which is more of a victim energy or you started to believe this core wound started this is that I'm not enough. I'm not good enough the way that I am. "there's something wrong with me." And here's the thing, we internalize these things as kids. We internalize these beliefs and these meanings as kids, and then they remain on autopilot throughout our whole life. And the reason being nice is so hard to shake is because we have to really become vulnerable and look at our own wound, the abandonment wound. That we felt abandoned growing up. Our parents did the best they can with where they were, but guess what? It's okay that maybe it wasn't enough. Maybe it wasn't enough. And you can be honest with yourself there. Not only can you be honest with there, but you can also realize this, your parents, your mom's, your dad's emotional or physical unavailability, it's not your fault. It's not your fault. That's the thing to realize here because we as nice people, as people pleasers, believe it was our fault. We believe it was something wrong with us. And if I could change this, then I could finally get the approval. If I could change myself, then I'd finally be enough. But understand that the key and the cure to this whole entire process is actually going into this level of healing. Shame or believing that I'm not worthy, I'm not enough, 'cause that's what shame is. Shame says there's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with my identity. And that core wound, 'cause our beliefs create our reality, we are then seeing everything and experiencing everybody through that core wound. Now, our ability to go into that, and this was what changed my life, is I realized that I was attracting women into my life that would constantly either reject me because I was rejecting myself, I wasn't being the real me, or people that didn't really choose me, or people that were not emotionally available. Why? Because that felt normal. That felt familiar. And sometimes we become addicted to the familiar cat and chase game where we're not feeling validated, we're not feeling enough, and that feels normal to us, so we'll continue to try to get it. And one thing we have to do is we have to look within ourselves and become aware of the core wound that we believe we're not good enough, that we believe we're not enough. When I was a baby, my mom did the best she could, but my mom's dad passed away, my grandpa, who I never met. When that happened, my mom said she lost 20 pounds and she was in a state where she was very frantic. And I imagine that in that moment, when I was 1 years old, I'm looking at my mom and I'm starting to feel her anxiety. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe if I could just change myself a little bit, then mom would be okay. How can I mitigate this tension? But guess what? There's an aspect of myself that even up until recently thought there's still something wrong with me. It's still my fault. But realize your mom or dad's emotional unavailability when you were a kid had nothing to do with you. That was their stuff. It's not your fault. Your parents' divorce was not your fault. Your dad or your mom leaving you, it was not your fault. They were doing the best they could with where they were, with where their level of consciousness was, with where their emotional intelligence was. They're doing the best that they did, the best they could. It's okay that maybe it wasn't enough, but also, Understand that it had nothing to do with you and your identity. You are worthy for just being you. And the cure to this whole nice person thing is being yourself, being your true authentic self, giving yourself permission to express the real you. And as you be that version of you, you will be more polarizing. But guess what? You will be more authentic and you will feel more free. When I became aware of this, it changed my entire life. I remember the exact moment I became aware of this. I was on my patio talking to a friend of mine, having some realizations, and I became aware of just how much shame I had around my own identity, around myself. I realized that people I was attracting into my life was reflecting back that shame from my childhood. And I realized it wasn't my fault and that's what really started to free me. I could even look back and I can see how many times in the past, I remember, I could also see a core wound of where this came from, by the way, as well, that maybe reflected back my initial baby wound, your 1-year-old wound. I've shared this story before, but I was 12 years old, I went to a parks and recs place for summer. So this parks and recs place, that I went to was like, if you were 12 years or older, you could go to this dance thing. It was like the end of the summer or something like that. You go to this dance thing. So my brother Zach, he had to go to like the younger kid thing. I go to this dance thing. I'm like, ooh, I'm old enough to go. And I went up to this person I thought was hot. She was 18 years old. She was one of the teachers there. I remember she had dark hair. I go up to her and the dance was starting. I said, hey, would you, do you wanna dance with me? And she was like, "Hahaha, funny." You know, I'm obviously this little fucking 12-year-old, you know? And she's like, "Let me find somebody for you." So she found somebody for me that I didn't wanna dance with. And I'm dancing with this person I don't wanna dance with. And in that moment, I felt rejected. I was putting myself out there. I was being vulnerable and I got rejected. Now, from that moment, I can see that I started to feel this level of, it like reaffirmed that initial sense of shame that I'm not worthy and I internalized it. Of course, now I can look back and see, oh, there was like a big difference. You know, you're 12 years old and she had some other guy I could tell she wanted to dance with too that was older. So interesting how that works. But basically that was a reference experience I had where in that moment I decided, see, you put yourself out there, you got rejected, you're not enough. And I can see how that mentality carried me through years later. And I was afraid to put out the real me. I was afraid to express the real me. So what is the cure to this whole nice person thing? The cure is vulnerability. Vulnerability. The ability for you to express and to be the real you. I started tapping into this and it changed my whole entire life when I started to be the real me and put myself out for rejection. I remember I realized that in certain relationship dynamics, even friends, I would have certain friends in my life that I felt like I was being taken advantage of. I overextended myself and they got used to treating me a certain way. I became like a yes man for certain people in my life that were really successful and whatnot. And I was being this yes man person and I could tell that they got so used to that, that all of a sudden I'm like, That was the inauthentic me. I had to have some vulnerable conversations where I literally got in a call and I talked to people that I used to have this certain type of dynamic with. I literally said, hey, when this happened, it wasn't cool. I bottled it up for a while, but it wasn't cool. This is who I really am now. I don't need this anymore. I would love to reconnect with you in this way. And I had to have a vulnerable talk. Where I was vulnerably sharing my emotions. Because the thing is, is when we feel shame, we're afraid that people are gonna see the real us, the real us being the one that we're not worthy, we're not whole and complete. But instead, what I realized I had to do is I had to go into that. I had to go into tension, into uncomfortable situations and express who I really am. And as I started to do that, I started to feel more emotionally free. It changed everything. I had a couple conversations with people. I even had some people that I realized I was like playing a kind of like an emotional game with, and I just vulnerably shared my emotions. And I realized that however they responded to me, even if they rejected me, it had nothing to do with me. It's not my fault. It was me realizing that now that I'm being this new version of me, there may be people that don't resonate with that, that don't like it as much, but that's okay. So basically from me being vulnerable, and think about the word vulnerability, vulner means wound, ability is your ability, it's your ability to go into your wound and to show it. That's what releases shame. Shame breeds in the dark. That's why a lot of times if you had something that's very, you're very shameful of, even just sharing it with one person could be very freeing. I've done that before. I've expressed that and it felt so free. And I realized that I'm not alone. So something to become aware of here is your own sense of vulnerability. Now think about it, a nice guy, a nice person, they're afraid of showing their real emotions because if they show their real emotions, they're afraid they're gonna get rejected. So when I was dating people back in the day, I'd be very afraid of showing who I really am, showing that I'm really even attracted to this person. There'd be some woman, I'd be like, be nice to them. And I'd be afraid because if I show who I really am, if I show them that I really have intentions of being with them or whatever, then I might get rejected. But guess what? That was the inauthentic game I was playing and it became a manipulation thing. Eventually I learned from this though, when I said, you know what? It's okay if I get rejected. Not everyone's gonna like me, not everyone, whatever. I started putting myself out there. I started actually expressing my true intentions. And from the very get-go of the relationship with my girlfriend, I was leading. I was leading and I was showing my intentions. My intention is not just for us to be friends talking about esoteric stuff. This is my intention. And from that, I was leading. We have very good polarity, sexual polarity, and also just polarity in general, because from the get-go, I've been leading. Now, even look at the title of this video. The shocking reason why being nice leads to rejection, because there is a lack of leading to begin with. That's the key to this whole process is leading with vulnerability, leading with vulnerability. If you lead with vulnerability, your whole entire life will change because you are showing, you're not afraid to show the aspects of yourselves that the nice version of you, the fluffy version of you does everything you can to take and keep yourself into a box. And when you start to show it, guess what? That is true power. When I say, there's times I say a joke that maybe not be funny, but guess what? It's what I wanted to say in the moment. And guess what? Because of that, it's vulnerability. People like that, people respect that. It's changing around the way that we look at our own energy and the way that we understand our own sense of vulnerability. So this has been the key. It's going into your abandonment wound, looking at your abandonment wound and knowing that it's not your fault. It's not your fault. You are enough for just being you. And as you start to become aware of these different aspects of yourself, you can then start to make the choice to be the most authentic you. You can be the you that you came here to be. You came here to be bold. You came here to be the authentic, true version of you. And as you start doing that, you will stop rejecting yourself. Stop abandoning yourself to get other people's validation and approval. And when you stop abandoning yourself, you will start to validate yourself. And as you start to validate yourself, guess what happens? You tap into another aspect of you and you can't get rejected. You literally can't get rejected because you would know that you could only reject yourself. Yourself. So if somebody else rejects you, guess what? That's their shit, not yours, has nothing to do with you. And as you realize that, you're able to then be safe in your own frame, safe in your own body, and that changes everything. This video right here, highly recommend that you watch it 'cause it'll help you with what you learned in this video. If you treat someone like a celebrity, then they will treat you like a fan. Now think about that. We talk about energy dynamics and we talk about why we are blocking love from coming into our life,