Spirituality, Beta Males, and Masculinity: A New Take

Every single one of us has both masculine and feminine energy inside of us. Now, one of the problems that I see with masculinity in general is a lot of men that become spiritual many times will become beta males. In this video, I'm going to show you why that is, how to have healthy masculinity, and how to be both spiritual and masculine at the same time while also healing the wounds that may come up in the masculine or the feminine growing up. Welcome back to another video. My name is Aaron and I help people expand their consciousness. Now in this video, we're gonna be going deep on understanding how to have healthy masculinity and why and how to go from being more of a beta male to more— you could, you could in a way say it's more alpha, but in a way just how not to be beta. Because there's this, there's this connotation in society that when we are alpha, it means we're like, you know, with the rod or like just like angry and telling people what to do. And there's like this almost this polarity. It's either you're a really, really nice beta male that wants to do everyone everything for everyone else and just wants to please everyone, or you're this alpha male that's got like this chip on the shoulder and is like very angry. And the part of this is understanding one's more healthy— well, not that one's more healthy, but there's a middle way that is healthy. And Both ways though, if it's extreme alpha or extreme beta or beta or alpha in general, there are shadow sides to each of those depending on the energy. Now let me explain why I think many men in, and you can use this for either way. I understand as well, there may be some people in same-sex relationships and normally in same-sex relationships, there also be, there be polarity. Normally if there's a sexual attraction, there'll be some type of polarity, which means that one person will have more of a masculine frame and one will have more of a feminine frame. So this works either way, but just in general, I'm gonna use the word men a lot when I talk about this just to keep it simple. When we talk about beta males, one of the things that's happened is a beta male is somebody that's kind of, think about as the alpha is the leader and the beta male is the one that's following. Now, the problem with being a beta male is that how you do one thing in life is how you do everything. So if in life you are a beta male, what that means is that you are following in your life and you don't necessarily have a vision for yourself or something that you're moving towards, or the energy with which you do things is very safe. You very much play it safe and you don't have a frame that is strong. And let me say as well that I've gone through waves of my life where I am where I am more beta and then waves in my life where I am more alpha. And the way that I've learned to kind of be with this is understanding my own energy and also understanding the shadow side of myself because for a long period of my life, I was grown up, grown up, I grew up being what is called a people pleaser, mainly because of how I grew up. And you know, many of you may know my story, but I'll explain a little bit more of that in a minute and how that correlates with masculinity. But masculinity in general, what I'm learning is I used to think to myself, like when I first became spiritual, I became very feminine. And one of the reasons being is because I was like, oh, like money, society, all of these things, social conditioning, I became very resistant towards it. But a lot of me, I realized was like, I was meditating a lot. I was like watering plants, you know, things that aren't necessarily don't make someone feminine, but I do realize that I was like, oh, there's feminine and masculine energy inside of us. And I was definitely not polarized anymore. However, as I started to do shadow work, I started meditating back in 2012, I started realizing that I had this people-pleasing mentality that I felt like I was getting a sense of worthiness from. If I would add value, to even a girlfriend that I was with and I would please them, I would get like a little high on it. That's kind of subconsciously what was happening. And it's something even, I worked a job where I was selling women's shoes and I was adding value to people and that's where I would get a sense of worthiness. So I was in a way growing up between 7 and 15 years old, I had that of my ex-stepmom in my life who was very masculine, very controlling. My brother and I had almost no freedom. And the only way we could really survive is if we were pleasing and making her, like everything was up to her standards. We'd be normally locked out of the house doing yard work all day. If we wanted to go to a band camp tournament or a forensics debate tournament, we had to earn it. So even just to get by, to get anything, we had to like please her and do things. And when we think of the word people pleasing as well, a lot of times what people pleasing comes from is it comes from parent pleasing. So at a certain time of your past, you may have to please one of your parents where things may have never been good enough. And what happened is as you were focused on pleasing them, you would either then get rewarded or not rewarded for your actions, which normally if you're not pleasing them, then love was withheld from you. And then what happens is going into society, what then happens is then you're like, well, if I wanna be worthy, then I need to, and I wanna be loved, I want you to give me love, then I need to please you. And then there's this pattern that happens and it's more of a, especially as a masculine frame, a leading masculine energy that may cause a shadow aspect within you. Because then what you do is you assume that as I add value to the people that I'm dating, then they're gonna like that and they're gonna give me love. However, the more you do research on this and the more you look into what actually attracts women or the feminine frame, the more you'll find out that the more people pleaser you are, the more you have that kind of energy, the more it actually turns them off sexually, and the more it actually just turns them off in general because it goes against what our natural our natural evolutionary, uh, energy dynamic is. Naturally, what the masculine frame is all about is it's about leading, having a direction, having boundaries. It is about deep breathing. Imagine being— having deep breathing, uh, being very still. Imagine being decisive, making choices very quickly. The divine masculine is all about these aspects, but what happens is as we grow up and as we become more spiritual, what can happen is then we actually start to go more towards the feminine frame. Now remember the Hermetic principle. One of the Hermetic principles is that everything has gender, so everything that has both masculine and feminine in it. Even us. The problem is that as we grow up, we may have been shunned for something we wanted to do, for a vision that we had. One of our parents may have put us down, and when that happened, we then stopped leading, going in a certain direction, and we started to play it safe. And as we start to play it safe, we start to develop that, and we say that that's part of our personality. Now, The problem with this is if you look back to maybe like caveman days, the men would go out and go hunting and gather the food. And on the other side of that, the feminine would relax. The feminine would relax and like, okay, the food is taken care of. I can chill out. I have a relationship with all the other feminine people here in the village or in the tribe. They can express themselves. They are driven by emotion. They crave love and safety. Very intuitive. Wants to feel love, whereas normally the divine masculine will want to win or want to accomplish. Now we both have, we all have energies inside of us of this. Now what happens a lot of times is we may then move into our life and go through a spiritual awakening and then come out of the other end. And become more beta or just more feminine. Now, there's nothing wrong with embracing the feminine. It's actually very strong to be very vulnerable. The problem with this though is that if I see this, the most common problem that I see with spiritual men when it comes to attracting women is their level of polarity with masculinity and femininity. A lot of times very spiritual men will be very feminine and there's nothing wrong with this. Sometimes also this is about just being honest with yourself. Now understand your personality is flexible. Let me say that as well. Your personality is flexible. Who you think you are right now could be different in a couple of years by you embodying a new sense of energy, a new way of being. Remember what Dr. Joe Dispenza says is your personality creates your personal reality. But your personality is what you think, feel, and do. You can change that in a moment. Now, the thing that I realized with myself is I had a shadow aspect of my masculinity because I was a people pleaser growing up and a people pleaser for a big part of my life. But what the people pleaser does is a people pleaser gets a sense of significance from adding value, a significance from, from pleasing. And the thing is, is that when, when the masculine, it's actually a wounded feminine part of that. When somebody becomes a people pleaser, basically what happens is when we grow up, whatever we don't necessarily get growing up, sometimes we'll then take that on so that we can then embody it in ourselves as sometimes even as a protection mechanism. So growing up, because I didn't have a relationship with my real mom till I was 15, because my ex-stepmom was in the picture and she was kind of brainwashing my brother and I, I then started to nurture myself. I felt unworthy. I felt a lack of boundary. I felt indecisive. I felt like a people pleaser. So in a way, that was my way of kind of like emphasizing this energy that I lacked growing up. I've seen other women that may, or feminine energy, that may take on more of a masculine frame because maybe they don't trust the masculine in their life. Maybe they couldn't trust someone in their life, someone in their family or something that they witnessed growing up. And then they're like, hmm, I need to embody this masculine energy now in order for me to survive. So it works both ways. The key to the masculine though is understanding that if you want to heal the beta inside of you, realize that playing it safe is a huge risk because when you're playing it safe, you are going to do the same thing every day and therefore get the same result every day. And it's going to put you in a place where you almost, it's almost even more dangerous than a lot of other things because it's almost like you don't know. It's like you're in boiling, you're in hot water and it's starting to, starting to be heated up more and more until it boils, but you're in it and you don't realize it. It's like if you put a frog in boiling water, it'd jump out. But if you put a frog in lukewarm water, it won't know what's in it and then it'll boil itself to death. It's kind of the same thing. So the problem with beta males, if you realize that you know what's more natural for you, that would feel better for you, is for you to have more masculine polarity inside of you, is to start to have more of a vision, to start to have a direction that you go in, to start create freedom for yourself, and to start to have boundaries for that. Be okay with creating tension. Tension does not have to be negative, but by creating tension in your life, what this means is like With the feminine, you create tension because you create this, this, this vision that you have, this boundary that you have, and then people can feel that. And the feminine wants to relax in that vision. And sometimes the feminine will even— it's called a shit test— will shit test you to see if you're really clear on your vision and your own masculinity. And if you fail it and you're like, oh, then guess what? They can feel that too. But sometimes all you have to do to realize this is to first off understand why are you a beta or this term. If you're not these labels, let go of these labels also. I'm using it right now to describe things, but we have grown up believing that this is the way to be. We've grown up believing by social conditioning, by Disney movies, that what we need to do is please, we need to conquer the world to then achieve the love of the feminine. That's what any Disney movie will show you. And growing up, we are constantly told that you need to be a nice guy. Many spiritual guys are nice guys. The problem with being a nice guy is a nice guy was a people pleaser, and a nice guy is trying to make everything— everyone else happy but themselves. A nice guy will form his vision to be the feminine. A nice guy will make the feminine his goal, when the key to this is understanding that balance for you having a vision in your life. Having something you're moving towards, filling up your own cup, having boundaries, something that's okay, that's not okay, having your own rule set system that then the feminine can relax in. This is a game changer for me when I learned this because I realized everything that went wrong in my past relationships and even the polarity, the sexual polarity between me and my relationships was because I was putting my frame and allowing this vision to be blurred and I was then making the feminine more of the focus, the goal. Women and the feminine do not wanna be your goal. They want you to have that passion, to have that vision that they can then relax in. But society will say, oh, you need to please them, you need to be the nice guy, just be the nice guy. Women are not attracted to nice guys because here's why. This is a game changer. I'm gonna share something with you that changes everything when you learn it, okay? And remember, this is masculine, feminine, so you can replace this for just the masculine, feminine energy. It doesn't have to be guy or whatever. The thing that creates attraction, this I think a lot of spiritual men especially need to hear. The thing that creates attraction is something called positive tension positive emotional tension or negative emotional tension. And the problem with the nice guy is what a nice guy will do is when a nice guy or somebody especially that experienced trauma growing up, a nice guy will do anything he can to reduce the negative or a positive emotional tension. And the reason being is because they experienced that tension growing up and they wanna do everything they can to mitigate it, to let go of it, to dissolve of it. Now, what is positive emotional tension? Positive emotional tension is— would be a masculine who has boundaries, who's able to call the shots, who has a masculine frame. And that frame creates tension because then there's what's okay and what's not okay in the feminine. Doesn't mean he's a dictatorship telling the person what to do, but women watching this video right now will know that if a guy has a more— has a more dominant, powerful frame, that they can relax and they are attracted to that. And let me ask the woman here too that are listening, or just the feminine in general, are— does a nice guy really turn you on? A nice guy that's people pleasing, that wants you to be assertive, and is doing things, is giving you things, does that really turn you on? No. I'm not going to tell you what to believe. You put it down below if that really turns you on. Now the thing is, is positive emotional tension would be being able to tell. So when the masculine is able to tell the feminine what they're going to do, how many times do you see that in the masculine-feminine relationship? Like, what do you want to eat? I don't know. What do you want to eat? I don't know. What do you want to eat? The feminine listening to this right now, if the masculine says, we're going to go, we're going to go here, this is what we're going to do. Does that turn you on or would it turn you on more if the guy's like, I don't know, where do you want to go eat? I want to go wherever you want to go. It makes you make the decisions, you make the choices, forces you to turn into more of the masculine and to embody and to exhibit that masculine because the masculine isn't being exhibited in that masculine where it's supposed to be, the masculine frame. You see what I mean? So positive emotional tension is telling, touching. It's an— it really is an energy, so it's kind of hard to necessarily put words to it, but I would say that the most important thing in the masculine is the frame. It's controlling the frame, not being a control dictatorship, controlling the frame and having boundaries with that. That tension, that energy, that dynamic is what turns on the feminine. And spiritual guys, and especially guys that have more beta male tendencies, they're not leading They're not having a certain direction that they're going in, a certain vision that has boundaries, and they're not controlling the frame. So the thing that I would say that helps heal this is first off, give yourself the love. If you're a people pleaser, then maybe you need to give yourself more of the feminine love in a meditation or something like that. That's one thing that I did and that helped to heal. But the thing that I would recommend you do the most to heal the masculine, to really embody that masculine, is to realize first off, your personality is not set. Your personality can change in a moment by you starting to embody a new energy, by you making a new choice about yourself, you seeing and becoming aware of past experience when you were disciplined for leading, for having a vision, for being directional, for having something that you're intending to accomplish. To become aware of that and to realize how you do one thing is how you do everything. So not just in feminine-masculine relationship, but can you bring more masculinity into your life by in a way going for what you want to create in your life or you want to accomplish in your life? And can you embody that? And can you not say— and when little things come up, little bumps in the road, not freak out? And can you keep pushing forward with that? One way that I did this is I moved into a way more masculine frame in my life when I started creating daily videos on YouTube. I was working a 9-to-5 job that was not passionate about, and I said, you know what, I'm gonna do this until I am doing what I love full-time. And I started to develop a willpower. The masculine is the will. The feminine creates. The feminine is extraordinarily powerful. But those of you listening to this right now, most likely are giving away your power and not leading in your life, not having that vision, not moving towards in that way. And therefore, you are forcing the feminine to embody more of the masculine, and then you're wondering why there's not as much sexual polarity in your life. It's because you, you may need to become more assertive in your life, and that means becoming assertive of what you want to create in your life, not just with love, Create your life as far as your own vision, having your own purpose and pursuing that. And when bumps come up, you find a way. You don't surrender to it. And as you do that, you may find that you start to create more of that masculine energy inside of yourself and you go from being more of a beta male, somebody that may is following, following some company you don't even believe in, like I was for a long time. And then you say, no, I'm going to do this. And you decide you're gonna do it. And guess what? You start to become successful with it because you have a vision, you have something you're moving towards. And then to the feminine, that is way more attractive because there's also those boundaries there. It's like, hey, I have to go do this. It's like the traditional, you ever see it where it's like, think of the army guy going away to war and the feminine's like, no, don't go, stay with me, stay with me, I don't want you to leave. And deep down the feminine wants the masculine to lead and to leave. And guess what? If the masculine were to stay and say, okay honey, you're right, I'm going to stay with you and we're going to be at home, and that would actually kill the polarity. And it's just an example just to show, but the one that's like, no, I have to go do this. I have to go. This is my mission. This is my purpose. I have to protect. It's a different energy. You see, I'm just using that as an example to see that what the feminine really wants is the feminine wants the masculine to lead, the masculine to have a vision so that the feminine can relax in that vision. The feminine does not want to have to take on the masculine role. And if the feminine thinks they want to, then most likely that's the masculine inside of them that wants to control. So this is about just awareness. The more aware of this you become, the more you can see that maybe a lot of what you've been embodying in your life is a shadow aspect from growing up. It was maybe a people-pleasing mentality from the way your parents treated you. It was getting pain for having a vision and moving towards it, getting told you can't do it or whatever it is. But starting to look at that and then starting to realize that you are who you choose to be in this present moment, and can you start to create a vision for yourself outside of just your love relationships Create a vision for something you accomplish and then start to realize that it's okay to have that positive emotional tension. It is okay to say and to call the shots and to say, I'm gonna go do this, we're gonna go do this, we're gonna eat here. How you do one thing is how you do everything. That tension is okay. Negative tension would be the— would be something that's more negative. It would be like, that's when you see like a You wonder, you ever wonder why sometimes women will go back or feminine will go back to like abusive masculine? It's because there's negative, there's emotional tension there. It's negative emotional tension, but there's still emotional tension and emotional tension creates that, that attraction. The brain doesn't know the difference. Now the key is not having that negative aspect in that, that wounded. I mean, that's a, that's a whole nother conversation of itself. but it's being aware that what you want is the positive emotional tension and that then as you have that energy that creates the gravity and that is the most attractive thing. So to move from that, you make a vision for what you want to create in your life. You realize your personality is simply who you've decided you are and then you've been embodying that. You realize you can change it like that if you choose and then start to become aware of these different wounded parts of your past. Do a meditation, start to heal this side of yourself, start to realize you can trust yourself, trust the masculine within you to go in a certain direction and start to have boundaries. Don't be afraid of creating that mental, that, um, that positive emotional tension in relationship and realize that as you do that, you will be creating more polarity. Polarity is what's important with this. So let me know what you think of this video. Subscribe to the channel if you haven't subscribed already. Let me know if you want me to do a whole entire series on masculine feminine energy. Comment below and let me know. And other than that, as always, I'll talk to you next time. Peace, much love, and namaste.