Stop Overgiving: Here’s How to Attract the Right People INSTANTLY

Are you constantly overgiving in relationships and wondering why it's not given back to you? Very often, people that overgive attract people that overtake, people that have no problem receiving from you, but that leaves you in feeling more drained and more depleted. Now, it's even an interesting idea, isn't it? Because they say in reality, we get what we give out. But when it comes to over-givers, what happens is it's not that they over-give to other people and then they're surrounded by people that are just giving to them. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Now, this is because over-giving is rooted in an energy of lack. It is rooted in an energy of wanting to avoid rejection but gain validation. Now in this video, what I'm going to show you is I'm going to show you how to finally overcome the shadow and how to stop overgiving. I'm going to show you what the energetic shift is, where this pattern actually comes from, how you can begin to meet the inner child needs that's searching for closure and attracting takers, And I'm gonna show you why you attract takers and how to heal this process so that you start to actually attract reciprocal relationships. Now, first off, some signs that you are overgiving is that you find yourself depleted and you find yourself trying to find ways of adding value to other people, but at the same time, you feel depleted afterwards. You may even tell yourself the story I just love so deeply. I just love so much. I hear this sometimes. People say, I just love so deeply. It's just who I am. Well, also recognize that when you say, I just love so deeply, it's like you attach so deeply. There's an attachment to wanting someone's validation and approval, and that's not love. Love is when it's unconditional. And that's when the energy really begins to shift. Now, first off, let's look at the first major point here, and that is that overgiving creates neediness. Now, imagine that you have somebody that you meet, and imagine that they're just doing whatever they can to give to you. You can probably imagine that there'd be some energy of like, can I, like, how can I help you? It's almost like you go to a retail store and there's someone that's very avid on helping you. Can I help you with anything? How's your day going? Uh-huh. And they wanna give, they wanna give, they wanna give, but you know that deep down under that giving, there is something that they want, whether it's a sale, whether it's just your validation or attention or energy, but nonetheless, you can feel that energy. So you could even say that there is a feeling of a normalized energy from pattern, from childhood, a pattern from childhood that says that intimacy and connection is not normal. But what is normal is trying to fight for that intimacy and connection. And the way that you fight for that intimacy and connection is by proving your sense of self-worth. It's by overgiving. It is a situation where you've attributed your sense of value to what you do, not who you are. So the belief is, what do I need to do to gain validation and approval? What do I need to do to get that of this connection? Now, when I overcame this pattern a few years ago, There was a recognition that a big part of my self-identity, the way that I saw myself, is that I had an inner self-image where I felt not worthy. And one of the reasons that was is because growing up, I had a controlling stepmom in my life where I had to, in order to be in her good graces, I had to prove myself. I had to be good. And there was a feeling like I was walking on eggshells. But a lot of my sense of self-worth was how am I gauged to this person? Am I good? Am I not good? Am I doing something wrong? And what that resulted in is that resulted in me creating an energy where I was constantly tuning to someone else. And then there was this pattern of overgiving to feel worthy. The belief was, is if I can give, and if I could give at the expense of abandoning myself, then I'll get the connection that I didn't feel when I was a kid. Now the challenge is when you overgive, you actually block connection. Like I experience this when I go out into public and if I meet people that recognize me for my videos, if I meet someone and it's an equal exchange where it's just like a nice comment, it's like, hey, I like your videos, I know you from YouTube, whatever. It's a cool energy if it's not made weird by a big projection of being put on a pedestal. Oh my God, oh my God, this is, I watched your video and oh my God, this is such a synchronicity right now. And oh my God, you see how that energy feels different? And even if the person was like, I could help you do this, I can help you do this, you feel how that energy is, it blocks connection. And what would happen is, back in the day, I would get into relationships where I felt like I had to overgive to make up for not feeling worthy. But that overgiving, I can clearly see now, was actually blocking connection. Now, even beyond that, in certain relationships, in certain friendships, relationships, there was definitely a pattern where I could tell that there was a certain level of codependency created because the belief is, if I overgive, then I create a dependency where this person needs me because I am so valuable. I've even done this on my YouTube audience, projected this onto my YouTube audience in the sense that I overgive and overprovide value and information. And in the past, I'd realized that there is this almost like this dependency, that's this codependency that's created with my audience where they, they need my videos. There was a feeling like that. There was a feeling like I need to keep making videos because people need me. And that was creating this enabling energy. Now, first off, recognize this is because your value is rooted in doing. Now, here's one of the most powerful parts of this video that I wanna share that I think will really change it for you is understanding why you attract takers. Now, imagine that this is a worthiness scale right here. Okay? In a way, there's something in psychology that's called one-up and one-down. Now, when someone is one-upping you, what are they doing? Imagine somebody, you say to someone else like, "Hey, I just, I played this video game over here and I got a score of 8,000." And they're like, "Yeah, last week I got a score of 10,000. 8,000 is good." You're like, hey, I just had this amazing day yesterday and I did the— What happens is there's this energy that's created where someone can't almost celebrate someone else's success because they need to be better than. Now, when it comes to one-up, what you'll find is one-up is normally the energy of needing to feel superior and better than other people. Now, these are also very often people that also feel entitled. You ever met someone that's very entitled? They just, it's almost like they just expect the world to be given to them. And what happens is there's this also this energy of being able to easily overtake. They have no problem overtaking. And there's a subconscious energy there that they also, I looked into this 'cause I was curious as to where this pattern comes from. As a kid, if they felt like they had to meet their own needs because both of these, by the way, are trying to meet their needs. Overtakers are trying to meet their needs because they believe that they need to take in order to get their needs met. They believe that they also deserve it because of the stuff they went through as a kid. So what will happen is this is one up and they have no problem overtaking as a way of feeling enough. They feel superior, but it's all a fake. It's all a front. 'Cause at the actual core, we're all not better than each other or worse than each other. We're all equal. Now underneath this, when you overgive, this is called one down. Now one down means there's something, I'm broken, there's something wrong with me and I feel not worthy. So in order to feel not worthy, I'm gonna overgive. And then what the belief is, is if I overgive, of course you're gonna attract someone that has no problem overtaking. What'll happen is then I can feel worthy. So this one is trying, overgiving is trying to get yourself back to neutral or overcompensating. 'Cause sometimes you can also overgive and then feel special. Who else is gonna give this much? I've done that on my YouTube channel before. I'm like, I give so much valuable content. I have 2,000 YouTube videos out there, all free. I just, I overgive 'cause I'm such a good, I'm not like those other people that do high-ticket coaching programs and make all this money. And it's something I've had to balance out in my life is being able to actually receive, being able to actually charge what I'm worth in my programs and the things that I do. Because there is this energy where there's an imbalance here. So now let's also recognize that this is why you attract this energy. And because overgiving is rooted in a need that's not being met, and there's a belief there that says I'm broken and there's something wrong with me, you can only attract people into your life that overtake, that reaffirm that energy. So in an interesting way, what ends up happening is you also are enabling the takers, but you're enabling the takers because if you enable the takers, they're also giving something to you. They're giving to you. What are they giving to you? They're giving you validation. Approval. Also, they're giving you a sense of, of purpose because you're giving. They're affirming that identity, and you're potentially creating a level of codependency where they need you. Because overtakers find themselves meeting lots of other people that don't give to them, and they're, they're frustrated. You're the one that will give and overgive and abandon yourself to meet their needs. They use you You're both using each other to meet your own needs just in very different ways. So recognize also that this comes from childhood conditioning that's rooted in control. Because if I can overgive to you, I am controlling the narrative of how you view me, I'm controlling the relationship by creating codependency, et cetera. And guess what? In relationships, can you connect to someone else that's trying to control the dynamic? Of course not. You can't control what someone else thinks and feels about you. Feels like resistance. So what if one of the biggest breakthroughs throughout this whole video so far is that overgiving is simply a pattern that's rooted in getting your inner needs met that you think works, but it doesn't work. It's like when someone that's a nice— a people pleaser or a nice guy They literally believe, "If I am nice, then I will get what I want." But it doesn't work because it's manipulation. Someone that's a people pleaser, "If I please you, you're gonna like me." If you try to please someone, you are also killing and crushing connection because you can't connect to someone else where you're pedestalizing them and putting them on a pedestal. You can't connect to someone else that you're putting below you either. But most of you watching this video probably do the other because you're probably an over-giver if you clicked on a video on over-giving. So think of it and realize that you actually, this is a pattern that is keeping you in familiar territory. It's keeping you from actually connecting with people at a deep way. It's serving a purpose. But when you realize, you know what, actually what I really want is I want connection. Well, this isn't gonna get you connection. You believed your whole entire life that overgiving was gonna get you what you want. If I overgive, I will be validated and worthy and I'll get love and connection. It doesn't work like that because you get and what you attract is what energy you embody. So really what the big shift here for you is, here it is, And I'm gonna show you how to do this. The big shift for you is when you learn how to come at it from a level of wholeness, of not abandoning yourself, of feeling present inside of your own body, knowing you don't need anything from them. And your sense of worthiness is not tied to what you give. Your sense of worthiness is tied to who you are. And this for me was about really rewiring my self-image and meeting the inner child needs that weren't met as a kid. Learning to literally say to that little Aaron, you are enough the way that you are. You are awesome. You don't need to do anything for me to love you. Your sense of self-worth is not tied to what you do. It's who you are. And as I would connect to that inner child part of me, I started to feel more relaxed. So when we look at this process, I'll go more into that in a moment, but the energy shifts for you is first off awareness. You're aware of this pattern now. You've watched this deep into the video. You know that this is a pattern that maybe was on autopilot. You felt and believed that this pattern was going to lead to love and connection and validation and approval, but actually you're creating codependency and you're blocking connection from coming into your life. You could say that there's even some form of addiction to just feeling like connection may be scary. So you're subconsciously avoiding connection by playing on the surface. Hey, how are you? Can I give you something? Is there something you need from me? Can I ease your tension? You've also most likely expanded other people's energy to include other people so that if you could fix them, ease their tension, then you can feel worthy, whole, and complete. So awareness is always the first step. Now the second step is to reclaim your energy. In the moment, you wanna ask yourself the question, in the moment when you're trying to overgive, where is this energy coming from? Is there an attachment to this energy? Is there a condition to this energy? 'Cause most likely you're not just overgiving for no reason. You're probably overgiving because there's a belief you're gonna overget something back in return. Because the truth is when you move from overgiving to simply sharing, that's when things will really begin to shift. You can share energy with other people without overextending yourself, without abandoning yourself. Doesn't mean you need to be some, like, close your energy in a box, don't ever give anything ever away again. It just means you're not overgiving, you're sharing. There's reciprocal relationships that you're looking for. And instead of meeting someone that's an overtaker and in your mind going, ding, ding, ding, this is a red rose. This is someone I can fix. This is someone I can give to. I can give them. They're gonna need me. And then I'm gonna feel validated, whole, and complete. So instead of the ding, ding, ding, you hear a ding, ding, ding. This is not what I am looking for. These are red flags, not red roses. And what you end up doing is you end up seeing it, and in the awareness, you can choose something new. You can be honest with your energy. Now, the second step is to reclaim your energy. Part of this could be setting boundaries. I had to do this when I was going through a pattern of recognizing certain relationships in my life. And what I had to do is I had to go through and I had to reset the boundaries between me and specific people in my life. I had to embrace more of my own energy. I had to let go of codependency. By doing so, by that awareness, by that act of expressing it, the vulnerability, because a lot of times people that overgive are afraid to be vulnerable because they're afraid of rejection. Well, I'll tell you from experience, the times I've been the most vulnerable where I'm afraid to say something and then I do and I stand in my power, it results in respect. It results in appreciation. It results in authenticity because remember, overgiving is not authentic. When you are being the most authentic version of you, that is attractive, that is magnetic. And if some people resonate with that version of you because they respect it, you are able to go deep with people. If people shoot out of your life when you're being authentic, good. That happens as a result. It becomes a filter. It's not a problem. You don't need everyone to like you. You don't need everyone to understand. Authenticity is your filter. So reclaim your energy maybe by setting boundaries, maybe by voicing it and recognizing in the moment instead of overgiving, bring it back to your own energy. Now the third step is to shift your identity to wholeness. Begin to see yourself as whole and complete. Begin to meet the inner child that you have that may not feel seen, heard, soothed, or nurtured as a kid. And what you do is as you meet that version of you, you will find that you could start to feel whole on the inside. Now, by the way, inside my High Vibe Tribe, which is a completely free community, I have an inner child meditation that can help you do this. It's one of my most powerful meditations. I'm going to link that group below. You can join, it's in the meditation section. But you can feel and nurture that inner child and watch how different you begin to feel. So the way you see yourself as it actually has a huge effect on what you experience. And the way that I did this within myself is subconsciously I began to see myself in a new way. I began to feel more also in a mind and heart coherence, which is another aspect of this I think is very powerful. When you create mind and heart coherence inside of yourself, you won't feel as much a need to tune to other people to get that, to get that, dopamine hit, you'll feel something deeper within yourself. But what I believe is when you get to mind and heart coherence, you affect your energy field. You can start to infuse in that energy field more love, more appreciation, and realizing how awesome you are. People that overgive have such a problem with receiving and such a problem with seeing themselves as awesome because they think it's too egotistical. Now, you're not awesome in the sense that you're better than other people. You see, here's another idea that I have that I think may resonate with you. Many, often people that overgive that are in this one down category, they had a parent growing up that was an overtaker, an over demander, helicopter parent that infused a lack of boundaries. So what happens is they felt not good enough. So this person is entitled, this person feels not good enough. But what happens is this person has patterned themselves into give, give, give, give, and has problems receiving, has problems seeing themselves as awesome. They're also afraid they're gonna turn into that parent by being so. I remember when I started stepping into my power, my ex-stepmom left my life when I was like 17 years old. But any tension I would have anyone feel from expressing myself, I would assume I don't wanna turn into her. I don't wanna cause the pain she caused me towards other people. Well, guess what? You're not gonna turn into a raging narcissist because you set a boundary. You're not gonna turn into some mean, aggressive person because you've expressed how you feel. But that's subconsciously what we sometimes believe. So shift your identity into realizing that there's a shadow aspect that actually this person's also trying to teach you. You know, I had an old friend that came to this house. I'm in Sedona right now. I had an old friend that came to my house and it's a funny little story I'll share. And he came to my house and I have this big refrigerator here that's full of like drinks, kombucha, all these like canned, like healthy drinks and probiotic sodas that are like healthy, whatever. You know, some of them not as healthy as others. Anyways, I had a friend that came over and he said, "Hey, can I have one of these drinks?" And I said, "Sure." And he took one of the drinks and he started drinking it. And that became a free-for-all to take as many drinks as you want. So what he did is he opened up a drink, he'd take a couple sips, he'd leave it somewhere. And then what would happen is he'd walk it like an hour later, he'd walk back to the fridge, open up another drink, drink that drink, and then put it somewhere else. And then at the end of the day, there's 3 or 4 drinks that are around that are just half empty. And it would trigger me. I'm like, why? I said you can have a couple drinks or whatever, but like, don't just take a sip and then leave it, that looks disrespectful. I took that as like disrespect or not appreciating it. Also, some of those drinks were like $3 to $5 each. So there I'm watching my kombucha just drain out of my fridge as somebody takes a couple sips, puts it somewhere. And what would happen though is there was actually something to kind of learn. I was like, how is he just so able to just drink these drinks, leave it, drink these drinks, leave it, and just assume that this is like, this is okay? I think most people would realize, hey, this is maybe a little bit entitled You see what I mean? But what I realized is there was a, that the reason it triggered me so much is because that was something I could integrate into my life a little bit more. And also it was an opportunity for me to actually express it. 'Cause before it'd be, I'm gonna get in trouble if I, which I wouldn't have gotten in trouble, but there was a feeling of like almost walking on eggshells, like I didn't wanna mention it. And that's why the fourth step here is to receive without guilt. You know, it's funny, I was at the— I came from Vegas to here, and that last day I was in Vegas, I was packing up the car, the rental car. Actually, it was my dad's car that I was borrowing while I was in town for a couple of days. And what happened is I had 3 luggages because I'm kind of living out of my— I'm kind of traveling, just living where I go. I had 1 luggage, it was like 80 pounds, and it was like really— it was a very heavy piece of luggage. And as I was loading up my car, the valet guys, I tipped the valet guy, And the valet guy goes, do you want me to help you put the stuff into your car? Do you want me to help you put the luggage in your car? And by the way, I could tell he didn't really want to do it. He was just like, do you need help? Yeah, obviously I've got 3 big bags. Like, you could just like, normally they just do it, you know what I mean? And I was like, a part of me would have stopped and said, no, it's okay, I'll do it. But I'm like, not only did I give the guy a tip, but also I just, I'm worthy of having someone help me put my bags in my fricking car. So I said yes. And then I gave him the heaviest bag 'cause I knew that was a breakthrough for me. So I just, I put in the light bags and he put in the heavy bag and walked away and it was whatever. But I realized that was kind of a little breakthrough for me because normally I'd feel guilty. I'd be like, oh no, it's fine. I got it all. And it's not that big of a deal either way. But this is an example of something that you can begin to receive more. And this can be a big challenge for people. Even in my live events that I run, I run live events now. I'm doing more and more of them. And sometimes one of the exercises we'll have people do is this exercise where you get in a group of 5 people, one person gets in the middle, and then the other 5 people, 4 people that may not even know that person that well, will reflect back to this person whatever they feel about the person in a positive way. Sometimes after being at a live event for 2 or 3 days, you start to get to know some of the people in your group. So you might say, I see you as someone that's in your power. It's coming to know yourself more. And it's crazy how much different aspects of people will reflect different things back to you, but it's very empowering. And what happens is the person in the middle goes around and each person says just a minute or two thing about them. And what happens is as they receive it, they can't say anything back. You're not allowed to say, thank you so much. I also think you're awesome, by the way. You just receive. And you go and you receive, and then you go and you receive, and then you go and you receive, and then you get out of the circle, and then you go, everyone takes turns doing this. You wanna know how often people will feel uncomfortable receiving? It can be uncomfortable. So people, a lot of times, will deflect. You know, sometimes people come up to me and they're like, oh my gosh, Aaron, your videos have changed my life, blah, blah, blah. And back in the day, there's a part of me that's like, it's you changed your life. I didn't do anything. It was all you. And I'm glad to reflect things back to you, which I believe ultimately is the truth, that we're all reflections of each other. At the same time, there was a part of me that recognized it was like uncomfortable to receive. So if you came up to me, by the way, and you were like, Aaron, your videos changed my life. Thank you so much. And I was like, oh, you know, thank you, but you changed your life. I deflect the bat. You changed your life. You just don't give yourself the power. Like, is that the kind of interaction that feels good? Or if you came up to me and you said, Aaron, your videos had an impact on my life. And I said, you know what? Thank you. I appreciate you saying that and sharing that with me. Which one feels more like I received it? Maybe that probably feels better for you. It's like, oh, he's able to actually let that land. I'm not like on the other side of that, like, yeah, I'm pretty awesome, aren't I? Like, you see what I mean? There's like, you see the different energy here. So learning to receive is a huge thing for you. Now, the ultimately what you also want to normalize is reciprocal relationships. Relationships in your life that reflect back more of this balance instead of normalizing relationships that are one up or one down. What does a reciprocal relationship look like? Well, it looks like people that support you and that you support them. It looks like when you give, you're, you're there for friends when they're going through things, but they also check in with you. And you might say, well, I don't have that in my life right now. Well, of course you've been in this old pattern. This is the filter through which you can start to look at visualizing, feeling, shifting your identity to wholeness and visualizing and feeling within your field relationships like this. What would that feel like to have someone that knows, sees, and understands you? What does it feel like to have somebody that when you give, they appreciate it and they don't just take, take, take, take? What would it feel like to somebody that actually gives to you and you can receive without feeling guilty? These are all things you could begin to prime inside of your energetic field. Now, if you haven't seen it as well, I have something that's called the shift, something that's called the frame technique that will help you feel safe in your own body, heal this inner child energy. It's completely free inside that of High Vibe 101. And then I also have a video that goes much deeper in understanding the mechanics of empath narcissist energy, which is also one up, one down. It's from a live event that I did in LA. It's one of my most popular videos on my channel. If you want to check that out, we will go into the still face experiment, which will help you heal your inner child and other things. I'm going to go ahead and put it right here. So empaths, people that can feel other people's energy, this is both a superpower