The 5 RED FLAGS You're Dating A Narcissist!

In this video, I'm gonna show you the red flag signs that you may be dating a narcissist. These are red flags that you can look for. Sometimes people misconstrue red flags for red roses, but that's why awareness is so damn powerful. So with this, there are certain things that when you become aware of can completely transform your life. I know that back in the day, I would date, I would either date people that had narcissistic tendencies or I would attract narcissists into my life in the form of like managers, people that I would just like believe that I had to have in my life. I tell myself a story that I had to have them in my life or that I owed them something. And eventually I was able to break that pattern. And when you break the pattern, it's a completely new world and you can actually start letting people into your life that really resonate with you at a deep level. Now, the first red flag sign is actually kind of funny. It is something that my girlfriend said that she experienced with one of her ex-boyfriends or someone she dated for a period of time. And basically what she said happened is, uh, it's kind of funny. She— so the first red flag is a constant need for approval and for validation and for the attention to be on them. Okay? So my girlfriend had this experience with a guy that she dated where she went on vacation with him and they were, uh, in this like beach-like environment. And they were with some friends as well, staying at this house. And she woke up one morning and he gets up, this guy, and he stretches like this. And then he goes out into that of the, like the living room area where all of his friends were. Everyone else was already up. And when he went out, he said, "Ah, just got done doing like an hour of yoga." of like Kundalini yoga or something like that. He said that he just got done doing an hour of yoga and said that everyone else was there. And my girlfriend was thinking, what the hell? He literally got up, took a shit, and then walked outside and said that he did like an hour of yoga. And it was one of the first red flags for my girlfriend that was like, wait, there's something this guy is putting out there wanting people to believe about him that is actually like bullshit, not even true. And this is something that is a common trait of people that are trying to get their needs met because maybe they believe or they want the validation and the approval, but they don't feel like they have it. So they'll do anything. They'll go to extreme measures in order to get their needs met. I've met a few other people as well that have this kind of tendency. That I had a roommate actually that would lie about everything for a period. Like literally when I lived with this guy, it was like he'd lie about everything. And it was stuff that I think he thought I would think was cool, but I just knew immediately because I'm so empathic and shit and I had an ex-stepmom that was a narcissist, I could just immediately tune and be like, oh, this is bullshit, this is bullshit, this is bullshit, this is bullshit. And after a period of time I was like, I can't. I can't be around this anymore. It's too much bullshit for me. I didn't feel like safe to even be around this person because I'm like, whoa, this is like so far off from what I could feel is actually reality. And then I would find things, I'd catch those lies and stuff like that. So it was interesting. However, that constant need for approval and the constant need for attention is something that very common can happen if you are in a relationship with somebody that is a narcissist. Because if you look at this little thing right here, it kind of explains that. Of narcissism in an unhealthy way on this side. So you have where it says self. This is where they want all the energy on me, me, me, me. And that's, a lot of times narcissists do have a strong frame. A strong frame meaning like this is my sense of reality, even though my sense of reality is like I need all these things from the external environment. They have this energy going towards them, whereas many people that attract narcissists in their life, they tend to be more empathic people. Or people that focus more on others. So they focus, narcissists focus to the extreme level on self, empaths focus to the extreme other, focus on other and they feel everyone else's energy. So the thing to become aware of with this is in a weird twisted way, there is something to learn from the narcissist. Now the narcissist is an unhealthy expression of the me energy, but at the same time, narcissists are normally in either in their own frame and they demand everyone else adheres to it, whereas the empath and the people that are always focused on other aren't in their own frame. They don't have a sense of self or a sense of like, who am I? And the thing that I've seen so many people transform their life with that are empaths is to bring the energy into the hands, into the feet, into the body, and to actually focus on the separation between you and other people, you and even like the wall, you and, the computer, the phone, the TV, whatever it is that you're watching this on. When you feel the separation, you start to feel safe inside your own body and it becomes very powerful on your own energetic field because you're being more present. So this is something to really look at too because it's one of the things that will help you to make sure that you become aware of these like red flags that you don't continue to attract them over and over again. Now, something else, another common sign of that, of somebody that is a narcissist, that you may notice, and this is just a common theme that I've seen, and also one that many, I've heard many people talk about, and that is that narcissists generally, a lot of it is very surface level, and there's a certain degree of shame that's there that says, "I'm broken, there's something wrong with me." So normally there's a reluctancy to get too intimately close with somebody that is a narcissist. So it's like there's a certain level of depth you can get to, but then there's like a block. It's like, oh, I don't wanna go, I'm not going any deeper than this. And there's normally an intimacy block there. Now, it's not to say that every person that has an intimacy block is a narcissist, but it's just to say that if you have the first one there, they constantly need attention and it's constantly always on me, me, me, me, me, me, then that's a sign that maybe that could be a red flag. Now, if you add that to, there's a degree of surface level, and maybe that's what you fell in love with with this person, or that you began liking, you like the surface of it, like the way that they put themselves together, the way that you connected at that level. And a lot of times as well, as hard as this may be to hear, there is a fear within yourself to actually go deep. Doesn't mean you're a narcissist, but it might mean that there is, you familiarized a certain level of lack of intimacy because maybe mom and dad were not very vulnerable. They didn't encourage vulnerability. And then we've normalized it so then this feels safe. I had to really look at this with myself because I used to have the story that I attract emotionally unavailable people because I wouldn't look at myself and realize that there's an aspect of myself that is emotionally unavailable. Very common red flag that you may notice. Also, just, you can look at yourself in a powerful way. And the key and the power for me was to actually open up my heart and actually to be more vulnerable, to share the real me. Shame wants to grow. Shame grows in the dark. When you shine light on it and you share the real you, there's a whole new level of freedom that comes with that. Now, the third red flag is actually one of the most apparent ones that you may see that's kind of most obvious, it's very obvious to see. And I've noticed this across the board in most people with narcissistic tendencies or narcissism, this is very consistent. There is a need and a desire within a narcissist to look perfect, to not only look perfect, but to be perceived as perfect. These people, ironically enough as well, Love Instagram. They love Instagram and they love the way they look on Instagram. So there's like a perfectionism mentality. They are perfect. And a lot of times this also comes from, I mean, perfectionism in and of itself is a belief that I must be perfect to be loved. I must be perfect to accept myself. And it's a worthiness wound. It's like, I don't feel good enough, so I'm gonna appear to be perfect so that I get accepted and validated. So these people normally have like perfect, you know, they, they, they at least like they may do their makeup absolutely perfectly flawlessly. Um, or they may be, I mean a lot of this from my own perspective when I was watching the Amber Heard, Johnny Depp trial, and I'm not saying either of them, I'm not saying that both like Johnny Depp is perfect or anything. but I was able to at least see a lot of patterns within Amber Heard that I also noticed within my ex-stepmom. Some people say, well, you're just projecting or something like that. But I was able to see a lot of patterns in there. I could tell just by the way, the thing that the judges, and the reason I think the judges put that strongly in Johnny Depp's favor is because they could detect the bullshit. They could detect that it was all a facade. The way she's like, oh, Elon, Elon, you know, talking about Elon Musk and her relationship with Elon Musk is like, Elon, there was like a desire there. To like be perceived as like, ooh, I was with Elon Musk, you know? Elon, we're on a first name basis, just so you know, okay? But there was like, you could tell that there was a lot of inauthentic threads through that that were being projected so that people would perceive of her in a certain way. And she also many times wanted to be perceived as the victim, you know? And I'm not getting too much into that because I know that there's some people that watched that, that, you know, I wasn't actually there for what they both went through, but you could tell she was overacting. If you watched the trial, you can tell the degree to which things were overplayed out. You could tell, go look and see if you can find a single tear, you know, throughout the whole entire trial of when she's fake crying. You know, you'll be able to clearly see that a lot of it is just very, I don't know, bad acting possibly. You'll see, if you go see it, it is very cringy to watch. But the reason I share this, there's a desire to look a certain way, to have a certain story. In a similar way, people, there's like a certain level of perfectionism that is ensued because they want to be perceived in a certain limelight. So this is something to be aware of. If you notice that like there's almost an, there's a desire to not share the vulnerable, side of life, to not show any flaws at all. It's like, no, I am perfect and I love Instagram. Not to say that anyone loves Instagram. You know, these are very, these terms I'm sharing with you right now, it's not all or nothing. They have this one sign that this means or this, but in general, there's common themes that you'll notice. And if you notice like all of these themes in your relationship, then it's something to definitely look at. That's all I'm saying. All right, now, The fourth sign that is like a red flag that you may be dating a narcissist is that this person lacks empathy or any understanding of where you may come from at all. A lot of times narcissists, they have their frame of reality, the way they see things, and when you express your emotions to them or you express how you feel or you express your needs, there's like no capacity for them to even hear you. I've had this happen before where I've seen it as well, where somebody that I knew that had those narcissistic tendencies, like somebody else came to them to share something with them and it was like they were in their heads and they couldn't even absorb or empathize with this person. They're like, oh, okay, I gotta go. And then they was like dipping out, you know, there was no space for holding, no capacity to hold space for somebody else because there wasn't any degree of empathy that was there. There was no way of relating. There was no way of really feeling someone else. And that's one of the things, especially in relationships, one of the desires people may have is you wanna be felt. It's not that you just want someone to listen to you, you want someone to feel you. You want someone to feel and to empathize and to understand and to like feel with you so you feel like you're not alone. It's also very common for women, one of a core desire many women have is to feel felt, is to feel like they're not alone, feel like you're not alone. Everyone, I guess, at a certain degree wants to feel not alone, but you wanna feel not alone. But the way you feel not alone is by being felt. And if you notice that you're with somebody that can't empathize with you, that can't feel you, that just listens to you, then like walks away and can't hold space for you at all, it may be a sign that they are so preoccupied with themselves that they can't even empathize, you know? And then sometimes these people may also just do things that they wanna do with no concern for other people's emotions and thoughts, be very careless in that way. And it's something to be aware of, like, oh, does this person feel me? Is this person emotionally available with me? And as you start realizing these, you'll start to see whether your needs are actually being met or not. And one of the biggest things for people that are empaths that do attract narcissists, 'cause that's normally the way that it works, my dad is an empath, and attracted my ex-stepmom who was a total narcissist, is a total narcissist. The lesson is to actually get more into your own body and actually get more into your own frame. When you get into your own body, when you get into your own frame, it's a powerful, like things in your life will begin to change. I wanna share another thing that I noticed with people that are, that may be narcissists. I know that when I've known somebody that has this tendency or been around someone like this, when they're around other people that have strong frames, maybe that aren't even narcissists but have a strong frame, so a narcissist is someone else that has a strong frame, they may get kind of quiet. They may then later on tell you, "I don't like that person," 'cause that person may threaten the energy coming back to them. So a lot of times the narcissists, they tend to attract people to be around them that just affirm their own reality. People that put up with that kind of energy, people that do feed them that energy. Sometimes even yes men or yes women or people that just say yes and are always affirming them. And if that person only has that kind of person around them, then that is a red flag. My assistant, for example, she's been someone who's very close to me. Very good friend of mine as well. She's been working with me for like 2 years. And before she worked with me, she worked with like another spiritual teacher who's a total— I didn't like really notice at the time, but total narcissist. And she told me stories about this person and it was like, it was like mind-blowing to me some of the things that he would get away with, this person. And anyways, one of the things though that she said is that the kind of people this person surrounded themselves was just people that always affirmed his reality and she eventually couldn't be around him because she would challenge that energy. I don't mind having people in my life that challenge what I wanna do. Not that like, you know, like are always trying to change everything, but people that challenge or question certain desires I have or certain things I do because it helps me to keep myself in check in a way. I'm not afraid to look at myself. That's another thing with narcissists. Narcissists do not wanna look at themselves. I've yet to meet a narcissist that goes in, I mean, maybe this is just, narcissists normally will be afraid of doing plant medicine. This is something else that I've noticed because there's a certain level of vulnerability there, but not always actually. I do know some people that they actually escape using it. But in general, looking at yourself, it could be very scary and it could be scary whether you're a narcissist or not. But what I'm saying with this narcissism, is that if it's an extreme like energy that like it's me, me, me, me, me, and they're not looking at themselves, there's a lack of intimacy and the attention always wants to go to them, you can look for those red flags and begin to see it and it will completely change and help you to become aware of, wait, where can I bring my energy back? Wait, where can I actually be met emotionally? Wait, do I wanna keep feeding this reality day in and day out? As you become aware of all of this, it really helps you to understand more about who you are. Now, if, I don't know if you've been to this website yet, there's a website called whatsmyvibration.com where you calibrate your vibration and you get a meditation for elevating your level of consciousness and feeling safe in your own frame. If you haven't checked it out yet, go to www.whatsmyvibration.com, check that out, get that meditation and see how it elevates your vibe. Let's do it for 21 days. Also, one of the most powerful videos to watch next is the codependency cure to never be needy again. This video will completely transform your life. Watch it right here. In this episode, I'm gonna be showing you the cure to codependency, how to never be needy again. I'm gonna share with you also my journey through this process, what I've learned about the inner child, how you can heal this process, how you can be in your own frame. This also is directly related