The 5 WORST Pieces of Dating & Relationship Advice That DOESN'T WORK!
In this video Aaron Doughty critiques five popular pieces of dating advice that he argues actually hinder the ability to attract healthy, loving relationships. He begins by debunking the notion that fighting signals passion, explaining that while polarity can be attractive, mistaking drama for love often stems from childhood conditioning and leads to unhealthy dynamics. He then challenges the "happy wife, happy life" mantra, distinguishing between superficial pleasing (a toxic masculine trait) and the healthier masculine role of protecting and serving, which creates safety for the feminine. Next, Doughty attacks the "perfect match" or soulmate myth, linking it to avoidant attachment and unrealistic check‑list criteria that keep people at arm’s length, and urges focusing on core values instead. He also critiques the "play hard to get" game, noting that it only attracts similarly manipulative partners and wastes time. Finally, he dismantles the twin‑flame/soulmate narrative, labeling it "oneitis" or "twinflammitis," and explains how seeking an external other‑half creates resistance and prevents genuine connection. Throughout, Doughty emphasizes letting go of limiting beliefs, embracing one’s own values, vulnerability, and energetic alignment (masculine/feminine polarity) as the true path to attracting love. He closes with a call‑to‑action to text his number for further content and references his other video on the five traits of extremely magnetic people.
Chapters
In this video, I'm gonna be breaking down the worst pieces of dating advice that most people actually believe. And I'm gonna be sharing with you why that doesn't work and exactly what to do so that you actually have more of a probability of attracting love and you feel better about the process along the way. Now, the first one I'm finding, and I'm reading off some article online, and I'm gonna agree with a lot of these. Because it talks about the 5 worst pieces of advice. And the first one is, if you fight, you're more passionate. This is something that a lot of people may believe. So if you meet somebody and you argue with them or you have things that trigger you, you may say to yourself, oh, this is perfect because this means that there's actually passion and polarity. At a certain level, polarity is a very good thing. And polarity, so attraction is what normally you have in common. And sometimes even the subconscious beliefs we have, we'll have in common and we won't even be aware of it. But then what happens is what makes us different is what's called polarity. So what makes us different can actually be a very good thing. Normally in dating and relationships, you'll recognize or see that there's normally one person that is a little bit more extroverted than the other. And obviously one more person that's more introverted than the other. You may also have somebody that has more different emotion, that has like different levels of emotion than the others. In actuality as well, this is kind of an interesting perspective as well when it comes to like who we tend to attract. We tend to attract people into our lives that have, that express energy that we have repressed. So certain energy that we've repressed, we attract people that express it. I've seen this in my friends' relationships. Of course, not in my relationships because I'm perfect. I'm just kidding. I've seen this in my own relationships as well. Well, where, for example, my girlfriend, she's very emotionally expressive. She's very like, very like excited and like the energy that she exudes is very vibrant. Where on my end of it, in my emotional life, there's definitely challenges that I've had of even expressing my own emotion. So it's like emotional vulnerability and I get to learn that from her. And on her side of it, there's other things that she can learn from me of different emotion that I overly express. And you also notice this sometimes in dynamics where like there's different people, there's always like one person. I mean, I guess it's also feminine and masculine energy. A lot of times the feminine or sometimes the feminine energy and time is a different construct in the masculine, right? The masculine shows up on time. The feminine may be a little bit more flowy with the process. And that's also a part of awareness, I guess, as well sometimes. But if you fight, you are more passionate, is the polarity can be a good thing. But a lot of times people justify having, people may have been raised by parents where drama was a normality. So then what happens is they attract someone in their life that also has a lot of this drama and they say, oh yes, This is passion. And I've even seen it before as well where people attract people into their lives and they're like, I had this happen actually with my first girlfriend ever. After the divorce of my dad, when I was like, my dad and my ex-stepmom when I was 15 or 16, all of a sudden my brother and I had all this freedom. We were allowed to date. 17, 18, I had my first girlfriend. Took me like a year or two to figure it out, okay? I had my first girlfriend and I remember at one point she literally said to me like, aren't we supposed to be fighting or something? Like this is, "This feels boring. We're not fighting. We're supposed to be fighting." And I was like, "Okay, I guess I could find something to fight about." Which was funny because this also leads me into the next one. This is something that I did wrong for so much of my dating life and just my life in general. And that is this common quote, "Happy wife, happy life." Okay, now you're probably saying, "Aaron, what do you mean?" It's like, of course, gotta make the feminine happy in order to have that happy life. The challenge is that the way that normally people will respond to this is that happy wife, happy life means pleasing. This is the most common, this is a very common way that a lot of the masculine, and it's a toxic masculine trait to try to please. So the way that it actually is, the healthy version of it is the masculine protects and serves, protects and serves, helps create a safe space for the feminine. Serves is very different than please. To serve is to actually do what's best for your own integrity, what's doing what's best, even if the feminine doesn't necessarily like it, but it's living according to your own principles and your own integrity, pleasing and serving as well is doing something because it's the right thing to do. Pleasing is doing something to get a certain result. Oh, I'm gonna get this person to like me more, their validation, they're gonna be happy so that I can have more sex. And this is like the perspective of the toxic masculine. The other side of protect and serve, where serving is pleasing, is protect. And the toxic masculine side of protect is to control. So sometimes, people will want to control. And when they control, that is adding in resistance into the process. That is creating energy that really also repels the feminine. And the really, the name of the game is having the masculine energy so that the feminine can feel safe. All right, so this is about energy polarity. But if there's an attachment to someone else's happiness and someone else feeling a certain way, and the goal is to please, that will kill polarity. And the desire to please comes from a belief that says, I must please you in order to get, I must manipulate you in order to get something from you. Oh, the thing I was gonna say earlier is the feminine doesn't actually respect the masculine that is pleasing. The feminine may think, by the way, oh, this is what I want. I want somebody to like please me and to do what I want. But they would not then, they would not respect it. They would not feel safe. And in a value perspective, it's manipulative. So then the only form of person that may be attracted to that is a manipulative, the manipulative feminine energy that's playing off of the manipulative masculine energy. 'Cause remember, the masculine is trying to get their needs met. They wanna control and please. In order to get their needs met. So this is about that process. Now let's look at some of the other one. Now there is this belief as well. Here's some toxic ones that some people actually believe. Now, your perfect match is out there. Your perfect match is out there. This is a belief that a lot of people have that I think also a lot of people that are in a way maybe avoiding intimacy might actually have that belief. And one of the reasons being is because if you believe the perfect partner is out there, your idea of perfection is something that keeps people at an arm's length. That's also called avoidant attachment. Not that we need to get attached to the labels, but I will say that sometimes I meet some people that either I'm coaching or some even friends, and they have this long, long, long list of what their partner needs to have in order for them to like date somebody. Not only do they have to make like 6 figures plus a year, they need to be 6'3", they need to have green eyes, dark hair, they need to have gone to this college, like all of these things. And it's like, wow, there's such a long laundry list there, or such a long list that it's almost gonna be impossible for someone to meet every single piece of criteria. That's why one thing I say it's more beneficial to do is to have certain qualities that you like in some, and the values and the qualities that you want to attract. So instead of doing that, because the idea of perfection is something that's put on a pedestal and it's very hard to meet the expectations of, not that you need to lower your standards, but become more realistic with things that aren't so superficial. Because those little, those things are, I mean, they're not, I'd say the energetic things going more general with energy is gonna actually what makes you happy. Because I'll tell you what, if you get that 6'3" guy with dark hair and green eyes and make 6 figures, but they're not emotionally available, you might not be very happy. You might be able to rationalize it. I'll put 3, and he does have brown eyes or brown hair and green eyes, and he has all these things. I forgot to put on the list emotional availability. Oh my God. I started square zero again. So the key to this is instead of going after those, go after general values that you value. Maybe you value vulnerability. Maybe you value someone that's in their masculine presence. So then it's like, okay, I'll be in my feminine presence. Maybe it's realizing the qualities you wanna attract in somebody else. If you begin to live by those values, you're more likely to attract that person because like attracts like in that way. And whatever you want in the opposite of your partner, then embody, and don't do it, by the way, you're not doing this to get the person. Okay, I'm gonna be the divine feminine so I could attract the divine masculine. Be in that feminine energy if that's what you enjoy and prefer. Do it because it's an end of itself. Otherwise, it's a form of manipulation. So another common thing that people say is play hard to get, play hard to get. Once again, if we're going to play games, we're going to attract people that want to play games. So if you wanna play hard to get, go play. But guess what? You're gonna attract somebody else that plays the game with you, but leading with that version of playing the game is gonna keep you trapped in that dynamic. 'Cause playing hard to get is you're playing hard to get because you wanna get the result. You may say, well, I love the chase. I love the game. I love the play. But realize that if you want someone that's emotionally available and vulnerable, you're gonna have to be emotionally available and vulnerable, which means instead of like, I'm gonna pretend I don't like this person, I'm gonna not text them for 3 days. No. If you text them when you're actually thinking about them in a genuine way, and they're like, ugh, they're not playing games, they're not hard to get, they must not be valuable, and they leave or they don't text you back, guess what? You've saved yourself time. So this only works when you want a manipulative relationship. These are all, everything I'm sharing with you is things that a lot of people actually believe to be true, but actually hurts attracting love. And the process of attracting love, by the way, 90% of it is letting go of the belief that you're not loved, letting go of the belief that you don't deserve love, letting go of the story you have about what it takes to attract love, and more so focus on being in your own values, in your own vulnerability, enjoying your life, leading in your own life, and like having a dope life that you're setting up for yourself. It's really about being in your own frame. But it's because we believe that we need to be different, we believe we need to manipulate to get our needs met. What we're really trying to do is we're trying to get our childhood needs met that weren't met. So if mom or dad didn't validate us, we're looking for that in a partner. Partner. If we didn't feel like we had emotional availability, we're gonna find that in a partner 'cause it feels familiar, but we're looking for it and we secretly want the emotional availability. But what's actually familiar to us is that probably that emotional unavailability. So one more that we'll do that is a very common one that I wanna share is the idea of soulmates, twin flames, and all these other things that will infuse on our reality. And I see this happen so often in the spiritual community is they're looking for their twin flame, their soulmate, the one person that's the other half to their soul. Guess what happens when you look for the other half to your soul? You're looking outside of yourself for something that is already inside of yourself. You're already whole and complete. You're a whole holistic, eternal spiritual being. And if you believe that somebody outside of yourself has your happiness, then guess what? That's gonna have you searching for everything outside of yourself. And then all this pressure you also put on someone else. Don't you know you're my soulmate? Don't you know you're the other half to my soul? That will freak the hell outta somebody. They will run quicker than you can imagine because you're like, you don't know it yet. You aren't aware, but you're my twin flame soulmate, other half to my soul. I know you don't know this yet, but one day you will. And they're just thinking, okay, I need space, I need space, I need space. And then you're like, I don't wanna give you space 'cause if I give you space, you're gonna leave. And you don't know this, but you're my twin flame soulmate. I see it happen so often. So that's a story that's been bought into. You're already an eternal spiritual being living a temporary human experience. And what I call twin flame, there's something called oneitis. Oneitis is where you say that person's the one and you put them on a pedestal and they're the greatest thing since Swiss cheese or whatever, I don't know, since sliced bread. And they're so amazing and everything better work out. Everything's on the pedestal. That's called oneitis. What I call twinflammitis or soulmateitis is the one that you're looking for. That's just the end of all your happiness. It's gonna make you so happy, but you put it on a pedestal and guess what ends up happening? You create a lot of unnecessary resistance. You freak the hell out of them and then they run away. So what is better? Let go of twinflammitis, which is really a scarcity play of story that you keep telling yourself. There are 7 billion people out there in the world, but this one person is my twin flame and the other half to my soul. No, you could still have deep connections as well. And from my own experience with this twin flame and these soulmates, you may have many soulmates, all right? You may have many connections with people, and sometimes certain relationships may serve a certain purpose to wake you up, to understand your own love, and to do that inner work. But if you try to fit that into a different category, you're like, no, I need to force this to work, you'll create a lot of resistance and pain. And I know because I've been through that and it is painful, 'cause you're trying to force something to work that's not working. So these are all things that a lot of people believe. The key is breaking down the old belief systems and then choosing what and who you actually are And then as well, if you haven't texted me yet, you can text me at my number at 424-304-0104. And I will text you 1 to 3 times a week my top books I'm reading, top epiphanies I'm learning, high vibe thoughts of the week, all of these things. And all you gotta do is text me and you can also ask me your questions and I'll be answering those in future YouTube videos. And then also as well, one of my most powerful videos is the 5 traits of extremely attractive people. That anybody can take on. Realize that attractiveness is all energetic based. This video right here will change your life. These are the 5 traits of extremely magnetic people. So people that you perceive to have very contagious energy, energy that kind of pulls you in, makes you desire more, makes them in a way irresistible. I'm gonna show you what those 5 traits are and how
More from Aaron
If you can see this, you're about to become so magnetic you are unrecognizable
