The Bulletproof CURE to Codependency and Neediness (GUARANTEED)

I used to be a needy little bitch. Right there, you see that? That used to be me. For a long time, I felt codependent. Not only did I feel it, but I was it. I was looking for validation from the outside. I'd find myself in relationships feeling like I really wanted to control the dynamic. I would change and mold myself like a little shape-shifter to being what I thought everybody else wanted me to be. And I felt a sense of, uh, like I didn't have a sense of necessarily strength when I was like showing up. I felt like I was like very moldable and it had me feeling dependent on the outside. And the key to curing codependency and to curing neediness are going to be the 3 things I share with you in this video that I guarantee will work if you commit to them. So I really believe that this video right here could be the video that changes it all for you. And it's come from somebody that went from one way to another way in a relatively short period of time. This can happen very quickly once you commit to it. So with that being said, let's get to the rest of the video, right? Yeah. Real quick, just so you know, today is the absolute last day that I'm going to be talking about the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge, which starts on July 1st. To the 21st. This is a 21-day live event, a process we are all gonna be going through as a tribe towards releasing codependent patterns, wiring in a more magnetic version of us. We're gonna be removing love blocks. We're gonna be healing our attachment pattern to feel more secure instead of anxious or avoidant. We're gonna remove intimacy blocks, remove love blocks, and just so that we can really either attract love into our life if we're single or go deeper in the love if we're in a relationship. This is a brand new challenge that we've never done before. This is not the High Vibe Challenge. This is more specifically in regards to worthiness and love. And it's not just videos you watch passively. These are videos where there's things you do at the end of them. And then you post in the High Vibe Tribe group, which you'll have lifetime access to. And this is a process we will go through to let go of the old and wire in a new version of us. So right now, if you wanna join, click the link below. Today's the last day to join before we begin. And you'll go to aarondoughty.com/love or just click the link below and join. I'm super excited. We're gonna be doing this together. If you're in, by the way, can you comment below, I'm in, and let me know if you're excited for that. As always, let's get back into the video right now. Welcome back to another video. My name is Aaron, and I help people expand their consciousness. Now, in this video, I'm gonna show you the 3 bulletproof keys to curing codependency and neediness. Now, first off, what is codependency? What is neediness? Neediness and codependency kind of go hand in hand. But if you're codependent, the patterns are that maybe you're really looking to the outside for validation. You're really looking to the outside of other people to give you a sense of your own sense of worthiness. You'll find in relationships that you really want the person to like get closer to you. You'll find that you're really waiting for their text back. You'll find that a lot of times codependency happens because it's rooted, we'll get deeper into this later. It's going real deep, real quick. But codependency many times rooted in a sense of abandonment, feeling abandoned emotionally or physically as a kid, and then abandoning ourselves to then please other people. And what happens though is codependency is, A loss of frame is really what codependency is. Now, first off, before I get into the 3 cures, we gotta know a little bit more about what codependency is. Now, there's this thing that is called the locus of control. Now, imagine that this locus of control is the way that we feel a sense of control in our lives. And when our locus of control is externally based, meaning that unless we control the external, because we are drawing our state of validation from the external, then what happens is unless we're getting that, our needs aren't met and we're needing more. And remember, anything you need, you lack. A lot of times it's just codependency is a lack of frame, it's a lack of self. My shadow work integration coach talks to me a lot about this because there's the self, there's the ego, there's the body, and then there's other, there's everything else. And then there's space in between is another aspect of it that you can feel. You could feel the space between you and the wall, you and your boyfriend or girlfriend, you and your parents. You feel that space, that space is good 'cause then you can discern what is my stuff versus their stuff. Now in codependency and neediness, it's almost like there's no sense of self, so it's drawing upon a sense of self off of everything else. So what happens is when the locus of control, how you feel in your body, your sense of control, is based on that of the external, you will look to other people to get your needs met. You will want them to change. You'll want them to give you validation. And it becomes this thing where you are drawing your source of valueness, your source of, uh, frame from the outside. So you feel codependent on things working out a certain way and you're codependent on whether people can give that back to you. Now also think of these different dynamics. Somebody that has an internal locus of control knows they generate state from within. They also know that they can choose different things in their life, so they're more empowered in that way. The difference is, imagine that somebody is going out that has a strong internal locus of control. They'll go out into the world and they'll say, "Oh, I'm gonna ask this person out." And what happens is they'll ask someone out, that person says yes or no. Their way of internalizing it is, "I did that. I asked that person out because I'm self-empowered." Somebody with a codependent pattern that has a locus of control on the external would look at that and say, wow, that person got lucky because that person said yes. No, the internal sense of control, the locus of control was from the action of being it, of asking. So it's an internal sense of, of a frame is really what this is. And when we have it based on the outside, we feel lost. We don't know exactly who you are, who we are. So codependency is when we're growing up, there's a sense of self that is beginning to develop, but if we don't feel validated in our sense of self, we then look to the external to tell us who we are and we look for the external for validation. The key to this is understanding that codependency is simply a personality, uh, like wound or a childhood wound from when we were kids where we didn't have and we weren't validated in our own frame to feel safe in our own bodies. Many times people that are codependent, and aren't grounded in their bottom chakras. They're kind of in the intuitive thing. They're connecting to everyone else and they know what everyone else is feeling but themselves 'cause they're not inside of their body. So for me, the biggest, biggest game changer was when I learned how to bring the energy more inside of my body and to put the energy in my own frame. Now in your frame and in your body is the same thing. When you're in your own body, you feel present. You also have more magnetic energy. And when you are also like lacking boundaries, it's because you're lacking being in your body and knowing that that's someone else's stuff and this is your stuff. Sometimes your stuff is you to take responsibility. I've had people that have like in a way guilted me into going different places and doing different things. And even look at that language, they guilted me. How can someone guilt me? No, I guilt myself because I feel entitled that I'm not worthy of my own way of thinking my own way of being. Once I started getting in my own body, in my own frame, it was very easy for me to say, oh, that's your stuff, not mine. I don't need to go do that because you want me to. And then it changes everything. So realize that's the first one. The first one is F and then the last two are Vs, okay? The first one is frame. Get in your own frame, be in your own body. You know, a lot of this too was healing my own childhood wounds because I realized that I felt a sense of shame. Shame means I'm broken, there's something wrong with me. When I was a kid, because when my parents became somewhat emotionally available, 'cause they had their own stuff going on, it's not their fault, but it's their, but in a way it was like, you know, I understand where they were coming from, but I have compassion for that. But at the same time, there was a little boy inside of me that felt abandoned. And I had to realize that that abandonment wasn't 'cause I wasn't worthy. My parents divorcing wasn't 'cause I'm not worthy. It was 'cause they had their own stuff going on, separating my stuff from their stuff. They had their own stuff going on that was on them. So that is a huge difference, is that separation within the own frame. Now, the second thing I wanna talk about is vulnerability. Vulnerability. When people are codependent, they are not expressing their true selves normally. They are molding to everybody else so that they can then get validation, approval, and support. And of course, there's another V in here. The V could be validation. Vulnerability and validation, giving yourself the validation, self-validation. And this could be giving yourself your own words of affirmation, but it's also just realizing and releasing the shame, the identity-based shame from childhood. And vulnerability is how you release shame. It's like someone like Brené Brown that talks about this. But when you are feeling shameful, you're hiding away, you're like afraid to look at this thing that may say that you're unworthy, so you don't wanna look at it. What happens is when you talk about it or you express it, you then heal. Now with vulnerability, when you go out into the world and let's say you're afraid of rejection because when you were a kid you felt emotionally abandoned and you don't wanna be emotionally abandoned because then you don't have that sense of validation because the locus of control's on the external. Well, what happens is when you bring the energy back on inside and you stop abandoning the self, you start feeling empowered you don't need that on the outside and you start feeling, you know, it's more centered within yourself. Now the vulnerability part of this though is realizing that as you release and as you express these different things and you are not being, you know, you're not changing and molding depending on what everybody else wants, you then have your own sense of gravity. And for me, this meant that I had to start being, instead of being afraid of rejection, I had to start valuing things differently. Realize if somebody rejects you, then what they, well, all you're really doing is saving time. You're realizing that that's, there may not be just a vibrational match for you. It's a way of reframing it instead of saying it's about my shame, it's about my identity. So for me, when you're a people pleaser or a nice guy, you know, that's something I had to shed a year ago that came from the shadow of being afraid of being vulnerable. It's vulnerable to express your emotions. It's vulnerable to express how you feel about someone. If you wanna date them, it's vulnerable to put yourself out there. It's vulnerable to be honest. And what you'll find is when you just be vulnerable, that's real, and it's a lot of times what people are craving in dating and those type of dynamics. So it only helps you to be vulnerable, to express how you feel. There's this little chipmunk that's on this, that's outside. There's all these chipmunks here in Austin just dancing around. It's cool. I'm doing a video and it's just, boop, boop, boop. They're cool, frisky little animals. So vulnerability is you being able to express yourself and know that that's who you are. So there's only benefit of it, but as you express yourself, you're also releasing that shame and you're putting yourself out there more too, you know? So putting yourself out there, telling people how you really feel, like people pleasers don't say how they really feel because they're afraid that if they do, then they won't be accepted or loved. So when I started being vulnerable, I literally had like people in my life that I was like very vulnerable with and started expressing how I feel. It changed everything. People felt deeper, they felt closer, they knew who I really was. I got, I had more respect 'cause I was respecting myself more and I was living by that. Now the final thing, so we have that of validation/vulnerability. We have frame, which means being inside of your own body. But then the third one, you guys wanna guess what it is? You guys wanna guess what it is? It's values. Values. What do you value? Now, when we're talking about, because that's also within your sense of self. I realized that when I was dating and I was, you know, not having a strong sense of values of what's important to me, I would then mold mine to whoever I was dating so I get them to give me validation. But once I stopped doing that, what happened is I started saying, what do I value? You know, I value authenticity, I value integrity, I value being honest, being vulnerable, I value openness. These are all things I value. And because a lot of times we have our values messed up, we value other people's validation, what other people think over authenticity, over our own integrity. And because of that, that's when things get murky, that's when codependent patterns are there. If you switch around your values and you start to live by the virtues, these are like virtues you live by, these are like almost identity beliefs about who you are, I started to live by authenticity. So if I was in a situation with someone and I was normally afraid of what they would think about me and afraid of expressing my true self, instead what I would do is I would try to mold myself and make them happy. But instead what I would do is I would express how I really felt. I'm like, this is how I really feel about that. And by doing that, it would put myself out there, but it also felt so much more free. It felt so good. So that's something that we can begin to realize too. The ideal version of you that's in your own frame, that's in your own body, that's leading in your life, that's living by your own virtues. Because then when you're dating, it's more a curiosity. It's more like, oh, is this person gonna fit into my reality versus I really hope they like me and what can I do to like change for them? It becomes this thing that's like, it's almost curious. It's a different energy. It's much more attractive energy too because we're not needy on what is happening on the outside. So like I said, these are the 3 things you can do to cure neediness. Also, there is the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge that starts on July 1st. It's starting soon. Today's the absolute last day you can possibly join before we, that I've been talking about it before we start. This is 21 days to a more magnetic you. This is not for people that just wanna passively watch videos. This is for people at the end of every live that we do. There's homework to do, there's vulnerability challenges to do that you post in the High Vibe Tribe app. The High Vibe Tribe app you will have access to for life. And we're gonna be going through a process for becoming magnetic, releasing that needy codependent patterns, healing attachment styles, removing love blocks, going deeper in your own relationships if you're already in a relationship to remove intimacy blocks. Becoming understanding masculine feminine energy. These are all things we're gonna be doing in the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge. And if you wanna join right now, all you gotta do is click the link below or go to aarondoughty.com/love. I'm super excited for this challenge. If you can't make the lives every day, there'll be replays and you can watch them whenever you want. So this is gonna be like a 21-day live event. You can watch it on your own time whenever you want, but it's gonna be super powerful and it's gonna be 21 days to a higher vibrational, more magnetic version of us This is a brand new challenge I've never done before and I'm super excited to do it. So we start on July 1st, click the link below. And other than that, as always, I'll talk to you guys on the next video. Peace, love, namaste.