the lesson from Narcissists Empaths MUST LEARN (to break the cycle)

Why is it that some people attract narcissists and are like a magnet to that kind of energy? Why is it that even though someone that can feel other people's energy, of all energies, ends up attracting the energy of somebody that is very manipulative, someone that's very controlling, someone that demands so much from other people, and it's something that ends up draining the person that can feel the energy. Now, what if there was a certain lesson that had to be learned from the person that attracts narcissists? And unless they learned the lesson, they continue to attract people over and over again that might be manipulators, energy vampires, and people that demand so much to where it's never enough. Now in this video, I wanna show you what that lesson is, how you can in a way pass the test to where you no longer attract that kind of energy dynamic, and so that you understand where the childhood energy comes that's keeping you trapped in tuning to other people and attracting a controlling person into your life. Now, to start this video off, what I wanna share is a simple understanding that will completely transform the way that you see the energy dynamics between that of an empath and narcissist. Now, an empath is someone that can feel other people's energies. Now, not just feel it, but is very sensitive to it. Can pick up on what people are thinking and feeling. And I want you to know that this is a survival mechanism that was built as a kid in order to tune to other people in order to feel safe. So as a kid, if there was chaotic energy in the household, if there was a parent with unpredictable energy, unpredictable love, unpredictable, fly-off-the-wall type energy, it was felt that from this kid, it's not safe for me to be myself. It's not safe for me just to relax. I must tune to mom and dad to say, how do I need to be in order for me to feel safe? And what happens is in a way energetically, what you can think of is use this visual. Imagine you have your bottom 3 chakras, The bottom 3 chakras are the root chakra, which is your sense of survival, being grounded, the sacral chakra, which connects to family, sexuality, and other dynamics. And then you have the third chakra, which is like the willpower, the solar plexus. Now what happens is growing up, if the empath does not feel safe inside of their own body, they will tune and bring the energy out of the bottom 3 chakras into the third eye, into the intuitive center to gain this ability to tune to everybody else to ask, who do I need to be in order to feel safe? So there's this intuitive connection and that's why a lot of empaths or people that can feel other people's energies are so good at knowing how other people think and feel. In an interesting way, when I look at like people that I meet that are in the service industry, People that are in customer service. Like I used to work and sell women's shoes, for example. Very good at tuning to see what do people want? How can I help? There are people that may work in a restaurant or people that may be nurses. Like there are certain careers where tuning to other people is something that in a way is like your superpower, something you're very good at. Therapists, for example, people that are very empathetic, very empathic. So in some ways this can be a benefit when it comes to your career, but it may be a detriment when it comes to the kind of people you attract. And the lesson for you is to learn how to be inside of your own body to assert your own frame of reality without trying to find safety in someone else. Because that's why you're attracting the narcissist to begin with. Now let's look at the other side of the coin. So we have the empath who moved outta the bottom 3 chakras into the third eye, tuning to everyone else to find safety. So the key for the empath is to bring the energy back inside of the body and to actually focus on the separation between you and other people. The separation between you and the narcissist. Because one thing I find interesting is when it comes to an empath or someone that can feel other people's energy setting boundaries, one of the challenges for the empath is setting the boundaries almost doesn't even seem like an option because it's like, well, your happiness and your tension is my tension. Because the empath hasn't learned what is called subject-object permanence. It hasn't learned in a way that feeling the separation, knowing that the narcissist tension is their tension, not yours to manage, to mitigate. If you set boundaries with a friend, maybe that's not even a narcissist, but you just set a boundary and you're afraid of what will happen, you're afraid that they will feel tension and that tension is your tension. You literally think that their subject is your subject instead of realizing subject-object, that's separation. You see, this is where as a kid, you felt it was your responsibility to heal mom and dad or to mitigate the tension in the family. So you didn't see it as an option to just let them figure it out because you didn't wanna feel tension. And empaths are people that can feel other people's energies, definitely have an aversion to tension. When in a way, the medicine for you is actually to lean into the tension and know that you're okay. So the narcissist on the other side of this, here's the thing about the empath and the narcissist. They have very similar trauma, but very different means by which to get their needs met. The empath, gives to then get validation, approval, and safety. So I will abandon myself to make you happy. I will abandon myself to make it so you don't feel tension. I will make your problems my problems. Don't worry. Okay, you feel okay. Okay, now I can feel safe. They give and then get. Sometimes this is where certain people may end up becoming people pleasers because they're trying to please someone else because subconsciously they're trying to please the parent that was very hard to please growing up. They're projecting that onto the people in their life. The challenge is that the people please other people, you end up displeasing yourself. Parent pleaser, people pleasers can many times be the result of parent pleasing as a kid and feeling like it was never good enough. Now, the challenge is that the empath, the person that can feel other people's energies is abandoning themselves to make other people happy. Now, the narcissist also has an abandonment wound. Now, the narcissist, instead of giving to then get, the narcissist demands and manipulates. It's more overt. So what happens is the narcissist also has an abandonment wound, is deeply afraid of abandonment. So in order to not be abandoned, they control, manipulate, demand that other people meet their needs. And what happens is they both have the same fundamental core wound. Now, the narcissist manipulates other people to get their needs met. The empath gives to get their needs met. But let's also not look past this. To give to then get is also a form of manipulation. It's just covert instead of overt. Now, this is a huge epiphany for the empath. Because to realize that you are in a way manipulating in order to get your needs met, but it's just in a nice way, nice is not a compliment. Nice is manipulative. This is why a lot of times when women talk about nice guys, nice guys finish last. Why? Nice guys, it's hard for women to feel safe around because they don't really know what the nice guy is thinking or feeling because they're putting on a show. They're pretending to be a certain way to manipulate to get a different result. So the thing to become aware of here is the manipulation factor that you may be using to get your needs met. Now this is a powerful realization because normally you think the niceness is a strategy to get what you want, when actually the niceness, you start to see it as a manipulation you can stop doing it. You can start meeting your own needs, start feeling safe inside of your own body, realize it's not a strategy that works. If you ask any person that is a people pleaser or a nice guy or a nice girl, whatever, that you'll find that it doesn't really work. Does this strategy ever really work? Now let's also delineate between being nice and being kind. Being kind is not being attached to the result. Being kind is not manipulative. It's not attached to outcome. You could be a kind person. Doesn't mean you have to be a dick or rude. But people generally respect people that are authentic to themselves. And being nice and people pleaser is not authentic. It's living according to the values of tuning to other people to then get something from them. That's manipulation. So if you really want to transform from this process, the key is learning to develop a new relationship with tension inside of your body, because you will continue to attract narcissists to give you tension where you constantly have to tune to them and to change your tune to mirror to them what they need, because there's also maybe a part of you that feels valuable to fix someone else. This is the dirty payoff that you may get. If I can fix this person, because here's the thing, no one else is gonna put up with the narcissist. The narcissist can only manipulate people that they're able to manipulate. If a narcissist, like if you look at this as in the form of attachment styles, if you have avoidant attachment with somebody that pushes away love and keeps it at a distance, anxious attachment, somebody that leans in and, leans in and desires affection and intention in a relationship and connection. They have different strategies for getting their needs met. Now, as someone in secure attachment does not back away from love and does not lean in to grasp love, it just naturally has a steady connection to love. Secure attachment. Now, avoidant and anxious tend to attract each other because they're playing the same game. The avoidant pushes away love. The anxious grasps for love. So they're playing like a game. Now, the secure attachment person won't play the game of avoidant or anxious for too long if it's toxic. They'll stand in their ground and it could be a good way for the anxious or the avoidant to like rise up to the occasion and rise up to a more secure attachment style. But secure attachment style people will tend to attract other people that are secure attachment because that's their standard. That's their, like, their energy dynamic. Now think about it. Somebody with a healthy attachment style meets a narcissist who's controlling and manipulative, they will see red flags. They may miss a couple here and there, but eventually they see it. The part that doesn't see it of an anxious attachment style or even an avoidant attachment person, but say, Somebody that's naive to red flags is somebody that is not aware of their own patterns and maybe even the patterns of that manipulation that I'm talking about. So the point is like somebody, the narcissist only has the potential options of lovers in their life or relationships in their life of people that are naive to their behaviors. Now let me ask you a question. Were you naive to certain behaviors in mom or dad? Did you rationalize certain behaviors where maybe they couldn't meet your needs, but you rationalized it? Because in order to break the curse of the narcissist and empath dynamic, you have to understand there's a certain lesson here for you. And the lesson for you is that the narcissist will continue to test you, will continue to push your boundaries, will push your limits. Why? Because you have no boundaries and limits that you're aware of. So the key is for you to step into your power. The key is for you to establish boundaries. The key is for you to say no to an energy that may be toxic. To say no to it, to— what are your boundaries? And they're testing your boundaries because they're showing you that you don't have any, that maybe you're not fighting for yourself in an empowering way. I've seen my dad go through this, and I could tell for a long time with my ex-stepmom, who was a narcissist, controlling, manipulative. From 7 to 17 years old, I didn't have much freedom in my life at all, and my dad kind of in a way allowed it to happen because he was under the spell just as much. So 17 years old comes around, my brother and I have this freedom. And in an interesting way, I kept attracting narcissists into my life until I learned this lesson. After my ex-stepmom, there was a jealous girlfriend that had these kind of tendencies. And then after that, there was that of a manager that was almost the same personality dynamic as my ex-stepmom. But what happened is once I, in a way, forgave my ex-stepmom, that was part of it. The other part of it was I started to stand up for myself, stand in my own power, started to meet the needs of my own inner child, started to feel safe inside of my own body. And when that happened, I stopped attracting that narcissistic dynamic. Now my dad, he has two daughters, my sisters, where that's their real mom. And I've seen my dad where this, my ex-stepmom continues, would for years, even after the divorce, would continue to test my dad, test my dad, test my dad. And I could so clearly see that my dad's lesson was for him to stand up in his power. But sometimes what happens is that can be scary to people. They can be afraid of that energy. And then they stay in that dynamic, playing small. Because they believe they have to. So understand that when you're talking about this narcissist and this empath dynamic, a huge part of this is doing your own inner child work to heal the part of you that has rationalized a controlling parent, maybe even a part of you that feels safe around a controlling person. Because if an empath or someone that can feel other, someone that feels other people's energies, may actually meet someone that's healthy for your nervous system, you may think they're boring or you may think that literally something is missing, which is a crazy thing to think of. But maybe just being aware of the toxic energy, just being aware of the pattern isn't enough. It's a big part of it. But the other key is what are you gonna do with that? How are you gonna regulate your nervous system? How are you gonna feel safe inside of your own body? How are you gonna feel safe inside of your own frame? Subject-object permanence, like feeling the separation between you and someone else, knowing that whatever they're dealing with is their stuff to deal with, not yours. This is why shame, the belief I'm broken, there's something wrong with me, is one of the biggest, most strong things that you can heal. Because when you believe there's something wrong with you, you think that mom and dad's stuff they dealt with growing up was your fault. As kids, we internalize everything. Mom and dad divorced 'cause I'm not worthy. That's what we think as kids. Mom and dad don't have their stuff figured out. Maybe I did something wrong. It's an internalization. And you see, when you realize mom and dad had their stuff going on and it wasn't your fault, it wasn't your fault mom and dad divorced, it wasn't your fault you had a narcissistic mom or dad. When you realize that, then you start to embody more of your own energy. Then you can start to also go back into your timeline to heal the inner child part of you that feels confused because that's ultimately what it is. There's an inner child part of you that feels safe around a controlling dynamic. You are attracting this person to heal. We only attract people into our lives to mirror back to us different stories, different energies that we have unprocessed. So one of the strongest things you can do is to process the energy. And if you wanna learn step by step how to process the energy, breathwork to me has been one of the most powerful things I've ever learned. Now I have a free 2-hour breathwork ceremony in my free High Vibe Tribe community. You can go into High Vibe Tribe, You'll see it under the classroom section. You'll see it under that of somatic release breathwork. It's a 2-hour ceremony with me, with music and everything to help you process this emotion, to let it go. When I did this kind of work a couple years ago, it completely changed my energy from the inside out. I released energy, some of which may have been ancestral, from my body, started to feel so much more free, and it completely changed my life. Now, if you also want a video that goes deeper into this core dynamic of how you can heal the narcissist-empath dynamic, I have one of my most popular videos from a live event that I did where I'm on stage explaining this dynamic. I talk about the still face experiment. If you want to check that video out, check it out right here. So empaths, people that can feel other people's energy, this is both a superpower and sometimes a curse on the other side.