The Magnetic Frame (the key to polarity and boundaries that will change your life)

Become aware of your own frame and become aware of your frame growing up. Did you feel safe in your parents' frame or did you not feel safe in your parents' frame? Did you feel safe in your own frame or did you not? And did it feel more safe for you to become part of someone else's? Having a magnetic frame means that reality literally molds to your own energy. And it's about understanding that the way you feel about you is projected out into the world. Other people are responding to you based on the energy you're putting out. But if you're putting out what is called a weak frame, then what happens is you end up falling into everyone else's frame. So this is the key to really having magnetic, magnetic energy. This is the key to understanding if you feel like in a way you aren't showing up as powerfully as you would like in the world. And a lot of this has to do with understanding frame and also dynamics and relationships. What is your own frame? And in general, you could also say that a frame in a way, is a set of values or beliefs about yourself that you are subconsciously or consciously projecting out to other people. Now, for the year of 2020, for me, this has been a massive year of me stepping into my old frame, me stepping into my, no, me stepping into my own, yeah, my own frame and realizing that my old frame had me showing up in a way that wasn't necessarily authentic. But what I was doing is I was showing up and I was feeling more safe by being a part of other people's frame. And this is something that was a shadow side of myself as well that I wanna share with you. But in general, the way that I've come to understand this is by understanding how I'm showing up in the world. Understanding how I'm interacting with other people. And it's been very interesting because as I look to my life and how I've set up my life, you know, this is the funny thing about the whole situation. A lot of this also goes down and boils down to your own self-image. How do you view yourself? Because what I realized is a lot of the way I viewed myself wasn't congruent to honestly how a lot of people view me. And not that that matters, but I was seeing something. I was not able to see something about myself that other people saw was so obvious about me. And me coming into that power in this year has been extremely pivotal. So first off, let's talk about for a second having a magnetic frame. What does that mean? Having a magnetic frame means that the way you view yourself and the way that you're showing up in the world and the way that you feel about yourself, the way you think about yourself, that that's in a high standard or in a highlight, not better than other people necessarily. It's not like a comparison thing, but it means that you have a lot of self-worth there. But not just that, there's an aspect of your own magnetic frame as well where you're not attached to outcome. When I look at myself at the beginning of this year, when I talk about dating or something like that, you know, I was moving out of a relationship, I could see that there were this old pattern that I had inside of myself where I was like dependent on outcome. And the more I've done my own shadow work, the more I've gone within myself, the less attached to outcome I've become. The more I've just felt good about who I am and not cared what really happens as a result of my own actions or whether that's dating or whether that's just in life in general. And as I've let go of outcome, it's very interesting because then it's almost like my energy is more freedom-giving. It's in a way more pure or more authentic. And then funny enough, it's like people find that more attractive. So if we're attached to outcome, what that means is my frame is dependent on your energy. So if you go on a date with somebody, for example, and you guys are going out and you are caring what they think about you and you're wanting their validation, you're wanting them to affirm or laugh at your jokes, Then what that means is it means in a way, my frame is sort of weak. And if you were to give me something, see, that's the thing as well. That frame is saying, please give me something. If you give me something, then I will feel worthy, whole, and complete. But if you're unattached and you don't care what someone else thinks and you're in abundance because you realize there's so many people out there in the world, but you feel so good about yourself, you're just being yourself authentically. Then what you'll find is that then your energy is more magnetic anyways, but you're also more free to be yourself. It's funny 'cause in dating they say like, the key is to be yourself. But sometimes people are asking, well, who is myself? Am I this awkward person? No, it's just that the awkwardness, a lot of times, if someone feels awkward, it's because they have these filters about who they can or can't be in reality. And therefore their frame that they are projecting out is like a filtered-through frame that's not allowing you to be authentic. So when we talk about, you know, here's another thing though I wanna mention about frame control. We talk about control, you know, that's a lot of times used in psychology. You know, whoever has the more dominant frame is like controlling the conversation. Control though, what I've realized is a form of fear. If we need to control things in our life, it means we fear the unknown. It means we fear the outcome of things without us as an ego controlling things, which in a way takes a lot of the magic out of love. Because imagine if you're trying to control some type of love relationship. Wow, that's a big bird. We have this huge bird that just landed on top of this tree outside. It's huge. But yeah, anyways. Frame control though, and just in general with this process, if we're trying like love and intimacy, you can't really control that. If you're trying to control someone else, that one comes off as a form of manipulation, but also it's like almost like you fear they're not gonna love you. You fear it's not gonna happen the way you want. And because of that fear, you're projecting that energy out and it comes off as probably insecurity to the person. 'Cause remember, people feel what you feel, and energy is magnetic. So this year for me has been very much a metaphor and analogy for me coming into my own frame. I've had this epiphany maybe 3 or 4 times this year. One of the most powerful ones honestly was moving out of that relationship. I was in a relationship for a year last year, And what I realized is that my own energy, I felt safe. And in a way, like the certainty that, oh, this relationship that may not be working, that maybe eventually something happens. There was a, I was holding onto it and it was challenging for me to let it go in the beginning of the year because I was rationalizing it so much. I was rationalizing, wanting like, and it's funny, it's a funny thing really when I look back at it, because in the beginning of the breakup of that relationship, we both really wanted to get, you know, we're still great friends by the way. Many of you probably know who this person is, but we broke apart, we were both on board, we both wanted space. And then after that, it was like, I don't even know what it was, but something kind of shifted. And when something shifted, it was like I started going into my shadow and it was challenging for me to let it go. But what I realized it was, the big epiphany that I had was the reason it was hard to let go was because I wouldn't let go of the old meaning I was giving to this person. I wasn't looking within myself and realizing that I was already whole and complete. It was almost like I was assuming that that this happiness, this deep spiritual connection that I was rationalizing was in this other person and not within myself. And when I look back at it, it's very obvious to see. And what I've realized is letting go is actually not hard. Remember, having a magnetic frame, part of that is being able to not be attached. Letting go is not actually hard. What is hard is making the choice to let go of the old meaning that you give to someone else. It's almost like part of my identity was put inside of someone else because this someone else I had a deep spiritual connection with and that deep spiritual connection, I wasn't seeing within my own self. So I was also assuming like, oh, well, if we part ways, then that deep spiritual connection I may not have, or almost, I never had a deep spiritual connection. And I always say those words, it's funny. 'cause connection's also within ourselves. But basically the girlfriends that I've had in the past, it wasn't ever a really deep spiritual connection. It was mainly more surface many times. You know, there's just different aspects of it. But as I went through my spiritual awakening, it was the first real relationship I had since my spiritual awakening that was like a deep spiritual connection. And what happened is because it was like, the only one like that, I started to associate that with that person instead of realizing that's within myself. But what I realized as well is that it was almost like I was afraid to go into my own frame of being in my own energy and really disconnecting from that and letting go of that. And once I let go of that, I started to feel more free than ever. My energy became much more magnetic 'cause I wasn't attached to outcome. That person and I are still great friends, but it was about me really going within myself in a way, what they call this, you know, I have like a shadow work coach, is I was literally like a teenager becoming a man and having my own sense of gravity. I realized that even in relationship, I was kind of molding my frame to make other people happy, whether that's friendships or even that love relationship. I was like, oh, well, we could do this, or with some level of anxious attachment, I believe, that stemmed from childhood for sure, and a sense of not feeling worthy. If you want more information on that, you guys have a whole series on anxious and avoidant attachment styles. And once I became aware of that, so much of my life changed 'cause I started to really let go. The other big epiphany for me in the relationship sector when it comes to frame control was huge epiphany. I realized that by me trying to control the way somebody else responded to me, I was literally robbing them of making the choice to choose me. Does that make sense? So if you want someone, to text you or to respond to you in a certain way, and you are trying to get them to do that energetically, you're in a way hijacking their energy and trying to manipulate them. And what happens is people are very intuitive and they can feel when you want something from someone else. So what happens is they end up putting up a wall. They end up putting up an energetic block And they won't give you what you want because energetically they can feel that manipulation. It's an energetic thing. So if you were to want a compliment from somebody else and you just bought this new shirt and you go out into public and you're waiting for people to give you a compliment, many times people will not give you that compliment because they can almost feel that resistance within your own energy. And it like blocks them from seeing it. And you're trying to manipulate them and maybe they can feel that. So if you wanna learn more about your frame, having a magnetic frame, frame, how to be more unattached, how to create boundaries, how to really do the shadow work to let go of trying to be safe in other people's frame. There's the whole entire podcast episodes on the Aaron Doughty second channel. You click here, watch the rest of that episode. Also, I post videos or episodes twice a week on iTunes and Spotify on the Into the Vortex with Aaron Doughty podcast channel. There's a backlog of over 100 episodes, so there's plenty there you go on a binge if you like. You click that in the top description box below. Other than that, I hope you guys enjoyed this video and I'll see you in the next one. Peace, much love, and namaste.