The "NO CONTACT" Rule Explained (How To Do It CORRECTLY)

One of the worst things to do post-breakup or after you have detached from somebody else is to keep an open loop and the energy going back and forth. Now, in this video, I'm gonna share with you the solution that changes everything, makes it so much easier, actually makes it a higher probability that you are in your own frame, in your own energy, and then there's an attractive energy there, so it actually magnetizes more to you. I'm gonna show you you exactly what to do, how to do it, and why it is absolutely necessary as a next step. Now, the first thing with this process is let's talk about what the no contact rule is, and let's also talk about what happens when you go through a breakup or you go through a separation for someone else. What normally happens is there is a, there is an energy that is entangled when you are with somebody else. And you are thinking of this person a lot. You are maybe even physically around this person a lot. And what ends up happening, and there's a lot, is there's a lot of energy that's going back and forth. And there are, there's energy that's literally entangled with this other person. Now what happens is when there is a breakup that happens or there is some type of separation that happens, the energy then starts to separate. Now what happens is sometimes one of the person, one of the people may not want that separation to happen, so they energetically cling on. Now what happens is when somebody is energetically clinging on, even after the relationship has fulfilled its purpose, or at least it's ended, what happens is, is as we think about people, we are literally sending them energy. I know this sounds a little bit esoteric, but it is something that quantum physics shows us is that everything exists here and now. And you have probably maybe even experienced this before when you think of somebody and then they call you, or you have certain intuition on different things, it's important to understand how this energy dynamic works because when you are thinking of somebody else, you are sending them energy. Now, if you went through a breakup with someone, you may be thinking about how what happened wasn't something that you wanted to happen. You may be feeling lack, you may be feeling very sad, you may be feeling that attachment doesn't feel so good. So the energy that's being sent to them is something is, I feel lack, I feel sad, and that energy they are feeling. Now, in general, when you go through a process of like unmeshing or deseparation or unattaching, sometimes it can be because maybe somebody else wants space. Maybe they want to be in their own energy field and they don't, especially when you talk about attachment styles, you talk about anxious and avoidant attachment styles, which tend to attract each other. There's secure attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment. Secure attachments, you're able to give and receive love easily. A lot of times they tend to be in relationships, not always, but a lot of times. Anxious attachment people lean in for love and sometimes they're trying to fix other people or trying to make the relationship work. And then avoidant people on the other side of that, avoidant attachment style normally is pushing away love, is a little bit afraid to get, there's an intimacy block there and they feel more safe, independent, and in their own energy. So what can happen many times is an anxious attachment style person and avoidant attachment style attract each other. And sometimes, and this can fluctuate back and forth, it's important not to get attached to the labels necessarily because I found in the past that I was anxious at times and then in different situations been more avoidant. So it's like, I think we all have some of these energies in us depending on our own emotional availability. However, you'll find that the anxious may lean in, the avoidant may kind of back up. But when it comes to this energy, sometimes, especially if this person's avoidant, they may just want space. They want space. They wanna be in their own energy field. So the anxious of contacting them, checking in on them, trying to see how they're doing and projecting energy at them, they're gonna feel it and they're gonna wanna run away more. Now, here is the magic of this whole thing. I've seen this happen. So many times. No kidding, I've seen this happen with friends. I've seen this happen in my own life. I've seen this happen with family members. It's incredible how powerful this is. But what happens is very common. Someone may go through a breakup. Somebody is really distraught about it, really wants someone back, is maybe even projecting them energy. And then what they do is as they're projecting energy at this person, they want them, they're maybe even texting them consistently. What eventually happens is they're kind of sad about it, and then they might go out with their friends. They may go out and they may disengage the energy they've been projecting. They may focus on themselves. They may have fun with their friends. They may go out to a restaurant, or they may go play with their dog or their cat or whatever. They might go do something where they disengage the energy, and then maybe that happens for a period of time. Maybe you have so much fun, you forget to reach out because you're doing your own thing. And then what happens many times once you truly detach is that other person then texts you, says, "Hey, how are you?" Or, "What's going on?" So it's very interesting the way the no contact rule is because it's literally a game, and that's why you might not wanna play the game anymore, but it's a game of energy investment. And the person that is the least attached always holds the frame. Doesn't mean not compassionate, not loving, but it means least attached to outcome because there's an energy that's unwavering. Now, for this no contact rule and understanding this, what this specifically means is you bring your energy back. You bring your energy back to self. You bring the energy back inside your own body and you stop projecting it at somebody else thinking that that somebody else is the cure to your happiness, is gonna fill up your cup. When we're growing up, we look to our parents to meet our needs many times, and if they didn't meet our needs, we'll try to find somebody else that maybe, just maybe, can meet our needs. So then what happens is we glorify sometimes, even put them on a pedestal, and we think of somebody and they are the savior to our happiness, and we're trying to close the loop of the childhood trauma, of the childhood abandonment we may have felt. The challenge is that we put all this pressure on somebody else. They feel that pressure and then they may wanna go do their own thing or maybe they don't wanna, they wanna break from that pressure. And what we have to realize is it's not their job to do that. We can take back our own energy and it's like magic when you do this. When I learned about a technique called the frame technique where I bring the energy to my hands and my feet, I would then go out in the public and notice that people respond to me very differently just simply because I'm not projecting energy at them. Before, I would project energy at people where I would want someone else's validation. I would want someone else to say hi to me. I would want someone else's approval. And the funny thing is the less approval I need, the more I get it. The more I'm present inside of my own body, the more it's like that energy is there of the approval or whatever, but I don't need it because I've brought my energy back. And bringing your energy back is a part of the no contact rule. The no contact rule is that if you really want to attract somebody back, one of the best things you can absolutely do is to actually let them go, to completely let them go. Now, when I say let them go, sometimes you might hear that and say, okay, I'm gonna do that, Aaron. I'm gonna let them go and then they're gonna come back. But if you let go to get them back, this will not work because it's a means to an end. You're letting them go to get them back, and it means you're not really in the energy of pulling your energy back. You're doing it to manipulate the situation. The key is to let go because you realize that maybe the relationship wasn't the most healthy. Maybe you're letting go to realize, you know, I need to stop abandoning myself, because that's a lot of times what we do when we have somebody else. We're trying to like fix them to fix our parent or have them make, our needs met that our parents didn't meet. And the key to this, the magic of this is realizing that you could stop abandoning yourself for other people. You can bring your energy back and know that you are good enough the way you are. So many times I've abandoned myself. I've had trouble setting boundaries. I've said yes to things I don't wanna do. I've like could just tell that I would, like be around people that were only really around me for some type of gain or something like that. And a lot of that was just me not knowing my own sense of value and worthiness and also feeling safe around other people that felt like they needed me. Because if I felt needed, then I felt value. So for this process, what I had to realize, I had to start checking in with myself saying, what do I want? Who am I? Well, can I set boundaries here? Check in with myself. Another thing I'll share is this, I've shared this a couple times, but just to show the energy of this, I actually did this at my live event the other day. I did the Shift Experience live event, and I did this thing where I had people in the crowd, I said, you know, I had somebody else, I experienced this at a different life transformation place in Costa Rica, but basically this TEDx speaker that came in was talking about energy, she was an energy, like an energy physics expert. And she said, watch this, like everyone send me energy right now. Everyone send me energy. We all, everyone in the crowd sent in their energy. She said she felt her energy back up. She would back up. It literally was like pushing her away, repelling her. She said, okay, now people think that if you send someone energy, you're like, you're magnetizing them to you. But she said, now try this. Put all the energy back in your body. Feel inside your hands and your feet. Bring it back, bring it back, bring it back. As people brought it back, she said she could feel the tug on the energy attracting to the crowd. Now that's because the energy dynamics are at play to where the more embodied you are, the more in your own frame you are, the more you stop abandoning yourself, the more you bring your energy back, the more attractive you are. However, the more you project your energy out, want something from somebody else, you are diffusing your own energy. People can feel that. And as people feel that, it then repels them. It's like you're chasing a dog and if you chase a dog, it's gonna run from you. Energetically, that's the energy, that's the game it's playing. And reality is simply reflecting back the energy we're putting out. And if we're putting out the energy of like putting out that energy and sporadically scattering it, then people feel that and it repels them. But being in your own frame is one of the most magnetic things you can do, things you could do. Now, something I'm gonna be doing as well is a 21-day confidence challenge challenge. This is brand new, July 1st to the 21st. Go through a process with me and thousands of others as we completely transform our confidence from the inside out. We remove fear, we remove doubt, and we learn how to really remove the blocks to us feeling self-love so that we can either attract love or go deeper in our own relationship. So this is the 21-Day Confidence Challenge. I'm super excited about this. There's gonna be live sessions, breathwork, so many different cool things. And if you wanna join, now is the best time to join to get all the bonuses and lifetime access. Go to www.aarondoughty.com/confidence, or you could just click the link in the top of the description box below. And then also there's a video right here for why they always come back when you let them go. It's one of my most powerful videos for wiring this concept. Watch it right here. Simply watching this video right here will increase the probability of someone actually coming back. And in this video, I'm gonna show you the 5 reasons someone will come back and the 5 things you can actually do about it