The Power of Vulnerability: How Being Real Makes You Irresistible

I believe that vulnerability is literally the most attractive quality. That is the most underrated quality right now in society, but one of the most refreshing qualities that someone can have to really attract someone that resonates with them, somebody that resonates at a deep level. Here's the thing, right now in society, as you look around, there's so much surface-level BS. It's all surface level stuff. It's people kind of dancing around the depths of who they are that are kind of having small talk, small conversation, that are afraid to show who they really are because they're afraid of rejection or validation. And therefore it's surface level relationships. If you want to attract someone at a deep level, somebody with depth, somebody that you feel like you have a form of deep connection with, then the best thing you can actually do is to be more vulnerable. Being vulnerable is the most attractive thing you can do and the most attractive way of being. It has completely transformed my life and it has attracted to me people that I really resonate with at a deep level. Now, first off, you might be asking, what is vulnerability? Vulnerability, the word vulner means means wound, and the word ability is the ability to go into the wound, the ability to show the aspects of yourself that you may normally not show because there's an afraid of being rejected. And that's a lot of times what happens when we grow up. We go through conditioning growing up where we're led to believe that we need people's approval and validation. And if we don't get it, then what we do is we believe we must change ourself and only show certain aspects of ourself so that we can get that approval and validation. So it's like that surface level stuff I'm talking about. And that sometimes also reverts to people that change themselves to make other people happy or to get other people's validation. So it's like, what kind of food do you like? And they're like, oh, I like Chinese food. And you're like, yeah, me too, Chinese food's great. And it's kind of like this tuning to where it's like, if you were to actually like not like Chinese food or something, You'd be afraid to share that. You'd be afraid to share that just because, oh, what if they reject it? What if they're offended by it? Does it mean I'm racist? Does it mean I'm prejudiced or something? There's all these fears that come up with just expressing something that socially conditioning-wise, there may be some type of fear there because you wanna fit within a little box. Now, let's also look at this. Now, for me, the way this played out in my life and the way this completely transformed my life is a few years ago, And even now at certain levels, there's levels to this to where I'm becoming more and more vulnerable to where I express as things come up in the moment, how I feel. Now, this doesn't mean, by the way, vulnerability doesn't mean necessarily that you're going and you're crying and complaining to everyone. Like, you're not doing this thing I want you to do. Now I'm being vulnerable. What it means is you express your emotions from like a grounded place. So if somebody does something, that makes you feel a certain way, instead of like bottling up and suppressing it, you're able to actually express it. The vulnerability in my own life, the way this played out is back like 3 years ago, back in like 2020, I was really going through this phase of shedding the nice guy people pleaser persona, where I realized that there were times I would hold myself back from being vulnerable. From expressing the real me, for setting boundaries with people that it felt like the energy balance was off. And I would realize that in my dating relationships, when I would date women, it was like there was, I would start to like get to know them. And then there was like, I would kind of change myself because there was like a desire for their validation or approval. And I realized eventually just how inauthentic it was. And then secondly, how it would like actually depolarize the sexual polarity. Because I was changing myself to make someone else happy. There were times I remember one of my past girlfriends, actually, there was a moment when I was shedding this where I decided, you know what, I'm not gonna play into this and I'm just gonna be the real me because this person that was coming was like publicly known as like a vegan and somebody that like doesn't eat meat or is very like, just eats certain foods. You guys know what vegan is. Many of you are probably vegan, honestly. But what happened was, is I was vegan a long time ago. And a lot of people watch my videos, just assume that I am vegan because like I make spiritual content or something. I guess those just go hand in hand. But basically what happened is I am not vegan. And what happened is this person was coming to my house to meet for the first time. And as they were coming over, I remember thinking to myself like, only eat, do I have this person come over and I eat a vegan meal with them because they're vegan? And I remember thinking to myself, like, do I want that? Do I wanna eat vegan food? And I realized, no, I don't. And then what I realized is like, well, if this person doesn't accept the real me or doesn't like that aspect of myself, then it's not gonna work anyways. And by real me, I mean like the, you know, what I choose to do in my life and accept me for how I am. So what happened is as this person was coming over, I got them a whole bunch of like vegan food so that they could eat because they were coming later at night when the restaurants were closed. And when this happened, I then just decided I'm just gonna be the real me and express like and eat what I wanna eat. And the funny thing was, is by doing that, it was more attractive than me pretending to be someone I wasn't. So, and maybe in a way it was a little bit more polarizing because it was like, yes, I was showing the real aspect of myself that honestly could have like, this person could, there are vegan people out there. They're like, I will not date somebody that eats meat. Let's meet. And there was like a fear there. What if that's the case? And I was like, accepted it. I was like, well, that's the case. And that's the case. I'm not gonna pretend to be someone I'm not. Vulnerability also means showing, for me, for like me shedding that whole nice guy persona like 3 years ago, part of it too was there was, I was afraid to show sexual intent. So like if I was meeting someone I was attracted to, instead of being like touchy-feely or like showing them that I'm attracted to them, I would like hold myself back. And then what would happen is it was almost like I was, they would then wonder whether I was actually attracted to them or not. And it was this dynamic that would depolarize the sexual aspect of a relationship. So eventually I decided, I was like, wait, one, it's not authentic for me to hold myself back from actually showing authentic intention. Or that if I'm attracted to someone. So instead, what I did is that was when I began actually just being natural with myself and showing that aspect of myself, really owning my own masculinity and expressing to someone how I felt or someone how I, you know, if I was attracted to them. Completely changed the dynamics. And from that point going forward, as I started to lean into that, 'cause the fear is, oh, if I do that, then, Somehow I'm gonna be rejected or there's gonna be some form of feeling not enough or some type of emotion there, but it's vulnerable. And vulnerability is a superpower. And what I realized too is just as I would express, even before meeting someone, but actually expressing that level, like attraction in general, I could just tell was so, like it does polarize people one way or the other where they have to decide like, oh, do I like this person this way? Or do I not? You're basically with vulnerability, giving someone, asking someone to make a choice whether they like you or not. Even just as friends, even if it's just like not romantic, but you're like meeting other, like if I was meeting other dudes or like other like guy friends, right? That I meet. And it's like, oh, do I say this? Like there's been times, for example, one time I was at this place here in Austin getting IVs. And there was this guy there that had been on Joe Rogan. Who was inside this room and we were all getting IVs and he was a cool guy and we were all talking and I could tell he owns a company that was like stem cells, something to do with stem cells or something like that. And I'm sitting there and I'm talking to him and like two other friends that I'm with and it's like community area. And he was talking about stem cells and I genuinely had a question or something I wanted to add to the conversation. I was interested in this idea that popped in my mind like, okay, stem cells, they get stem cells from like babies and like the umbilical cords and moms and stuff like that. And then they harvest it in a certain way and they inject it in people. And I had a genuine question. My question or the thought I had was, okay, you talk about everything is energy and there's like ancestral energy in our cells, right? Like cells have memory. Is there a difference in quality from the stem cells of somebody that maybe has been through a lot of trauma or maybe has a shitty diet? Compared to the stem cells of somebody that has maybe a more positive relationship with healing or something like that, and maybe eats healthier? And is it like, is there a way to like, 'cause if I were to put stem cells in my body, you're literally putting someone else's cells in your body and that's becoming you. I would kind of like wanna know what the energy of that was. What is the epigenetics of that? Like that was my thought, but I almost held myself back from sharing this 'cause I was like, well, this is kind of esoteric concept. What if it's kind of weird? Well, I remember sitting there thinking about, well, the old me would've just not said anything because what if it's weird? You know, I'm this like spiritual dude that like has these esoteric concepts. But I was like, you know what? Screw it. So I was there and I was talking and I was like, what about this? And I just kind of explained that whole thing. And the guy was like, interesting. He was like, I never thought of it like that before. And he was like, it was an actual like interesting aspect to the conversation to add. And I could tell, Not that this like all of a sudden, like there was like light that came outta the sky and it was like, oh, I am worthy now, everyone respects me. But I could tell in general that there was like more of like an interest of like respect and connection there. 'Cause I was like, oh, this person actually has like an interesting idea. And it could have been where he thought of that as like, that's fricking weird nerd or something like that. Like that could have happened, but it didn't. I was just expressing what the real me was and what I really thought was. And in an interesting way, when I've done this with people where there's like this thing that tries to hold myself back, but when I do it anyways, I notice there's people that literally respect you more, even if they don't agree. Even if they don't agree, it will. Vulnerability, by the way, will shoot people away from you that don't mess with you. That's okay. I remember when things were happening in the beginning of 2020 and I posted some of my ideas about like certain perspectives, certain esoteric perspectives about some things that were happening. And I had a friend from high school that like unfollowed me on all my accounts. Like I knew this dude for like 10 years and we weren't like really close friends, but we were like in a friend group. And like, it was like this person didn't like my perspective on something. So just completely shut me out on all levels. And I remember in the moment I was like, Oh wow, is there something wrong with me? Oh wow, like this feels weird. Like how could this, like even though I have a different perspective, we could still be friends. But then I realized it's okay. There are people that may not mess with you after you show the real you. That's not a problem. What you're doing is you're allowing yourself to repel the people that don't mess with that aspect of yourself. And you attract in even stronger the people that really do. Connect with you. And this is why also vulnerability is so powerful because when you lead with vulnerability, you allow other people to open up to be the real them. I can't tell you how many times I've led with vulnerability in my relationships, whether it's romantic or even family or even friends. I'm like, you know what? When this happened, it made me feel this way. And it results in us either being closer Or it results in either somebody that maybe doesn't wanna meet that level of vulnerability and maybe they kind of fall out. That's okay too. I've had that happen recently where I had to have a vulnerable conversation with someone about something. And I was hoping, the intention was, oh, we're gonna have this vulnerable talk and we're gonna like grow closer, even if we don't agree. And with this person, what happened is there was a vulnerability there. and this person didn't like that vulnerability, and they didn't even wanna talk about it, and they just dipped out. And that's okay too. I realize that's a blessing. Not blessing like, screw you, you can't be deep. But it was like, it showed me exactly what I thought was the case. I was like, I'm gonna bring this up to this person, and they're not gonna be able to handle it, and they're gonna dip out. And that's what happened. And that's okay, because it's okay to have a standard for a level of depth that when you lead with, if other people can't meet it, it's not your problem. It's you saying to the universe, I only want depth in my life. Not that you can't have surface-level things, you can, but when you lead with vulnerability, you allow people to see the real you. Now let's also clarify this. It takes vulnerability to ask somebody out. If you go up to somebody and you're attracted to them, and you tell them, I'd like to go out with you, or how about we go do this, or how about we go do that, or whatever, it's gonna polarize them one way or the other. However, it takes vulnerability to even say that. And by saying that, it is attractive one way or the other. It's never a loss. So realize that what happens is I think empathic people, spiritual people, they're afraid of tension. And the tension is giving someone the option to know whether they mess with you or not, whether they are willing to go to that level of vulnerability with you or not. And if not, it's okay. You're making it easier for you to meet the real people that mess with you. When you also, if they leave, then you kind of have, you know, or if they don't mess with, they don't resonate with it, it's not like they left you and there's this whole, you know, there's gonna be a whole story to this. But realize when you know, you then make room for someone else to come in that can meet you at that level of vulnerability. But if you hold onto things that don't serve you, you block that flow from actually coming into your life. This can happen with friendships that maybe just don't resonate anymore. Holding onto them is holding onto an energy that is keeping that thread in your life. This could happen with having ex relationships. Where you haven't let go yet. And guess what? You're blocking the flow from actually coming into your life. But when you start leading with vulnerability, knowing it's who you are, you're going to both repel people that can't meet you at that level, and you're going to attract people that can. So don't be afraid to give people the option to make a choice whether they really mess with the real you or not. There's these 21-day challenges I do, And they're like containers of 2, 3, 4,000 people sometimes where we all go through a process together over 21 days. And normally part of it is like people go and they do what's called a vulnerability challenge where they go and they reach out to someone they haven't talked to in a while, or they express something to someone on their family or to their partner or their loved one or their boyfriend, girlfriend. And when they do that, something they know they should say, but they've been holding themselves back from saying. And when they do this, when they go and they either write this person a letter or they talk to this person, it is so powerful. Holy shit. It is like, at the Shift Experience live event that I did not that long ago, one thing that people had the option to do was a vulnerability challenge as a part of this thing to break out of their comfort zone. And one of them was reach out to your dad if he's like still around and say, "Dad, can you tell me that you're proud of me?" Like, ask, you can literally ask your dad to tell you they're proud of you. And that'll bring up stuff 'cause maybe they don't wanna do it and you could feel that, or maybe you don't wanna ask them for it because you don't feel like, you know, that's a comfortable conversation to have. But the interesting thing is, is when you have a conversation like that, it opens up. I've heard amazing stories where people are like, "I've grown closer to my dad than ever just from that one statement." And it like opens something up. I know with my own dad, from some of the stuff that happened in my childhood, there's times I mention or I have conversations with him, 'cause I can tell that sometimes he questions whether he's a good dad or not. And I've had conversations with him before where I expressed to him just how I feel about him and like certain things, forgiveness for certain things that happened in childhood with like different things with not feeling protected and stuff. And it opened up so much energy. And I've seen like people in my life cry because of these kind of things. And it just releases so much and you feel so much more depth. It's so transformative to do. It's so, I know it's not like the most, you say vulnerability and it's not the most sexy word. A lot of people are afraid of it, but realize shame hides in the dark. That's what vulnerability is, is it's shining light on the things that you're afraid you're gonna get rejected for. So if you actually show that side of yourself, it actually attracts people to you. And honestly, so many people that watch my videos have been attracted to my energy because of my vulnerability. If you're attracted to my videos, let me, like, like this video if this is true for you. You watch my videos, I share something that's honestly maybe kind of embarrassing. In the beginning of this video, I said that in 2020, I had to shed the nice guy people pleaser persona. That's kind of embarrassing. It's like there's a part of somebody that had that personality, like construct, that's like, doesn't wanna share that with people because it's embarrassing. The nice guy persona is embarrassing persona. But because I had the courage to share it, you may actually feel more connected to me because I'm not afraid to share that. I've shared before me having like emotional availability issues, having trouble like feeling emotionally available in partnership or committing in a relationship, I share these things on my YouTube channel and it's not cool stuff to share, but guess what ends up happening? You probably, maybe parts of that vulnerable share makes you feel connected. I know when I meet people in public or people that recognize me from my videos, they remember the stories that I share that were vulnerable and that's what made them feel connected. So that's an example. You, people are attracted to people that are vulnerable because vulnerable is real. Maybe some people that aren't attracted to that don't, or like reject certain aspects of themselves that are vulnerable. Who knows? I'm just saying vulnerability is attractive. Vulnerability is magnetic. It allows you to attract deeper relationships in your life. And holding yourself back is just staying in the surface level bubble that maybe has been created so that you can get your needs met from childhood. And one thing that'll shift everything is when you start focusing more on valuing vulnerability and authenticity over validation and approval. Value, being vulnerable, it's because you, it's who you choose to be, not because of what it'll get you. I could say right now, being vulnerable will get, you know, the woman of your dreams or the dude of your dreams to come into your life. And I could say that, but it's like, now it's a tactic. Okay, I'm gonna be vulnerable. Hey, when I was 7, this happened. Are you attracted to me? No, that's not how it works. All right? You're being vulnerable because it's who you choose to be. You're being vulnerable because it's real. If it calls in the moment, you don't have to try to be vulnerable. Like, okay, I'm now gonna share the most deepest, darkest secrets so that people resonate with me. No, this is in the moment when there's something that comes up where you normally hold yourself back. Instead, you can express it. If you're starting to date someone and you start having feelings, you can express that. You say, "Oh, I really enjoy spending time with you," or, "I feel really good when I'm around you," or something. Maybe normally you would never say that. You see, like, that is attractive, to be vulnerable and to express your true heart and to show this side of yourself, even though you could get rejected, it's okay, because you're gonna repel that which does not resonate with you at a deep level, and you're gonna attract the things that actually do. And also, if you wanna remove the blocks to becoming the most magnetic and confident version of you, I have the 21-Day Confidence Love Challenge for removing the vulnerability blocks, becoming emotionally available, feeling safe in your own frame, and feeling confident from the inside out. Join this 21-day process and watch how it changes your life.