The PSYCHOLOGICAL TRICKS To Be More Charismatic & Confident

How to build unstoppable self-confidence and 5 techniques for building that into who you are. Now with this process, my intention with this video is to help you start to feel validated from within, understanding how you can think about yourself in a completely new way that can transform the kind of action that you can take and that can really start to show you you can have trust in yourself. Now, me, for example, these are going to be tools that I've applied in my own life. I used to be somebody that didn't feel very confident, used to be somebody that looked for validation outside of myself, and from that there was a lot of pain that developed. And then I came across and I learned all of these concepts I'm going to share with you, and hopefully they can help you too. Now, first off, with confidence, let's understand that what confidence really is, it's a self-trust, the ability to trust in our life, the ability to trust in our abilities. And when we learn to have that trust, that's when we gain that self-confidence and we really start to build it. Now understand that at the same time as you build that trust, you will care less and less about what other people think about you. So in another aspect, trusting ourselves means knowing who we are. When we know who we are, we don't look for other people to tell us who we are and we don't look for other people to validate ourselves. So the idea is that people's opinions have less and less value over us when we start to first off value our own opinion. That's what this video will also help you do. So the first one I have for you has to do with understanding how we can focus on things that we we've already done before to then create that level of confidence. So in the present moment right now, if we have a momentum of focusing on things that we failed at, what happens is the neural networks of our brain are constantly focused on those failures, therefore reinforcing that identity. So number 1 is also about looking at ourselves and developing the self-image of feeling confident. So how are you looking at yourself? Are you thinking that your past equals who you are in the present moment? And are you looking at parts of your past that are skewed, that were things that you beat yourself up for that you haven't accomplished before? Now realize that all that is is momentum, and you can change that by changing the focus. Focus on things that you've done before that have allowed you to feel like you trust yourself, that have allowed you to show that there's things you've set out to do that you've accomplished. Could be something as simple as going to school, getting certain grades, grades. It could be something as simple as helping somebody else. Whatever it is, begin to focus on those experiences, and what you begin to do is show yourself that momentum of things that you've done before, therefore allowing you to feel the emotions of those memories. The funny thing about memories is when we remember certain scenarios, what happens is we start to embody the emotions we felt when we were in those situations. So start to view the things you've you've done before, and that will help you feel in and anchor the momentum knowing that you can start to feel that trust within yourself. Now, the second tip I have for you is one that I've shared before, and it's a technique that involves your body posture and standing in what is called a power pose. Now, I know I've shared this before, but it's really so powerful. The idea, and it came from a TED Talk by a lady named Amy Cuddy, and it's about how body language shapes who we are, how it shapes how we view ourselves. And a simple way of changing your self-image is changing your body posture, because as you stand in what is called a Superman or a Superwoman pose, you stand with your hands at your hips, your chin level, and you with your chest out. If you do that for just a couple minutes every day, that begins to change the chemistry in your body. You will start to release more testosterone and less cortisol, which is the stress hormone, and And testosterone helps you feel more confident. Now, doing this for just a couple minutes a day can really transform the kind of results, the kind of way that you appear to other people, and really, more importantly, just the way that you feel about yourself. So you can do this technique when you wake up in the morning for the first couple minutes. You can do it before you go into a job interview, before you're negotiating to buy a house, whatever it is. You can do it and it will make you feel different about yourself. So quick reminder as well is with all the craziness happening in the world, we are going to be rising above it energetically in a 3-day Own Your Vibe Challenge that starts on March 18th, 19th, and 20th. This is a 3-day transformational experience. It is absolutely free and I'm going to be going live on YouTube. I'm going to be going live and there's going to be a challenge, like a high vibe group. We're going to be going through a process of transforming our vibration from the inside out. And the main focus of it is going to be to be getting in our own frame, getting in our own body, embodying who we really came here to be. And so that we can set boundaries easily. We can be leading in our own life and in our own frame and not diffusing our energy out to everything that's happened in the world, other people's emotional state. And we're going to learn how to raise our vibe and then keep it high. So if you want to join the Own Your Vibe Challenge, we're starting soon, March 18th, 19th, and 20th. There's only so many spots available, but it is completely free. So click the link below, grab your spot, and I'm looking forward to seeing you on those 3 days of transformation. Now the third one I have is similar to that in a different way, and I've never shared this one before, but our voices, the way we project our voices, says a lot about how we feel about ourselves. Now confidence, and just like we can use our body language to change the way that we feel about ourselves, I believe that we can use our voices to change how certain we feel. Now what I mean by this is if you ask somebody that's not very confident in themselves a question, many times they'll come off, they'll kind of either mumble something or they're very soft-spoken or you can't really hear what they're saying. And if you ask somebody who's confident, you'll notice that their voice goes down, the tonality of their voice goes down. They sound very certain of themselves. Now this I found to be a powerful powerful tool because what you can do and what I've done is I can look in the mirror at myself. I can speak in this way, and as my voice goes down, it makes me feel confident. And also, this will help you change your self-image for that level of confidence. Now, if you ask someone a question who isn't sure of the answer, you'll notice that their voice goes up. It sounds like they're asking a question. So you can ask someone like, how's your day going? And they might say, oh, it's going good, or I feel great. You know, that doesn't sound very certain, and because of that, that can also affect their own self-image. That affects them at many different levels. So just like we can change our mind to change how we feel, we can also change our body and change our voice to change how we feel. And also remember that most of communication isn't the words we speak, It's also more about the tonality and the body language. So changing those two things, I think, are some of the most powerful ways to changing how you feel about yourself. So every day, maybe for a couple minutes, look in the mirror and talk like that to see how it can change how you feel about yourself. Have your voice go down. Have yourself say things that you can feel certain about. As you feel certain about it, you will start to embody a new level for the way that you see yourself. Now, the fourth technique I have for you has to do with every single day, write something down that you want to accomplish and then actually check it off as you do it. Now, what this tells our mind and what this tells us is that we can remain authentic to— if we say we're going to do something, we will accomplish it. So one of the most powerful hacks for this as well is every day have 3 things or however many things that you're going to accomplish. 3 things, and another tip for that is to do it right when you wake up in the morning. The 3 highest leverage things that will change your life, do them right when you wake up in the morning, write them down and check them off as you do it. There's something about checking things off a list that helps us feel and recognize that if we say we're going to do something, we actually do it. It helps us feel authentic to who we are and to know that we are an action-doer, not just somebody that thinks about things. So this I found to be very powerful. And also with this, another side note is always remain authentic to who you are, which means be honest with who you are. If you say you're going to do something and you don't do it, what you do is you start to be incongruent and inauthentic to what you say and what you do. The idea is that to really have trust in yourself, You have to begin to do things you say you're going to do and to be honest with yourself. So say you're going to do something, check it off the list, and it gives your brain a message that says that when you do something, when you say you're going to do something, you're actually going to accomplish it. Now the last one I have for you, number 5 technique, is to simply do something every day that you haven't done before. It could be something very small, but realize that when we have a certain self-image, many times we will always act in accordance to how we see ourselves. And if we are always doing the same things day in, day out, if we are staying inside our comfort zone, we are always remaining within that identity. So if we do something that's outside of something we've done before, we stretch and we expand that bubble, therefore feeling more and more confident. So find yourself pushing yourselves to do more every day. Now, the simple example for this is if you go to the gym every day and you do the same weights every day, the same repetitions every day, you might maintain, but you won't actually grow. You have to up the weight, you have to up the repetitions to then get new results. Now, in the same way with the daily actions you take, you must push a little bit further or do something completely new. Altogether. This could be pushing yourself to talk to more people than you've talked to the day before, maybe making small talk in the elevator when you're going up or down into a different floor. Realize that as you push yourself to be in these uncomfortable positions, you send a message to your brain that says that you can do something that you say you're gonna do. So expand your level of comfort zone. Do something new every day. Realize that you can use your body to help you feel confident by being in a power pose pose. You can look in front of the mirror for a minute or two a day and have your voice go down, wire in that confidence. You can change your self-image by trusting in who you are and understanding that when you say you're gonna do something, you check it off because you know you can actually do it. At a certain point, I think many of us have felt self-doubt. I know, especially when I started this YouTube channel, for probably about 6 months before I even started it, I had a lot of self-doubt mainly because I didn't know how people were going to respond, whether it be like friends and family. I didn't know if I would gain the ability to speak better, so it was like I had doubts in that way. And what I'm going to share with you are 3 steps that I used to completely transform myself into also being much more confident on my abilities. And that can be something you experience too by just using these 3 simple ideas. The first one has to do with understanding what doubt really is, understanding the mechanics of it, and really transforming the whole way you see doubt to begin with. Now, before, we might see doubt as something that we are— that is like holding us back. But in reality, let's use doubt in a new way of understanding. Think of the vision of what you want to do. Now, anytime you feel doubt, for going towards that vision, what it really is is a 100% trust in something that is out of alignment with that. So if I am thinking of making YouTube videos but I feel doubt, it's not so much that I doubt it, but I also have a picture, a little like memory or a worry of people judging me or of not being able to do it at a good level or whatever that is. It's almost like what the doubt really is. Is a fear of some type of vision, of some type of experience that we are implementing over what we want to experience. So think of the screen for what we want to experience, like a, like a lens or like a film strip, like that frame, but we are overlaying it with something that is out of alignment with it. So then what happens is we're giving mixed signals as to moving towards that that goal that we have because we're overlaying over it the worrying about what other people think or having some attachment to any other type of vision. So what this allows us to do is to realize that there really is no self-doubt. There is only a belief in a definition that is out of alignment with who we really are. Now, the second step I have for you has to do with understanding our memory. And the neuroplasticity of our brain in a new way. Now when we see and we look at doubt, realize that that doubt is coming from a focus on some ideology, on maybe even some memory of something that happened in the past, and that what we are doing when we focus on that is we are wiring in that synaptic connection. We are strengthening the attachment to that memory therefore bringing some type of experience or a similar experience into our present moment. So what happens is, is when we feel self-doubt, because we are in that emotion, we are bringing with it all the baggage and all the reminders of past times that we were also in that self-doubt. Now the power of this is knowing that once we change our state of being, once we change the way that we we relate to that doubt, what we begin to do is let go of that story and we let go of all those past experiences. Now, a simple way to transmute this is to focus on your achievements. Focus on the things that you've done before that were successful, and as you focus on those, what you do is you bring with it the momentum of all of those memories proving to you and giving you that level of self-confidence. So realize that the focus anytime we have on doubt, on a vision of us not accomplishing what we want, is strengthening the baggage of the past and is bringing forth the reaffirmation of our failures. Instead, choose to focus on things that you've done before that were successful, and as you do that, you are strengthening that momentum and allowing yourself to to then go in the future with that kind of energy. Now the third step I have for you is to simply make a decision. That's what I had to do. I felt the self-doubt when I started this channel like a year and a half ago, but I simply made the decision and that will push you through and give you the momentum to go in the direction that you want. You may feel like you're in a limbo state and realize that the limbo state can be a good thing because it can allow you to choose the direction of where you want to go. It makes you ask the question and shows you where you want to put your desire, but at the same time, understand that when you make the decision, you then start the momentum and you start the energy going in that direction. Pay attention to the decision you're also making around the friends you're hanging out with. If people are instilling the self-doubt in you and telling you that you're not capable of doing something or that you're going to fail at something, be aware of that and simply decide that you're not going to be around that person as much or you're not going to listen to it when they talk about it. You're not going to relate to it and you start to then get rid of the extra baggage. You start to tailor your environment to really influence you in a positive way and to really emphasize the positive things in your life that will get you to where you want to be in your life. So this is as simple as reframing and knowing that there really is no doubt. You can then see the definition that is out of alignment with who you prefer to be, and that as you instead of put that old frame over the new frame, you decide to let that go and to just focus on what you want. Realize that what you focus on grows. You can look at your past to see the positive things that have come, the successes you've had, that will help you to rewire in that level of confidence. And then you can simply decide that you are going to be who you prefer to be. This video is going to involve 3 main ideas. The first one is going to be me sharing a story with you guys of how I came to find my voice, how I developed my enthusiasm and my passion. The second thing that I'm going to do is give you guys some practical tools that you can use towards developing that passion and enthusiasm. The third thing I'm going to do is share with you guys my own type of theory that I have about the idea of enthusiasm and how we can influence the way that we feel through being and feeling that enthusiasm over time, how we can condition ourselves to do that. Well, first off, let's check the first one off the list. It's the idea of a story. So I'm going to take you all the way back to my sophomore year of high school. Now, sophomore year of high school, I decided that I wanted to do forensics debate. Now, there were a couple reasons for this. The first reason was because I figured at the time that I wanted to be a lawyer, and I was like, oh, well, you know, this would be great because I'm gonna learn how to talk in front of other people. I'm gonna learn how to argue and stuff like that. So that was my first reason for doing it. My second reason for doing it was because I developed like a fear of speaking, because all the way back in 7th grade, I was doing a school project in front of the class and presenting, and halfway through I completely like blanked. I forgot everything I was supposed to say, and it was like this awkward silence. And from that point on, I just thought I was afraid of speaking. So I was like, oh, this will be great. I'm gonna have two things I'm gonna be able to like knock off my list. I'm gonna be able to learn more about speaking in general, and we'll see where it goes. So I became part of the forensics debate team. Now let me explain to you a little bit about what this meant. Well, in forensics debate, what you do is every month you go to a tournament, and in this tournament there are certain topics topics for every event that are going to be spoken about. You develop a case for that topic for the affirmative and the negative. And the reason is, is because when you go, you don't get to pick which one you are. Uh, you— it'll change throughout the day because you might go 4 or 5 rounds of debates and in each one you're going to be something different. There's judges at these debates, so it's something that you do kind of competitively. Now I remember my first or second tournament that I went to, I was still very new with it. And I was learning as much as I could. But I remember that I went into my very, like, first or second debate, and I was with a partner. It was a partner debate. So one other person from my school, we were going against these two other people from different schools. And I remember that they were the affirmative, so they got up to speak. And when they did, their style of speaking was they were just, like, screaming. They were just, like, I mean, screaming, but they were, like, speaking really loud. They were, like, yelling their case. No tonality, no enthusiasm. It was just like if I were to come up in front of you right now and be like, like, you know, it is resolved that juveniles charged with violent crimes should be charged and punished as adults, and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. It was like just completely monotone after that. Now, naturally, when I heard that, I was like, oh, maybe this is the way we're supposed to be giving our debate. This is how we're supposed to be speaking. So when I went up, I mirrored that. I did like the same exact thing. And I bet the judge was like, why the hell are these kids yelling while they're saying their speech? You know, why are they yelling while they speak? But what I did after that was I kind of looked back at it and kind of laughed. I was like, oh, that's kind of ridiculous. Just like, you know, saying things really loud, no enthusiasm. And it really triggered something inside of me to where from that point going forward, I wanted to learn more about how to develop more enthusiasm. I wanted to learn how I could become more passionate about what I'm speaking about. And that's what kind of triggered it for me. So from that point, I began to study people that were already good speakers. I began to see how their voice fluctuated when they spoke, and I ended up actually applying the idea of band to it. Now, the reason being is because I remember in band there was, you know, you can relate if you did band or orchestra, or you know how to read sheet music, but the idea is that there's certain notes that have a certain tone, and then you'll have like contrast in the music. So you'll have things that end up getting really loud, and then you'll have things that get kind of soft. That's the crescendo and a decrescendo. Now, what I did is I applied those ideas towards I was speaking and I learned how to use my voice in that way. I learned how to have a little bit more fluctuation with the things that I was saying and how to really generate a state within me of passion. So what I would do is I would talk about things that I was already passionate about and I would notice how I spoke about those. And then what I do is I would apply that level of speaking into whatever I was speaking about. So for example, if it was, you know, me doing that topic of juveniles charged with violent crimes should be charged and punished as adults, which was one of the topics that I debated in high school for a month, and the idea was I was then able to be passionate about that even though I wasn't really passionate one way or the other. I learned how to develop passion by first off speaking about something that I was passionate about and then using that way of speaking towards something else that maybe I wasn't passionate about. But what I found was funny is that then I would develop passion for it because what I would do is I would apply it, that energy towards it, and then from that I would get better effects from it. When I began to do this, this is when my results began to skyrocket. From me learning how to speak with enthusiasm, I became very passionate about it. And then from that point, I began to actually place in finals, semifinals. I began to get, you know, like trophies. You know, there's award ceremonies after every single tournament and began to actually place at these tournaments and stuff like that. And that came straight up from having passion for what I was speaking about. So that's how I found my voice. I then began to learn learned that this is what I really want to do for a living, is speak, is present, is share ideas. It's something that I really just enjoy doing. It's something that I get into a flow state when I do it. And that's my perspective of the idea of enthusiasm in general. Now to the second part of this video, it's going to be on me sharing some practical tools that you can apply in your own life towards developing enthusiasm. So the first thing I want you to do is to simply know and believe that you you can be enthusiastic. Now, a lot of people will say, you know, I just don't have enthusiasm or I just don't have passion in life. Well, that's not— that might be something that people experience, but that's not actually true. There's something that you are passionate about. Now, this could simply be somebody, for example, that plays video games, right? They're not really passionate about much other than video games, but even when they're playing video games, what you'll begin to notice is that if they were playing a video game, for example, and they were like shooting shit and they got killed or something, how do they say, you know, whatever? How do they respond to that? They're like, shit, this person just killed me. I could have, should have gone behind that building. That person wouldn't have happened. This would have been different situation. You know, they speak with passion when they're speaking about it because it's something that they actually enjoy doing. So everybody has some level of passion, even if that passion is doing something that you know it normally think should be something that you are passionate about, first off, realize that you are passionate about something. Now, from that point of view, what you can then do is apply the way that you speak about that towards other areas of your life. Now, the way that you do this is through simply practice. So what you could do is you could look in your eyes in the mirror every day for just a minute or two a day, and you can say things in a passionate way. And what I found to do is to do this first thing in the morning, right when you wake up, and there's a couple different reasons for this, but, uh, one of the reasons is because I read it in a book called Think and Grow Rich, which is one of the best books that I've ever read. I highly encourage you to read it if you haven't already, but what Napoleon Hill talks about in that book is the ability to develop enthusiasm by saying your definite purpose every single day in front of a mirror, even if it's just for a minute or two. Now, a definite purpose is something that you write out that's your passion. That's what you love doing. It's a compelling vision for for what you want to accomplish in your life. Now what you can do is you can write this out and you can say it in front of a mirror for just a minute or two a day and say it with passion. Learn how to speak in a way that you feel like the energy is moving through you. And the idea is that if that's a vision that's really compelling to you, it'll be very easy for you to begin over time to develop that passion for it, for speaking like it. Now what I find when I do this, uh, it leaks bleeds into other areas of my life. So if I do it for maybe 2 minutes in the morning every day, I find that throughout the day I have that passion that I was speaking right when I woke up. I have that passion towards other areas that I'm doing. Like when I speak to other people, I still speak with that passion. I think that we're able to let that bleed into other areas of our life, that if we have passion when we're doing that in the morning, it'll— we'll see it and we'll feel it when we're talking to other people throughout the day. Now another reason that I do this right when I wake up in the morning is because it's one of the most powerful times towards influencing our subconscious mind. Now, our subconscious mind rules most of our life, and what we found is that there's certain different levels of brainwave activity, brainwave patterns. And so what we found with brainwave activities is that through the deeper levels of brainwave activities, we have more of an effect on the subconscious mind. So imagine the idea of when you're sleeping, you're in what is called a delta state. Then what happens is as you begin to wake up, you're in a theta state. Theta state, which is kind of described as the in-between state of being awake and asleep, but kind of like a daydream. And then what you do is you go to what is called an alpha state, and in an alpha state you're in a very relaxed state. When you're watching TV, you're in an alpha state, which is why it's very important for you to pay attention to what you're watching, uh, because that's influencing your subconscious mind. And then you begin to get into what is called the beta state. The beta state is the very alert state, uh, that we get into throughout our day. So what we can do right when we wake up in the morning is we can influence ourselves more powerfully by understanding that when we're moving through those states in the morning for about the first half hour of our day, we're, you know, starting to really get into that alpha-beta state. So what we can do is we can influence ourselves more strongly if we get up every day and speak with enthusiasm, look into our own eyes in the mirror, learn how to develop that enthusiasm by just speaking about what you're we're already passionate about, begin to feel that passion from within, that will have a profound effect on our life because we're then affecting the subconscious mind that runs most of our life experience. So just kind of a practical tip that I want to give you guys is something I found to be very powerful because then it leaks into other areas of your life. It kind of sets the tone for the day a little bit, and that's something I think that can really have a profound effect on you being able to develop passion by feeling it within, by speaking about something you're you're already passionate about and then applying it towards other areas of your life. Now, the third part of this video that I wanted to speak to you about is this idea of understanding how we can influence our mind by influencing the way that we're speaking. Now, I did a video prior on the idea of how our posture can change our life, how having better posture and how our body language shapes who we are. Now, I based that talk on a famous Amy Cuddy talk who's a body language expert. It's one of the most top TED Talks of all time. She talks about how body language shapes who we are. The idea is that if we stand in a power pose for just 2 minutes a day, which means that we just put our hands on our hips, we look straight ahead and we put our chest out. If we do that, we're going to change the neurochemistry, the physiology of our body, the hormones in our body. We're going to release more dopamine and more serotonin, more testosterone, which is the confidence and the feel-good chemicals of our body, and we're going to decrease the cortisol, which is the stress hormone in our body. So she shows that through research, through experiments that she's done, and I talked about that in a prior video. And what I want to say is that I think that even the enthusiasm that we have, that if we look into the mirror for just a couple minutes of a day and we begin to then feel what we're saying, we begin to speak in a fluctuating way by talking about something that we're passionate about, I believe that that can then change how we feel. So it's almost like the idea of fake it till you make it. Fake it till you become it. So the idea is that like if for example you smile for just a couple minutes a day when you're not feeling very good, you begin to trick your brain into thinking that you're already happy because it'll begin to release serotonin. Now in the same way, I believe that if we start speaking passionately about whatever, you know, we're talking about, if we begin to just speak with a fluctuation in our voice, we begin to look into the mirror at ourselves and to talk in a passionate way, that we're literally going to begin to change how we feel, and that, that's going to have an effect on who we are. That's going to have an effect on how we show up in the world. So that's kind of just my theory on how we can let that bleed into other areas of our life, how we can really begin to feel more passionate about who we are. So to cap off, the way that you become more enthusiastic in life, the way that you have more passion in your life, is by simply first off paying attention to what brings you passion. Pay attention to the things that you love to do. And as you begin to do that, you begin to notice that there's a certain way you speak when you're in that state, and that what you can then do is begin to practice that feeling, begin to practice that way that you're speaking, and you'll find that it then begins to literally leak into other parts of your life.

On this video, I'm going to show you the 3 bulletproof keys to curing codependency and neediness. Now, first off, what is codependency? What is neediness? Neediness and codependency kind of go hand in hand, but if you're codependent, the patterns are that maybe you're really looking to the outside for validation. You're really looking to the outside of other people to give you a sense of your own sense of worthiness. You'll find in relationships that you really want the person to like get closer to you. You'll find that you're really waiting for their text back. You'll find that a lot of times codependency happens because it's rooted, we'll get deeper into this later, it's going real deep real quick, but codependency many times rooted in a sense of abandonment, feeling abandoned emotionally or physically as a kid, and then abandoning ourselves to then please other people. And what happens though is codependency is a loss of frame is really what codependency is. Now, first off, before I get into the 3 cures, we gotta know a little bit more about what codependency is. Now, there's this thing that is called the locus of control. Now, imagine that this locus of control is the way that we feel a sense of control in our lives. And when our locus of control is externally based, meaning, that unless we control the external, because we are drawing our state of validation from the external, then what happens is unless we're getting that, our needs aren't met and we're needing more. And remember, anything you need, you lack. A lot of times it's just codependency is a lack of frame, it's a lack of self. My shadow work integration coach talks to me a lot about this because there's the self, there's the ego, there's the body, and then there's other. There's everything else. And then the space in between is another aspect of it that you can feel. You can feel the space between you and the wall, you and your boyfriend or girlfriend, you and your parents. You feel that space. That space is good 'cause then you can discern what is my stuff versus their stuff. Now in codependency and neediness, it's almost like there's no sense of self. So it's drawing upon a sense of self off of everything else. So what happens is when the locus of control, how you feel in your body, your sense of control is based on that of the external, you will look to other people to get your needs met. You will want them to change. You want them to give you validation, and it becomes this thing where you are drawing your source of valueness, your source of frame from the outside. Outside, so you feel codependent on things working out a certain way and you're codependent on whether people can give that back to you. Now also think of these different dynamics. Somebody that has an internal locus of control knows they generate state from within. They also know that they can choose different things in their life, so they're more empowered in that way. The difference is imagine that somebody is going out that has a strong internal locus of control. They'll go out into the world and they'll say, oh, I'm gonna ask this person out. And what happens is they'll ask someone out, that person says yes or no. Their way of internalizing it is, I did that, I asked that person out because I'm self-empowered. Somebody with a codependent pattern that has a locus of control on the external would look at that and say, wow, that person got lucky because that person said yes. No, the internal sense of of control, the locus of control was from the action of being it, of asking. So it's an internal sense of, of a frame is really what this is. And when we have it based on the outside, we feel lost. We don't know exactly who you are, who we are. So codependency is when we're growing up, there's a sense of self that is beginning to develop, but if we don't feel validated in our sense of self, we then look to the external to tell us who we are. And we look for the external for validation. The key to this is understanding that codependency is simply a personality, like, wound or a childhood wound from when we were kids where we didn't have and we weren't validated in our own frame to feel safe in our own bodies. Many times people that are codependent aren't grounded in their bottom chakras. They're kind of in the intuitive thing. They're connecting to everyone else and they know what everyone else is feeling but themselves, 'cause they're not inside of their body. So for me, the biggest, biggest game changer was when I learned how to bring the energy more inside of my body and to put the energy in my own frame. Now, in your frame and in your body is the same thing. When you're in your own body, you feel present. You also have more magnetic energy. And when you are also like lacking boundaries, it's because you're lacking being in your body and knowing that that's that's someone else's stuff and this is your stuff. You're a part, you know, sometimes your stuff is you to take responsibility. I've had people that have like in a way guilted me into going different places and doing different things and even look at that language. They guilted me. How can someone guilt me? No, I guilt myself because I feel entitled that I'm not worthy of my own way of thinking or my own way of being. Once I started getting in my own body, in my own frame, it was very easy for me to say, oh, that's your stuff, not mine. I don't need to go do that because you want me to. And then it changes everything. So realize that's the first one. The first one is F and then the last two are Vs, okay? The first one is frame. Get in your own frame, be in your own body. You know, a lot of this too was healing my own childhood wounds because I realized that I felt a sense of shame. Shame means I'm broken, there's something wrong with me when I was a kid because when my parents became somewhat emotionally available 'cause they had their own stuff going on, It's not their fault, but it's their, but in a way it was like, you know, I understand where they're coming from, but I have compassion for that. But at the same time, there was a little boy inside of me that felt abandoned. And I had to realize that that abandonment wasn't 'cause I wasn't worthy. My parents divorcing wasn't 'cause I'm not worthy. It was 'cause they had their own stuff going on, separating my stuff from their stuff. They had their own stuff going on that was on them. So that is a huge difference is, that separation within the own frame. Now, the second thing I wanna talk about is vulnerability. Vulnerability, when people are codependent, they are not expressing their true selves normally. They are molding to everybody else so that they can then get validation, approval, and support. And of course, there's another V in here. The V could be validation. Vulnerability and validation, giving yourself the validation, self-validation. And this could be giving yourself your own words of affirmation, but it's also just realizing and releasing the shame, the identity-based shame from childhood. And vulnerability is how you release shame. It's like someone like Brené Brown that talks about this. But when you are feeling shameful, you're hiding away, you're like afraid to look at this thing that may say that you're unworthy, so you don't wanna look at it. What happens is when you talk about it or you express it, you then heal. Now with vulnerability, when you go out into the world and let's say you're afraid of rejection because when you were a kid you felt emotionally abandoned and you don't wanna be emotionally abandoned because then you don't have that sense of validation because the locus of control's on the external. Well, what happens is when you bring the energy back on inside and you stop abandoning the self, you start feeling empowered. You don't need that on the outside and you start feeling, you know, more centered within yourself. Now, the vulnerability part of this though is realizing that as you release and as you express these different things and you are not being, you know, you're not changing and molding depending on what everybody else wants, you then have your own sense of gravity. And for me, this meant that I had to start being, instead of being afraid of rejection, I had to start valuing things differently. Realize if somebody rejects you, then what they— well, all you're really doing is saving time. You're realizing that that's— there may not be just a vibrational match for you. It's a way of reframing it instead of saying it's about my shame, it's about my identity. So for me, when you're a people pleaser or a nice guy, you know, that's something I had to shed a year ago. That came from the shadow of being afraid of being vulnerable. It's vulnerable to express your emotions. It's vulnerable to express how you feel about someone if you want to date them. It's vulnerable to put yourself out there. It's vulnerable to be honest. And what you'll find is when you just be vulnerable, that's real. And it's a lot of times what people are craving in dating and those types of dynamics. So it only helps you to be vulnerable, to express how you feel. There's this little chipmunk that's on this, that's outside. There's all these chipmunks here in Austin, just dancing around.

It's cool.

Doing a video and it's just, boop. They're cool. Frisky little animals. So vulnerability is you being able to express yourself and know that that's who you are. So there's only benefit of it, but as you express yourself, you're also releasing that shame and you're putting yourself out there more too, you know? So putting yourself out there, telling people how you really feel, like people pleasers don't say how they really feel because they're afraid that if they do, then they won't be accepted or loved. So when I started being vulnerable, I literally had like people in my life that I was like very vulnerable with and started expressing how I feel, it changed everything. People felt deeper, they felt closer, they knew who I really was. I got, I had more respect 'cause I was respecting myself more and I was living by that. Now the final thing, so we have that of validation/vulnerability. We have frame, which means being inside of your own body. But then the third one, you guys wanna guess what it is? You guys wanna guess what it is? It's values. Values. What do you value? Now when we're talking about because that's also within your sense of self. I realized that when I was dating and I was, you know, not having a strong sense of values of what's important to me, I would then mold mine to whoever I was dating so I get them to give me validation. But once I stopped doing that, what happened is I started saying, what do I value? You know, I value authenticity, I value integrity, I value being honest, being vulnerable, I value openness, This, these are all things I value. And because a lot of times we have our values messed up, we value other people's validation, what other people think, over authenticity, over our own integrity. And because of that, that's when things get murky. That's when codependent patterns are there. If you switch around your values and you start to live by the virtues, these are like virtues you live by. These are like almost identity beliefs about who you are. I started to live by authenticity. So if I was in a situation with someone and I was normally afraid of what they would think about me and afraid of expressing my true self, instead what I would do is I would try to mold myself and make them happy. But instead what I would do is I would express how I really felt. I'm like, this is how I really feel about that. And by doing that, it would put myself out there, but it also felt so much more free. It felt so good. So that's something that we can begin to realize too. The ideal version of you that's in your own frame, that's in your own body, that's leading in your life, that's living by your own virtues. Because then when you're dating, it's more a curiosity. It's more like, oh, is this person gonna fit into my reality versus I really hope they like me and what can I do to like change for them? It becomes this thing that's like, it's almost curious. It's a different energy. It's much more attractive energy too. Because we're not needy on what is happening on the outside.

This video will show you 3 things that you must let go of in order to feel more confident. I'm going to share with you the practical tools that we can apply in our own lives so that by the end of this video you feel more confident about who you are and you know what you can do to really feel it. Now let's first off understand that the word confidence comes from the root meaning to trust. It has to do with trusting in ourselves, and when we start to trust ourselves more, trust in our own abilities, trust in our own potential, trust in our own characteristics, we're going to start to feel more confidence. Now with this whole process, what we must first realize is that a lot of it has to do with focus. Maybe there's certain perspectives that we've had from growing up, certain perspectives of ways people have treated us and we've tailored a certain meaning to that and we focus on that and then we start to feel it. Remember also, whatever we focus on, we will feel. So what perspectives are you focused on and how do you view yourself? And that's why the first thing that we must let go of in order to really feel confident is let go of focusing on the weaknesses of ourselves. Many times we'll have something that happened in the past. Maybe a certain experience, maybe a certain way someone talked to us, and we start to think that that's who we are. We start to think that we deserve that, and as we focus on that, we feel it more and more. And what we can realize we can do is to shift our focus from the weaknesses and over to the strengths. This will make such a big difference. Start to write down the 5 to 10 things every day about yourself that you are very good at. Things that you're grateful for in your life. As you focus on these strengths that you have, you'll realize that you start to view yourself in a new way. Instead of focusing and putting the momentum in what you can't do, you start realizing what you can do. You start to redefine yourself in the present moment, and focusing on strengths is so important because that is what will show that you can trust yourself. You can trust yourself because because you have the ability to know you can accomplish certain things that you have done, certain things in the past before. You can also look at your past in a new way. You know, many times we hypnotize ourselves because we're so focused on the weaknesses and the things that haven't gone right in the past and in the present moment right now. We focus on those things and we give it so much power. There are just an equal, if not greater, amount of things in your past that you were successful at, and as you start to look at those things that you were successful at, you build the momentum in the other direction. So realize first off, when it comes to this, there is a certain momentum in the direction of what you're focused on. If you've been focused on your weaknesses, if you've been focused on certain experiences that reflected back to you, you're not confident. As you focus on that, you will feel it more, and all you have to do is start to focus on your strengths every day. Write down 5 things every day that you're grateful for and write down 5 strengths that you have. As you do that, you will start to tailor your focus away from the past, away from the things that didn't work out, and you'll start to focus it in the direction of what you can really accomplish. As you do that, everything will change because the momentum of your thoughts will start to gain its own gravity. It's like you'll start to find and attract circumstances in your life that reflect that back to you. So we always get what we focus on. If you change what you're focused on, you will then get a new experience and you'll start to gain momentum and you will start to view yourself a completely new way. Which brings me to the second one. The second way and the second thing that we must let go of is a negative self-image. As we think about ourselves, what comes up? How do we view ourselves? If we view ourselves once again as that weak person that can accomplish that much, what happens is that becomes a cybernetic loop, meaning we only live up to the expectation of what we think. That becomes in a way a self-fulfilling prophecy. Whatever mindsets we have from that self-image become true for us, and what we must really learn to do is to let go of that negative self-image. Be grateful because right now in this moment you are aware of this this personal development information. You are aware that you are not an accumulation of your past. You are who you choose to be in the present moment. It's simply that we have been blind to all of this past thinking that that's who we are now, but now that we can be aware that we can choose who we prefer to be, we can let go of all that baggage. We can let go of all of that and we can decide to construct the ideal self-image that we have. How do you prefer to view yourself? Insert the best body image that you would like to be at, the best weight that you would like to be at, and certain— think of yourself in this new way. See yourself as able to make the kind of money that you want to make, able to have the kind of relationships you want to have. As you start to see yourself in that way, you will start to get a new experience in your life. You must let go of your old self-image, the unconscious self-image that that wasn't aware that you had the ability to make yourself image conscious and then change it. You can imagine the best possible version of yourself. As you imagine that version of yourself, realize that you can embody the same emotions. You can embody the same daily habits. You can embody the same mindsets, and as you start to resonate with it, you will start to feel like that is real. It won't be something that's like fake it till you make it. It's feel it and become it. That is who you choose to be. You are letting go of all the autopilot mind. You're letting go of everything that was accumulated from the past and you're able to be who you prefer to be. So change your self-image and everything will change. You have to let go of that negative self-image though. Now the third thing that you must let go of in order to really be confident is making other people happen.

Happy.

Now the third thing that you must let go of in order to feel amazingly confident has to do with stop people pleasing. Stop trying to make everyone happy. Stop caring what other people think. You must let go of their own opinions. You must start to fuel first off from how you think about yourself. You know, so many times we respond to people based on how we think they want us to respond. The key to this is having the awareness that your self-image is being projected out to other people and people are responding to that. So you have the ability to view yourself in a powerful way. You have the ability to be at the cause and not the effect. And as you start to live from that point of view, everything will begin to change because then instead of you fitting into the gears of their life, instead of you being a cameo in their life, you are the star of your own movie. Realize that you can take the initiative. You can be at the cause and not the effect by realizing that you are more important than making everyone else happy. You can't even really make anyone else happy unless you first focus on yourself. Focus on being the best version of yourself. Focus on how you feel about yourself doing things because they make you happy, and as you do that, people will feel that off of you. It becomes a very contagious type energy. You know, I used to be somebody that was concerned with what people thought about me. I was always wondering how could I fit and make them like me. Now I'm just on my own purpose. I don't care what other people think about me because I have my own momentum and my own things going on. You know, you can transcend all of that by just having the awareness that you can be at the cause and not the effect. Your self-image is being projected out to other people. And when you start to understand that you can construct it and be the best version of yourself, and as you feel self-amused, as you feel like you are happy for who you are, you are grateful, you find that everything starts to align for itself. So realize that you can stop people pleasing by start focusing on yourself. Focus on the strengths that you have. Understand that as you are focused on the momentum of what you're good at, and of the strengths you'll have, you will develop a new type of gravity about yourself. As you let go of your negative self-image, you can start to construct your new preferred one. Then thirdly, as you let go of what other people think, you'll find that you feel so much more confident about yourself. You can focus on what you feel about yourself and that will change everything. This video right here, this is one of the most powerful videos that I made and I I highly recommend that you watch it 'cause it'll help you with what you learned in this video.

People feel what you feel about you. The energy inside of our bodies are contagious, and based on how we feel about ourselves, that energy is