the secret to being Attractive AF “Choose Yourself Instead”

So you clicked onto this video for a reason, and I'm just going to come out here and say it. This isn't the easiest thing to share with you, and there's a lot of transformation that can come from realizing this though. If you are attracting emotionally unavailable people into your life, it's because at a certain level you are emotionally unavailable. Now I know this is hard to hear, and I had to swallow this pill, and it was not an easy pill to swallow. Okay, here I was experiencing relationships. Where the people I would attract would be emotionally unavailable. And then I had this story, oh, they're just not emotionally present. They're avoiding doing the work. They're not choosing me. And deep down, what I eventually realized is that I would only attract that because it's a mirror of my own energy. I was also emotionally unavailable, and that's why I was attracting someone that was emotionally unavailable because it was a mirror It was a mirror, direct reflection. So you might ask yourself now, okay, Aaron, well, you're saying I have this thing where I'm actually emotionally unavailable. I thought it was them, but how do I actually become more emotionally available so that I attract emotionally available love or I go deeper in my relationship or whatever it is? How do I actually do that? Now for me, what I had to learn to do is this one phrase changed everything and I posted this on Instagram recently and I had so many people ask me about this and this is why I'm making the video and basically what it was is I said, why do people People choose people that don't choose them, and a lot of times people will choose people that are emotionally unavailable, that can't choose them. Why do you do that? Well, the reason we choose people that don't choose us is because we're not choosing ourselves. And then people say, Aaron, how do you choose yourself? I got so many, I got so many DMs and questions about this. How do you choose yourself? How do I choose yourself? Well, I'll share with you what I did. And even just recently, within the last couple months, I began choosing myself in a way unlike anything I've ever done before. Now I'm moving into a a phase of my life where I feel very empowered. I'm moving from just making YouTube videos into running live events. I'm stepping into the unknown. I feel just so, so much like power beginning to like unleash within me. And as this has been happening, I've been questioning why I believed what I believed. I've been questioning why I believed people are just emotionally unavailable, believing I deserve emotional unavailability, why I am also afraid or had that afraid energy around emotional availability to where I just wouldn't be, I would like keep it at bay. And what I've realized is there was just so much of my life that I lived in survival mode where it's like my nervous system wouldn't understand what that emotional availability is even if it was there. And what I've had to do recently is look at this and realize that a lot of times what I would do is distract myself from doing my own work by projecting it onto other people and saying, this person's not emotionally available, this person's not present. And then I would be like being able to put the work to the side. But what I've realized is that the key to me being in my own magnetic energy, the key to me feeling more emotionally available and attracting emotionally available people was when I began choosing myself. Choosing myself, meaning also appreciating myself. This meant like realizing that what I really enjoy, one of the parts of my life I really enjoy is I like being alone. Now this doesn't mean that I won't be in a relationship or I don't want a relationship or anything. This means I started appreciating being in my own energy. Literally like at nighttime, I love learning things. I love watching certain things. I love learning and watching YouTube videos. I love reading. I love meditating. Like my subconscious, I believe, is very active. I love dreaming. I love dreaming. And I've realized that I just, I do love being in my own energy. And before that, I never realized how much I appreciated myself. I never realized how much I appreciated being alone. Not lonely, alone. They're different. Lonely is like, ooh, you don't feel at one with everything and you think there's a problem. When you're alone, you can be completely content in your own energy. And alone is very powerful. And to really attract emotionally available love or love in general, you have to be okay It's like once you get to a place to where you're okay being alone and you love yourself and you love being in your own energy, and in a way you fall in love with yourself, you put out an energy that other people feel, and then it attracts people because of that energy. But if you feel like, oh, I feel lonely, or there's not someone in my life, I need someone to be in a relationship with me for me to feel worth— worthy, then you off— you vibrationally are putting your own happiness on hold. You vibrationally are a lot— you're making a rule that says I can only feel happy when XYZ happens. And you're then capping yourself from feeling worthy now. So what I've realized also about emotional availability is that if you had a parent, did you have a parent that was emotionally or physically abandoning you as a kid? They weren't emotionally present with you or they weren't physically there for you? Because what happens is little kids, we internalize everything that's happening. If mom or dad is physically or emotionally not available, We assume it's because we're not worthy. We assume there's a level of shame that says, I'm broken, there's something wrong with me. So what happens is if we believe there is something wrong with us, we then carry that belief with us to every relationship we have. So imagine getting into a relationship where you say, I want to attract an emotionally available partner, but all you can attract from the belief of I'm broken, there's something wrong with me, is someone that can't really choose you, someone that can't really be emotionally present with you, you because there's a belief there that says there's something wrong with me. So one of the things that I had to do is I had to look at the emotional availability that I experienced growing up, and I had to recognize and realize that my parents divorcing when I was 5 was not my fault. Mom or dad's emotional availability when I was a baby was not my fault. As a kid, I believed it was my fault. But as I started to separate self from other, that was really the key. Because as a kid, you think everything's your own fault. You think that everything is you. And then eventually, if you don't individuate, you then cling to other people to meet your needs. And once I stopped clinging to other people and I started realizing my own brilliance— I don't mean this from a narcissistic way, by the way, but I mean like literally, you can appreciate who you are. You can appreciate being in your own energy without being narcissistic. Being narcissistic is when you expect everything everyone else to adhere to your frame and you manipulate other people to get your needs met. That's not what I mean here. But when you get to the core wound of abandonment and you realize that what you may have had is you may have had what may have been familiar for you too. Maybe as a kid it was familiar to have somebody that was emotionally or physically unavailable. So now what happens in life is you're in relationships that feel familiar to you. Now here's the thing, you attract people into your life reflect back similar childhood dynamics of when you were a kid. So when you were a kid, you had an emotionally unavailable mom or dad, then now it's probably natural and familiar for you to have that in your life. So you would say, why don't I attract emotionally available people? Well, that doesn't feel familiar. If you did have someone that was emotionally available to you, it'd probably feel very weird and uncomfortable. So this is why it is so important to become aware of the energy that you are embodying. Become aware of what your beliefs are about relationships. Become aware of what your beliefs are— let's wait for this thing, there we go— become aware of what your beliefs are about yourself and how you relate to other people. And for me, the biggest things that have changed my life is taking ownership, because I for a long time would attract emotionally unavailable people, and it was always a story that it was their problem. They're not doing the work. Why do I attract this? And I realized that in order for that to change as the reflection, I had to change. I had to become more vulnerable. I had to stop capping off my personality. I had to show the real me. This meant being vulnerable in the dating process. This meant being vulnerable in the relationship, like every level of vulnerability. And here's the thing, if you're vulnerable with someone and they can't hang or they don't like it, they may reject you or not be about it, but then you save yourself time. You only entertain emotionally unavailable people when you believe that that's what you're worthy of. It's like when you look at narcissists, for example, narcissists normally will attract empathic people, that like empathic people that accept them no matter what. That adhere to their frame no matter what. Now narcissists attract empaths because empaths are like the only ones that will put up with their BS because they feel like that maybe they want their frame. Narcissists do have a strong frame and that's why empaths sometimes are attracted to it. So they want, or they can learn from them in a way of how to come up with their own boundaries and how to say no to that. But in the same way, how do you not attract emotionally unavailable people anymore? You realize that when you become emotionally available and when you start opening your heart, you will turn down, like there will be people that you're normally attracted to and you will notice that they won't resonate with that energy. You save yourself time. It's a good thing because then you make room for a new standard. You make room for people that are emotionally available. Now, vulnerability is not just about crying your emotions to other people and saying, this is how I feel. Vulnerability is expressing your true emotions that you would normally hide. This means like in the dating process for me, as I shed the whole nice guy people pleaser thing like 2 years ago, that meant when I was dating someone, I would actually show sexual interest. Vulnerability is going over to approach someone else. Vulnerability could be flirting with someone else. Showing interest, flirting could, or vulnerability could be expressing when you start to have feelings for someone, could be expressing when you start to get scared or you start to, you know, I'm feeling this way. I'm feeling like when you said this, it made me feel that way. You normally maybe hold that back 'cause you're afraid of the rejection. Instead, it's about becoming aware that the more vulnerability, the more open-hearted you are, The more real it is, the more authentic it is, the more courage that takes, but the more attractive you are. Not when you're coming from a place of just crying though, like, oh, this— what I mean is vulnerability from a place of power. Like, I'm gonna express this to you. And there's such a lack of vulnerability nowadays in different relationships in society in general that it's like refreshing if you can have it. So one thing I really encourage you to look at is your own emotional availability within yourself. Look at, are you choosing yourself? Choosing yourself, meaning are you setting boundaries and not doing things you don't wanna do, doing things you do wanna do? Are you appreciating being in your own energy? Are you honoring yourself instead of just others to get your needs met? Me, I'm like moving into a new stage of my life where like, I like freedom. I like traveling. I like meeting different types of people. I like eating at great restaurants. Doing my live events. I'm like stepping into this new me. And as I step into this new me, it's completely transforming the way that I show up and my own magnetism, my own energy. And I question the beliefs and I question the things that say, like question the belief that says I attract emotionally unavailable people. And then start realizing how can I be more emotionally available with myself? How can I express myself to my family members and my friends? How can I open up my heart and be more authentic? And as you do that, you will be setting a trend to where then you will attract people that are emotionally available to you. And you can shed the people pleaser persona, the empath, like feeling like you're sucking to other people's frame. You can start to be in your own frame. So the key and the cure to emotional availability, all it is, it's very simple. You must become emotionally available yourself by being vulnerable and choosing yourself. And as you choose yourself, other people will choose you, other opportunities will choose you. It will completely change your reflection in your life, but it comes from that one decision. Now, something we are doing, by the way, on April 14th to the 20th is a 7-day Emotional Freedom Challenge. If you want to let go of the past, if you want to let go of the fear, the doubt, the anxiety that's been holding you back from really expressing the real you, and really let go of the bottom-level emotions and integrate past experiences so you can elevate your vibe, then what you do is you join by going to aarondoughty.com/emotion. Join the 7-Day Emotional Freedom Challenge. We'll be doing somatic release breathwork. We're gonna be doing different practices for releasing energy from the body. I'm gonna be teaching the frame technique. It's a 7-day live transformational experience. There's a replay if you can't make it live. Check it out. Click this link right here to join. Grab your spot right meow.