The Shocking Reason Empaths Attract Narcissists

If like attracts like, why is it that empaths tend to attract narcissists? This doesn't make sense, does it? The empath, somebody that can feel other people's energies, that's super sensitive to what other people think and feel, attract people that don't feel any regard for that emotion, people that are controlling, manipulative. Why would they attract them when They're nothing alike. Well, very often what will happen is we attract in our life that which is equal in vibration, even if that vibration is equal in that it is an opposite. So think of this: why is someone that overgives attracts people that overtake? If like attracts like, wouldn't the overgiver be somebody that attracts other people that are constantly overgiving to them? This makes no sense. If they say in the universe like attracts like, then overgivers would then attract people that are just always trying to overgive to them, right? Well, no, that's not the way that it works. The way that it works is we attract that which is equal to our vibration, even if it is in the opposite, to show us some lesson, to help us understand the disowned part of ourselves. Interesting. Think about this very much. People that have no problem taking have a certain level of entitlement have a certain level of ownership over believing they deserve it, even if it's in a grandiose way. But then on the other side, the person that feels not good enough, not worthy, and not even has the, doesn't even feel like they deserve to ask for something, this is the opposite energy. But could it be that this person that probably triggers you in a very deep way actually has a lesson for you? Has something for you to learn that if you would then learn and integrate, you would then transform your life. I had this happen to me a couple years ago, actually. I had a friend that came over and this person came over and in this fridge here in Sedona, I have like a whole bunch of drinks and beverages, kombucha, different types of like sparkling water, all these fancy looking beverages because I have this fancy fridge that I splurged on back in the day when I first started becoming successful on YouTube. I was like, I'm gonna get this fridge and it looks really cool. And I had a friend come over and his friend would grab like a kombucha or something out of the fridge, take a couple sips and then put it somewhere. And then like an hour later would go and grab another drink when this one was still 3/4 of the way full and do it again. And in my mind I'm like, these are like $4 kombuchas each, right? And I'm like, yeah, I could be in abundance and everything. But there was also a part of me that was like, I wouldn't go over to someone's house and I would almost like I'd be walking on eggshells on someone's house. Like, can I please have a drink? And then I would just drink and I'd drink the whole entire thing and then throw it away when I was done and then do the dishes if I used any dishes. But then again, I had this friend that came over that just drank a drink, put it somewhere and then forget about it and then go do it again and again. Now I say this 'cause I'm not saying the answer is to be completely unaware and to just go over and just like, you know, basically dirty up people's houses and stuff like that because, you know, this is your breakthrough. However, what if your breakthrough was that looking and noticing that and seeing, I would notice that that would trigger me. I was like, Why this entitlement, blah, blah, blah. But you wanna know what? There was a part of me that was like, I wish I could just do that. Wouldn't it be cool if I just had the ability? But it's like, there's a certain level of pride around the awareness because there's an attunement also to how other people think and feel. I don't want people to think that I'm entitled. I don't want people think that I'm a burden. I don't want people to think that I just grab people's drinks and mindlessly drink them. Without awareness that, you know, they're draining someone's fridge or it costs a lot of money, whatever. But what I realized is there's a disowned part of myself that was afraid to do that. So what did I do? The next day I went to a friend's house and I just started taking little sips out of drinks, leaving it here, take another sip out of a drink, leave it here. And by the end of it, I had gone through a whole entire 24-pack. I'm just kidding, I didn't do that. Can you imagine? This is my breakthrough. Just drinking a little sip and just doing that and leaving cans everywhere. Like, yeah, now I'm a super sloppy person. But in essence, there's something to learn here. And there was a part of myself I could begin to integrate. And I remember that eventually what this looked like is as I became aware of this pattern, I would then start tuning to myself more. And if I was at someone's house and I did want, and I did like, oh, I'm worthy to ask for something, I would ask for it. I'd be respectful in my own way, but I was like, I can ask more. I can begin to tune a little bit more into this energy of feeling worthy. Now, the goal for this whole video, by the way, is to be more in the middle than on the extremes. Because think about this, it is a one-on-one reflection when it comes to it. It's an equal part of the extreme, empaths. Supersensitive to other people's emotions and hypertune themselves are on the extreme side of the opposite of the narcissist who doesn't feel anyone's energies, who manipulates and controls reality. Now, let me also point out, people don't like to hear this, but empaths, people that can feel other people's energies, they get something out of a narcissist approving them. They get to feel validated. They get to feel like someone else is, is approving of them because this person probably is hard to prove. So they're getting something out of it. They're getting a payoff. So in an interesting way, it's also a form of manipulation. It is. It's just instead of taking and demanding, it says, I'm gonna give and then I'm gonna get. So people that are over-givers are also selfish. No, no, no, no, Aaron, they give, they give, they give, but they're giving to get something. They're giving to feel validated. They're giving to feel connected. They're giving to create codependency, to say, I can fix you, you're never gonna leave. This is why it's so important to become aware of the hidden motivation inside of the body, because that is what you can then begin to heal that will completely transform your life from the inside out. Because ultimately empaths and narcissists have the same core wound. They both feel not worthy. The narcissist looks like they feel worthy because they deserve and they're entitled. They don't. That's why they have to have that grandiose way to control reality, because by controlling other people, they're able to meet their own inner needs. They need to control because they don't feel safe. They need to control because they don't feel worthy. Now that's their mechanism. The empath, same thing. They feel not worthy. They feel not good enough. If I give, then I can make up for the deficit. So they both feel on opposite sides, they have the same core wound, a form of abandonment wound. Now they still have a disowned part of themselves in the other, and that disowned part of yourself, that self, is what you can begin to become aware of and you can begin to integrate. You see, often what happens is people that overgive felt in a way guilty about receiving. Overgivers are horrible at receiving. Even compliments, try to compliment someone. I've gotten better with this with time when it comes to being on YouTube because I meet people in public that recognize me from videos Back in the day, someone would say, Aaron, I love your videos. Thank you, they changed my life. And I'd say, you changed your life. You did it, just so you know. Can't accept a compliment at all. And on one hand, even now, I think it's true, the person changed their own life. But if I'm not able to let that land, then guess what? It's like a deflection. It probably doesn't even feel as good for you if you're like going up to someone and you're like, hey, just wanna let you know, thank you for your videos, blah, blah. And they're like, yeah, well, You're welcome, but just so you know, you did everything. It's like, dude, just fricking take a compliment. Have you ever given a compliment to someone and they just can't take it? Maybe that was you. Someone's like, yeah, you look nice too. You're like, yeah, you look great too. You need to very quickly pass it back to balance out the field because you don't wanna receive too much. I don't wanna be guilty receiving. But then the person over here, it's so easy for them to receive. Why is that? Because receiving has become their default mechanism of control. Giving has become their default mechanism of control. This is why they tend to attract they. I feel like this whole pronoun thing, didn't mean to do that. They attract them, whatever, he, she, whatever. What I'm saying is it is a one-on-one reflection of the energy even in its opposite. The key is there's something to learn here. So instead of seeing yourself as an overgiver or an overtaker, there's sharing. You just share. You don't have to overshare. This is where you become aware of the mechanism too. Sometimes people will over— you ever see people that overshare? People that overshare, sometimes you ask them one little question, they try to explain a whole bunch of different things. This many times can come because once again, it's a survival mechanism. If I didn't always have something to say, if I didn't always have explanation, I would've got trouble from mom and dad. So I'll just keep talking, I'll just keep talking, I'll just keep talking, or I'll share really dark things and really vulnerable things so that we can feel connected. This was a thing that I did years ago. I remember meeting up with a friend and we were doing these things where we were like helping each other become aware of different parts of our shadow. And one thing that we became aware of is like, I became aware of within myself that I do feel like was somewhat true is when I would meet people, I'd be, I would, because like, I guess my definition or my identity is that like I'm a deeper person. Which also sounds kind of grandiose, like I'm comparing, but like you ever go and like, how's the weather today? And you're in the elevator and like, the weather is weather. And you're like, yeah, it's so weather. And then it just, you're just kind of boring, right? So someone's like, how's the weather today? And then you're like, I didn't have any freedom growing up when I was a kid. Like, okay. That I'm being, I'm joking about that, but not really. Like I would meet people that I would resonate with, we'd be talking, and then I would like slowly get into like wondering why people are the way they are, what their childhoods were like. These are things I'm naturally interested in. Like I'm interested in why people think the way that they do, and I wanna understand more of their childhood energy. But then sometimes I'd realize that I would like share the stuff that I went through to then help people open up so that then I could learn more about them. It was almost like the vulnerability was becoming a means for connection, which also in a way is a form of manipulation. I'm gonna go first. Okay, I'm being vulnerable. This is what I went through as a kid. It's pretty dark stuff, huh? What about you? And then you'd be like, uh, well, I guess I went through stuff similar too in my own way, and this is what it was. And I was like, oh, now we're connected. But I had to become aware that I'm good the way that I am. I don't need people to see the dark stuff that I went through in order to feel connected. I don't need to overshare or overgive to be worthy. I'm worthy for just being me. I'm good enough the way that I am. I don't need to prove that I'm good enough. And this is a pattern that I've had to let go of as well is feeling like I need to prove it to other people. Prove it. If I'm successful enough, if I make millions of dollars and if I help enough people, I am then good enough. And for a long time, that was what drove me. Growing my YouTube channel, becoming more successful. Like what I've had to do recently is even in my events, this is something I became aware of 'cause I ran a live event recently in LA, which was awesome. It was a 2-day live event. I was doing live breakthrough coaching where I was bringing people up at the front, coaching them on stage. I was doing guided meditations, breathwork, all of these things for a 2-day live event that was $97 for a 2-day, all day, 2 full day event. And people in the crowd were literally, it became a thing where we were talking about overgiving and they're like, somebody mentioned that. They're like, I was surprised at this. Live event was only 9— I thought it was like a gimmick or something. It was only $97 for these 2-day event. And what I realized is that there's this tendency that I have to in a way undercharge because there's this belief that I want more people to be there. Maybe that's part of it. But also part of it is like, will it book up easily if I charge $200, $197, which is still pretty cheap for a 2-day, all-day transformative event that comes with meditations All that stuff. What I realized is that inside of my, even within myself, there is a tendency to want to overgive because if I overgive, then I'm different than all those other people that charge lots of money for live events. I'm being good. I don't wanna be inauthentic. Even sometimes when I can tell them my balance of, I literally have 2,000 free YouTube videos, but still sometimes I'll go to charge for something And there'll be some level of like guilt, like I shouldn't be charging yet at the same time to run a live event, like literally to run a live event might cost $20,000, $30,000. And I realized recently that 2 or 3 live events I've ran over the last 2 years, I literally went through a process yesterday about this where I recognized 2 or 3 live events that I ran over the last 2 years, one of which was 300 people, it was a 3-day live event. Another one was like a 4-day live event with like 150 people. Both these live events, once we did the numbers on them, I actually paid money to run a live event. Like, people sometimes complain, they're like, oh, it should be free. I literally sometimes am paying out of my own pocket to run a 3-day live event, which means flying in the team, which is a lot of energy and a lot of work. I love it, but at the expense of that, like, literally that's the, 'Cause that's what it is. Now I'm not complaining or anything. I love running live events and there are ways I can, you know, that's part of the reflection is I don't need to overgive. I don't need to abandon myself in order to do this. I can also just charge more. There was a lady that came in to the live event I was running too. And the way that this whole thing got brought up is she was running retreats for this specific organization. And she had hundreds of people that wanted her to run more of these retreats. She's like, how can I do it full-time? 'Cause she has a kid. And what we eventually figured out by the end of this dialogue back and forth is that she was making a budget for everything and paying out all the vendors and everything except for herself. And once she realized that, the reason she wasn't doing it is 'cause she didn't feel worthy. She didn't feel like she could allot money for herself. It was such a simple fix. She's like, I wanna do this full-time. I'm so passionate about it. I have so much demand for it. I'm like, well then what's the problem? And eventually we find out she's just not allotting for herself. Well, in the same way, when I'm running certain live events and I'm not thinking about the other, you know, and I'm, it's like I can also allot for my own energy and the team. I mean, there's a lot of energy that goes into the backend of a business, but just in general, even see that there's a part of me that has to, is trying to justify this to you. You see, I'm not bad because I charge. But you see, that's where I'm talking about the thing that I can lean more into is realizing it's not bad to stand in your power. The fear is as somebody that's on this side of the spectrum, they look at the person that's the entitled taker and they think that's evil, it's horrible because most likely their trauma or trigger is someone else that treated them a certain way growing up. And they say, that's bad, I don't want other people to feel that way, so I'm gonna be good. But what if the lesson is actually to lean into it? Not all the way on the other side of the spectrum where you're dictating, you know, and at that negative energy. But what I'm saying is the fear is that if you lean at all in that direction, you're just gonna be bad and horrible. It's not true. If you lean into it, you could be more in your power, more unapologetic in the sense that you know who you are. And when you know who you are, you don't tune to other people for them to tell you who you are. You don't need that validation. Does that make sense? So recognize that one of the most powerful things for you to realize in this dynamic of empath narcissist, of overgiving, overtaking, is that it is an equal vibration in its opposite. And that this thing over here, you can begin to integrate. And as you integrate it, guess what? You're going to learn the lesson and not need to keep attracting that kind of person over and over again. And then what'll happen is you'll start to attract an overtaker, or you might, because you're not overgiving anymore. You ask yourself the question, why am I overgiving? What am I looking to get in exchange? Where is this coming from? And then you start looking at that, and then you'll attract someone that maybe is an overtaker, and you literally won't be attracted to it. I've had this happen where as I was going through this shift years ago, I'd go on a date with someone and if I could feel that she had that kind of energy at all, that kind of taker, that entitlement, I'd immediately just know, okay, this isn't the direction I'm going in. But before, it might be a part of me that's like, oh, this is someone I can give to, this is someone I can help, this is someone I can fix, I can meet their needs. No. You learn through the lesson, through owning that other part of yourself. And as you do, you begin to heal in a much more powerful way. Now, if you want to check out a video from an LA live event that I did where I talked about empath narcissist, how to get to the core of that healing, it's one of my most popular, most powerful videos. It's on, if you can feel other people's energies, watch this. I'm gonna go ahead and put it right here Check this video out next and watch how much your life changes. So empaths, people that can feel other people's energy, this is both a superpower and sometimes a curse on the other side of the spectrum.