The spiritual bypassing TRAP many are in and don't even know it (how to become FREE)
In this video Aaron Doughty explains what spiritual bypassing is—using positivity, avoidance, or people‑pleasing to dodge uncomfortable emotions and shadow aspects. He shares personal stories, from a controlling ex‑stepmother and a narcissistic partner to quitting a retail job, illustrating how early conditioning creates patterns of avoiding tension. Doughty argues that true freedom comes from authentic self‑expression: setting boundaries, saying no, embracing the "shadow" rather than suppressing it, and integrating the physical (3D) world instead of fleeing from it. He emphasizes that authenticity, not validation‑seeking, leads to empowerment in relationships, work, and money. The video concludes with a practical cure—regular shadow work, authentic action, and a 21‑day "complete the past" meditation—to break the bypassing cycle.
Chapters
If you're watching this video, then my guess is that you wonder if you may be spiritual bypassing in some areas of your life, or you know someone else that's doing this and you want a video that you can send them. But what this video is going to show you is the absolute cure to spiritual bypassing. I'm going to show you exactly what I did to get out of that spiritual bypassing energy, how I've seen other people do it, the most powerful cure you can possibly find for it. And understand why are you even doing it in the first place? That's what I'm gonna be sharing with you in this video. And for me, I've done this in many different areas of my life. When I look to my past, many of you may know my past if you watch my videos, but I had a controlling ex-stepmom in my life from 7 to 16 years old. And because I had so much negative tension growing up, I think that I resisted any type of tension in my life, of making anyone mad. It turned me into a people pleaser for years. And one thing that I had to learn how to do is how to deal with those boundaries because before I didn't have boundaries. I just like kind of feel like I would do and be afraid to say no to things I didn't really want to do. I was a very agreeable person and the nice guy or the people pleaser is spiritual bypassing because it's not actually authentic. It's almost like a wall that's put up. It's a wall that's put up. This is, well, if I'm nice to you, then in exchange I'm going to get that validation. If I do things for you, then you're going to give me something in exchange. And a lot of times as well, if we resist tension— so for example, recently I had someone come into my life to kind of show me the pattern of my ex-stepmom, somebody that is obviously narcissistic that was trying to control and manipulate me. And I realized that instead of standing up to this person and telling them how I really felt, being authentic, I was like, oh, I need to walk on eggshells. It was almost like I was afraid. But what I realized was the real part of me that was afraid was the little kid part of me that was afraid from back in the day anytime I stood up to my ex-stepmom or somebody that was trying to control me. So that pattern was living in my life now. That's what I realized. And the moment I realized this was so powerful because in that moment I made a choice that no more of this. I then put my foot down in a way I was comfortable with tension. I think a lot of spiritual people are really nice and people pleasers because they don't feel comfortable with the tension because the tension feels like low vibration. I have news for you. Sometimes that can be very empowering, very empowering for you to say what you want, to do what's authentic to you. When I was tiptoeing around this narcissist and trying not to, to try to just be agreeable and kind of get around, walk on eggshells, I realized this isn't authentic. And in that moment, I then became very firm. And since then, I haven't had to deal with it. You know, when you complete a pattern, you no longer have to repeat the pattern. So there's different areas of our life where there may be this spiritual bypassing, may not just be the nice guy or the people pleaser mentality. It could be something else. It could be— I know when a lot of people go through a spiritual awakening, this also happened to me. What happened is you go through it and all you want to do is focus on the positive things. It's almost like you ever see Hello Kitty in that of the Lego Movie? It's like this really positive, like, I'm so happy, but it's like, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, but it's like you're about to explode because there's actually this like resentment or this repressed energy on the inside. Sometimes what people can do is like, they're focused, like, I'm just gonna think a better thought. I don't wanna go into this shadow, I'm gonna think a better thought. The problem with that is that if you don't go into the shadow and you don't feel it, you don't actually heal it. It just keeps repressing up energy. So something that I had to learn is how to actually lean into the shadow, let it be okay. For a long time, I was afraid to go into that. The paradox is that when you go into the shadow that you're normally afraid to go into, you then begin to heal it. When you feel it, you heal it. So the key is understanding that it's okay to step into the shadow. I got angry with myself when I realized this people-pleasing mentality of walking around eggshells around people that were like my ex-stepmom that were trying to manipulate me. Me trying to just kind of dodge it and like be nice and then ignore them, which if they see that, if here's the thing with narcissists and people that try to control you, if they see that they can continue to control you and you're gonna continue to be nice, they will continue to do that over and over again because they see it's working. But if you put your foot down and you're okay with that tension, you're okay sometimes to not agree with people, you're okay to say what you want, you'll find that then you get a very different response in life. You see, every one of us are the star of our own movie. The problem is that sometimes we give up that star role to become a cameo. That's what happens with the bypasser or the people pleaser or the nice guy. So it's a pattern that we can begin to get out of by realizing no more spiritual bypassing. This isn't just about thinking a better thought. This is about going into the emotions. When I felt angry with myself, I wasn't judging myself like, oh, I'm feeling angry. Angry at all the other times in my past where I did things I didn't really wanna do just to make someone else happy. Even ex-girlfriends, I could see it. It's like stuff I really wanted to do or something I really wanted to say that I held back from for that lack of not wanting to be around tension. I was talking to this guy the other day that was, he's like the handyman at my house. And I was talking to him and I could tell he's a very nice guy, similar to my dad. You know, I had to break outta that role. I had to do what I want. The key to breaking out of being a nice guy or the people pleaser is to do what you want to do, not as a narcissist, but to do what you authentically want to do and to be okay with tension, to be on your own purpose, to be the star of your own movie. And I could tell that he was dealing with the same thing. I remember I said, what would happen if his ex, who they have a kid with and they're good friends, what would happen if she was mad at you? He's like, oh, I would avoid her. I would do anything to make her happy. I'm thinking, exactly. That's what I'm talking about here. Not in a judgmental way, but the key is to be more authentic. Authentic. I was explaining to him that the more you can be and do what you want doesn't mean you're a narcissist. It means that you're just— you don't have to worry about a people pleaser or a nice guy becoming a narcissist. It's not going to happen. But there's something to be learned from that kind of mentality. Of course, that's the extreme version of it, but you learn how to please yourself first. You learn how to be happy already and then you can actually give. So the other thing that happens when people go through a spiritual awakening sometimes is they go through and they start meditating. Everything seems like unicorns and rainbows, and you just fill out one with everything. Oh my God, this tree right here is just so perfect. It's so divine. All of this water, it just gives us everything we need. I don't want to have a 3D job. That might be the answer for some people, but for me, I wasn't ready for that. I literally quit my job on a whim. I worked at Nordstrom's in women's shoes. Quit because honestly it was getting in the way of my meditations. I was like meditating to bring high vibrational energy and to help the planet raise its vibration. And it was on every Sunday and I had to work on those Sundays. So I said, you know what, I'm quitting this job. Went in one day. There's also some corporate politics I was dealing with. There was a manager there that had a crush on me and I told him, I was like, yo, I'm not gay, but he kept making these passes on me. And then eventually he used that against me because I kept rejecting him. And then he started, yeah, giving me a really hard time. So then eventually I was like, you know what, went in one day, I was like, I'm not coming in tomorrow. And honestly, now that I think about it, I probably could have been more firm. I think I was just like rejecting it. And then eventually maybe I did get kind of angry. But because then when you're making a pass on someone and you're not interested or you're not that sexual orientation, it's like, stop doing that. You know what I mean? But I may have been like kind of nice about it. Like, yeah, can you not talk like that? Instead of just being like, no, it's not cool. Don't do that. Don't talk to me like that. I'm the employee and I'm not. Yeah. Anyways, but I looked at that and then after that job, there's a whole tangent I just went on there. After that, I quit though. I realized I didn't want to get a 3D job again. I didn't want to do anything 3D. I don't want to go in public and be around so many people. I'm so sensitive to energy, but I was spiritual bypassing having a 3D physical experience. It doesn't mean 3D. I mean, I guess you could still be 5D in this body, but What I had to learn to do is to integrate into the physical experience, to enjoy food, not get lost in food, but to enjoy food. Same thing with different things, different things you might feel pleasure doing. Enjoy it, don't get lost in it. But the idea behind this is when you can become completely at peace with where you are, it's a very powerful place to be. But a lot of people that go through spiritual awakening, they just want to ascend and be done with the, the craziness of the earth. That's spiritual bypassing as well. I did an event yesterday here in Sedona, and I did like a little workshop, and there was somebody there who was asking a question around vulnerability because she realized that anytime she had like this wall up and she realized that she was spiritual bypassing becoming vulnerable. And I asked her, I said, what happened when you were a kid when you were showing your emotions? She's like, well, my sister, I had to be the brave one for because she was very, very passive. So I then developed a wall. She developed her own wall, and then she was spiritual bypassing anything to do with intimacy and being vulnerable. So that's something, you know, you can get one of Brené Brown's books, talks about the power of vulnerability, but it's leaning into the shadow. So what is the cure to spiritual bypassing? It is utter authenticity. Authenticity. It's doing and being how you prefer to be. The nice guy, the people pleaser. The way that you solve that is you do what you wanna do. The funny thing is that when you're doing what, especially if you're a guy, if you're doing what you wanna do, you will be more attractive to other people. You could still listen to someone else and do, but you're doing it 'cause you want to, not 'cause you have to, you're trying to gain validation. The people pleaser, same thing. Hey, you wanna go out? Yeah, I guess. I don't really want to, but I don't want you guys to reject me or be mad at me, so I guess I will. Instead you say, no, I don't really feel like it tonight. I'm not going to do it tonight. I'm going to do this other thing. I'm focused on my mission. I'm going to do that instead. You see the difference there? It's a different energy and people respect you more. That's the crazy thing. These things, when you're, when you got that aspect of the spiritual bypass and you think it's going to hurt you, or if I go into detention like you did when you were a kid and you got in trouble, you're not going to get in trouble anymore. If anything, you're going to be more empowered. Since then, I feel so much more powerful. I realized that I could be this way, this powerful, and have this gravity in many areas of my life, whether that be dating, friendships, about not to be a people pleaser. You know, it's something I've been unraveling the onion with for like the last year, but I feel so much more powerful now. Spiritual bypassing is a way of not looking at your shadow. And instead, when you then begin to look at your shadow, you lean into it versus the conditioned response, which is to back away from it. When you lean into it, you're gonna find that you feel much more powerful and that you actually do the work and then you don't have to experience those patterns over and over again. So there could be a pattern there around vulnerability. And the thing you wanna look at is how were you growing up? Were you given pain or pleasure for doing certain things? Were certain things considered bad? What is your self-image? Look at your self-image too. How do you view yourself? And sometimes when you talk about people pleasers, a sense of significance. Oh, I add so much value. This is part of who I am. Instead of realizing you have value for being you. So spiritual bypassing is not something to judge yourself for, but realize it's okay. Give yourself permission to be authentic. The cure is authenticity. Do what you want, say what you want. For me to like say and to like tell someone no, to be okay in that tension, that's more authentic. I realized that after I was tiptoeing around with that one person, I was like, wait, this isn't authentic. No, I won't do this. That's authentic. I just didn't wanna say it 'cause of the spiritual bypassing. So spiritual bypassing is something you can stop like this, this, this. Become aware of it, be aware of it, and then decide to go into the authenticity. Be unapologetically you. If it has to do with like being the Hello Kitty, oh, I'm thinking negative, I don't wanna think negative thoughts. No, it's okay. Yes, you can decide what you put your energy in. Doesn't mean that you just are at the whim of everything that happens. But it means that if there's something to look at, look at it. If there's weeds that need to be pulled out, look at the weeds and pull them out. Don't bypass them, ignore that part of the garden. That's the idea behind spiritual bypassing. It's the desire to not look at something that you're afraid to look at. But if you go in with courage, I promise you, you will find something and you will feel so empowered, just like I did with that whole one mentality of not wanting to be around tension. Just like I did with realizing that actually embracing the 3D experience, you know, I've become successful because I don't have a negative relationship with money. I know money doesn't buy happiness. I know that money isn't the end-all be-all. But at the same time, I've redefined my sense of— I just realized it's energy. That's all it is. And if I put more value in the world, it comes back. But spiritual bypassing is like, no, money is bad. It's also another form of spiritual bypassing. 'Cause then you're not held responsible. Oh, they, I don't have to be like them. I don't have to like try to, you know, even I used to like not even take action because I was like, at all, I was like, oh, taking action sounds low vibrational. I just wanna think a better thought. I'm just gonna sit on my couch and visualize. Nothing wrong with that, but it could be spiritual bypassing. We came here to have a physical experience. So taking that, being that identity is important. Doesn't mean you have to work hard. It just means that you are being it. Part of me being in the reality I'm in now is making videos. Doing live events, which I did yesterday, being this ideal version of me, which requires action. Spiritual bypassing many times is avoiding that at all costs. And maybe sometimes it is to get alignment and all of that, but part of your alignment, if you're really passionate about what you're doing, is being it, which means taking action. So the key is authenticity. Do what you want to do. Don't judge yourself for feeling anger. Don't judge yourself for even feeling the walls of the vulnerability. I shouldn't be feeling this. Let it be okay that you do feel it. And then lean into it, and I promise you something powerful will come out of it. I have a meditation that helps complete the past. When you complete the past, you no longer have to repeat the past. One of the most powerful meditations. I recommend you listen for 21 days. I really think it could change your life. You'll see the link in the top of the description below and also in the comment section. And I hope you enjoyed this video. Could you like this video if you liked it? Subscribe if you haven't already. As always, I'll talk to you next video. Peace, much love, and namaste.
More from Aaron
If you can see this, you're about to become so magnetic you are unrecognizable
