The SURPRISING REASON You Control & DON'T TRUST The Universe!

The energy of control creates resistance, and many people that have controlling tendencies end up not only resisting them actually manifesting what they want, but also they end up repelling either love, they repel abundance, they repel new opportunities because control is creating a dynamic of resistance. In this video, I'm gonna show you the root cause of the control and offer in a perspective on healing it so that you can finally start trusting the flow of your life, trusting the universe, doing less, getting more from simply being in the right energy and in the right vibration. What if we found out that there is actually a root cause of control? There's a reason we may be controlling. We may be controlling in love. We may be wanting someone to text us back, things to happen a certain way. We might be at the same time wanting and obsessing about a job that we want, trying to control our friends and how they're showing up for us, our family. Now here's the thing with control too. The more rules we have for how people need to be and how things need to happen in our life, the more resistance there is. Now imagine we're more general. It's like, you know, what would it be to have a good day? It's like, oh, you know, I wake up, I feel gratitude, and I just am doing XYZ. It's like real simple, right? But imagine it's like for me to have a good day, I have to have my son or daughter do this. I have to have my mom text me this. I have to have this happen in this sequence, and people need to show up for me like this, and there's all these rules. It's gonna be way less likely that you have a good day. Now, the thing with vibration and energy is how we feel translates into what we experience. So the more rules we have to what makes a good day, or the more rules we have for the way reality should work under the power and the energy of control, the more resistance there is versus having a more general sense of being able to go with the flow. Because when we let go of control, ah, we're able to relax. And when we relax, things happen in reality in a much easier way. So first off, just realize that control is a matter of letting go of the desire for that power. Control is like an ego desire. Now let me first off say as well, this is a pattern that I am working at shedding and I definitely have in my own life. There's aspects of my business. My business for me has been always like, my business in a way was my saving grace out of getting out of the 9 to 5 job that I worked selling women's shoes. I started making daily videos. I started having this work hard and kind of like focus mentality. And I had to do every, I did my own thumbnail, I did my own editing, I did my own everything. And then eventually I kept growing and I'm like, man, I'm doing so much. And it was so hard for me to let go of control because I had this belief that nobody could do it as good as me. But guess what? That belief was there to keep the energy from childhood alive inside of me. And that's what we're talking about in this video when it comes to the root cause of control. Now here's my theory on control. Here's what I've noticed in almost everyone I've talked to about control and all my friends, we tend to attract each other, like attracts like. So I got a lot of friends that also have these little control things, you know. Control is related to the energy of trust. It's the other side of the coin. Now most likely what happened, and you let me know, you comment below or like this video and let me know, When you were in childhood, did you have some way that one of your family members or friends broke trust with you? Maybe it was a parent that was emotionally unavailable, parent that walked out on you. Maybe you were physically or emotionally abused or sexually abused. Many times the reason people have a control dynamic is because there was trust that was broken at a younger age and then there was a decision that was made. There was a meaning that was made. 'Cause remember, everything in our life has no built-in meaning other than the meaning we give it. But when we're kids, we make a meaning and we say, this means that I can't trust, therefore I must draw the energy and do it. So trust has been broken. So instead of trusting other people, instead of trusting the universe, it says, I only trust myself. Because I had to get myself outta shit experiences growing up. Now in a weird twisted way as well, I look back to my childhood and there was a familiar energy in childhood of control because many of you know, if you've watched my videos or know, you know, heard my story before of my ex-stepmom, my ex-stepmom from 7 to 15 years old was in my life. My dad was a nice guy, people pleaser. My ex-stepmom was a narcissist control freak. And what happens is, She was controlling my brother and I. We weren't allowed to have friends. We had to earn going to like school even. I weren't allowed to watch TV. Like we had a very interesting childhood where normally we were just locked outside doing yard work all day and really socially awkward and all this other stuff. But we're in this little box. My dad divorced her when I was 15 years old. When he finally woke up, he's like, oh, we have all this freedom all of a sudden. And in that freedom, in not having to work outside all the time, in being able to watch television and eat enough food and start looking healthy and all this shit, Guess what happened? I started to feel anxiety. They call this Stockholm syndrome, but I remember feeling, even though I had to, my brother and I would have to watch television, we would watch television when they weren't home, and what we would do is one of us would be on the lookout by the window, one of us would have our remote with our finger on the previous channel button so that as soon as they came back, we pushed that button and run outside and continue to do yard work. Even though that was the control dynamic, there was something about that that felt safe. It felt safe. I knew what my little box was. I knew what I was allowed to do and not allowed to do, and I felt safe in it. All of a sudden, I have all this anxiety. I'm allowed to do anything. I'm allowed to have friends. And it felt very shaky, felt very uncertain. So what happened? Well, here's what happened for a while. What happened is after my ex-stepmom left my life at 15, I attracted other people into my life that were very similar to my ex-stepmom. Very controlling, jealous even. And they gave me a little box to be in. I was like, oh my God, it feels so safe to be in this box. Thank you so much. And I was in that box. But then eventually, you guys wanna know what I did? I created my own box. I created my own box because eventually I learned and I stopped, I like forgave my ex-stepmom and some of those people fell outta my life that were trying to control me. And I started to make the choice, I control myself. I will have the perfect diet. I need to work my ass off all the time. I need to do this. I need everything to work out the way I want. And I would be obsessive about things because that was my little safety mechanism. That's what I felt safe in. And that's what kept me in this control mentality. And that's what I've realized is control is a desire for power. but if the power comes more from the ego and it is, it is so much burden on the ego's back when there's a greater power at play. The greater power at play is your higher self flowing through you. It's your higher self helping you and realizing that your higher self is guiding you in different aspects of your life, whether you're aware of it or not. Let me give you another example. I just thought about this. Okay, so I found out today, like I've been, let me just level out with you guys. So this last week or two, I'm in the process of, I was in the process of buying a house. I am now closing on the house tomorrow, which is great news. However, for this last week, I was dealing with all these ups and downs of figuring out this unshaky situation where I didn't know what was gonna happen because there were all these technicalities. I already, I mean, I'm not trying to brag here, but I already have two other houses trying to figure out what I do with my life. And it was kind of up in the air whether I was for sure gonna get this house because of the appraisal and all these different things, right? And I was in this mode of like trying to control the situation. But what I had to realize is this is what I did. I had to keep just letting go. It's gonna, if it's meant to happen, it will happen. It felt very divinely orchestrated the way it happened. The way this house happened is I found this house that I really liked in the way it came up online or whatever. My real estate agent sent it to me and I was like, ooh, this is perfect. The other two houses, one's in downtown Austin, Texas, the other's in Sedona, Arizona. I love them, however, I realized that I didn't wanna live in Sedona because it was a little bit too far away from everything else and I wanted to be more in like a city where it's easy to travel. It was so hard to travel in Sedona because you had to drive an hour and a half to get to Phoenix to then go somewhere and I travel a lot. So then I moved to Austin thinking I wanted to live in downtown and I'm around all this energy and all this city stuff and I said, no, I wanna be in nature. So now I am moving to that of a part of Austin that is very nature-y. A lot of, I'm on like 4 or 5 acres. I've got this huge view. I've got this beautiful, like I'm excited about it. However, just to give you context as to why I'm getting another house, 'cause some people are like, why are you getting another house? So that's why. But now that I move into that house, there was this, what I had to realize is I had to let go of outcome and say, if I'm meant to be in this house, then I will, because everything started lining up perfectly. The house I'm in now, the guy that owns it was like, oh, you can break the lease. That was a big thing. Am I gonna be able to break the lease of this house so I don't have to pay this much rent, you know, when I'm not in it? All these, the appraisal coming back was a big thing. Everything came back perfect and I had to keep trusting. But what I had to eventually do is just let go and say, if this is meant to happen, it will happen. I had to trust. And I had a memory too. Before I went full-time on YouTube in 2017, I wanted to get a job. I was working at Barney's New York. I wanted to work at Neiman Marcus. Neiman Marcus is very similar business. You got more commission. I think they got 10% commission. And I really wanted to work there and I was gonna apply and I think I did apply and I was waiting for an interview. And what ended up happening is I didn't get the job and I was kind of sad about it. It was like, oh, I wanted to make more. I would've made more money there. I had friends working there that were making like $80,000, $90,000 a year versus like the $60,000 a year I was making at at Barney's and I was bored at Barney's. But what I realized is I look back now and it was a blessing that I didn't get that job going to Niemann's because if I got that job going to Niemann's, I may have not then made YouTube videos to get outta my situation. So realize that sometimes if things don't happen the way you want, if you can trust, if you can realize that your higher self has a larger vision of your life and the more you can let go is the more you will then change your state, and the more you change your state, the more you will then see your reality shift on the outside. Your reality will change in a magical way, and it becomes so much easier because you don't have to do everything. And when we talk about trust, what you're really learning to trust in is you're learning to trust more in yourself. You're learning to trust in something greater than you. And when you realize it does take courage to trust, but you don't have to be in that inner child that made you feel wounded, that may have felt like that trust was broken. You can reintegrate that and like start to develop this trust with the universe, with source energy, with God, whatever name you wanna give this greater energy than ourselves. And what you wanna realize is you can develop a better relationship with the unknown. Most likely as kids, something happened that was out of your control. So you made a choice, I'm going to control. And your relationship with the unknown wasn't so great. How many of you guys like had parents that divorced? Maybe one of your parents divorced and what happened is, it's like, this is outta my control. Why are my parents divorced? Am I good enough? There's something that happened and it's like, okay, I'm gonna control life and I'm gonna make sure everything happens well. Well, guess what happens? It's very challenging to control relationships. Have you ever tried it? This person will feel this way about me and do this for me and do this and this is how everything's gonna go. It doesn't work that way. There has to be this like letting go, this letting go of outcome, this letting go of control, this letting go of the past meaning that we gave when we were kids and start to develop a relationship with the unknown. My girlfriend has an interesting perspective on this because she's like, I love the unknown. I love the, she's like, I love the unknown. The unknown for me is like everything. It is where I, she finds safety in the unknown. Because I don't even actually know why. I need to ask her why. But her childhood was a little bit different. She had controlling parents. She had a little bit of controlling parents, but also her dynamic was a little bit different. But she's like, I mean, she's also more feminine, right? So she's in this feminine flow of like, you know, timing. We always joke around it 'cause time isn't necessarily her forte, you know? But she's also just in this flow of like, she's in the flow of life. Everything will happen when it's meant to happen. And that's how she lives her life and it works very well for her. But there's a lot of stuff I can learn from that because I'm like, oh, I can just let go, be in the flow, have fun. It makes it so much easier. But unknown is a very, unknown is also where all magic happens. The more I've trusted the unknown, the more good shit's happened in my life, just the way it's worked. And then the more I've given it up and said, oh, source energy, God, whatever, can help this to flow through, the more good things have happened. Now, another thing I noticed is that the, The future focus, a lot of times the control is trying to control the future so that the energy isn't in the present moment, the energy's on something that hasn't happened yet. That's a pattern from childhood, from trying to ease the anxiety of the safety net of trying to get everything to happen and control in a certain way. But the truth is, when you start being more present now, bringing the energy into the body, you start being here, you'll notice that your life changes in so many ways. So the key is getting out of the rigidity, the control, the non-trust, and begin to trust a larger aspect of self. Begin to trust God, source energy, the higher self, whatever name you wanna give this to start to flow through. And as you do, and as you also start to heal your inner child, your whole entire life will begin to change. One of the most powerful meditations I have is on healing the inner child, where you energetically go to Kauai, Hawaii, bring forth the inner child and heal the patterns of the past, which will change your present moment. If you haven't done that meditation yet, I highly recommend it. It's completely free. Go to aarondoughty.com/child or click the link in the description box below and realize that for this whole process of surrendering and letting go, if you wanna go deep and really shed this pattern for good, then watch this video right here on surrendering, letting go of control. It'll help you to do that in a very powerful way. Letting go is actually very easy when we allow it to be easy. Letting go is only hard because we believe that one, it has to be hard, but the main reason