The Vibrational Making of a Narcissist (and the Antidote)

In this video, I'm gonna show you the ingredients that go into the making of a narcissist, plus I'm gonna be sharing with you the antidote to help you not attract narcissists into your life and also to help you understand a narcissist so that honestly you can have a little bit more compassion for why they are the way they are, and then also how to give a narcissist what they need, which is something that's probably not what you think. So in this episode of the Vortex Kitchen, hi Vortex, hi Vortex, Vortex Kitchen. I don't know what we're going to call it. Call it Aaron's Kitchen for now. Okay. Well, it sounds narcissistic to be using my own name, but here we go. So this series is all about understanding the vibrational makeup that goes into the energy of different facets of our reality. And one of the facets are narcissists. Now, my guess is that if you're watching this video, you've probably found yourself attracting narcissists into your life. And many of you may know my story, but I'm somebody that has attracted narcissists into my life because between the ages of 7 to 15 years old, my dad was married to my ex-stepmom, which is a total narcissist. And she was controlling, manipulative. My brother and I had zero freedom. We used to have to sneak to the other side of the house to get enough food to eat. We weren't allowed to go to, we had to earn going to school activities. We weren't allowed to have friends, watch TV, any of that. Basically what happened is from that period of our life, we had to pretty much ping off of our ex-stepmom to understand how she thought because in order for us to get what we wanted, we had to kind of know how she worked. For example, if we really wanted to go to that of a school activity, we would have to pretend that we didn't want to go to it. And if we pretended like we didn't wanna go to it, what she would then do is she'd say, oh, you think you're getting outta that band? I'd be like, you know, I didn't really practice for band. I don't really wanna go to that band tournament even though I really did. And she'd go, you know what? You didn't practice, that's your fault. You're going. But if she knew I wanted to go and I was like, oh, I wanna go to this band camp, she said, you think you're going? You didn't do XYZ, some chore or something like that. Even though, you know, we didn't really have any privileges. But the interesting thing was from that, I got to learn how she worked and how she thought. And even though my dad divorced her when I was 15 years old, I then attracted other narcissists into my life. One was a manager at Nordstrom's, one was an ex-girlfriend, or two were ex-girlfriends. And I found my, why am I attracting this into my life? And until I share, until I realized what I share with you in this episode, it didn't change. So I'm gonna share with you the antidote, what you can literally take that will change everything for you in this process. Now, one of the first things to understand about narcissists is one of the first things they need is they need a childhood experience where they wire in a belief that says, I'm not worthy. So this is what a narcissist needs now. And ironically enough, what this also means is that the empath or somebody that's a victim of narcissism also has the belief that says, I'm not worthy. So already we have a little bit more in common than we priorly thought. So the belief says, I'm not worthy, I'm not enough. And then what happens is in order to get the needs met, the narcissist, what they do is what they want is in order for them to be worthy, what they want is they want attention and that attention to them is feeding their own frame. Now the empath on the other hand, what they want is they want validation and approval. Now here's the difference in the equation of the narcissist to that of the empath. So the narcissist to get their needs met, what they say is they say, in order for me to feel worthy, in order for me to feel worthy and to be like a, what would that be like, a healthier banana, in order for me to feel worthy, what I need, the equation that I need is I need to take attention and to set the frame and to have a very dominant frame. And control things around me. Now, in order for the needs of the empath to be met, what goes into that is it says, okay, I'm not worthy. In order for me to feel worthy, I need to give you validation and approval. I need to give you and affirm your frame and be a very yes man and a people pleaser and nice guy. And in exchange, you're gonna give me validation and approval. So the empath wants validation and approval, and they're gonna give something to get that back. The narcissist is going to take and demand that you give them attention. So you see, this is the difference between the narcissist and that of the empath. Now here's the biggest mind blow that I recently learned about narcissists, all right? When we talk about the vibration of narcissists. So first off, the narcissist, the empaths both have a belief that says, I'm not worthy, I'm not enough. The way their needs are met is the narcissist will take attention, will take what it wants to feed its frame, the empath will give themselves up. They literally won't know who they are. They'll like, somebody else feels a little bit of tension, they say, oh, I'm gonna give that up, that's my tension too. I need to please you because if I please you, then I please me. I need to give in order to get. So the narcissist has a strong frame, the empath has a lack of frame, and that's why they tend to attract each other together. So the power of what I'm sharing here also, we can have a little bit more compassion. And in a minute, I'm gonna share with you the antidote to this whole process. But here is the interesting thing about narcissists. Every one of us goes through a stage of our life where we are toddlers. We are 2 years old. They call this the terrible twos. Terrible twos is where you might have a temper tantrum when you're a kid. You might get very angry. You think the world revolves around you. That's what happens when you're 2. Literally everything. My parents are here to serve me. No, no, no. See, no, it's like their favorite word. Yeah, think about it. Narcissists have no problem setting boundaries. No, don't do that. No, you can't do that. My ex-stepmom, no, you can't go to that school activity. No, tell you what to fucking do. Now here's the difference. The narcissist many times has trauma that has stemmed from a childhood experience at that age of a toddler. So the narcissist hasn't grown out of the energy dynamics of being a toddler. They still think the world revolves around them. They probably had some type of trauma then. Now, most people go through a natural phase where they go through the terrible twos And then what happens is their parents give them boundaries. What the narcissist is actually craving is boundaries. Isn't that crazy? The narcissist will do anything they can to establish their frame, will literally want the attention always to be feeding their frame, but at the same time, they will then test their frame with everyone they are around. But what they're really deep down craving is they're craving boundaries. The boundaries is what they're craving. The boundaries is where they're gonna learn their lesson. Because think about it, the parents, the kids are like, "No, no." They really want their fricking popsicle or whatever, but the parents are like, "No, listen, you're not getting your fricking popsicle. You're acting like this, you're not gonna get that." Boundaries, right? Then the child actually feels safe. They crave the boundaries, doesn't know it. In the same way, the narcissist is and was a 2-year-old that hasn't grown out of the stage of development where they haven't realized that the world does not revolve around them. On them. So what they're doing is they're seeking validation and they're seeking the healing and they want everyone to pay attention to them so that they can feel significant. But what they really want is they really want boundaries, but it's uncomfortable for them. And that's why they don't like to be told what to do. So this is about understanding also that narcissists, they're doing the best they can with where they are. This doesn't mean we need to look down at them and see them as little toddlers running around, although it does kind of help to like loosen up the energy a little bit, to be honest with you. Helps like kind of loosen up the heaviness 'cause many of you have been the victims of narcissists. So therefore there's this big heaviness there. Ah, but instead what you could do is begin to let it go and then realize that it kind of is like a 2-year-old that went through trauma that hasn't grown out of the terrible twos. So what you can begin to do is understand this dynamic. And as you understand this dynamic, it helps it so that you can forgive them a little bit more. So I know we use this as an analogy for the limiting belief that says, I'm not worthy. And then what they want is they want all the attention on them, all the attention on them to feed their frame, feed their frames that they feel worthy. And really what that is when they continue to attract people into their life that are more people pleaser-ish or more nice, it's people that are feeding their frame that are kind of activating that childhood wound and keeping it going so that they can keep filling up their own cup. There's a lot of successful people in the world that are narcissists. Because it becomes, it's not a desire that they want attention, they need it. They want to, that's not they want to establish their own frame, they need to in order for them to have their needs met. So the key to this is having compassion and having an understanding. Understand that that narcissist below that is actually a very beautiful, there's an innocent child there that just hasn't grown out of the terrible twos. When I look at my ex-stepmom, my ex-stepmom was deemed— she went through a lot of abuse from her dad growing up. That's why she is the way she is. When I understood that, it made it so much easier for me to forgive my ex-stepmom. Didn't make it right that my brother and I went through all those things, but what I had to do is I had to forgive her. So one of the antidotes, this is the antidote to understanding how to heal the vibrational making of a narcissist is somebody that wants attention, that wants frame. The thing on your end is for you to realize that your antidote is you having boundaries with the narcissist, having boundaries, and then also forgiving them, forgiving them for what they've done, 'cause they don't know, they're at the level of consciousness they're at, they don't know what they're doing, but not enabling them. You don't have to keep feeding their frame. They say one of the best things to do could be to go no contact. To be completely separate yourself from them. But the side effect of this is that unless you deal with your own inner boundaries and your own inner sense of self, you will attract the next person into your life to be a narcissist. Until I really did this work, I kept attracting narcissists into my life. And really what it was desperately trying to show me is be within your own frame, know your own sense of self, draw your own boundaries of what is okay and what is not okay. And don't feed the attention of a narcissist when you're arguing with them because they're looking for hooks. They're looking for hooks to get in. I remember one time, this is kind of a little funny story. My dad was going to something with my ex-stepmom after they divorced. My dad, I have two half sisters, that's their real mom. So what happens is my dad had to go to counseling or something with the, like for court when the divorce was happening. And what she would do is she would yell at my dad at these like embarrassing, in public, yell at him, blah, blah, blah, blah, like accuse him of stuff that didn't happen. And my dad's like, what do What you do is this. What you do is the next time she comes to you in public and she starts yelling at you, she starts, you know, like trying to trigger you, just pretend like she ain't even there. Just smile and sit there like this. That's exactly what he did. You know what she did? She didn't know what to do. She freaked out. She came, she's like, "Bla bla bla bla bla bla," yelling at him. He then, she then saw that he wasn't reacting. Wasn't feeding her frame or giving her any attention. And she freaked out and said, yeah, whatever. And then she just walked out. She couldn't even handle it because when they're not feeding, it's a need, it's not a want. They need you to feed their frame. So if you go cold contact or you establish your boundaries, then you start to learn the lessons so that you don't keep attracting that into your life over and over again. But realize one of the keys to this whole thing is forgiveness. Forgiving people in your life that have been narcissists. They were there to teach you a lesson. What is that lesson they were there to teach you? They were there to teach you the lesson of growing your own balls or whatever, to have boundaries, to set boundaries with them. They desperately need it and want it. They don't know it, but they do need it 'cause they're terrible too. They need to be told no. But a lot of times people aren't willing to do that because they don't wanna deal with them. So the key is forgiveness. They're doing the best they can with their own level of consciousness they're at. They went through pain growing up. There's a reason they, become a narcissist. It wasn't something they necessarily consciously decided. It's something that they did out of them being a victim of maybe childhood trauma, childhood abuse, different psychological trauma in a way. So the key is to feel and to forgive them, for they know not what they do. They're at their level of consciousness. But the key is for you to have compassion and understanding and to heal within yourself and to set your own boundaries and to be in your own frame. As you do that, then you are gonna be loving yourself, filling up your own cup, and it's gonna be easier for you to then heal. Let's imagine this apple cider vinegar right here. Let's imagine that this is forgiveness. It's a little bitter. It kind of sucks to forgive because it invalidates everything you went through. But at the same time, this is the key to you stopping attracting narcissists in your life. It's also growing a little bit of balls. This is bitter. Kind of sucks to take, but it's so good for you. So the reason that I'm doing this right now is to show you this is a metaphor for forgiveness, setting your own boundaries. You need boundaries. This cup, if there was no round, if there was no like structure to this cup, the water wouldn't be able to stay in its form. You need to develop a boundary within yourself. And as you have boundaries within yourself for what's okay, what's not okay, you then know that you are a sense of self. You are a cup. You're not everyone else's cup. You don't have to fill up their cup. You could fill up your own cup. And as you have that, people will respect you more. You will have more magnetic energy. Narcissists won't mess with you. This is the key. And this is the part that is important for us to understand. So cheers to everybody out there. I encourage you to forgive a narcissist in your life, to understand them a little bit more. They went through childhood trauma. They're trying to suck in the attention because they feel like they need it. You can choose not to give it to them. You can choose to forgive them, have compassion for them, and understand that they just haven't grown out of the terrible twos yet. And then what you can do is you can set boundaries for them and for you. And when you set boundaries for them and for you, you'll begin to forgive yourself and you'll find that then you really begin to heal. So cheers, let's do this. Mm, so delicious. Mm, ah, woo! That's the most delicious thing, but guess what? That's self-love, loving my body, okay? Let me know if you guys like this style of videos. I know it's a little bit cheesy, but it kind of gets the idea across of different energy dynamics that we're learning. Like this video if you liked it. There's one other video I've already done on this that I'll link below as well that you can check out. I forget what was on, but it was the making of something. Anyways, I'll talk to you guys on the next video, and I hope you guys enjoyed it. As always, peace, much love, and namaste.