This Therapy Session Exposed Why I Block Love (and Work So Much)
Aaron Doughty attended a family-constellation session in Sedona where strangers played his mother, grandparents, and future self, revealing how childhood patterns made him sabotage love and overwork. A visceral moment being held by a mother-figure dissolved what he calls his heart-wall, opening him to connection.
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Why is it on one hand you may want to attract love, deeper connections into your life, but on the other hand there may be a part of yourself that's afraid of it, a part of yourself that maybe sabotages it, where anytime you start to meet somebody that maybe you'd have a deep connection with, or maybe something happens where you find out you just sabotage it somehow, or maybe you find that you just keep attracting similar people that you know is maybe not good for you, but you keep attracting that kind of energy dynamic into your life. When it comes to self-sabotage, what that is is it's a part of you that feels afraid of love and connection. It's also a part of you that maybe doesn't even know what the unknown would be when it comes to love and connection. That's afraid of that. And what if, if you were to get to the core of what that's really about, is at the deepest level, it's become familiar to be alone. It's become familiar to feel let down. It's become familiar to feel abandoned. At a deeper level, when you get down to the core in the subconscious, there may be a belief that that's all that you're worthy of. Now, in this video, what I wanna do is I wanna show you the most powerful process I have ever found that has allowed me to stop sabotaging relationships. It's allowed me to stop self-sabotaging deeper connections in my life. It's allowed me to show up in a very different way when it comes to my own sense of value and self-worth. And it all comes down to a process that's called family constellation therapy. Has to come down to understanding that between 0 and 5 years old was when the blueprint was created. When you were in a theta brainwave state, meaning you were just absorbing the information of your environment. You were absorbing what it means between mom and dad for a relationship, and then your relationship with them was reflective of your relationship with self. So when I actually came— right now I am in Sedona, Arizona. This is Sedona. I can't really see out the window right now because of the shades, but I came here about a year ago, a little over a year ago, and I went through an actual family constellation process that completely transformed my life. And very quickly, my life began to shift in a very powerful way. So in this video, what I'm gonna do is from a recent live event, I go deep into sharing on stage what this was like. I share what happened in that family constellation session that included other people playing out different dynamics in my family and the core that changed everything. So in this video, I'm gonna share with you exactly what that is. Make sure you watch it to the end and you could begin to see what begins to come up in your own life, in your own energetic field around your own family constellation, meaning the family dynamic that you're used to of what's familiar when you were a kid. And you may be sabotaging current relationships because you're fighting for familiar. And in this video, I'm gonna show you how to stop fighting for familiar. Interestingly enough, familiar and the word family are almost the same, same meaning. And instead you could start bringing in deeper connections because you've closed the loop from childhood. So with that being said, here is the video right now.
What most people do subconsciously is they're waiting for someone else to come into their life so that they can finally give themselves permission to feel love, so they can finally give themselves permission to feel worthy, whole, and complete. Now, one of the most powerful insights I've had on my own journey to worthiness was actually when I did something that was called family constellation therapy. Has anyone ever heard of this? Family constellation therapy. So this is a certain type of modality. It is a German process. And basically what it has to do with is, and let me first off say this, the reason I was called to do this is 'cause a good friend of mine, had huge transformations around it. And she's seen so many people transform that I decided I was gonna try it. So what I did is I went to Sedona to do so. And in Sedona, there was this family constellation therapist. It was this lady, that's basically what she did. And basically what it has to do with is it has to do with becoming aware of the subconscious energy that's inside of your field, that's connected to family, lineage, that's connected to family history. Some of it you may not even consciously be aware of. And what happens is she was basically going through and asking me different questions about my childhood, some of which I knew, some of which I didn't know. But one of the interesting things about it is on the second— the first day was kind of like getting to know her. The second day was 2 days later. What she did is she brought in 4 people who I had never met before, who did not know anything about me. And what happened is these 3, these 4 people were people that were kind of like passionate about this process of family constellation. And what they did is we were in this woman's living room and they were going to play different parts of my family. So not knowing anything about me, not knowing anything about my family or anything. So what happens is I get there, I'm sitting on the couch and there's 5, there's 4 or 5 other people there. There's the lady that's facilitating it and 4 other people. Now these 4 other people were gonna play different parts of my family member without knowing anything. And basically the only thing I do is I pick who represents what. So what we focused on was my mom's side of the family. Now my mom, she went through a lot of trauma growing up. She ran away at 12 years old. And due to stuff that was happening in the house, and she had foster parents. She experienced a lot of abuse and neglect when she was growing up. And what I wanted to know is, I don't know really anything about my mom's parents' side of the family. I know there was a lot of trauma there, but I don't know anything about them. They died a long time ago, even I think before I was born. And what happened is I sit down and I pick someone to play my mom. And this person, there was someone there that immediately when I saw her, I knew that that was gonna be the person that played my mom 'cause she kind of looked like my mom and she kind of had a similar energy. And she played my mom, somebody else played my mom's mom, and someone else played my mom's dad. So my mom and her parents were the ones that were being played. And then there was this 70-year-old guy that was playing me. So he was pretending he was me. And what happens is they take a few moments, they get in state, They go into the middle of the room. And what happens is they then start getting into state and then they just start kind of like interacting with each other to see how they feel. And immediately one of the things my mom, the lady that was playing my mom did is she kind of went and she kind of got into state and she just kind of like started, you know, she kind of started going into her own process. Her body language changed. And these people are kind of like channeling this energy that they don't understand. They know nothing about my family lineage or anything, but the idea is that the energy's in the field. So what happens is I'm standing there watching this, and what was interesting was my mom was starting to feel unsafe. She was kind of in her head, kind of looking down like this, and about a minute or two goes by, and then the 70-year-old guy comes by that's playing me, and he comes by and he kind of tugs tugs on mom's like dress, tugs on mom's dress. And she kind of goes like this 'cause she's just so much in her process. So then what happened is that 70-year-old guy that was playing me tried getting her attention again and the attention wasn't there. She was going through a process. So eventually what happened is the 70-year-old guy just kind of said, screw it. He didn't say that, but he was just kind of like this. And he just went over and started playing. He started playing. And then there was the energy of my mom's mom and my mom's dad. Now my mom's mom, she was very kind of like, what was interesting is she was kind of allowing the things to happen that were happening. Now my mom's dad was trying to like talk to my mom, but my mom had a wall up. She had a wall, she didn't wanna talk to him because there was trauma there. The mom's mom, I guess my grandma, who I never met, she was kind of allowing it to happen. And she was just kind of passive in the driver, like off to the side, right? And what happened was for my mom, and then what happens is there's like a little debrief of kind of what's going on. One of the things I thought was interesting is the guy said that what he felt in the moment was like, because he was trying to get mom's attention and couldn't get it, he kind of said, screw it. And said, I'm gonna go get really busy over here. I'm gonna just play and I'm gonna get really busy. And what's interesting is one thing that sometimes is a challenge for me is I work a lot. I love work. But part of it, I had a connection there. It's like maybe one of the reasons I love work so much is because I said, what's the point anyways? Might as well just work. This can be my fulfillment. So there was an energy there towards the work. And so I thought that was an interesting reflection. Now the other side of it, when my mom was talking to, was kind of just like there in her process, you know, like playing that energy. One thing that the lady had us do is get this blanket and kind of put a blanket around between my mom and her parents to see if that like helped her feel more safe. And it did allow her to start to feel more safe. And there was this energetic shifting that was happening even as I was watching this happen. Does this make sense, by the way? You guys following? Like I'm watching the constellation of this and as like we're putting a blanket here so that my mom feels more safe, it then begins shifting the energy. And then as I'm watching this, there's like something that's starting to happen inside of me. So what happens is I'm watching this, I'm noticing myself in this 70-year-old man that's playing me. I can see that there's certain patterns here that I have. One other thing I connected over as well is if you look at, many of you may know the childhood energy that I had growing up. I had a, you know, I have a dad that's an amazing dad, but in some ways growing up, there were certain things that happened between my ex-stepmom and us up until my dad divorced my ex-stepmom when I was 17 years old. But from 7 to 17, I had this ex-stepmom in my life that was very controlling. Well, what was interesting is in the same way my mom's mom was kind of like letting it happen because it was easier than confronting her husband. And the same way, that was kind of the story my dad had, right? He always says, you want to believe your wife. Like, that's like for 10 years, he wasn't aware of what was happening, but the signs were there. But it was easier to just allow someone to take control and to do that versus standing up. So I was able to see that on my mom's side of the family is this pattern between mother, father, child. And then I could see that it's a similar pattern in my own life between the mother, father, child, except for the roles are kind of flipped, right? Are you guys following me? So it was a very interesting reflection. Now, one of the things we did after, so this is happening. And then one of the things we did that was the most powerful part of it, which is a very interesting experience, was the lady that was playing my mom, She then, they orchestrate it to where basically this woman sits on the floor with like these pillows around her. And she looks kind of like my mom. This is also a few months after my mom actually passed away. So my mom passed away about a year and a half ago, and it came out of nowhere. And it was like a very emotional, I was close with my mom, still feel close to my mom, but nonetheless, it was like a very tender time for me. But what happens is, I'm still kind of processing that, but here I am with this lady and this facilitator had me get on the floor and kind of like put my head on this woman's lap, which sounds kind of weird, right? It's like, here I am like a full grown man, kind of like laying on this woman I've never really met, but she's carrying the energy of my mom and even certain mannerisms she had. And when she was talking to me, when she was like saying she was proud of me and like all these things that she was saying, it was kind of like a weird channeling. Experience in a way. Maybe it was just projection, but it was a connective experience. But as I'm laying on the floor and this woman is like caressing my head, there is this energy where I could feel my nervous system start to like shake. And it was like there was crying that wanted to happen. There was this nervous system thing. It was like then the only way I can describe it is I felt kind of like almost a sharp pain. Like makes no sense, right? Because here, this unconditional love, this woman that's like, you know, kind of giving me this energy and holding space for this energy, that's a very loving energy, but it felt so uncomfortable to me. There was this part of my heart that felt kind of like sharp or something. And there was this pressure and then my body started to shake. And then what happened is as I started to let go, there was this release. And as I started to let go, there was this like warm feeling and expansion of energy that happened around me. And after that experience, I felt completely different. It was similar to doing breathwork where I had that big release during breathwork, but this time it was like a recognition that on one hand, I could see that there was a part of me that was literally just felt safer being single and not in a relationship and being able to focus on my business and work. Because that sharp pain, that love feeling felt kind of foreign. It's like there was a heart wall that had to like dissolve for me to open up and then to allow something new in. You guys following me here? So what's interesting is sometimes we may believe, well, I want this, I want more abundance, I want love, I want to attract all of this stuff. But in actuality, those things may be very unfamiliar to your nervous system. Because of what felt safer growing up was working and playing by yourself and having no relational trauma, having no relational dynamics, to then be in relation to someone else, there may be pressure there. There may be things that come up. So it's powerful to become aware of what's happening inside of your field and what's happening inside of your heart. And then being present with that energy. Because as I felt that energy, there was an uncomfortable feeling that as I surrender to, it began to dissolve. And then I felt open, then I felt expansive. So it's an interesting way to look at this process of awakening and becoming more emotionally available and opening your heart. And the power of it though is that by doing so, you then feel more open regardless of what's happening on the external. So it's like, of course there are love potentials, people that you resonate with at a deep level. Of course there is abundance and opportunities coming into your life because you're in that energy, but you're also not attached to them having to come. Does that make sense? 'Cause you're already feeling it. You generate it. It's just that in the past we may have had energy that we put around ourselves that like blocks us from feeling that energy. So this is also connected to, I had a session with a guy named Dr. Mark Woolam. Have any of you ever read the book, "It Didn't Start With You"? Yeah, a few of you. It's a book that's also very similar to the idea of family constellation work. He actually talks about it in the book. But I did an event in Los Angeles like a year, a year and a half ago. And I had a session with him like a week before my LA session that I did. And it was cool because I got to kind of like get the session with him. It was like a month or two to get a session with him. And he was, it was really cool to like, he was able to kind of help unpack and see that a lot of the partners, a lot of the people I've attracted in my life in the past had similar characteristics and dynamics to the experience from 0 to 5 years old. So this is something to become aware of is 0 to 5 years old, what was the energy dynamic in your house? Now, even things like, he'd ask questions like, were there any hidden secrets of the family in the house that you didn't know about for a while? I'm like, oh, that's interesting. Were there, what was the energy dynamic and what was happening between your mom and your dad between 0 to 5? And what we did is we mapped out from 0 to 5 years old, we mapped out every year what was happening. Oh, when I was 3 years old, my brother was born. When I was 4 years old, things must have started to fall apart because by 5 years old, my parents divorced. So, and what's interesting too is a lot of times in 7 years, like the first 7 years of our life, it's almost like there's 7-year cycles that tend to repeat themselves in certain ways. Have any of you ever found that certain cycles in your life? Over a certain period of time, whether it's 5 years or 7 years, it kind of like keeps coming up. Well, 0 to 5 years old, it can be very powerful to become aware of what that energy was and start looking at that. But nonetheless as well, that's why inner child healing is so powerful because you're going back to that time of your life when that version of you maybe didn't feel seen heard, soothed, or nurtured. So the next leg of this journey, what we're gonna do is we're gonna move into a guided meditation for connecting to the divine mother energy. So the divine mother is an energy that you can either attribute to your own mom, maybe the highest qualities of your own mom, you can visualize and begin to connect to that. Or the energy of the Divine Mother. The Divine Mother could be Mother Gaia. The Divine Mother could be what Paramahansa Yogananda in the book, "Autobiography of a Yogi," talks about. He talks about the Divine Cosmic Mother that we're all connected to. You could think of it as an energy in and of itself. Whatever metaphor works for you for connecting to the Divine Mother. Now, if you think about it, when you come into this world, you come through your mother and your mom was in her mom. There's this connection that we have to our mother, especially because it's the first relationship we have in this reality. Of course, becoming aware of the father energy is very powerful as well. But for most of us in this room, there's most likely a desire to, to like connect relationally and to understand the relational. I find that a lot of people may have relational trauma somehow. And relationships is like a core theme that when you begin to align in your life, abundance also comes because you've let go of that resistance in your life or in that area of your life. So our mom is our first connection when we come into this reality. It's the energy that represents nurturing, whether our needs were met or not. It's an energy that represents creativity. It's an energy that represents the divine feminine. And on the father side of it, of course, that represents boundaries, that represents purpose, that represents feeling safe and protected. There are different energies we can connect to either of these. It will also include our connection towards the masculine in general. And there's a whole other path we could go down. Maybe in a future live event, I'll do a whole workshop on what Carl Jung calls the anima and the animus. Anybody heard of this? We all have within us both masculine and feminine energies. And sometimes there's disowned parts of ourselves that are kind of unprocessed. And we attract people sometimes that reflect these different aspects back to us. And the things that we really like in certain people, that we really admire in certain people are things we feel sometimes we might lack inside of ourselves. They're things we may wish we had more of. And then we idolize someone, they go, "They're so amazing. They have this about them." And they may be attracted to you for a certain reason, but there's this energy there that is a reflection of those energies inside of us.
