“trauma isn't real” -Alfred Adler (a radically new perspective)

What if trauma isn't real? What if that thing you believe has been holding you back from the love, from the abundance, from the acceptance that you want to feel in the world? What if that thing is only having power over you because of the importance and the meaning you've been giving it? What if you didn't have to let that hold you back any longer? And this simple philosophy that comes from one of the grandfathers of psychology that of Alfred Adler, who founded something called Adlerian psychology. He is considered one of the grandfathers of psychoanalysis, including that of Carl Jung. I'm a big fan of Carl Jung and Freud as well. Freud's cool, but Carl Jung I really like. But Albert, or Alfred Adler, he has a concept that goes very much against the etiology of that of both Carl Jung and Freud, which basically etiology is that, that the cause in the past equals the present moment effect. Now, one of the most powerful quotes and the most powerful things Albert— Alfred Adler said was this. Are you ready? He said, no experience is a cause of success or failure. We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences, so-called trauma, but we make out of them just what suits our purposes. And he was a big believer in that, of that the past does not equal the present, what most people believe to be true. Now you might be thinking like, how is that even possible? Of course, something that happened in the past affects you in the present moment right now. Well, here's something interesting to think about. One of the things I feel has blocked me in the past when it comes to love is I always felt kind of like me being someone who's— my parents divorced when I was 5, and I have my best friend and his wife. They've been married for 15 years in a happy relationship. They have 3 kids. Both of their parents have parents that are still together to this day. And I've always felt like I was at somewhat of a disadvantage because they have such a good track record of relationships working out and seeing that, I guess, modeling a relationship, which maybe isn't always easy, but they always figure it out. Whereas I can tell that partially some of the blocks I have had because of that, of the experience of my parents divorcing, has in a way held me back from wanting to commit or wanting to even like think about long-term relationships. Even though there's a part of me that knows and feels that I wanna be in one, there's another part of me that also feels like scared of that because the track record isn't so great in the family. Now here's the thing, and here's the interesting thing that I've noticed. If it were true that the cause of the past equals the present moment right now, then that would mean pretty much everybody that's ever had their parents divorce would also have no choice but to be with someone they also end up divorcing from. You see, it's not that the past equals the present. It's more of understanding that from the present moment limitation right now, we connect to the past and it reaffirms our initial story. So when I share on my YouTube channel, that of 1,800 videos where I talk a lot about my childhood trauma, and I'm looking at how I teach it and how I talk about becoming aware of different patterns, there's a part of me that also recognizes that every time I do that, I'm bringing it up to the surface. Now, I would say that when I bring it up to talk about, Part of it is talking about like how I overcame it, which I think is something that people really do resonate with my story, people that I either meet in public or that watch my channel. However, the difference is that I don't have this big trigger underneath what I'm saying. I'm not like, this is what happened when I was this age and oh my God, it sucked. And it's more so, this is what happened of not having freedom and I'm already going into the autopilot of it. But the idea is that That may be assuming that the past equals the present right now, but I would say that the trauma and the fighting for the trauma to be a trauma is the thing that may keep you in the mode of having the trauma affect you. So let me say that again. The trauma that we have is a sensation inside of the body. It is something that you felt. However, the interpretation of that sensation that we label as trauma is what ends up keeping us in a form of box of also someone that is in a way, I know myself for years, I identified as someone that was a victim of my childhood. And even just recently I realized, you know how I've been telling the story on YouTube for a long time, like from 7 to 15, I had no freedom in my life. I wasn't allowed to have friends. I was locked outside doing yard work all the time. I had to sneak to get enough food to eat. Blah, blah, blah. What I realized is that was actually till 17. I saw my dad in Vegas recently and he's like, I was 17 and 4 months old. I just saw that 'cause it happened on Easter in '20 or whatever year it happened, but I was over 17. That's why I had a senior year of high school 'cause I just wanted to have at least 1 year of school that was like normal where I was allowed to have friends. The reason I say that is the box that I felt like I was living in, I broke out of the box, but even after I broke outta the box and my dad divorced my ex-stepmom, I kept attracting myself into boxes over and over again. I also identified as a victim. I identified as someone that didn't have much of a childhood. I had this like resentment and anger towards my ex-stepmom for those experiences. And it was something where I also believed that life life wasn't fair. Now, something also in Alderian psychology is becoming aware of what is called your lifestyle. Now, lifestyle, you think of like, oh, I'm a surfer, my lifestyle, that's what you mean, like manifest it with your lifestyle. Lifestyle has to do with your beliefs about life. What is your style about life? What is your belief about life? Back in the day from the trauma, I believed that life wasn't fair. Therefore, I was in a box where life wasn't fair. Now, what was happening though is it wasn't so much that I was going through and the trauma was causing life to not be fair. It was more so the interpretation I had of that happening made me want to continue subconsciously to attract people where life wasn't fair because that somehow felt safe. Now, I know this sounds kind of, Interesting, but something also in Alderian psychology has to do with goals. Instead of that, of realizing the trauma is affecting you in the present moment, it's more so the trauma, which was a sensation that happened back in the day that then you gave meaning and story to, then became something where you had a goal. And maybe that goal was to remain in the familiar. Maybe that goal was to not get rejected. Like for example, maybe somebody was bullied in high school and then they go and they find themselves as an introvert playing video games games all day and they don't meet people and they kind of stay in their little box and they stay in their comfort zone. Well, you could say, well, you're telling me this person has the goal to stay in their house? This person has the goal to like not talk to people? It could be an unconscious goal there that associates pain with putting yourself out there, pain with being bullied, pain with being judged by other people. So in a way, there's a subconscious goal that is there where they're in a way fighting for familiar. And the similar word to familiar is family. It's family. Familial, familiar, very similar words. What if we're fighting to stay in familiar dynamics because of things that have happened in the past until we become aware of 'em and we stop giving them so much power? Like when I went through my awakening in 2012, I had already gone through everything I went through with my ex-stepmom and everything. I was working in a 9-to-5 job where the manager was the same personality construct as my ex-stepmom. I have an awakening and then all of a sudden I feel grateful because I realized that all the pain of my childhood led me to my spiritual awakening. In that moment, there was this lifting of energy where then I was like, oh my God, thank God I went through all that stuff earlier because I wouldn't have this great awareness, this great insight. From that point, I then forgave my ex-stepmom because I started to realize that she treated my brother and I the same way she was treated. She was treated growing up, and it made it a lot easier for me to forgive. Now, funny enough, within 2 weeks of forgiving my ex-stepmom, that manager at Nordstrom's got fired because that pattern left my life because I had changed that quote unquote goal. I changed the meaning to the past. Now, as crazy as this can sound, I have seen people in that of this thing that I went to back in the day called an Elgat. Large group awareness training where you go and you're interacting with other people. And one of the interesting things was, is someone got up and they were sharing their trauma with the whole room, the thing they went through, which was like incredibly traumatizing. However, one thing that was pointed out is there was someone else in the crowd that said they wished they had that same trauma because that trauma would've been better. Their dad, this other person's dad was never around ever. and this other person was like, I wish that happened to me. Now, I'm not saying this is right. I am just pointing out that a lot of times what we believe to be traumatic may be more subjective than objective. It may be something that is based on interpretation, and that's a lot of what Alfred Adler talks about. It is our interpretation of it that is why it continues to have power over us. Now, when you look to the thing that happened to you in the past and you give it a new meaning, you literally remove the energy that it has over you in the present moment right now. You stop staying trapped in the box. However, what I would say is where it says trauma isn't real, and that's the title of this video, and that's the idea from Alfred Adler or Adlerian psychology, I would say that what isn't real anyways is that everything in life is based on meaning, the meaning we give things. And the meaning we give things determines what we get out of life. So the idea of a rainy day is that a rainy day is a neutral thing. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it neutral? Is it gray? Is it, what is a rainy day? If I were to ask you that and you were to comment below what a rainy day was, there'd be hundreds of different comments of different things. And that's because everyone has a different interpretation of what a rainy day means. So it's not an objective truth. It's just this subjective thing that we all have different perspectives of. So interestingly enough, could it be, and by the way, look at this, why is it that two kids that go and are raised in a certain way, one becomes maybe an empath and one becomes a narcissist? An empath, someone that can feel other people's energy, that's tuning to others to feel safe and is sometimes even people pleasing. And then the narcissist, who demands and has this personality, like false sense of self that kind of demands everyone else is the way they are and they're manipulating to get their needs met. Subconsciously, the empath many times is also in a different covert way is also doing the same thing to manipulate to get their needs met, safety. However, why is it that one kid may turn out empath, one kid may turn out narcissist? Think about this. Now, one kid, Imagine being able to feel, imagine there's tension in the household growing up, and imagine one kid, in order to survive, they turn up their ability to feel other people's energies. They turn up their ability to sense danger and to sense things inside the family. That's one strategy. Imagine the other strategy. You tune down your ability to feel. Both coping mechanisms, both based on the meaning that they gave back to their trauma in childhood, but what ends up happening is they have very different outcomes because of that. Well, if it's always subjective that, or if it's always objective that like what happens, the trauma that happened is gonna cause and affect you, then wouldn't it be the same thing? Well, no, because there are different meanings given to each thing that happened. I have also seen people, this is why also, by the way, if you were to get two people that went through a very similar childhood, I've heard this from many, many different people, people that go through that of childhood experience with a sibling, and they have two completely different interpretations of their childhood. And because of that, they may also have different trajectories in their life. They may also experience a different level of forgiveness, a different level of healing because of it. So one thing you wanna become aware of is that the trauma that you have, that you may give a lot of meaning to, and it may really justify why things happened when you were a kid, It may also emphasize the energy of being a victim. However, what I had to learn in my life is I had to become aware and allow my inner self to feel the pain, but also to let go of the concept itself, to let go of the story itself, and to realize that in every moment, everything that happened, there is what happened and the story that we tell ourselves about what happened. And I remember in that LGAT training, I'll give you another story. There was this one guy, he had a crazy traumatic experience. I mean, trauma isn't real and everything, you know, according to the Alfred Adler psychology, but he had what we would perceive to be a traumatic thing. However, I will say, if you think of someone else that has never heard, that maybe has been through way, way, way worse things where everyone's just comparing their trauma with each other, They may look at that and be like, that's not trauma, that's a Wednesday or something like that. Someone from maybe a third world country. However, this guy, you could tell just had the weight of his, like weight on his back. You could tell he was just stressed. And basically what he shared is that a couple years ago, he got into an argument with his dad and he lived in an apartment complex and he ran out of the room and then he ran down the stairs away from his dad. And when he did that, his dad started chasing him and he may have instigated his dad a little bit, and his dad started chasing him. Well, his dad tripped down the stairs and died. And this guy, you could tell, felt extremely guilty. He literally thought he killed his dad. The trauma of that experience was written all over his face. Now, if you look at that, what the practitioner did is they took him and said, look, there's what happened, and then the story that we tell ourselves about what happened. And it's like, what happened? At the fundamental core, what happened was he left the house, the dad ran down the stairs, the dad tripped and died. That's what happened. The story about what happened was, I did this to my dad, things were unresolved, I'm a horrible kid, I can't believe I, it would, all this other baggage. Now, the healing comes when you realize that the meaning you're giving to the situation is the interpretation that is causing the emotions inside of you. And forgiveness really is such a powerful thing because you're forgiving, you're letting go of the old meaning. You're forgiving yourself when you realize especially that you're always doing the best you can with where you are at. The version of him that ran away from his dad, that is where he was at. He had to forgive that part of himself. And it's something that when you realize that trauma is not just what happened, but also the story about what happened, what's interesting is that you begin to change literally the way you relate to the past. The past no longer has so much of a weight over you. I've done this before in a workshop where I talk about one of the most powerful concepts I've ever learned, which is called revision. Revision Technique comes from that of Neville Goddard, and it is about revising the past. Literally, this is what neuroscience shows us anyways, by the way. Every time we remember something from the past, we take a memory out of the memory bank, we look at it, we change it, and we put it back in the memory bank. And we do that all of the time. So by the time we've thought about something 10, 15, 20 to 100 times, it may be actually a completely different memory. Because we overlay our story over it. Now, funny enough, could it be that when you remember certain traumatic experiences, which are intense sense, and it's not saying, by the way, Alderian psychology doesn't say that trauma and things that happen in the past don't affect you in the present moment. It's not saying that. It is saying that the shock of that experience labeled as a trauma and giving a certain meaning carries the weight with it that keeps people locked into a certain energy pattern that keeps the pattern active in the present moment. Moment. But when you shift your perspective to realize that also in the present moment right now, we may be reaffirming our current reality with excuses to, and looking to our past to justify that. So it's like, of course it's hard to attract love. When I was a kid, this happened. Of course it's hard to get a stable job. When I was a kid, this happened. So it's almost like, what if the past is also reflecting back to you just what the excuse is in the present moment? Now, this is something I believe quantum physics will continue to show, and even neuroscience. When we look at our past, the neurons in our brain, when we are in a confident state and we remember other times in our past when we were confident, we literally have more access to those memories because of the way our state is. Now, in the same way, if we feel depressed, it'll be easier to remember other times when you were depressed. This is why I believe when Tony Robbins talks about changing your state and getting into a high state, you have more access to more solutions. It's almost like we're an antenna and we're picking up on different frequencies that are around us and our state is what brings them into our life. So in an interesting way, one of the most powerful things I've learned to do is to remember certain things in my past, but literally know that I can overlay a new texture to it, a new interpretation of it, and as I remember it and give it a new texture, give it a new flavor, it literally changes after so many repetitions. You begin to wonder what your past really was. Now here's the thing, you may be doing this already and you don't even know you're doing it. So it's not like you say, well, that's delusional. Every time you remember something from the past anyways, you change it, you put it back in your memory bank and you say, that happened to me. This is who I am right now, and because of that effect in the past, that equals me in the present moment right now, which is going to reestablish my sense of limitation. What I'm saying is let's let go of the heaviness of it. Yes, we can still allow ourselves to feel the emotions that come up in the present moment right now, but we can instead realize that maybe every moment we're a new version of ourselves. Maybe every moment's a new moment. Every 7 years, every cell in our body is dying and being reborn. We don't have the same cell in our body every so many years because everything's regenerating, but we insist on the stories and the things that happen to us to us, and that keeps us locked in similar patterns. What if every moment you're a new you? What if every moment things are changing? They just keep changing back to the old trauma because traumas tend to have a very memorable effect on us. It's like the memories are even more there, or we tone it out and it's in the unconscious. But I would say that one of the most powerful things I have learned how to do is to change the meaning of the things that have happened in the past and to understand that the past doesn't have to equal the present moment right now. As I sink more into that energy, I start to feel more free, and then I realize that there's this big weight that is taken off, and things begin to open up, new opportunities, new synchronicities come into a life as a reflection. So if you wanna learn more about Alderian psychology, go ahead and comment below, let me know. I have a video that you can check out on how to rewrite your past, using the revision technique. It's one of my most powerful videos. You can check that video out right here and wire it in with the meditation that's in the video as well. Write your script of the past. If you could take the things that have happened in your past that you feel have held you back from experiencing the love, the abundance, and the fulfillment in your life because of these things that happened, imagine having a switch that turns those setbacks into the biggest triumphs in your life.