Turn Being An Empath Into A SUPERPOWER (instead of a curse) By DOING THIS...
Aaron Doughty describes how childhood trauma under a narcissistic stepmother made him hyper-attuned to others' emotions. A candle-focused breath exercise his coach taught him builds the ability to separate his own energy from others', turning empathy from a liability into a conscious skill that lets him set boundaries and help people without losing himself.
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Today's episode's gonna be one that was inspired by a live that I did yesterday. I have something that's called the 21-Day Raise Your Vibration Challenge, and I did a live in it, and something that naturally came up was about this theme that people were asking about when it comes to absorbing negative energy, has to do with understanding being empathic, And I recently have learned some very powerful insights from a shadow work coach that I've been going to for about the last 3 to 4 months now. And this is a shadow work coach. He has a double PhD. He's like a master when it comes to Carl Jung and understanding different psychology and been very pivotal in helping me become aware of my own shadow and realizing these trauma wounds that came from childhood, understanding similar patterns that I keep attracting into my life over and over again, and then really helping me to like, in a way, shift my identity, let go of the old patterns and realize that I could just be who I really am without the filters. And that's really the, the key to a lot of the shadow work that I've been doing, and it has completely transformed my life. And there's this one meditation, there's this one practice that he shared with me that I have related to so many different areas of my life that has completely changed my life. Not only am I able to have easier boundaries, not only am I able to delineate between my energy and other people's energy so that I don't attract similar patterns over and over again, but also I'm in my own frame of reality, right? I know I use the word frame a lot, but I'm in my own frame of reality more than ever before. Like for example, when it comes to the shadow work, I've talked about this in a couple episodes now, but I realized that as a safety mechanism, one thing I used to do is fall under the safety of other people's frame. And I think of the reason being is the, relation between masculine and feminine energy for me growing up was that my dad, even though he was masculine in his work, he was very more of a pushover in relationships. And that's why he attracted a narcissistic ex-stepmom to me, but his narcissistic ex-wife that was in my life from when I was 7 years old to 16 years old. And she controlled everything. She was manipulative. She was emotionally, mentally, physically abusive. And that had me, in a way, this is gonna sound crazy, but I remember when my dad divorced my ex-stepmom, my brother and I went from having no freedom at all, not allowed to watch TV, not allowed to have friends, just working outside all the time, having to sneak food. We had to sneak into like the main side of the house 'cause we were living in like a kind of a corner room in the house. And we were given a bowl of cereal in the morning and TV dinner at night. So we were very malnourished. Even though there was all these restrictions, after my dad divorced her, I remember feeling the anxiety of not feeling safe, feeling like anything could happen. Even though there was the abuse of the ex-stepmom, it felt safe, it felt known. And part of me felt so twisted and weird about it, 'cause I remember sitting there like, whoa, there's like anxiety now. Like I can do anything, I can watch TV, I can have friends, I can go to school activities. I'm not in trouble all the time. I'm not always working outside, but there's like, anything can happen. It was this weird feeling. And in that moment, I made this meaning, I made this decision that I felt more safe in someone else's frame than my own. So what I did after that is I attracted my first girlfriend into my life. My first long-term girlfriend, I guess, it was a couple years long, who was always trying to control me. She was very jealous. She wasn't abusive like my ex-stepmom, but she was like, still that control mechanism was there. She was always mad at me, just like my ex-stepmom, similar pattern. And I was falling into that frame. And then what happened is after I broke up with her, I got transferred to a better shoe department at Nordstrom's, which is where I worked selling women's shoes. And the manager of that department was just like my ex-stepmom. There was always someone in my life to reflect that pattern back. Because I felt safe in someone else's frame. Up until even this year, which is what my coaches, like, you know, the shadow work coaches helped me, is understanding that even when I moved to Sedona, for example, I moved with some friends, some of my best friends, but instead of me moving into my own place, I moved into a house with them and I lived with them for like 8 months. And then I realized that that I was feeling safe in their frame, but then realizing that I need my own frame. Like, I have always known, I've had roommate situations before, and I've always known like I need to be in my own energy. It's just a personal thing. No matter how close and how much I love and I'm so close and like deep connection with these spiritual friends, I still value that, and that's important to me. And as a symbolic almost like initiation, what I did is I bought a house in Sedona. I've been wanting a house in Sedona. And I move in in a couple weeks, being remodeled right now, but it's also an act, a symbol of me being in my own frame. But what I've realized these last couple months is this falling into other people's frame is also related to being empathic and the empathy. And this is something that I wanna share with you because this has completely transformed my life. And when I shared what I shared yesterday in the live, I could tell it sunk in with so many people. And it was so powerful that I was like, I need to make a whole entire podcast episode on it. So the first thing I wanna do is I kind of wanna go over the signs you're an empath so you know if you're in the right place and what it means to be an empath. And then I wanna show you in this episode how you can convert what a lot of people believe to be a curse into a gift or a superpower, but how to use that superpower. Imagine you have somebody that has a superpower, they don't know it, and they don't know how to use it. Well, a lot of times empathic people may feel like they're kind of a leaf in the wind around other people and that they have to protect themselves and shield themselves from negative energy, but not knowing just how to use their gift, how to use, I think it could absolutely be a gift, but I could see how it could also be a curse. And I'm gonna show you how I transmuted my life in one meditation practice that I think will completely change your life. So first off, So let's look at some signs that you are an empathic person. Now, one of them is straight up, you just have a lot of empathy. Let's say that you have a friend and something happens to your friend and you're just really able to feel and understand your friend with emotions. Let's say like their dog passed away or something and you're just able to really feel and understand them and it's something that you're able to really pick up on quickly. Another one is closeness and intimacy can overwhelm you. A lot of times you'll feel so much with people that when you're around people, even if it's family members going through things or a girlfriend or boyfriend, you'll feel whatever they're feeling and that can be overwhelming. A lot of times empathic people have good intuition. So because you're sensitive, empathic people are also very sensitive people in general. So they're able to pick up on other people's energy. They're able to read people like a book. I've been able to read people like a book since pretty much the ex-stepmom, maybe even before the ex-stepmom situation. But I remember because my ex-stepmom was so manipulative and my brother and I, in order, like for example, I've shared this before, but if my brother and I, wanted to go to a debate tournament, I was big in forensics debate in high school. If we wanted to go to a debate tournament, what we would have to do is we'd have to pretend like we didn't want to go because the moment she realized that we wanted to go, she would make sure we didn't go. Here's an example, a band camp tournament, good old band camp, marching band, I don't remember, it was like a band camp thing. And if she felt that I wanted to go to this band camp thing for school, she would use that as leverage and I would have to earn it. So it's like, no, you didn't do, and all my brother and I did was work outside all day. So it's not like we were watching TV, having fun, and then we weren't doing our chores. It's like we were working outside all day. We were always in trouble. And it'd be like, oh, you didn't clean this, you didn't do this. Now you can't go and go to the band activity. But if I were to say, You know, I don't really wanna go to, I didn't really practice for band. I don't really wanna go to this band camp thing. It's kind of boring. It's a lot of work. And she would then see that and she'd go, no, you think you're gonna get outta that? You're going to that band camp thing. You see what I mean? So it was a psychology thing. But what we had to do is we had to be very sensitive to where she was and we had to be very hyper-aware of our own energy so that we could in a way just survive. I think a lot of times empathy is developed at a young age because empathy is a survival mechanism that helps you understand your parents, helps you understand your family dynamics so that you can survive and glide through in an easy way and avoid pain. Then what happens is through life, it becomes something that continues to be a challenge. And that's why in this episode, I wanted to address it. So that's another thing, common thing for empathic people is you feel comfort in nature. A lot of times nature will be very grounded for empathic people, going out in grass or hugging trees or just being out in the open spaces or on an ocean. This is a lot of times very comforting to empathic people because the energy is more vast and there's not as much like people's thoughts and like loud noises. A lot of times empathic people don't like being in very loud spaces, like in a big city with like a lot of action going on. A lot of times empathic people have trouble not caring because they care so deeply 'cause they're so sensitive and they feel other people's energy. You could tell 'em just not worry about it. And they're like, they still kind of worry about it, you know? Yeah, since the whole narcissistic ex-stepmom thing, I've been, when people are lying, I remember I had an old roommate and anytime he was lying to me, I just intuitively, so easy for me to know if people are lying to me. And it is so easy for me to know what people's true intentions are. It is just like something that comes so second nature. And it's almost interesting or weird to me that other people don't see it sometimes. I'm like, obviously this person, like I could just see the intention or the perspective or whatever. And I'm surprised that other people don't see it. But you get, it's like a feeling. It's like this thing. And maybe you had that too. Another common sign of empathic people is people tend to tell you their problems. Do you have friends that come up to you, just start venting to you, that reside their energy or like they go to you for comfort? They'll tell you their problems because they feel like you are, you're so open and so sensitive to it that you're gonna understand. A lot of times empathic people also have a high sensitivity to different sights, smells, touches, because it's almost like empathic people are so easy to be able to like connect and feel outside environment things, whether it's out people, their emotions, or other things, but also an internal thing as well. Empathic people need a chance to recharge. They many times don't feel like they fit in. I know growing up, I always felt kind of like an oddball, even in my own family, just like, I was always, my mom even told me this, I was always a little bit different the way that I was with around other kids. And it was like, I could definitely see that. I always felt a little bit different too. Not in a special way, like I'm a starseed, indigo, Pleiadian, Syrian dolphin, and I'm like this special enlightened being, not like that. But more so like just feeling a little bit different. Like it's a little bit harder to relate sometimes. You have a hard time setting boundaries. This is gonna be a theme of this episode is understanding these boundaries and why it's hard to set boundaries. You see the world in unique ways. And yeah, you just feel maybe a sensory overload or emotional overload being in public or being around loud places, kind of like I was mentioning earlier. So these are all signs. They say that if you have like 2 or 3 of these signs, then most likely you're an empathic, you have some level of that empathy. And the way that I describe this as well is I believe that empathy is many times developed, and when it's unbalanced, there's an unhealthy aspect to it that stems from childhood wounding. And that's what I'm gonna be talking about in this episode, and that's what we're really gonna be going over. And in general, let's, okay, so we got the signs. Now let's first off understand what empathy is energetically with this scale right here. I have a scale, then on one side you have narcissism and on the other side you have empathy. And many times I think what happens is narcissistic people attract very empathic people and empathic people attract very narcissistic people. And why is that? Well, I think that empathic people and narcissistic people Many times when it's unbalanced, which obviously narcissism is an unbalance of the ego, and the empathy is in a way, a lot of times, a lack of the ego structure. And because if there's a core wound there that may have happened in childhood, what happens is they tend to attract each other because they're the same core wound, but opposite spectrums of how they get their needs met. So let me explain that. Sometimes empathy is also, people pleasers tend to be very empathic people. Because if I please you, if I can feel your energy, and if I make you happy, then in exchange, you're gonna give me validation, love, and support. And what happens is the narcissist, narcissists are very much focused on the self. They're very ego-driven. They're very much trying to control everything, trying to control other people. And narcissists have a perspective of me, me, me, me, me. That's where their intention is on. Whereas empathy, people with empathic people, they have their attention on you, you, you, you, you. I can feel your energy. And because I can feel your energy, I wanna try to fix it or I wanna try to help. And while it can be a gift, that's the unbalanced part of it is taking on and absorbing other people's negative energy and people coming to you to literally for you to be an emotional sponge. Now, on this side as well, there's something to learn from both the empathic person and the narcissist. As crazy as that sounds, when I look at my dad who attracted my ex-stepmom, I can see how my dad being such a nice guy, I can see how my dad and my ex-stepmom attracted each other. My dad had to learn boundaries. My dad had to learn how to be firm, how to be assertive. My ex-stepmom, who is all about me, me, me, me, me, and is very manipulative and is very like self, you know, will tear down other people's buildings that she feels enough, she would need to learn empathy, how to be more thoughtful, how to be more compassionate. That would've been the lesson. I don't think she's gonna learn it. Maybe, maybe not in this life. But my dad, I can tell, is definitely learning some more of the boundaries, which I think is very powerful. So the scale of consciousness from one side, or that's not scale of consciousness. But just in general, when you look at empathy on one side, you look at narcissism on the other side, they're the other sides of each coin. And even look, I got the stick figures. And if you look at one stick figure for empathy, the arrows are going outwards because they're focused on outside. They're focused on feeling other people. There's almost the lack of the ego structure, and therefore it makes it very sensitive to the outside. Whereas the narcissist brings everything like a tornado inwards. It's like me, me, me, me, me. It's all about me. It's all about me. And that's the narcissistic perspective. And they're the opposites. Now, the key to this is understanding the core wound. Now, what is the core wound? Well, many times what I have found, even in my own life, because of the ex-stepmom situation, when you have narcissistic, unsupportive parents, then, you know, in my case, I had a very supportive mom, but she wasn't in my life from 5 to 6 years old up until, or no, no, from like 7 years old up until 16 years old because of my ex-stepmom. She brainwashed my brother and I not to wanna talk to our real mom. So my mom kinda had to wait. And then when my dad divorced my ex-stepmom, then my mom came back in the picture. But between that period of time, my dad was working a lot and the ex-stepmom was in my life, the narcissism, it's a survival mechanism. My brother and I had to become very attuned and very aware of our environment in order for us to survive. So how is the ex-stepmom feeling? How is she feeling? How is her mood today? 'Cause if her mood's this way, she'll be like really nice. And she also had what is called borderline personality disorder. So it would like sway from one side to the other very quickly. So the part of this, it a little times, It can also happen from depressed parents, alcoholic parents. Many times, as a result of the upbringing, the kids don't feel seen by their families. And also there's like this shame that goes on too, because when people are very sensitive, they may be sensitive and their dad, their mom say, "Stop being so sensitive." They'll feel guilty, like there's something wrong with them. Like, why do I just feel everyone's energy? And then that becomes a self-sustaining thing because it becomes a part of the identity. And when I look at this too, I think it's a, sometimes it's even a trap. You know, this empathy narcissistic scale, everyone falls in a certain level of that. And maybe even at different times of their life, maybe in different contexts, but it's an identity as well. This empathy is an identity and it can be a superpower. And we're gonna talk about that. But in me, in my own life, I've realized that What I'm gonna tell you in a minute, what I've learned from my coach and the biggest change, the biggest difference, it had to do with understanding, creating this separation that stopped the core wound when I was a kid that separate— Basically what happened is the core wound when I was a kid of having to mold into these different things and having to constantly like understand my environment and understand how the ex-stepmom was feeling. All of these different perspectives, I then lost myself. I wasn't empowered to have my own boundaries. I wasn't empowered to make my own decisions 'cause I had someone else making it for me. So therefore I was looking to the outside for safety. I was looking to the outside to tell me what to do. And I was tuning myself and calibrating to other people's frame because I had to in a way. If I didn't, I wouldn't survive. And what happens is from doing that, it then carried over into my adult life. And even though now it's probably like, I'd say 80% healed from when I was a kid, and even just last couple months, even more so because I'm becoming more safe in my own frame. But what happened is the empathic person has an energy field around them that in a way has become a sponge because there's a lack of that structural integrity. There's a lack of saying, this is me, that is you, subject, object. And what happens is because the identity is more so on everything else, and there's that lack of that own self-love, there's the lack of the own self-frame, it then gets externalized. Whereas in the narcissistic side, it's all internalized. It's all about the ego. So it's a lack of that structural integrity. So what I have done, here's like the main thing I really wanted to share that's like exciting, that was the game changer, is yes, as a spiritual person, as an empathic person, it's good to be able to pick up on other people's energy in different ways. It can be a good thing because you understand people at a different level. You have more awareness in a deep way. But then a lot of times the negative of that is that then you take on other people's energy. You can't decide what is your energy, what is my energy. You think it's all yours. And there are times when it's okay for you to be in your own energy. It's okay for you to have boundaries. It's okay for you to say no to other people. And sometimes it's hard to say no when you can feel their disappointment. That's why a lot of times empathic people, they don't like tension. But tension's a necessary thing in many areas of life. A lot of times even sexual connection, tension and polarity can be a very important thing. Without that polarity, many times that sexual connection's not there. And polarity, especially for the masculine, is like being centered in your own energy, being directive with where you're going in life so that the feminine can feel safe. And we all have feminine and masculine energies inside of us. The problem is, is then you get like nice spiritual guys that are like, "Hey, can I make you happy? Can I do this for you? I'm a nice guy." And then the woman, or the feminine isn't attracted to that because the energy dynamic is such that it's lacking structural integrity. So the polarity being on your purpose is a very important thing, whether you're masculine or feminine energy, but just in general, it's a very important part of understanding spirituality as well, because we have this notion that it's like, oh, it's all about connection. It's all about unity consciousness. It's all about connecting to all of us together. Yes, that's part of it. The other part of it though is learning your own boundaries and learning the difference between object and subject. So right now, let's do a little bit of an exercise. This is what my coach has taught me, and this is what I've been doing to understand the differences, 'cause I understood even in past relationships, I'd have this tendency to get kind of like, you know, I'm so focused on my business, I'm so, driving with what I'm doing. I have so much drive and vision, but in relationships, I'd add this tendency to where then I would want to bring the feminine with me on this like journey of doing these things, which is cool, but I would get lost in that vision versus being focused on my own passion. I would in a way sacrifice my own structural integrity for somebody else. So what I've had to learn is how to bring it back and understand set the, not getting, not losing the identity in a relationship. And this is the key. So what I would do with my shadow work coach is this one meditation exercise that has been life-changing. And what it is, is what I would do is it's very similar to the meditation that I've been doing for like 10 years almost. What I do every day, every night and every morning for 5 or 10 minutes before I get up, like when I get up in the morning, First thing I do when I go to bed at night, it's the last thing I do, I sit down on the floor, I have this candle that's like a couple feet in front of me, and I stare at a candle flame. And what I do is I observe my thoughts. I don't try to control them. I take deep breaths in and out, and I just be, I just am. And I observe the thoughts as they come in, and as I don't try to control them, they tend to go away more and more. Now, What I've been working with my shadow work coach is adding another element to it. And this has been key. So what I do is as I breathe in, so what I would do is I'd breathe in. Let's all take a deep breath in right now. And then as you breathe out, you can feel your body relax. Now we're not going into some deep meditation right now, but I just want to bring your awareness. Now, if I was looking at that candle flame, what I would do is I would stare at the flame and on the in-breath, I would see so clearly with so much detail, I would see that flame and I would even put the awareness on the separation between subject to object, between me and the flame. I'd feel the separation between me and the flame, subject to object. I'd feel, and as the in-breath, I'd be bringing the energy into my body. I'd be bringing energy into my left leg and foot, my right leg and foot, my right hand, my right arm and hand, my left arm and hand. And I'd feel that energy and I'd feel present to my body and I would feel the separation between my body and my outside environment. And then what I would do is on the, I'd breathe in and I would put the, it's kind of a lot at first to like focus on all these different things, but you get used to it. But on the in-breath, focused on separation between me and the flame and me and the outside environment. And my eyes are very intently focused on the flame. And then on the out-breath, ah, I would relax that focus. I'd still be focused on the flame, but I would put the awareness on the peripheral around the flame. And then I would put the awareness, I would relax the awareness of being inside my body to then relaxing. So on the in-breath, it's very focused on subject-object. On the out-breath, it's becoming one with everything. And you do that for 5, 2 minutes a day, 3 minutes a day. And that time you begin to build with it. But as you do that, you'll notice dreams become very vivid. Dreams start to change. Your subconscious mind starts doing things because you're starting to integrate. You're starting to integrate in a very powerful way. Now, the thing is, is what the empaths need to know is the main part of it is the beginning part of this meditation. It's the beginning part because the things that most empathic people lack is the separation between subject to object. How do I not feel people's negative energy? How do I not absorb other people's negative energy? Well, when you walk around, you're literally one with everything. There's that lack of structural integrity is like, is lacking, so therefore you are absorbing. But if you were to more so focus and do a meditation for a couple minutes a day, and you were to focus on subject object, you'd then be able to delineate your energy from other people's energy. And then you could turn it on when you wanna turn it on. Doesn't mean you lose the superpower. It just means you're learning how to use it. It's like when Harry Potter doesn't get mad or angry in the first movie and the glass goes away and Dudley falls into like the cage with the snake and he can't control it. That's one way of using magic. Or you could go to Hogwarts and you can learn how to use your wand and you can learn how to intently use it. And the same way empathic people, they may not be aware of their superpowers. So they're like Harry that's like getting angry and then the glass goes away and then all these crazy stuff happens. And when that happens, then it's like, oh, what's going on? This sensitive empathic person is just overreacting or something. But instead you can use it with awareness and you can turn it on when you wanna use it like a wizard does in Harry Potter. You see the difference? This has been the key. Now, when I, like even right now, be aware that you're listening to me right now. You might be in your car, you might be at the gym, you might be at work. Wherever you are, pay attention and feel the difference. Like when I'm going out, I remember working that sales commission job. When I would greet customers, I was so empathic that I'd be like, all my focus was on them. I'd be focused on them like, hey ma'am, how are you today? Can you please give me a little bit of validation? Can you please say hi to me? That was the energy underneath, like, "Hey, how are you?" Can you guys feel that? "Hey, how's it going? You gotta gimme a little bit of validation." And if they didn't give that to me, I would feel like, "Oh, they didn't give it to me," because my energy was on them. But guess what? When your energy's on someone else, they feel that, and it almost feels imposing and manipulative in a way, even though you have great intentions. But it's like, "Whoa, what's going on here?" But there's a different energy when you're in your own energy and I'm like just able to look at someone and say, "Hello, how are you? How you doing?" I don't give a shit whether you fucking respond to me or not. How are you? You guys see the difference? I don't care what you think. I'm in my own energy. I fill up my own cup. It's a more attractive energy. So it's a different way of going about this, but you can learn as an empath, how to have more structural integrity and how to delineate your energy from someone else's energy and how not to depend on other people's energy and even just feel other people's energy. 'Cause remember, it's a survival mechanism. You might be feeling other people's energy, even though I don't wanna feel other people's energy, but you're doing it because it's helping you feel certain and it's helping you gauge the environment to know whether you're doing the right thing or the wrong thing. So this is like, this has been for me the last couple months is really understanding this. And I'm gonna tell you, it makes you more attractive. And some people may say, "Aaron, you cursing wasn't attractive," or whatever. First off, I don't give a shit. Secondly, because I don't care and I'm not looking for validation on the outside, it shows my own sense of safety within myself. So not only is it more attractive to other people when you're being yourself, when you're doing what you wanna do, but also you just feel safe in your own energy. So the energy dynamic that I'm kind of playing out here as well might seem kind of edgy for you, but the goal is to like kind of demonstrate it to you so you can kind of see the difference between the two. One is the energy's going outwards, you're picking up on the outer environment, you're feeling other people's emotions, And the others, you're saying, what do I want to feel? How do I feel within myself? What do I actually, you know, sometimes empathic people can be very agreeable because they don't want that tension. They don't want someone to like not be, they don't want someone to not be like approving. But what you'll find is the more you put the awareness, not becoming a narcissist, but there is something for empathic people to learn from narcissists. And what that is is that the narcissist does and focus on the self. And because the empathic people a lot of times don't fill up their own cup, they then get so identified with the outside and they're so at the leaf in the wind at everything else that's happening. But realize that your gift of being empathic is a superpower. You just have to learn how to use it a little bit more. You just have to learn how to delineate subject to object. Even if you're in a public right now, wherever you are, pay attention and feel the energy inside of your body, put the energy inside of your body and feel the separation between you and other people. Even as you do that just for a couple minutes a day, you're gonna start to feel a difference. Doesn't mean you're feeling separate like, oh, you know, like you can't feel connected to other people, but you can then choose who you connect to, whose energy you feel. You see, but you have to first off learn your own structural integrity, but you a lot of times didn't do that when you were a kid because you were so tuning yourself to everybody else so that you could get by. So there's something to be learned here from this mentality, but that's what I did is I realized even I went to this, I remember when I was at this life transformation spa in Costa Rica, there was this lady there who was giving a talk. Actually ended up making a video with her. Her name was Sue. And what she did is she showed us, she was like a master at understanding energetics and energy in the body. And she said, everybody project your energy at me. We were projecting our energy at her outside of ourself to her. And she said that when that happened, she can feel in a way the energy coming at her makes her feel less gravitation towards them. But then what she did is she said, okay, everyone feel inside of your body now, bring the energy inside of your body, bring the energy inside your body. And we would do this exercise and it would then gravitate her to us. She'd feel that energetic pull. So you see that difference there. It's a lot of times I think that when we're putting the awareness inside of ourselves, we're feeling inside of ourselves, we're feeling present inside our own bodies, we're bringing our energy back to self. We're creating more of a magnetic energy inside of ourself. And when we're filling up our own cup, when we're saying, what do I think? What is authentic for me? It's attractive because we're in our own self. Now, when I, I'm around other people, I'm in my own frame and I'm not needy on other people's validation. And there's a different level of respect. There's a different level of connection. I'm able to really connect with people at a deep level by still opening up that empathy when I want to and understanding people when I want to. But there's a level of that separation there that is the key for many empathic people. It's actually a good thing to know that this is me and that that is you. Not identifying as other people and really misidentifying other people's energy as your own. That's all it is. It's a misidentification of energy. But doing this meditation practice where you do and you focus on subject to object, me and the candle, me and my mom, me and my brother or sister, me and my girlfriend, me and this, me and that, whatever it is, you're then able to see the difference between your own energies. And then you can go within yourself to ask me, what do I want? The cure and the side effect of this is that then you also have boundaries. That's what a lot of empathic people need to hear. It is okay for you to have boundaries. When your friends are coming to you for help, when things are happening and you're feeling like the negative energy of other people, you can say no. You can, decide what you do and don't wanna do. And when you're feeling into other, oh, are they gonna, I tell 'em I don't wanna go to that party, they're gonna be mad at me. But the key is having the boundary to know that when you say yes to something you don't wanna do, you're saying no to yourself. So boundaries is a side effect of this. I've learned a lot of boundaries. I've learned how to voice, and over the last couple months, I've gone into very high-tension conversations, and I feel empowered when I come out of them. Yes, it's a little bit fearful at first, 'cause I'm gonna feel their energy of their uncertainty and their disapproval. But guess what? When you start to realize that there's nothing to really be afraid of, that you have to fill up your own cup, and that that has to come as a priority before you can give away anything to anybody else anyways, it switches around the energy dynamic. So one of the best things I think that we can learn is that the core wound is that you don't have to feel shameful for being sensitive, but you have to realize the core wound is that in the past, when you were a kid, You lost your structural integrity within yourself. You weren't empowered to make your own decisions. You weren't empowered to really be yourself. And what you can begin to realize is what do I want? What decisions can I make for myself? What can I say no to today? How can I feel the difference between my energy, your energy? That separation is what, you know, I know it's a spiritual thing. It's like, hey, let's all realize that we're one consciousness. We're all one. Let's connect your energy all around the world. We do those exercises sometimes, but realize there's a time for that. And there's also a time for you to say, no, that's your energy. This is my energy, subject, object. And by bringing your awareness into your body, that's one of the most powerful practices an empath can do because then you'll feel present. And most empathic people have their energy kind of spread out. That's how I was for a long time. And even now I gotta, bring my energy back in. That's why when you go to nature, you feel so good because you're rebalancing your energy inside of your body. You put your foot, your feet into water and you're feeling more inside your body 'cause you're using your senses. You put your feet in the ground, same thing. So one of the things that I wanted to relate this to as well is the Law of One. You know, the Law of One is books that talk about what's called the harvest that's happening right now on the planet, the shift in consciousness. And basically what it says is this is, some of the most powerful channeled books from the '80s. And it talks about the Law of One is service to self, service to others. You have to be 51% more service to others to ascend into a higher level of consciousness. Now, 51% is like this stereotypical, this like marker that's, I don't think, as important as we make it. But in general, it's still important to learn the lessons of 3D, which is the service to self in a way, filling up your own cup, And then service to others is where, you know, it's a good thing as an empathic person, you're on that positive timeline. Like you're sensitive and you're aware of other people. So you realize, well, I wouldn't treat people bad because I know what, you know what they're feeling. But at the same time, you have to be able to fill up your own cup to then go into and to lean more into the service to others because you can't really help other people unless you first off help yourself. And the people that are narcissistic are kind of lost in their own thought processes. Looking out for themselves. So realize it's a good thing, but you have to fill up your own cup for you to really help other people anyways. And the only reason you're absorbing other people's negative emotions is because you're identifying with their negative emotions. You're not feeling the structural integrity or the separation between you and them. That's why meditating, bringing the awareness in the body is one of the most powerful things you can do. And then feeling the separation, There's times to feel connected, but as an empathic person, you've spent most of your life feeling that connection and focusing on that sensitivity. So you've lost the own connection within yourself, the own structural integrity. Leaning into tension is very powerful for that of spiritual empathic people, 'cause as you do it, you find that there's nothing to really be afraid of. Going into those hard conversations, I've had to stand up to, narcissist in a way that was kind of like poking at me at the beginning of the year. I had to stand up to this person and by doing so, I felt so empowered. I realized that I was out of fear of my, like recreating the ex-stepmom thing. I was allowing that pattern into my life, not knowing that I was feeling like I was walking on eggshells. And I'm like, wait, what the hell am I doing? No, it's not okay. And then when I had that mentality, never had to deal with it again. It's funny how when you learn the lessons, you don't have to repeat the pattern. Now, what is the cure as an empathic person? Well, the meditation I'm sharing with you is probably one of the most powerful ones. Object-subject separation, feeling that separation. I've done this. I was walking around, I was walking or running around my neighborhood yesterday. And as I was passing people, sometimes I'd be aware of, oh, I used to have this thing where I had to say hi to everybody or I had to like be nice. And I have many videos on, like not being a people pleaser or a nice guy or a nice woman, whatever. Not just, I don't wanna be gender specific, but not being a people pleaser. And you can go check those out. But I've really learned how not to do that this year and how to be in my own energy and how not to care, which means not, oh, like looking for validation on the outside. But I noticed a difference when I'm focused on myself and I'm running. People say it's an interesting thing. Like even when I was selling the women's shoes back in the day and I'd greet hundreds of customers a day, when I'm comfortable in my own energy, when I'm being myself, when my energy's not on them and wanting them to do anything, trying to manipulate them to give me validation, it's just different. And as I feel the energy separation between me and them, I actually feel more gravitation where they're like, "Hey, how are you?" I get people that like go outta their way to say hi, and I'm just running with headphones on. And I'm like, "Oh, hey, how are you?" You know, but I'm not like, "Oh, hey, how are you?" You know, it's just a different energy. It's hard to explain, practice it, go out into public and pay attention to when you put your energy on someone else and wanting them to do something, wanting them to get validation, trying to feel into their energy or creating a little bit of a structure within yourself and feeling inside your own body and even putting the awareness on that separation. This is me, that is you. You're gonna start to feel that there's like a gravitation towards you from other people because you're gonna have that structural integrity within yourself. You practice this for a couple weeks, you're gonna notice a difference. And yes, you can still go back into the awareness of the empathy. You can still feel it when you want to, feel connected when you want to, but you're doing it from a level of choice, not a level of I'm a leaf in the wind and this happens to me and I don't know how to control it. It's a superpower. You're just learning how to control your superpower. It's awareness, really. Awareness is powerful. Core wound heal. So that was something else I wrote. To go back to that core wound, imagine that childlike version of you, the one that is maybe lacking that structural integrity, the one that is getting in trouble, that has to be a certain way to receive love. And as you imagine that version of you, really do it right now. Just imagine that version. I imagine the version of Aaron that's just like little, little boy getting in trouble for things, wondering if he's worthy, wondering if he's really loved. What is he doing wrong? And then what I would do is send that version of me love and comfort that version of me, knowing that that little inner child's inside of me right now. It's okay. I understand, I'm here for you. And then empowering that little version of me. So you got this, you're a strong person, you got this. And encouraging that structural integrity. And as you do like a visualization with this exercise, it's very powerful because it's healing that inner child within you. And you can do meditations to connect to this inner child and ask, what does this inner child want or need? Very powerful way. And then a lot of times you can also empower that inner child to have that structural integrity. The other part of this is reframing this empathy. It's not a curse, it's a superpower. You're able to understand people deeper than they, you're able to know when people are lying. You're able to know when people's intentions are, you're able to feel into other people. It's a superpower, but you can turn it on when you want. And other than that, you can start feeling present inside your own body. Feel that separation, it's okay. Have boundaries, establish healthy boundaries. When you have a vision for your life, when you have a frame of your own life, there's then things you're gonna have to say no to. When I started on YouTube and I started making daily videos, I had a friend say, "Hey, come hang out, come smoke weed, come do this." I have to say, "No, I have to make daily videos on YouTube so I can go full-time." And they'd be like, "Oh, okay." And then I started to grow. And then eventually 6 months later, I was full-time. I had to say no to that to say yes to myself. And you don't need to feel, the only reason you feel guilty is 'cause you're feeling into their energy and they're feeling their disappointment, but that's for them to deal with. Remember, subject to object. They don't like the fact that you don't wanna go out to a party and you'd rather go inside or read a book or something, then that's on them. That's not you. It's not your fault. Your job is not their happiness or their validation. So establish healthy boundaries, knowing the more you say yes to yourself, The more you're going into that tension too. It's okay if other people have tension, that's their stuff. Remember subject-object, do that meditation every day. Subject-object, breathe in, feel this, the separation between you and the flame. Even if you don't have a flame, it could be an object, it could be a light, it could be anything. It doesn't have to be, it could be a pitcher. Feel the separation. And then on the out-breath, feel the connection to your environment, but bring the awareness in your body. What the empaths really need to know is to feel inside the body and to feel connected to that. Become present, become more present in your body by doing these things. Even when you're going out in public, feel the difference between these things. And as you do all these things, I really think it'll change your life. But the main thing is like that subject-object thing I'm telling you guys, it's a game changer. You go out into public, you're gonna feel a difference. You're gonna notice the difference between you and other people. And it is just going to change your life in so many ways. If you wanna learn the 5 secrets to letting go that will make you attractive AF, that's this video right here. Highly recommend that you watch it 'cause it'll help you. With what you learned in this video. The less attached you are, the more attractive you are. People are attracted to somebody that is in their own frame and doesn't
