watch her go from people pleaser to the VOID to been SEEN in 20 mins

People go out of your life, but new people come, right?

Yes.

I see people coming out, but no one really comes in, pretty much. Also, I'm single. People always tell you, love will come when you don't look for it. I stopped looking, but no one is coming. Friends aren't coming, really, and I'm just like— Oh my God, I never spoke to a microphone before.

Huh? Never? How does it feel?

Scary.

What's scary about it?

I'm feeling really conscious about my voice.

Yeah.

And how I look.

Now, here, come up here for a moment, just for a moment, and we're gonna get back to Jesus. Awesome. What are we afraid of?

So many things.

Like what?

Maybe I say something that's stupid.

Say something stupid. What's the dumbest thing you could say right now? Think of the dumbest word you could think of. Makes no sense. Go.

The sky is pink.

Oh, wow. Wow, sky is pink.

Woo!

What else? What else?

Maybe my voice doesn't sound good.

Ooh, my voice doesn't sound good. So the sky is pink. "and my voice doesn't sound good." Yeah. Does it really feel? So you said that, and even though there's energy where it's like, huh, that is the self-judgment that comes in.

Absolutely.

Yeah, right?

Yeah, 100%.

Whereas, and it was similar to what I was sharing the other day where I was like worried I was gonna forget what I was talking about, but when I let myself be okay with whether I say something stupid or not, knowing that if I say something stupid, If it's as long, what I found for myself is as long as it's authentic and it's rooted from a place of like wanting to add value or rooted from a place that's like not just like ego-focused, it's like there's a lot of, especially with an audience, there's a lot of wiggle room there where it's like they accept you no matter what in a way. Does that make sense?

Absolutely.

Because I accept me. It's like I know I'm being authentic. I know I'm being real and because of that, I don't then need them to see that in me for me to feel that about myself. Do you see what I mean? So as you say that, so how do you feel in your body now as you're kind of just playing around with some of these ideas, right? A lot of the resistance we have is more so resistance that we have inside of our minds judging the experience. And it's just that we don't realize that that is something that if we allow ourselves to feel and we let it be okay either way, Right? It's okay if you say something stupid. The sky is purple. The sky is pink. I sound dumb right now. Let me try like an accent or something that like you normally don't have. Oh, I look a certain way. Who cares? Right? No one cares. The cool thing also that's also very liberating is everyone is only really thinking of themselves, which is very liberating because coming up here on stage, What I realize is that everyone is thinking about how whatever's being said relates to them, right? We think it's like versus people, you know, there's freedom that comes with that. Because what happens is because of that, there's a realization that like whatever someone else feels, it's gonna be more of you are a symbol of that to them, but it's not your thing to manage. Does that make sense? So what is your question? I just kind of wanted to, I just kind of wanted to kind of amplify that energy and that pressure for you. To kind of have a visceral experience of what that's like. Because sometimes we'll tell ourselves too, like you put your microphone up, your voice is very loud. What happens is you may identify yourself as someone with a very soft voice. So a breakthrough for you could be start talking louder. Breakthrough for me is to talk softer, which sometimes I do in meditations or other things. But it's how we can begin breaking out of the box of how we define ourselves. Right?

Yeah.

So do you have a question?

Yeah, so I was working with my manager.

Yep.

And we do like a marketing sales thing.

Yep.

And yeah, he made a comment about my voice, that my voice is too loud.

Yeah.

Like, that made me feel so conscious.

It made you feel conscious, self-conscious.

Like, it made me feel really bad, to be honest.

Yeah. Well, okay, so he said that and then you felt bad. What if you owned it? "Yeah." "Yeah." "Yeah." "That's what I should have done." "No, but it's okay." But so when it comes to this, this is a powerful thing to realize. Anytime someone says something to you that you might get self-conscious about, what if that thing they're saying to you that's making you feel self-conscious is something that you could simply own? So when this person said to you, 'You have a loud voice.' You said, 'Oh, I do have a loud voice,' as if there's a certain like general tonality of voice that's like the acceptable amount and one is too much or too little. That was his perception, right? You can choose to bring that perception inside of you and you can choose to internalize it. And you can also look at whether you even think it's a problem or not.

Yeah, absolutely.

Right? So what could a new way of looking at that situation be? What could you have done in a different way? So imagine, so how are you speaking when you had the loud voice? What were you talking about? Were you talking to a customer or something or?

I think I was just sort of, yeah, like calling out to customers and yeah, I should have just been like, oh yeah, my voice is loud. Like, yeah, if it was a bit too loud, like I'll try to tone down a bit, like, but that's how my voice is essentially. But I just don't wanna go through.

But your voice is a little, Too loud. Okay, I'm sorry.

Okay, I'll try to—

No, what are you— Is that the authentic? So if your voice is a little bit too loud, what is a new way to respond to this energy? Because in a similar way, this is what happened a few days ago, right? You were speaking loud, someone's like, your voice is too loud. What is another way you could respond to that energy?

Yeah, my voice is a bit— loud, but if it's like way too much, I'll try to tone down a bit. No.

Well, no, that's— so, so what if you just said, cool? See, the thing is, is the frame, the frame that this person is giving you is the frame. We talk about frame, right? The frame that this person is giving you is that there is a certain level to which a loud voice can be either too loud or too soft. And he is having you walk into that frame, right? And then you're playing according to that. But what you could do instead is you could respond and instead of say, yes, this is why my voice is this way and I have this job and this is what I do and this is just who I am and maybe I could tone it down a little bit. You could just say, the sky is pink.

Right, yep.

What if you said that? You would break, you'd start to break that pattern within yourself, within him. But it's like you get to choose what that frame is for you, right? So what's another way that you could respond to that? So I'm like, your voice is a little bit too loud.

That's how my voice is.

Okay, a little bit authentic. That's how my voice is. But is there any other way? Imagine you standing grounded inside of your body, take a deep breath in. Take another deep breath in. And then you start to speak.

Yes, I'm speaking.

Speak with a loud voice.

I'm speaking with a really loud voice.

There we go. It's a little bit too loud, I would say. This room with that microphone, it's too loud. Okay.

Uh-huh.

What if you spoke louder? What if when you did that, you then went louder? You even took it a notch up. What about this as a voice? Speak loud. Let's have a voice-off right now.

How about that? Oh my gosh.

Let's see who has a louder voice. All right, let's see if your voice really is loud. Are you ready?

Dangerous.

You ready? My voice is louder.

My voice is quite loud.

My voice is quite louder.

And mine is even louder.

Oh, wow.

And high-pitched. Because I'm Polish.

Yeah. Keep going. Keep it going. Keep it going.

Just so you know, I had another question as well. I don't want to, like, break the flow.

Let yourself, let yourself for a moment.

Before we run out of time.

Let yourself for a moment just, and take another deep breath in, and imagine yourself now with that loud boisterous energy that just flew through, that just came through your body. Imagine you owning that energy. Imagine owning that energy. And when you go out, if other people think it's too loud, whatever, who cares? That's their frame of reality. You don't have to choose to agree to it. And if you own it within yourself, what happens is you're not then looking for validation and approval for them. 'Cause what are you really afraid of if he doesn't like how loud your voice is? Is it that you're annoying people or what?

Yeah, obviously the manager. So you want your manager to accept you, right?

I see.

To some extent.

Yes.

Because—

Yeah, yeah. There's, and there's at the same time, this opportunity to express yourself, and maybe part of your expression is you have a loud voice. Okay. I also am someone that has always been told I have a loud voice.

Wow, really?

You won't believe it. In my family, my dad and my sister, we all have very loud voices. And there's been times where I feel, I felt the same thing, like I have a loud voice. And then I would see other people that have like very soft melodic voices. And I'm like, why can't I have a voice like that, or in certain moments, even in some of my meditations, I would judge some of my meditations 'cause I have a strong voice even in some of my meditations. And still there are people that like my meditations even though it's not the stereotypical, very soft whispery voice, right? But what I've learned to do is just to own it, to just own who I am. And I get to choose whether I internalize that or not. Now it helps me with what I do, and it's also— what's funny though is the more I accept it within myself, the more I'm not attached to whether people accept it in me or not. Now I'm still aware of where I'm at. You know, there's of course a balance to this, right? If I was in a library or I was somewhere where it's like, you know, normally supposed to— like, for example, like there's certain cultural differences, right? I remember going to Japan for the first time, or I've only been to Japan once, but I went to Japan. You probably know what I'm about to say. Yeah, you go into a subway at a Japan place in Japan, and you're going like through the tube or whatever you call it, and you get in and the doors close, and you might be sardine-packed inside this thing with a whole bunch of people, and it is so silent that you can hear, you can hear a pin drop. And I remember the first time I went in there, I was talking to someone, and then she's like, shh. I'm like, what do you— what? What? And there's just all these very quiet people in there and it's just like, that's the culture, you know? So I wasn't like, I have a loud voice and you will accept me. I was consciously aware of where I was. At the same time, within the context of what I do for a living, my day-to-day life, I've been able to own it. So it's of course a balance of both. So with that being said, yeah, it's this energy, this allowing yourself to almost amplify it. To almost amplify it. What I would encourage you to do is instead of tone yourself down, amplify it and see how that feels within yourself. And even be playful about it. Like it was funny. You said the high-pitched thing, right? It was a funny moment. And you can also bring humor in when you're talking to this boss authority figure person, right? You bring that humor in, you bring the playfulness in with it too. It kind of dissolves it. So then you're not taking it with you and you're like, yes, there's something wrong with me. I'm too loud. Right? So what was your other question?

So my other question was, which was the main question, that's what we were talking about sort of yesterday about like relationships and transitioning from being people pleaser to just being like your authentic self. And I'm sort of somewhere on the path from being— basically I decided I don't— I want to stop being a people pleaser. I want to try— not try, I want to start being my authentic self.

Yes.

And somewhere along the way, a lot of friendships faded away.

Yep.

And you know how people always say, like, people go out of your life but new people come, right?

Yes.

Yeah, well, what if, like, I see people coming out but no one really comes in? Pretty much.

Yeah.

And the question is, is it sort of like a part of the process or is there like a missing puzzle I'm not seeing? Because it's very confusing for me. I'm not sure which one it is. And I feel like I've been in this sort of transition, almost like a limbo for quite a while.

How long is quite a while?

Like a few years. Okay. And people are like, oh, time doesn't matter. Time is not linear. You know, people tell me all this stuff like, oh, it will last as long as it's supposed to last. But I'm like, well, I mean, Yeah, it feels kind of long. And right, um, also I'm single and I'm just kind of starting to accept it. Like, I'm okay with it. I wasn't okay with it before. Now I'm more— I'm very accepting of it. But also I'm a bit like, people always tell you these things as well, like love will come when you don't look for it.

Yeah.

And I, I accepted I'm single. No, I accepted I'm single. I stopped looking.

Yeah.

And now nothing is— no one is coming. Friends aren't coming, really. And I'm just like, stop.

The thing is, when you say— and like, yeah, so energetically, energetically, when you say, okay, they say that love comes when you stop looking, right? So you've been looking for love, you've been looking for love, you've been looking for love, and you're like, well, it will come when I stop looking. So then I'm not looking, I'm not looking, I'm not looking, I'm not looking.

I genuinely stopped looking, and I, I got so— sorry, I got so tired. I genuinely was like, I'm, I'm having a break. I'm I'm genuinely focusing myself. I understand.

So what happens is when people say, I'm not looking, I'm not looking, it becomes a thing where there hasn't been a total surrender yet. Even though you may have thought of you surrendered and you haven't totally surrendered because there's still, it's a mechanism by which to then still attract it to come into your life. So a lot of times what happens is if that becomes a mechanism, to still getting what you want, there's still some form of attachment there. So what I would encourage, or I would look at inside of this, is embracing whatever the current phase is, even if that phase is I'm not looking and still it's not coming, embracing that. Do you see what? So there's almost like an inception of acceptance along the journey as a part of the process. So there's an acceptance of I'm not looking any longer and because I'm not looking, that's when it should come. But there's this energy underneath that where it's like, it's not coming, accept that. You can also accept that. Now the other side of this, and this is all kind of like, I'm kind of like gluing all the question together into this kind of like thing right here. When you go from being a people pleaser to no longer pleasing other people, and people are leaving your life, there may be a temporary void or part of your life where you feel like the old people have fallen out because you no longer resonate and they no longer resonate with the part of you that had the pattern. So if the people pleaser pattern was there, those other people may have been in your life because you were pleasing them and that's the part of you that they resonated with and that's what kept them in your life. Now that that's not there, they might be falling away. They may not be in your life as much. Now there will be a period of time and there may be a period of time where you're looking around and you're like, well, where's the people that I can resonate with at a different level, right? One thing that happened for me during my process of like spiritual awakening is a common level that people go to is this level where you kind of like have a spiritual awakening and then a lot of your friends and old people, like they may not resonate with you. And then we develop a story, right? Part of that story is, I used to be a people pleaser, I'm no longer a people pleaser, and now my friends aren't in my life. That's also a story. Do you see?

Yep.

So that story is something that will perpetuate a similar experience over and over again. So for me, it was, I went through a spiritual awakening, I don't resonate with some of my friends like I used to, and there's no one, I'm not meeting anyone else that's out there that's like me, that thinks like me, that's into this spiritual stuff. I like didn't know anyone in my life. And I felt alone for a while. But then what I realized is that was also part of my story. There's no one else like there that like me. I'm not meeting any of my high vibe tribe. But eventually what I did is I embraced that and I focused on myself and I focused on that of finding my passion and my advice or the thing that I noticed worked for me is I focused on really my purpose, my passion, and what brought me a lot of value and meaning, which was starting to make YouTube videos. And when I got into that energy, people started coming into my life. So this is where then I met Victor and Patty. This is where I met other people that are like my closest friends now. It came when I started living my life purpose. And I wasn't looking for Victor or Patty. They came into my life as a reflection of the energy I was putting out. So in a similar way, the focus can be on where are they? And then we'll continue to get a reflection of them not being here. Or we could put the awareness and the attention on instead owning that story, owning that that's the belief right now. And right now even you're around like 100-ish people that do have similar like thoughts, beliefs, values as you. So even though you're here just at this live event, there are people out there like you.

Absolutely.

And which is really cool to think about too, because often we tell ourselves that there's not a lot of people out there like us. But if you look around at an event like this, even though many of you may live in different countries, cities, et cetera, you look around and at least wires into your mind like, oh, I'm not alone, right? And if you believe that you're not alone, you then have more opportunity of finding people that can resonate with you. You guys seen? So a big part of this process is owning that story and being aware of it, but also being aware of accepting that energy of like, why hasn't it happened yet? Or I'm letting go, but I'm letting go and maybe hoping that something does happen, accepting that, but then putting the energy instead on what you're really passionate about and following passions and hobbies also that put you in scenarios for meeting those people. A lot of the people I've met has come through connecting to them through also putting myself out there, either through online or being vulnerable and just meeting people and getting out of my comfort zone. Even though I'm very extroverted up here, at home, I'm much more introverted. I'm not like someone that goes to parties all the time and stuff like that at all. I'm actually a pretty introverted person when I'm at home and when I'm in different contexts. But I've pushed myself to be more social. You see? So the other aspect of it might have been like, I've become aware, I'm doing the inner work, I'm transforming my life, which is great. But the other aspect of that is maybe accepting where you are and accepting it in complete totality, but then also at the same time choosing to get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there, following more of your purpose or your passion. That energy is what attracts those people to you. Does that make sense?

Absolutely.

Does that help?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, cool. Awesome. Well, thank you so much.

Thank you.

Let's give her— let's give her a big hand. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.