What actually happens when you let go.

Attachment and desire are the root of all suffering. This is a quote straight from Buddha, who said that the suffering we experience in our life is in direct proportion to the attachments that we have. Now, in this video, I want to show you the science of attachment— why what you think you want and what you are attached to is actually blocking you from experiencing more love, more joy, more abundance in your life than ever before. And why when you are non-attached, which is different than detached, and I'm gonna talk about that in this video because the difference energetically is huge. Non-attached has to do with not being controlling of the things that happen in your life. And even think about it, when you are more non-attached and you are not trying to control other people, you are more magnetic. When you go into a job interview centered in who you are and you are not attached to what that person thinks of you and you're not attached to them, you know, treating you a specific way, but you know who you are, you are way more magnetic. So the degree to which you are not attached is the degree to which you are magnetic. And if you even think about this in the classic metaphor of an archetype and you think of, and this is different because I'm not saying apathy for this. So if you think of the cool kid in the leather jacket who's leaning against the lockers with a toothpick in his mouth, and all the girls are like, "Oh my God, he's so cute. Oh my God, he's so cute." And he is just not attached. And that is more magnetic than the guy that is like, "Hey, Wendy, you wanna go on a date with me? I really like to go on a date with you." It's a very different energy. Now, when I say not attached in the sense that this doesn't mean aloof and avoidant, 'cause some people may be attracted to someone that's avoidant, because it's a familiar dynamic of somebody that's not giving them attention because it reminds them maybe of childhood. But this is about becoming aware of what your attachments are and understanding that when you heal within your energetic field and you become present with the part of you that craves certain attachments, you begin to heal from the inside out. It's interesting, as I began learning about this back in 2017, 2018, when I was really focused and read a book called "Letting Go" by David Hawkins, which is basically all about how the more you let go, the more you raise your vibration. And I noticed that when I really let go of the outcome of my YouTube channel doing well, everything got taken to the next level. Doesn't mean I was so non-attached that I wasn't making videos. It just means I wasn't energetically checking stats all the time. Because there was a part of myself, like an inner child part of myself that felt like if I had more validation and more approval on YouTube, then I'm worthy, then I'm adding value. So as I became aware of this, it was like, how much can I be non-attached? How can I trust the universe more? I've shared this story as well, but I remember I have this coworker I used to work with and she told me that anytime she'd be single for 2 years, not get approached by one guy, the entire, maybe like 2 guys the entire 2 years who she wasn't even interested in. And then she would get into a relationship and normally she'd get into a relationship, she wasn't attached when she was just having fun being herself and she wasn't focused on wanting or attaching to someone else. She'd get into a relationship and within 2 weeks she'd be hit on by like 12 dudes. And I always thought that was interesting because it was like she wasn't attached to people hitting on her because she was already maybe feeling the validation or the love or whatever it was, the connection. And all of a sudden it's there. Could it be the degree to which you are not attached is the degree to which other things attach themselves to you because you're magnetic? So the science of attachment, Now understand that attachment is what keeps us from happiness. Anytime we are attached to something, we put it on a pedestal and we literally project onto it that this thing is a fantasy that will make me happy. If you ever want books that are very, or reading that is very powerful for letting go of attachment, Anthony DeMello has a book called "Awareness" and another book called "Stop Fixing Yourself." all about these different attachments. And basically what it talks about is how programming, we're programmed for familiar, we're programmed to be in familiar energy, and that programming is what robs us from happiness in the present moment. And the cold name of the game is letting go of that programming. Because really when we say something is hard to let go of, When we say something is hard to let go of, understand that what is hard to let go of, first off, is we believe things are hard to let go of, therefore they're hard to let go of, 'cause ultimately beliefs create reality. Now really what is hard to let go of isn't the thing itself, it is the meaning and the story behind the thing. Like for example, if you're having trouble letting go of an ex, For example, the story you have around that ex is what makes it really hard to let go of. You may say that ex means this to me. We have these special moments over here. And that meaning is what makes it very hard to let go of. Now, if I were to tell you, like for example, I say it's so hard to let go of this marker. Now what happens is, of course, I can easily just let this marker go and it will fall. But the story to it, now imagine I'm like, this marker my grandma gave me. And when I was 6 years old, I was with my grandma. She gave me this marker. She showed me how to draw. And I drew this most beautiful picture. And then from that picture, I showed it to the class the next day at school. And I got all this like approval and validation. And the teacher was like, that's the best drawing I ever saw. And then after that, my grandma took me out to get ice cream and we got ice cream and we were just talking about the pen. Now it's a lot harder to let go of that pen because there's so many positive memories and positive meaning that is attached to the pen. So I say, it's hard to let go of this pen. And you say, no, it's easy to let go of the pen. It's the meaning you've given to the pen. And the same way, if you were to talk about, and let's look at the mechanics of attachment. There's two levels to it. One, attachment, there's the pleasure of the gain of it. There's the pleasure and the belief that, oh, I have this marker, now I'm complete. "Now I am happy." And then on the other hand, there's the pain of the loss. The belief is if I lose this pen, I'm losing the connection to my grandma. I'm losing the connection to the passion I have of drawing. Do you see the double-edged sword? Now, the way the motivational mechanism works, let's talk about the science of attachment in the sense that there's the science of motivation and it always works the same for everybody. We will always move towards what we believe will bring us pleasure, and we will always move away from what we believe will bring us pain. It works like this for everybody. Now, what we believe is what's different from person to person. So if you are, your desire, your intention, your goal is to feel very energized and to have a nice physique, you wanna lose some body fat, and you focus on associating pleasure with being lighter, pleasure with having more vitality, pleasure with eating nutrient-rich dense foods, then if you focus on that and you associate pain with eating unhealthy food, it will be easier for you to be motivated with that. But if you associate pain with eating healthy food and you associate pain with losing weight 'cause you focus on the calorie deficit and you associate pleasure with eating unhealthy food, You see how those are very different motivations, both the same mechanism. But if you believe that the thing you want, whether it's a person, like think of your, if you're having trouble letting go of your ex, imagine this. You have this beautiful story and this fantasy about your ex and how perfect you guys were, despite the fact that there are 7 to 8 billion people on the planet, but you believe this one person was the person that was meant for you? And also think about it, what if real love is, real love is only when someone else also loves you back? What if you define love that way? Then somebody that's not loving you, you wouldn't say, oh, that person, it's love. You'd say, oh, that person isn't choosing me and if they're not choosing me, that's not real love. What if you defined love as only when it's a healthy, back and forth in exchange of the mirroring of the love that exists within you. So that person's not able to give you that love. First off, it may be a familiar childhood pattern and you're fighting for that love, but you're not aware that's what you're attached to. You're attached to the familiar story. But if you were to let that go, you would then feel the love automatically inside of yourself. You begin to redefine what this is, you'll notice that people respond to you differently because all people are doing is mirroring back to you that which you relate to yourself. And if you feel like you're missing something, you will look for it and project it onto other people. So letting go and be— So that ex, let's bring it back to the ex. Imagine the ex that you have all this beautiful story around. Now imagine an imaginary world Imagine the ex, which is interesting 'cause I'm gonna say this and some people would say, well, actually that's similar to what happened, but I still like the person, which could be a same familiar childhood pattern. But imagine it's like that person that you have this great story around, imagine they did something horrible that was unforgivable. I'm not telling you to project this onto them and create like an illusionary story in your head. However, imagine like that ex came and like kidnapped your dog and then sold it to like some mean family on the other side of the country and did this horrible thing. Now in the moment, the meaning, they took your dog and they sold it to some mean family on the other side of the country. Now what may end up happening is your story about them changes. Like they did something that was unforgivable. So the meaning, the feeling you have about it might change. It might turn to anger. Now, the only reason I'm sharing this is because the meaning and the story changes, it may change the way you feel about it. So understand that what you're really attached to is not the person, it's what that person means to you. It's the story around that person. And I'm not saying that you need to create some like crazy story that's not real in your head to like not like them, but what I'm saying is become aware of the current story that you are projecting onto them because ultimately you are projecting onto them a story that is a fantasy, a story that puts them on a pedestal, that's maybe helping you to feel more shame because there's an addiction to certain emotions. So the attachment may also be of the emotion you feel from not having that thing. You may say, well, I'm attached to the person, but really you may be attached to the shame that you feel from not having the person because they're quote unquote not coming around. You see the difference there? Could it be that it's reflecting back a familiar emotion that you're used to or that you feel like you deserve? Now what's interesting is the more you let go, now let me also clarify that attachment, I am not saying avoid emotions and become avoidant and aloof. What I'm saying is allow yourself to feel what comes up from the loss of the attachment. What is it you need to feel to then heal? Because when you go through some form of loss, there is a grieving process. But if you don't allow yourself to grieve and you just go into a new relationship, you carry that unprocessed emotion with you. I've seen it happen where like after a breakup, what I will do, I've had times where I broke up in the past and then I go through a process for 2 or 3 months, I won't date anyone. I will go through and feel what I am emotionally feeling. And I've seen it where somebody maybe on the other side of that doesn't do that. They get into a relationship immediately to avoid the feelings, to avoid the emotions. And I've seen that play out and it doesn't necessarily play out that well. Normally the person that they attract is even, it's like an unconscious energy pattern of something that then has to be learned even harder later on. And then when people jump into a new relationship, they find that once that relationship doesn't work out, they then have to process two relationships at once. They're like, why is this relationship so hard to let go of? But you're really letting go of, when I did that, by the way, when I went through, I broke up with an ex a few years ago, there was an emotion of also processing unprocessed emotion from even a prior relationship. So it was almost even, there was more challenge there, but I allowed, I wasn't just non-attached in the sense that I'm gonna detach, I don't care. There was a feeling, what is the emotion that I was not allowing myself to feel before? Embracing that emotion and then feeling and healing it allowed that energy to move. So understand, that the root of all suffering is attachment. And that attachment is something that we have because we believe that there is this fantasy, the programming that we have, that this is going to make us happy. So a lot of this is becoming aware of what those beliefs are, becoming aware of what the stories are, what the meaning is. And then realizing that really letting go of the marker is a choice you can make. The fear is if I let go of this person, I'm never gonna find love. If I let go of this job opportunity, I'm never gonna find a job. What's interesting is when you let go, you allow the universe to bring you things in even more magical ways than you can imagine. And what's interesting is I hear this all the time, people that wanna attract love or they wanna attract certain things and then they let go and once they let go, it comes. Like when you think of people that say, "Oh, I met this person," a lot of times it's, "I met this person when I wasn't looking." Because when you're not looking, you're not projecting qualities onto the external and you're not desperately looking for something and therefore repelling it. You're just being. You're realizing you're good either way. Now, one of the things that also hurt sometimes is there's payoffs. There's payoffs to being attached to certain things. Sometimes the payoffs may actually be negative, but they are familiar. So maybe the payoff you get from being attached to like unhealthy food, for example, just a very general analogy, is you get quick dopamine rush. It's the same thing with like different substances and different things. People are attached and it may feel familiar to be able to certainly change, like if you value certainty and you're able to do something that immediately changes your state, that can become addictive because there's the pleasure of the gain and the changing of the state. But understand it's just a belief. It's just a belief. It's something you're buying into. You may be actually avoiding and numbing out the emotion. One of the biggest epiphanies you can have is the difference between non-attachment and detachment. Now, non-attachment is what I'm talking about here. When you're not attached, it doesn't mean you're not engaged in the moment. It does not mean you're not kind to someone else or you're not present with someone else. Non-attachment means you're not trying to control and you're not trying to demand that the universe is a certain way or that people are a certain way around you. And when you are not attached to how other people are being, you will be more magnetic 'cause you can still be present and non-attached. This is where like, it's a difference between being nice and being kind. If you're kind, you're not attached to outcome. It's just who you are. You're a kind person. If you're nice, it's, I'm being nice because there's something I want in exchange. I'll be nice to you and I can't believe they didn't respond the way I wanted. That's not kind, that's nice. It's manipulative. So non-attached, you wanna think of is when you're non-attached, you are trusting of the universe. You are allowing things to flow through you. You are not deluding yourself and buying into the meaning. You are aware of the meaning and the story that is there. It's like when you think you are your thoughts, It's a certain level of attachment. When you know you think thoughts and you become aware of the thought you're thinking, you've then separated from the attachment itself. So non-attached is where you're able to observe your thoughts. You're able to observe these patterns. So understand that detachment is, I am detached. It's almost like I'm not attached, I'm detached. But when you're detached, it's like you're avoiding the thing. It's like, I'm detached from relationships. Well, you will then block relationships. I'm detached from what people think, which means whatever, they're gonna think what they think. There's almost like a trigger. There's like an edge there. Detached may be more aloof. It may be more like avoiding certain emotions. You don't wanna be detached. You wanna be non-attached. And non-attached means you trust the universe. You're trusting this energy to flow through you and you're not buying into the, the illusion that the story that you have is what is going to make you happy. Knowing that the emotion already exists inside of yourself to feel good, to feel happy. Like think about it, if you were to write down all the things you want, like what would need to happen? What are the rules you would need to be happy? You could say, well, I need to be out of debt. I need to have this number of the money in the bank account. I need to do this. I need to have this person come around. I need this. You have these 5 things. I need these to be happy. The attachment you have to those 5 things is what is keeping you not happy. If you were to look at those 5 things and realize they're just stories, that's your programming. You're saying that once X, Y, Z, and all this stuff happens, then I'll be happy. Projecting your happiness into the future. And sometimes we're addicted to just not feeling good enough because of our programming, addicted to wanting to be over there. But the thing is, is when you get over there, you then wanna be back over here because we're addicted to the programming. The attachment is not what you think it is. It's the meaning and the story. And even beyond that is the programming. When you let go of the programming, you become free. What if instead of needing those 5 things to happen, you could just be free now? The funny thing is, is when you're free now, those things will naturally happen. It's so interesting the way that this works. Now, if you want, by the way, a step-by-step process, that's called High Vibe 101. That is a complete $1,000 course for free inside of my community called High Vibe Tribe. For a short period of time, you can go through the whole entire $1,000 course for free. It's gonna be in my community that is free. You can check it out below. It shows you how to let go. It shows you how to do a vibrational detox, how to let go of attachment, how to elevate your vibration so that you become free and experience more love, more joy, and more peace. Now, if you want to learn more about detachment and how to actually let go with stories that will help you to do so, one of my most powerful videos on detachment is right here. People that are not attached have a more magnetic energy. And the degree to which someone