When I Stopped Chasing Approval — I Started Attracting Alignment

Freedom is the ability to be disliked. What is so bad about somebody else not resonating with you? Now imagine we take on the burden of someone else's approval and validation, and then we're trying to prove ourselves to someone. Think about how heavy that feels, and think about how freedom-filled it is to put that burden down and to say, This is who I am. You can take it or leave it. You don't have to resonate with me. It's okay either way. Now what's interesting is that people feel what you feel about you. And when people can feel that they're trying to be controlled, which is what happens by the way, when you want someone else to like you, you want something from them. And if you want something from them, they can feel it. And what happens when someone feels like someone's being manipulated? What do you do? You just naturally subconsciously resist it. Have you ever had somebody come in and you can tell they want a compliment about something? They're looking or fishing for compliments. If you feel that, a lot of times it's not the most attractive thing, even if you do it to please them. There's a part of you that's like, I see what you're doing. So understand that the energy of wanting other people to like you is the energy of taking on the burden of their approval and validation and saying, if you give this to me, I will feel good. When in fact, if you can feel good either way by letting go of the belief and the story that they even have some form of your validation or approval, you will feel more free. Now, there's an interesting paradox to this when I learned this, and that is the more permission I gave myself to be the real me, the more ended up, the more I would both get people that really resonated with the real me, and the both I would save the time and energy from superficial conversations I didn't like to have anyways. It's interesting, right? You know, yesterday I went to a place to get a beard trim and there was this Russian gentleman there who was, I had an appointment with him because I just moved to California and I'm like getting all my things set up and one of them is like a beard trim every few weeks. And when I went to him, he was a very interesting guy because right when I met him, First off, I was waiting because he was working on some older gentleman cutting his hair. I came in for a beard trim and then I sat down and he was the only one in the shop. There's like 3 other chairs at the shop. So it was earlier in the day and there were some books on this bookshelf with Palo Santo, this stuff called Florida water, which if somebody does plant medicine, they use Florida water. And there was all these psychedelic books and I thought they were interesting. I'm like looking at the psychedelic books. I know something, some stuff about psychedelics. I've drank plant medicine before. So after he was done with the gentleman, I said, are these your books? I said, that's Florida water. I said, if they're your, if you're, you know, if you know what Florida water is, then you've probably drank plant medicine or something. And he was like, nope, they're not mine. They're this other guy that works here. And he's like, I'm not into any of that stuff, is what he said. And I was like, okay, cool, you know? And then I sat down and when I was sitting down, he looked at my tattoos and he's like, He made a comment about my tattoos. He's like, "So are you just trying to like scream awakening?" Or something like that. Now in the moment when he said this, I was like, I was just kind of present with what he was saying. I was like, interesting. Like I wasn't reactive. Like, what do you mean? You don't like my tattoos? Oh my God. He was like, no, then he explained to me. He goes, "I'm like a Christian." I was like, oh, interesting. Okay, cool. And just very nonjudgmental, not confronting, but there was an energy of like, are you into the whole awakening stuff, like the tattoos? And then he actually knew that 'cause he's Russian. The tattoo guy I go to is Russian. And he's like, did you get that from Noskos? Which is the name of the, which is the brand name of the guy, Constantine, that I go to who does my tattoos. And I could tell they knew each other. I could tell from his energy, it's a small world out here in LA. So when he said knows, 'cause I was like, oh, he either knows Constantine or knows of him. And he's an artist 'cause he does like, you know, he's an artist 'cause he does beard trimming and hair and he likes, you know, that kind of aesthetic. So they knew of each other. Well, I proceeded to talk to this guy and I was actually very, in a way, I don't know if the word's inspired, but I resonated with his ability. He actually had this flow state energy. Like there were some things we had in common, a lot we did not have in common. But nonetheless, we were both able to kind of appreciate each other in recognizing that we did not resonate with each other. And there was just no judgment on either side. And even though he made those rash comments, I also know sometimes Russian people can have a certain like bluntness that I actually appreciate because it's so different than the kind of superficial American way of being like, hey, how are you today? Oh, the weather outside is weather, isn't it? Ah, fake, fake, fake, fake. So I actually appreciate certain European, Russian, like even though it was like, it came off kind of crass or whatever, what he said, he didn't mean it in a mean way. He wasn't like, look at you, you know? It was an energy that was more so like him just recognizing that. So basically what ended up happening though is he actually said, okay, well, when you come back, I'm gonna recommend you to this guy over here who has all those plant medicine books. I know you guys will resonate with each other. And it was like he didn't want my business in a way because he also recognized I would resonate more with this guy. So he was just directing me to them, to this other guy. And I've never, I've met and I'll eventually probably meet. And what was really cool was neither of us were fighting for each other's approval or validation. There was just a recognition that we had different values. There was a recognition that we were just different people and that maybe we're not gonna resonate together as long-term clients of working with each other. And everything was actually very, you know, sometimes I actually like the contrast of meeting people that think differently because I find it to be very insightful and I think it's healthy in a way. Now at the same time, it's something that we can have that kind of awareness around other people in our life as well. It was a beautiful interaction of, still being amicable and almost like curious about each other without being attached to what resulted, whether it was like a relationship of like me going to him for, you know, every other week beard trims or having something in common at all, which the only thing that we really had in common was that I'm familiar with, you know, a Russian guy that he also knows that works on my tattoos. They know of each other. And that was about it. But you see, a lot of times what we do, the challenge is that we're fighting for other people, their approval or validation. We're literally fighting to not be in resonance with other people, which blocks the people that would be in resonance with us. And then we think and get offended when people don't resonate with us. But you see, the thing is, is it's okay. If you let it be okay, it's not a challenge. It's not an issue. Maybe it's a challenge, but it's not an issue. You see? So understand that the reason freedom is the ability to be disliked, because when you're not trying to control anything, you're then free to be you. Also, you take the burden off of your back and also you give yourself more permission to be who you really came here to be. And that permission allows you to be in a new energy. It allows you to be in that energy that attracts to you the people that really will resonate with you in a very deep way. I have a video that's gonna be coming out soon on the channel that's from, if it's not already out, but it's basically me coaching a woman in Sedona. I had a live event recently and I brought her to the front. We did some mirror work where she like, you know, worked, looked in the mirror and said some things to herself. It was a very powerful experience, but she was talking to me about rejection. She said she's afraid of rejection. And what I was basically bringing her through a different, couple questions of self-inquiry. I'm like, what's so bad about rejection? And she's like, well, if people— basically what she realized is if people don't resonate with me, they'll leave. And then I said, and then what'll happen? She said, well, they'll leave and then someone else will come in their place that resonates with me deeper. And I said, hmm, interesting. So basically it sounds like a solution. It's the solution. It's that person will leave that doesn't resonate. You will make room for somebody that does resonate at a deeper level. But how often do we stay attached to people that don't really resonate with us, that takes up energetic bandwidth or energy, that then blocks us from experiencing people that really resonate with us? This could mean staying in relationships that are stale, maybe superficial. Maybe it's just what you've always known. It's dynamics that you're very familiar with, but it's kind of outdated. What happens is you're subconsciously fighting for familiar. You're literally fighting to block out people that would really resonate with the real you. It's almost like you and that person are at the guard of like your energy and you're like, no, this is who I know. And you're like, someone's like, well, that's actually like a, it's like a superficial relationship or like you don't seem very happy. There's a lot of like manipulative energy there. Maybe you have to like, It's a conditional relationship where you have to give a certain amount, and then if you give a certain amount, you get a certain amount back, creating codependency. But what you realize is that that is literally blocking new people, new experiences from coming into your life. And here's the thing, it does take courage to let go. It takes courage to let go, it takes courage to end, certain superficial relationships. It takes courage to also willing to be, that's the thing too, realize the more you are your real self, the more there will be a reflection of people that don't resonate with that real you. The only time this is really a big challenge is when you believe that's not supposed to happen. But it is supposed to happen. Literally, the more you are the most bold, authentic version of you, the more people that will reflect back and that won't, here's the thing, it'll be on both sides of the coin. You'll get more people that resonate with the real you and you'll get more people that don't resonate with the real you. The more authentic, bold version I am on social media, And the more real I am and vocal about things I disagree with or don't disagree with, it does polarize some people, but that's not a problem. It's only a problem if I believe it's a problem and I believe I need everyone's approval and validation. So really what I'm doing in this video is kind of talking you through and helping you look at these different perspectives to hopefully assist you in letting go of the old story, the old story and the old identity. There may have been an identity that also is attached to being a quote unquote goodie, a good person. But to be a good person, I need everybody to like me. And what happens is very interesting when you start being, instead of a good person, you start being a real person. You know, it's funny, this is a really random story, but when I was living, I had roommates a few years ago when I was living in Sedona and there were these two dogs in the house. They weren't my dogs, they were my friend's dogs. One's name was Sage and Sage was this goodie dog that was like very good dog, honestly, very loving, good, unconditional loving dog. But there was always a joke because Sage always kind of not got neglected, but the other dog, Jonah, who's my friend's dog, Jonah was much more feisty. Jonah was much more would bark and it was much more territorial. And what's very interesting is Sage would kind of get neglected because Sage was just there doing his, it was kind of like not a dumb dog, but you know, it's like, like just kind of doing things. The other dog was like more stern. Was more protective, it was more like would bark, it was kind of annoying sometimes. But guess what? Jonah got all the attention because there was almost like a knowing of where you stood with Jonah. But in an interesting way, I always remembered that dynamic with like how everybody in the house treated the difference of the two dogs. Now, the symbol of this, the metaphor of this, of course dogs are unconditionally loving, I'm not saying we should love one dog more than another, In an interesting way, the more you are the real you, the more polarizing you'll be, but also the more you'll know where you stand with people, the more you will save superficial relationships, superficial conversations and dynamics that are out of alignment. So my point with this is like, it's okay to be polarizing and understand that the degree to which you grow in any way, any area of your life is the degree to which also you can use it as almost a reflection. Like if there are people that don't resonate with you, that's almost like a good sign that you had the courage to be you. You had the courage to be real. I remember when I first met my friend Victor back in 2017, we got on a call and he was, I had already grown, I had been growing my YouTube channel pretty quickly and he gave me some advice on business stuff. I gave him some YouTube advice and he's like, I was like, "Well, do you have any questions?" He goes, "I do have a question." "How do you not get so affected by the negative comments?" And you wanna know what I told him? I said, "Turn the comments off. Just don't pay attention to them." I'm just kidding, I didn't say that. What I did say is, I thought it was gonna be funnier than it was honestly, but what I actually said to him is I said, "The comments on my YouTube channel, the videos that have the most negative comments, are the videos that reach the most people. Because when you reach new people, like the people that already follow your channel, that already follow your social media, they love you, a lot of times they'll love you kind of no matter what. Kind of like accept you, you could be like, I'm gonna say something kind of crazy. And people are like, yeah, I agree or whatever. It's like, there's not a lot of negative feedback. However, when your video starts to reach new people and new people and new people, You can have a very good feeling video, but there'll be people on that video that are like, screw this guy's face, his face, look at his hair, oh my God, he's so— They'll just, they'll find any little thing to poke at. And that's how you, that is an indicator. That is an indicator that you are reaching new people. So I associate that, I'm like, oh, this video's getting negative comments. That means this video is reaching more people. Now on the other side of that, your attention goes to the negative comments, but here's the thing, There are way more positive comments as well, some of which comments may actually be kind of funny too. One of my first videos to pop was of me, it's on the most powerful way to reprogram your subconscious mind, and in it my eyes were doing this like crazy bug-eye thing, and people would comment and be like, "This video is very eye-opening," with like eye in all caps. I thought it was funny. I could have been like, "Oh my God, my eyes, I'm just—" I just thought it was funny. But nonetheless, there were some negative comments as well. And I was just like, oh, this video's getting views. This video is growing. This video is reaching more people that normally wouldn't have seen it. It's a good sign. So what I told my friend is I said, bro, it's a good sign. It means people are reaching you that aren't just your diehards that like whatever you do and say. You're reaching new people. And he took that and he carried it with him and he said it helped. Instead of realizing, you know, like what if other people not liking you is an indication that you are being the real you? And the only time there is challenge and struggle is when you believe everyone is supposed to like you, everyone is supposed to resonate with you. But remember, when you try to reach everyone, you reach no one. 'Cause there's no gravity to that. There's no gravity. It's kind of like fickle or it's like, it's so general, it's superficial. And you know those superficial conversations you just wanna get out of? You're like, oh, how is this? That is just, like when people talk about the, my analogy for that is always the weather. Oh, the weather. Yeah, it's all nice outside. Oh, what do you do for a living? Oh yeah, let's go to the common questions we always ask each other just to fill the space Well, we don't really get to know anything deep about each other when instead you could just be the real you. Well, imagine everyone just said whatever was on their mind. You know, there's actually something to learn from that Russian guy that's like, "What's all these awakening tattoos? You just trying to scream awakening?" That's probably what he was really thinking. He actually said it. And I kind of appreciated it. I was, the weirdness in me was like, this is different and I like this guy even though we don't resonate with each other because it's just real, just felt real. And that's like the new, not the new, it's the mode, the filter in my mind is like, is this real? Imagine if instead of living by the values of validation approval, you started to ask yourself the question, Is this real? Am I being real? Am I expressing the real me? Instead of wanting people's validation approval and saying the right thing to get people to like you, you say the real thing, which everyone might not like you, but some people will respect you for saying it, even if they didn't like what you said. 'Cause they'll respect your courage to say it. I've had that happen in conversations before where I'm like, oh, I'm gonna say this and I say it and then people are like, oh wow, that was, they either had an interesting thought about it or they didn't. But guess what? There are some people when you're being the real you, just by you being the real you, you will trigger them because you being the real you triggers to them that they're not being the real version of them. It's not so personal. It's not. We like to personalize everything and think it's personally, it has something to do with me. It's funny, I was in Sedona a few weeks ago, another Russian story. And there was someone that I worked with to get these peptide things that I'm using and some called NAD. And anyways, there's this person I go to and she's, I've been going to her for years through text message. Sometimes she can be very blunt, almost like she doesn't want my business. Like that blunt. Like, nope. Like, I'm like, do you want my business or not? Like, I want this thing. And there was a way that I could tell that there was a way she responded to something I said where I basically was talking about how I used ChatGPT to find out about this thing that I was looking at taking. And that's a natural supplement type thing, but like some you inject or whatever. It's like a biohacking thing. And when she found out that I used ChatGPT, I could tell that triggered her 'cause she's like, ChatGPT is not that accurate. I don't know, like one of those kind of like some people probably don't like ChatGPT 'cause it, I don't know, I thought maybe it was triggering because it was reflecting back that maybe like her job could be replaced by ChatGPT, which of course it couldn't. But I mean, anything could, I guess technically. But anyways, that was like the energy. I could tell that that, that was a certain energy, but that kind of like put an interesting texting dynamic thing where I was like, do I wanna keep going to this person with this kind of attitude? But what I realized is I ended up going to this person to get what I needed. And also when I met her in person, 'cause I hadn't seen her in years, I realized that's just how she is. It's not personal. She wasn't being rude in a text. She was being short and blunt in a text to a certain question that I had because that's just her culture. And that's just how she is. So there's acceptance there. And when I met her, I'd be like, what a shame it would've been if I didn't get what I needed from her because I took something personally. So what if we just stopped taking it personally? It doesn't mean anything bad. Because somebody doesn't resonate with you doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. If somebody doesn't resonate with you, they just don't. It's like a neutral thing. They just don't resonate with you. It's okay. And if you let it be okay, it's okay. So just like the symbol of me and the Russian guy at the beard place where it's like, we recognize we didn't resonate with each other. It's okay. I still got a beard trim. I actually liked my beard trim. I was like, this is kind of confusing because he's sending me to someone else, but I like the work that he did. Yes, it's like a 20-minute conversation. It didn't even feel forced. It just, we're just very different. It's okay to be different, but nonetheless, let it be a symbol of like, it doesn't have to mean there's something wrong with you because you don't resonate with someone and stop trying to protect the image, prove it to other people, get people on board. You will be free when you realize it's okay whether someone resonates with you. It's okay if someone doesn't resonate with you. The sign that people don't resonate with you is actually somewhat of a good thing. You don't need to embrace it and be like, yeah, I'm gonna get this dirty high getting people not to like me. I'm not saying become like, you know, psychopath or anything. I'm just saying like the people that are attracted to my videos and my content are people that are more sensitive to what people think. So when you realize that what people think is not always something you have to take personally, it's not always something that even resonates, that is even a pure reflection of you and who you are and your sense of self-worth, it might just be reflecting back something to them. Just like me being like successful, sometimes people are triggered by, you know, if people ask me what I do and I say I do YouTube, some people work 9 to 5 jobs. And in that moment, I could tell there might be a little thing that that ruffles for them 'cause it reflects back to them that they don't do what they love. And then if people find out that I teach, you know, consciousness stuff or spiritual, they may think that it's like some woo woo esoteric thing that they have judgments toward. Or they say it's New Age and there's a negative connotation around it. And I'm like, you know what? They can believe whatever they want. I am me, I do me, you do you, boo-boo, I do me. It's all good. So let this be a sign for you to be more of who you are and then let go of what no longer serves. And watch how free you feel once you start giving yourself permission and you start letting people not resonate with you. It's a neutral thing. They don't have your validation. They don't have your approval. They don't have anything that you need, that you need. You could just, and that you can accept that people have different perspectives and realize that that freedom comes from your permission to be you. So with that being said, that's it. Peace, much love, and namaste.