When you DETACH From People They ATTACH to You

The more you detach from other people's energy, the more people will attach their energy to you because you will be present inside of your body and in a magnetic frame and magnetic energy. Very often what people do is they send and literally are dispersing their energy because they are worried what other people might think of them. They have a belief that they need someone else's validation or approval, or they try to control different aspects of their life, and trying to control infuses resistance. Think about that for a minute. That's basically what attachment is. The attachment is the belief that I will get this thing through a mechanism of control by thinking about it. And the more you let go, the more you bring your energy back. So understand that you are the most magnetic version of you when you have let go of outcome. And ironically enough, You can only really let people like you when you don't care whether they like you or not, when you're not attached to what they think. Because if you are attached to what they think, you create inner resistance. And in a way, if you want them to like you, there is a control going on. You want something from them. I was reading, rereading a book called "Letting Go" by David Hawkins. And it talks about how anytime we have an expectation of someone else, we create inner pressure, inner resistance that subconsciously people fight against. And what happens is they feel that and it's a subconscious thing. And this is why when you are good either way, let that be the mantra of this entire video. I'm good either way. I'm good whether you like me, and I'm good whether you don't like me. I'm good whether this thing happens in my life. I'm good if this thing doesn't happen in my life. And when you are in that neutral space, That's where the power is. Because understand, whenever you want something, you energetically lack it. You are energetically saying it's not here now, it's not normal in your energy. And what you end up doing is creating that inner pressure. So this is why letting go is so powerful. Now you may say, how do I let go? Remember, letting go is simple. Letting go is about letting the sensation, letting the awareness of the thoughts come up, letting them be there, observing them, not trying to control them, being okay if they're there, And being okay if they leave, welcoming the sensation. And what many times will happen is when you welcome that sensation and it's okay that it's there, it begins to integrate, it begins to process, and then you can make a choice to let it go. And as you let it go, the thoughts, that correspond with that emotion begin to let go as well. I learned this when I first learned meditation back in 2012, and it completely transformed my life. Whoops. I let go of the phone and look what happened. When I first learned meditation back in 2012, 2011, what happened is I was, I was trying to control my thoughts first off, 'cause I recently had learned the power of the mind. I'd been watching Wayne Dyer and all these other kind of like metaphysical things. And I was like, I don't wanna think negative thoughts. If I think negative thoughts, something negative will happen. But then what I did is for 2 or 3 days, I'd create more resistance. I'd create more resistance by trying to think positive thoughts. And when you try to think positive thoughts, the negative thoughts can come to the surface almost like an inner rebel inside of you. Don't think negative thoughts. But then what happened is as I learned, I read this, I read online somewhere that if you observe without trying to control, and what I did is I would stare at a candle flame and that staring at a candle flame and observing my thoughts, when the eyes are focused on one spot and the eye is not wandering, the eyes are not wandering, the mind is not wandering. It was actually years later where I was like, why is the candle flame so powerful? And I was in a Bikram yoga class back in the day when I used to do Bikram yoga. And what happened was the teacher said, eyes in yourself at the mirror or something like that. Eyes that wander is a mind that wanders. And in the moment I thought to myself, "Oh my God, that's the key to the candle flame." And then I just walked outta class. I was like, "I'm sorry, I have to go. I have to go write this down." So then I went, I wrote down, I was like, "Candle flame, eyes that wander, mind that wanders." And then I never went back to Bikram yoga again. I got what I needed out of it. I'm just kidding, by the way. I stayed the rest of the yoga class. Can you imagine? I got an insight. I am leaving class. So yeah, you don't want to control thoughts. You want to observe thoughts. You don't want to control what people think of you. You want to let them think what they think. You want to focus on being you and the own authority. Like, if your ultimate— you give yourself the authority because you know what you feel about you, then you're not attached to what other people say or think. Does that make sense? The only time that we really— I think a lot of times we subconsciously do that. We project onto other people. If we feel like authority when we were kids, which could be mom or dad or teacher, etc., Even sometimes other kids that you may have seen as an authority and you wanted their approval or validation but didn't receive it as a kid. You may believe you're not worthy, but you also may believe that they have the authority to tell you whether you're good enough. But a lot can shift when you realize that you become that authority for yourself. You start to live according to values that you choose. And if you wanna learn how to let go and you wanna learn how to take your power back, one of the most important and powerful things for you to do is to start to choose your own values and live according to those values. So live according to the values of vulnerability and authenticity over other people's validation and approval. For many people that want validation and approval from other people, what they've done is they've made other people their idol. They've made other people their God. And then they say, tell me I'm good enough. If I could prove it to you that I'm good enough, then I'm gonna undo whatever was done in childhood. I'm gonna heal. But also that dynamic feels familiar. It feels familiar to try to prove yourself. So one of the most magnetic things for you to do to bring your power back is to start living according to your own values, where you choose your values instead of as a kid choosing approval and validation which if you didn't receive as a kid, you will value very highly because you think of this as important. That's what values are. Values are virtues we think of as important. And sometimes as kids, there may have been things we didn't receive and then we project onto the world that we want those things. So when we talk about letting go, And the power of it, one of the reasons it's so powerful to let go is when you let go, you are freeing yourself of the attachment and the energy that comes with that attachment. Because if you are attached to a specific person and you believe that that person could give you validation or approval, et cetera, whatever the, The belief is when you let go of the person, you're really letting go of a pattern and the energy that comes with that pattern. An attachment is connected to the control. The attachment is the control of wanting people to be a certain way, wanting people to give you what they want you to give them, what you want to give, what you want from them. And so much power comes when you begin taking your power back. Yes. Can you give an example of a strong value you have? Hmm. A strong value that I have is value of integrity. Whatever I say I'm going to do, I do it. Whatever I live according to also values of the divine God. So when I become aware, I believe that with, like for example, with what I'm doing in the world, teaching, doing live events, et cetera, if I start to believe that it's my ego, that it's Aaron Doughty is so awesome and credible, I believe I will get hit on the hand in a way. I believe that there's a divine, the divine is what is doing it. The divine flows through when you become a vessel of wanting to add value to other people. At the same time, I recognize the ego and there are things the ego loves about the lifestyle, Love's about like, you know, adding value to people feels really good, but I've learned to embrace it and not get overinflated of it. And I believe that I must live in integrity or there'll be harsh lessons in reality of that reflection. Vulnerability is another strong value I live by. You've probably seen my YouTube videos or even these Instagram or wherever, where I share vulnerably my stories. I share about my past, things I've been through, some of which aren't the coolest things to share, but vulnerability is a strong value that I live by. Also, authenticity, that's a strong value that I live by as well. So those are values I had to choose though, because a lot of the values that I learned growing up were like fighting against control, wanting other people to validate me. Those are things I had to become aware of. And then I had to become the inner authority for myself. And then what happened is the more I did it for myself, the less I would need it from other people. Here's something else that I think will completely transform your life if you're watching this right now. Realize that your view of other people in your life and your expectation of them, of how you expect them to be, gets projected onto them and subconsciously they play out those dynamics with you. So for example, if you have something in your life or someone in your life and you're like, this person is controlling, this person is, is an angry person, whatever the labels go to that, something to become aware of is that the way you relate to that energy and the resistance you have towards it is something that also gets projected onto people. And owning that is a way of taking your power back instead of staying in the energy of the, that is what's doing it over there, that in outer reality. That in outer reality is a reflection of your inner reality. And the people you attract into your life are many times reflecting back that energy that is unprocessed inside of you. Now think about this. When it comes to people pleasers, people pleasers tend to attract people in their life that may be angry or hard to please. Interesting, right? People pleasers choose the one that's hard to please to come into their life. Why would they do that? Well, they like the project, they like the challenge. And you might listen to this right now and be like, "No, I don't, Aaron. What are you talking about?" If you identify as the people pleaser. But it's a project that you can continue working at. And if you could turn them around and get them on board, then, you can feel enough or worthy. Now, here's the thing to become aware of though. They may also represent the unprocessed anger that you may have subconsciously, because many people pleasers have unprocessed anger that they don't feel like they can feel. And what happens is they also sometimes wanna be seen as a good person, as the rescuer dynamic. And what happens though is they attract people that reflect back that energy. Now, here's the key, is realizing that the more authentic you become and the more you actually tap into your own anger and give yourself permission to feel it is the more you're gonna have a completely new level of authenticity in your life. Where even though it may not please people, people will respect it. Or you at least give them the opportunity to respect it because now you're being authentic. The analogy I normally use for this is that of the Hello Kitty from Lego Movie. If any of you saw the Lego Movie, there was Hello Kitty in it and she was always positive. I'm just so happy. But underneath that happiness was an incredible amount of anger. And if you've seen the movie, You know that towards the end, Hello Kitty taps into that power. She's like, "I'm just happy, I'm happy, I'm happy. Rage!" And out comes this like incredibly powerful energy and she like saves the day. She's like the secret weapon. And for every person that's a people pleaser, There is an incredible amount of power inside of you that as you begin coming, coming more comfortable with the anger inside of you, you will then start tapping into that authenticity. You'll start tapping into a new level of yourself, but realize you're attracting people into your life that right now reflect back that energy. Now you're viewpoint of them as well, of projecting onto them the authority to tell you you're good enough or whether you've pleased them or not is something that goes into it. So this is the interesting thing to realize, is that certain people in your life are reflecting back the unprocessed energy that you can begin to tap into. Somebody asked, well, what about codependency? Well, this is very often connected to that codependency, 'cause in codependency you've got the fixer, the victim, and the perpetrator. And a lot of times people pleasers at one point were the victims, and then they go into the fixer, and it probably feels Better to be in the fixer mentality 'cause then you have a little more of your power, but then you take on the burden of everyone else and then you feel guilty for other people's energies, which means you feel responsible and you feel responsible because feeling responsible is better than feeling the shame of being the victim. But you see, there's all energy here to process. Someone says, how do I take my energy from my ex? You take your energy back from your ex by stop projecting it at them, believing that they have your energy. You're literally playing a game right now. You're playing a game that says my ex has my energy. What is the payoff you get from believing your ex has your energy? Do you get to stay attached to them? Do you get to stay giving away your power to where you don't take an ownership? What is the payoff? You're getting some payoff, otherwise you wouldn't do it. You wouldn't be projecting your energy at them. So if you were to let go, let the sensations come up. Comes up towards your ex. Let it be there. Welcome it. Observe it. Welcome the sensations that come up, and then you can make the choice to let it go. And then maybe more comes up. That's okay. You could do it again. It's, it's the letting go technique. So simple. But you're, you literally, you believe your energy. And also remember this, when you think of people, it's like you're dispersing your own energy by thinking about them. You're sending your energy at them and then you're asking them to give you something that only you can give you. So bring the energy back inside of your body. And realize that the more you bring your energy back to you, that's when a lot of the magic begins to happen. How many times have you seen it where someone met the love of their life when they weren't focused on meeting the love of their life at all? How many times were you seeing it where somebody had amazing opportunities that came into their life when they weren't trying to manifest amazing opportunities to come into their life. You see, it's a mechanism of control that says, I'm gonna manifest this person, I'm gonna manifest this thing, I'm gonna manifest the perfect job, I'm gonna manifest this, manifest, manifest, control, control, control. I don't trust the unknown. I don't trust enjoying the present moment. I don't enjoy the process, but if I think about it, I can create it. That's all a mechanism of creating certainty in your life. So it happens when you let go. It happens when you let go. It happens when you're good either way. So the mantra of this entire day, let it be this, like this mantra will change your life if you apply it in your life. I am good either way. I'm good either way. It's recognizing that whether someone approves of you or doesn't approve of you, you're good. Whether you get the job or don't get the job, you're good. You hold the frame for knowing you're good either way and then trusting God or the divine to bring to you inspiration, to follow that inspiration as well, to follow that intuition. How to let go of feeling sad about how someone treated me? Once again, let the emotion of sadness be there. Let the emotion be there. It's okay to feel sad. Wanting to not feel sad and want— the thing is, is people want to let go because they don't wanna feel sad anymore. Remember, when you're good, whether you feel sad or not sad, that's where your power is. Sadness is not bad. Now, you're feeling sad about how someone treated you. Understand that many times the way people treat you may also be a message for how you treat you and how you could begin to take your power back and to treat you with more love. You don't really need any— like, do we need other people? Yeah, of course you can have boundaries, by the way. I don't know, sometimes this is a general statement, so I don't know exactly what you mean. However, when you realize and you don't put the expectation on other people, you know, it's an interesting thing because on one hand, on one hand, I think letting go sounds very appealing to people that have had relational trauma because it feels easier than allowing anyone else new into your life. So on one hand, there is a letting go as part of the process, but there's also a way for recreating or reconnecting to reciprocal relationships. Now, reciprocal relationships means where you're aware of the energy exchange, and if there's not boundaries set or there's imbalanced energy or you're giving, giving, giving, and there's and you realize why you're giving, but you realize that there's non— like non-reciprocal energy there, you start to question yourself. Why am I doing this? Why am I tolerating this energy? And what you can then do is start to set the frame for reciprocal relationships, which means being vulnerable, sharing how you feel, Yeah, being, being okay with cutting the cords to relationships that don't serve, but also being aware of where your growth is. Where is your growth? Sometimes letting go is a mechanism people do and use because it's easier than connection. It's easier then because pain, if you just let go and you stay alone in your room, you don't have to worry about being rejected. You don't have to worry about people not meeting your needs or staying at a certain, you know, staying in a certain type of dynamic. You'll feel safe. But the thing is, is part of your growth may be in letting go of motivations that are around control but then opening up your heart towards other people, opening your heart towards the divine, to God. It's interesting, letting go is hard when you believe your ego has to do everything. It's the ego that clings on. It's the ego that attaches. When you let go, what ends up happening, and you can begin trusting the divine, trusting God, And remember, you're good either way. You're good either way. Whether something happens or doesn't happen, you're good. And what happens is in that neutral energy is where all the power is. But you can allow God to flow through. You can start trusting something greater than you. Someone says, why can't I resonate with my friends after I started working on my shadow? Well, sometimes what happens here, there's two layers to this. On one hand, what may have happened is you started doing inner work. You started to become aware of some subconscious energy that was there. And that allowed you to go deeper inside of yourself. And whereas maybe before you were connected to certain friends on a surface level, now that you've gone deeper, there can feel like there's a little bit of that connection. It isn't as much there. The surface level just doesn't cut it for you as much anymore. Now, the other side to this is believing you can't resonate with your friends also may be an expectation that the only way to resonate with your friends is if your friends understand the deep spiritual awakening and shadow stuff that you're going through. That can also create blocks. What happened when I went through my awakening in 2012 is I felt like people didn't understand me and I started to develop a belief that like people just don't get me. Well, do you think I met new friends in the energy of people don't understand me? No, I literally— and here's the thing, this is the trippy thing to think about. If there are 11 to 15 million bits of information around you at any given moment, this is what quantum physics and like is showing us, is that there's all those bits of information are all around us, but we can only perceive of our around 50 to 100 bits per second of information. Literally everything you want in your life is already around you. It's just invisible because of your energy. It's invisible because you believe you don't deserve it. You don't believe it's here now. It's invisible because you want it. You want it. If you want it, you lack it. Out of the 11 to 15 million bits of information that are around you, and you can only perceive of 50 to 100 bits per second, what's in alignment with you is it's not here now, it's not here now, it's not here now. I want it, I want it, I want it, which means I lack it, I lack it, I lack it. So the interesting thing is everything, the perfect relationship, or what you could think of as the perfect, a deep connection, Deep connections are all around you. Friends are all around you. Love is all around you. It's simply that it might be at a frequency you're not perceiving of because you're not embodying the energy as if it's here now, and you believe it's not here now. You see, your belief system has a very powerful effect on what bits of information you perceive. So out of the 11 to 15 million bits of information around you, only 50 to 100 bits per second that you perceive, that's gonna be based on what's active inside of your field. So when you say, it's not here now, it's not here now, it's not here now, okay, the bits of information you're gonna perceive of is it's not here now, it's not here now, it's not here now. So when you say, I always attract controlling people, guess what? Out of the 11 to 15 million bits of information around you, the 50 to 100 bits per second you will perceive of is the ones that say, could people try to control me? People don't get me. People don't understand me. I don't meet people I resonate with at a deep level. These are all the 50 to 100 bits per second information you're tapping into. You can change it though, and you can let go. A lot of what we're talking about is letting go of the 50 to 100 bits per second that you've been holding onto, letting that go to allow in the God, the divine, to bring out of the 11 to 15 million bits of information, the love, the relationship, the other things that are just a reflection of your internal state. So this is where the power really is. It's on letting go and letting in. Someone says, why am I attracted to bad boys? Why are you attracted to bad boys? It's an interesting question, isn't it? Let me ask you the question. Why? Why are you attracted to them? What about them do you like? Now, when you think about it, here's what you also realize sometimes about Here's why the bad guy, the bad boy is attractive. When you think about the energy of the archetype of like high school, right? The bad kid or the bad guy, the kid with the leather jacket that's leaning against the locker with a toothpick in its mouth. He doesn't care. He doesn't care whether you like him or not. Maybe deep down there's like subconscious energy there where he really does care. Maybe it's a front like this, the whole sad, what is it, sad boy movement or whatever it is. Or it's like, whatever. But at least energetically, good either way. Probably good if you like him and good if you don't like him. And that probably is attractive to you. Now subconsciously, you may also have an energy towards a bad boy that you can fix or make a good person or something. Sometimes there's the rescuer dynamic there. So that question has to go back to you. Why are you, why are you attracted to that? What about that is attractive? We need more information. We need more info. But energetically, when someone's good either way, it's a very powerful place to be in. By the way, this doesn't mean that you don't connect or you don't express your vulnerability or that you have feelings for someone. It just means ultimately when you trust God, when you trust something deeper than the surface level, and you're spiritually connected, you really are good either way. And when you're good either way, you're in a powerful magnetic energy. When you're good either way, you give yourself more permission to be yourself. When you're only good if they come around or they see the value in you, then you put pressure on yourself, and that pressure creates resistance. And that resistant pressure that you feel, then other people feel that resistant pressure and they feel that you want something from them. And when you want something, when they feel that, they don't want to give it. It's like yesterday I went to a store, I went shopping at a store looking for clothes. We've got a live event coming up next weekend and I'm like, oh, let me get a new jacket or something to wear. So what I do is I get and I go into the store and I used to work in retail back in the day. But what happens is this woman comes up to me who I can tell wants to help me. I don't know if she gets paid commission or not, but she's like, "Do you need help with anything?" And I could feel she wanted to help me. She really wanted to help me. I just wanted to be left alone. I just wanted to shop. And then every time I picked up a clothes, "Do you wanna try that on?" No, I'm good. I'm good either way. I'm good whether I try it on, I'm good whether I don't try it on. But I'm also like, I was like, just want, if someone was just like, I don't know, I could feel the energy of them, of someone wanting to help me. I could feel the, you've probably gone into a sales store before and you could feel the salesperson wants something from you. Guess what? I just don't, just, you don't wanna give that energy when that's the end, when that's the, when it's there. So it's why it's like, I remember thinking about that yesterday. So I just, I walked around and every, like, every time I could, it just reminded me of that kind of energy. Now I used to work, now I used to work in commission sales back in the day when I sold women's shoes. And there was always a, it was a constant reflection of your energy. And the days I would do best were the days I did not care if I sold anything. They were the days I'd focus on just connecting with people and having fun. Yeah, someone says, Rush attracted to the bad boy. It's the adrenaline. Maybe the adrenaline. You like the bad boy 'cause of the adrenaline you get. Fight or flight. Fight or flight feels familiar. Someone says that was her job to help you. What do we do, pretend to not wanna help? No. So the thing is, is it's the energy from underneath the surface that is the important thing. I used to sell commission as well. I know what that's like. but there's an energy you bring when it's like, "Hey, how are you today? Do you wanna try that?" It's an energy of I want something from you instead of letting someone be there, connecting with them, being authentic but not attached. You see the energy difference? Can you feel the difference in energy? "Hey, how are you?" I would pay attention to when I used to sell shoes of my voice inflection when I would help people. Hey, how are you? Hey, how are you? Do you want to be helped by me? If I'm like, hey, how are you? Hey, how are you? My voice inflection goes up. How is everything going today? This is not a point of power. Voice inflection going up. I just want to help you. Everything will be great. No. Instead of it being like, hey, how are you? "If you need any help, let me know. I'm here." And then even if someone's trying on clothes, that looks, if it's genuine, it's like, "That looks great. Now here's another color that comes in." No attachment to outcome. "Do you wanna try that on? It comes in another color. Let me know if you need any sizes." It's like, it's just an energy. I'm not saying someone doesn't do their job. It's the energy underneath it. And I could feel when I used to do so commission back in the day, The energy difference, the days I would do the best were the days I was good either way and the days I was focused on being authentic. So anyways, this has been fun. So I, I am doing a live event in LA next Sunday. This upcoming Sunday, actually, it's almost booked up completely. Only gave like a 12-day notice for this live event. We're already almost booked up. If you do want to join, there's still some spots left. You can comment LA Vortex, L-A-V-O-R-T-E-X, or the link is in my bio. And other than that, if you also want a course that shows you step by step how to let go It's called the High Vibe Starter Kit. If you haven't joined it yet, shows you how to let go and how to become free and how to tune to what you want to create in your life. It has breathwork ceremony and meditation practice in it. You can comment starterkit, all one word, starter, S-T-A-R-T-E-R-K-I-T, send it to you, or there's a link in my bio to it. Other than that, I wanna thank you guys all for being here. And if you want me to do, we've had a lot of people on this call. We had over 300 people. On this call for most of it. So that's cool 'cause it was such a random call. But yeah, I'll do this again soon. If you wanna learn exactly how to let go and how it can completely transform your life from the inside out, one of my most popular YouTube videos is actually on letting go. It's got over a million views. It's basically a complete guide to letting go. If you haven't checked it out yet, go ahead and watch this video next, wire it in, and watch how much your life changes. It's right here.