When you think of them you send them energy and it PUSHES them away

Why is it when you think of somebody else, you send them energy? And why is it when you want them to do something, when you want them to come around or you want anything from them, you actually resist them from actually being able to give you what you want? Why is it when you pull your energy back and you go back into your body and you start focusing on your own life, Why is it that once you finally let go, that person then comes around? Why is it the more you're not attached, the more magnetic you are? And why is it if you use this technique, it'll change every area of your life, but if you use this technique to get this result, it's null and void. It doesn't work. It only works when you're not using this technique to get something. When you use the technique as a form of control, it's letting go as a tactic. And when you shift from letting go as a tactic to instead letting go from a deeper place of surrender, that's when all of this will come into your life in a very powerful way. So in this video, I'm gonna go deep and show you step by step how you can let go, the different insight shifts that will completely transform your life from the inside out. We're gonna be talking about the anxious and avoidant trap and how both of these are control mechanisms to get what you want. There's survival strategies that as a kid was decided that in order to be loved, this is who I had to be. And when you do that inner child work, it changes everything. Everything. It changes how you show up. It changes the energy that you bring with you, and it changes to a place to where by the end of this video, you may be in a place where you really surrender, let go, and understand I don't need to let go to get. That was just my ego using it as a mechanism to feel safe. So in this video, I'm going to show you step by step how to have the most powerful transformations you can have. I'm around letting go, the deepest level of inner child work, and how to finally surrender to something greater than you. If someone is letting go to then get, letting go has become a form of control. This is very interesting because often what people think is, when I let go, I'll then get what I want. And very often it happens. You're attached to something, you want it, You're focused on it, but you're resisting it. And what happens is once you finally let go of outcome or attachment, that's when that thing actually comes into your awareness. So what happens is you might watch a YouTube video or hear something like what I'm talking about right now, and what'll often happen is people will then go out into the world and let go and say, Aaron, how do you let go? Because the belief is if I let go, then I'll get it. That is still control. This is why sometimes letting go has become a mechanism of control, which means letting go has become a mechanism of manipulation. And this is why it's not about letting go with an attachment or like a subconscious agenda there. That's not true letting go. That's, 'cause think about it, the attachment from childhood, the belief is if I can control someone else, either what they think or have them do what I want, then then I can feel whole on the inside. Then I will feel validated. Then I will feel enough. So the attachment, the leaning in, that has become a strategy to control reality. And if you think about it, even when you think of the anxious avoidant attachment styles, Those are both forms of control. They're a form of getting their needs met. Because if as a kid, mom and dad were both physically and emotionally present and you had a secure attachment style, you wouldn't have to control, you wouldn't believe that you have to control the external in order to meet your internal needs. So this is why with anxious, you get someone that's leaning in to get their needs met. And with avoidant, you get somebody that's pushing away to get their needs met. Both of these are forms of control. And then what you might hear is like, watch a YouTube video. Many of my most popular videos on YouTube are on letting go. And people will learn like, oh, if I let go of wanting a relationship or I let go of being attached to outcome, then I'll get what I want. The challenge is that if you're letting go to then get, letting go has become a control mechanism. Think about that for a minute. Letting go to then get something is a form of control. So you say, oh, I'm having this breakthrough right now. This breakthrough is I'm gonna learn how to let go, and if I let go, then I'll get what I want. But now it's a mechanism. This is why I talk a lot about the saying, I'm good either way. I'm good either way, whether it happens or whether it doesn't happen, I'm good either way. Someone's— and he says, is that why people come back when you're over it? How many times does that happen where you want someone to come back, you want someone to recognize you or to see something in you, and the more you want it, the more you block it? The more you want it, the more you block it. And then what happens is is you want it, you want it, you want it, and then you genuinely let go. You start focusing on yourself. You start hanging out with friends. You find a new purpose, a new hobby. What happens is as you're in that energy, you detach the cords, like the energy cords that you have that were funneling to that other person. You stop sending them energy, which think about it, if you're sending someone else energy and in your body you are feeling lack, you are feeling resistance and you're projecting at them, wanting them to do something other than what they're doing. You're projecting energy at them and it's a form of control. And what do we naturally do when someone wants something from us or is trying to control us? We push away. So what happens is once you finally give space Once you finally bring your energy back, you have now given them the space to actually miss you. You've actually withdrawn your energy. Now, the thing that people think they're doing is, "Well, I'm not physically seeing the person. I'm not physically around the person so that they have an opportunity to miss me." But they don't because energetically, you're still there, you're still with them. Energetically, you're projecting energy at them and it's controlling resistant energy. Do you see? So you're not giving them the chance to even miss you. And this is why when people talk about no contact, people will hear very often when you're studying, when you're looking at on YouTube videos and someone goes through a breakup, it's like no contact, so important. Some people think no contact is important because if you give no contact, then they'll come back to you. That's not the point. There's still an attachment to outcome. So this is why what ends up happening is as you pull your energy back, you're then in your own frame, you're then focused on your own life, and you begin finding meaning in other things. Because when you make that person your sole focus, and because they're not coming around, there's resistance, You're giving all your meaning to them, but then there may be a period of time where it's a little empty and then you're focused on something else that you're passionate about. And as you put energy into that momentum, guess what ends up happening? That energy ends up coming back to you. And when that energy comes back to you, you're then in your own frame of reality you're then feeling in a different passionate state. And very often then people may hit you up. That person might come back. And when that person comes back, you're then like, oh my gosh, I didn't even care whether they did come back or not because I started to find joy in life. And people hear story after story after story of this And even in YouTube videos I have, you'll see story after story after story of people commenting these kind of experiences. And what happens is then they say, okay, Aaron, how do I let go? Because if I let go like this person did, then they'll come back to me. If I do it, then I'll get what I want. But you see, if this is a technique with an outcome, it is null and void. It is void. It doesn't work. It only works when you're letting go from an energy of presence and of understanding that you can't control the situation. Even using the letting technique, the letting go technique, is a form of control. And this is why it doesn't work for people people that are doing it to get something. I'm gonna let go of this person because they're gonna come back. I have a good friend of mine that I remember telling, I was talking to her, I went on like a hike with her like a little over a year ago. And I told her about this kind of like this idea. And I was like, you know, ever noticed that it's like people, like a lot of times people will say like, I'm gonna spend a year not dating. They commit to it energetically and then like 2 months later they meet their husband or wife, whatever. Happens often. I was telling my friend this and she was, I was like, everything she was doing was around attracting a relationship. She was thinking about it. She saw one of my meditations on YouTube had like 9 million views and like all these comments of people saying they attracted love because mainly it gets people in mind and heart coherence. And she's like, I'll do the meditation, I'll do this, I'll do this, I'll do this. And I'm like, you want it so bad and you're trying so hard that you're actually repelling a relationship and deep connections. So after talking with her a little bit, she then goes, I then say like, if you completely let it go and you started focusing on these other areas of your life and also deepening yourself and you know, these other things, but if you let go of needing it to happen and being good either way, my guess is you'd find much more deep connection. So I tell her this. Guess what happened? What do you think happened? Well, first off, she was like, okay, Aaron, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna stop thinking about them. I'm gonna stop thinking and needing it to happen. I'm gonna completely let go. But was she really letting go? Like Aaron, I've let go. Even if a relationship came into my life, I would not even entertain it. Looking around, even if you right over there came up to me, I would not even entertain you even though I'm attracted to you. I wouldn't do it. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. No relationships here. I am going to be single now. For the next year because I just choose it. Don't even try. But deep down, it's— if there's an attachment and it's a technique, it's like, I'm not even going to— I don't even need it to happen. Where are you? Aaron said that if you do the technique, it's going to happen. And that's the paradox. Just completely let go. Let go. Let go of outcome, but not to let go to get, because then it's letting go as a mechanism to get what you want. Because when you were trying to think about attracting love and you were trying to influence the other person and impress them and perform, that's a manipulative strategy that is, yes, a childhood strategy that you learned as a kid of who you believe you had to be to be worthy or loved. It's a performance energy. Okay, if I want validation, approval, here's how I have to be. That is a form of control. So control is the mechanism to get what you want. Then you learn this new technique of letting go when you say, there it is, that's the next thing I need to do. But then you use letting go as a control mechanism. This is when I talk about some of the deepest level work you will ever do is when you begin looking at the core story and pattern that was unresolved as a kid that is echoing through every area of your life. For me, this is a version of what do I need to do? I went to a Tony Robbins event in 2019 and there's this idea of a core question. What's your core question? Everyone has a question in the back of their mind in their mind they're constantly asking themself. And mine was, what do I need to do? What do I need to do? What's the next thing to do? I'd have a constant like 10 things written every night before I go to bed, 10 things I need to do the next day. What do I need to do? And then I'd do something and I'd be like, what do I need to do next? What do I need to do next? And what I found out is that that doing was one of the strategies that as a kid, If needs aren't being met, what do I need to do to be worthy? What do I need to do to feel safe? What do I need to do? Do, do, do, do, accomplish, then I'm valuable. How many YouTube, how many millions of YouTube subscribers do I need so that I can be good enough? What do I need to do? How many videos do I need to make? I made daily videos on YouTube for like 3 years straight, never missed a day. I was in Costa Rica going through plant medicine ceremonies 2 or 3 days in a row, like I gotta make videos the next day because my identity is so full of it. If I do it, if I don't make one video one day, Everything will just fall apart. Doing, doing, doing equals worthiness. Guess what happened when I learned about this, by the way? I became aware of this inner child pattern. Guess what the first question I asked myself was? Can you guess? Guess what the first question I asked myself was? Okay, I have this pattern. What do I need to do? Guess what I asked myself? What do I need to do to get outta the pattern? It just keeps going. These patterns are subconscious, they're just there. What do I need to do to get out of it? What if it's not a doing? What if you can't use the pattern to get out of the pattern? So when it comes to letting go, this is the same thing. What's your core pattern? What's your core story? I've worked with many clients before in group coaching and at live events that sometimes their pattern is criticism. There's an inner judge because who do they have to be growing up? Well, if mom and dad criticized them, they then said subconsciously, instead of mom and dad criticizing me, I don't want pain, I will become the judge and the critic. I will criticize myself and then no one else can ever feel disappointed. But then someone might become aware of this inner judge and they go, oh my God, there's an inner judge here. Why are you here? You're not doing good enough. You need to do this. I need you to go away. You start judging the judge. We're in pattern inception right now. Do you feel this? We're pattern inception. So same thing with the letting go. Letting go is I need to control, I'm controlling life. I need to let go. Aaron says I need to let go. The letting go technique works. Okay, I'm going to do the letting go technique to get somewhere else, you're still using control. And this is why one of the most powerful things you can do that you can learn is how to see, hear, soothe, and nurture the inner child part of you that is still unresolved living in the past. So what do I need to do? What do I need to do? That was my question. And I had to, and the funny thing is, you wanna know what actually helped me, right? Which felt really uncomfortable at first. What do you think I had to do? Nothing. I had to accept not doing anything. I had to see, hear, soothe, and nurture the part of myself that believed I always had to do. What do you think the breakthrough is for somebody that's criticizing their inner judge? Criticizing the criticizer. Accept, accept it, not try to fight it. Same with people when it comes to letting go. If you can accept rejection, if you can accept someone not choosing you, if you can accept and get into an energy of being good either way and of trusting the divine or trusting God, it's a much powerful place to be in because then you're not letting the ego control you. And when you go into that inner child area, that's where you can really make very powerful growth. You can learn to, in a way, be in the energy of feeling what comes up instead of rejecting it. Because these strategies of performance, of doing, of criticizing, all of them are inner child parts of us that are avoiding what? Avoiding an emotion. That's all it is. It's avoiding a feeling. But the key is to actually feel what comes up. What are you afraid to feel that letting go has become a mechanism? That's where the biggest insight is for many of you watching this. What emotion are you avoiding by not letting go? What emotion are you avoiding by trying to let go to get somewhere else?