Why A Narcissist is In Your Life and What To Do About it

Narcissists will do anything they can to keep their ego surviving. That's why the key to this is becoming aware of the ego dynamics and what then you can do to stop playing the role that allows them to continue to get that self-entitlement. Now, in this video, I'm gonna show you exactly what to do and why you may have attracted a narcissist into your life. Welcome back to another video. My name is Aaron and I help people expand their consciousness. Now in this video, we're going to be going deep on understanding the ego dynamics of narcissism, understanding narcissism, maybe a little bit of sociopathic tendencies of understanding this dynamic. And it always blows me away because many of you may know some of my story with this, but when I was between the ages of 7 to 15, I had somebody that was considered to be a mix of a narcissist a sociopath. That was my ex-stepmom in my life, and I share that story sometimes. I'll share a little bit more about it here. I'm sure maybe if you watch my videos a lot, you've probably heard it a couple times. However, the thing that blows me away is when I go out in public, if I meet people that have watched the channel, I get so many people that have been in a similar position where they've known maybe one— someone they knew is a narcissist, maybe someone they're dating, they find themselves dating someone that's a narcissist or sociopath. And it's more common than I could ever even can't even imagine. That's why I'm making this video today. And there's a perspective about it that I think will help you to understand how to navigate through it that changed everything for me. I've shared this with my dad because it's my ex-stepmom. I never got to talk to her again after my dad divorced her when I was 15 years old. I don't have to deal with her anymore. However, my dad, who has my half-sisters with him, so two daughters with her, my ex-stepmom, he's still got to deal with her. And he still deals with the different energy dynamics that go on. And there's some things that I told him to do and interact, ways of interacting with my ex-stepmom that has made it so much easier for him. And I'm gonna share with you those in this video. Now, first off, let's kind of define what a narcissist is. A narcissist, let's understand it from a perspective that I wanna share with you today. A narcissist is somebody who is emphasizing their ego and their sense of self-importance to the extent that they live on that validation, they live on that entitlement, they live on, in a way, siphoning the energy from their environment. And a narcissist, the stereotypical way people look at a narcissist is somebody that's always looking at themselves in the mirror, maybe somebody that always brings the conversation back to themselves. A narcissist is someone that will do everything they can to survive And survive, not just like eat, sleep, and have shelter, survive in the sense of identity for the way they view themselves and also their level of self-importance. So narcissists in our society or just in the world in general is more common than I ever thought. I made one video on it. It was on why narcissists don't get their karma. And in it, I talk about that. It's not what you think. It's not like they don't get their karma, but you'll watch the video. You'll see what I mean by that. I'll go and link that in the top of the description box below. Uh, but I talk about the energy dynamics that go on with this. Now here is the thing to understand about it when it comes to this is this is also about understanding and having compassion. That helps a lot. Now what I mean by that, you may say, well, I'm not there yet. This person is treating me a certain way. Why is this happen? And first off, just know I understand it. I get it. I know it is not pleasant to be around somebody that is a narcissist or a sociopath. My ex-stepmom would do anything she could to twist the truth to work in her favor. There were times that if, like, just to give you an idea for how my brother and I had to move through this, I had to learn how to read people in a very strong way in order for me just to get by when I was in high school. Because if I wanted to go to band camp or debate tournaments, what I would have to do is pretend like I didn't want to go, because if she saw at any way that I wanted to go, then she would come up with some reason why I couldn't go. It'd be because I didn't do something correctly. And just to give and kind of paint the picture a little bit, my dad and my mom divorced when I was like 5 or 6 years old. And then what happened is my ex-stepmom She came into the frame when I was about 7, so a couple years later. And I always kind of had a, I'll be honest, I always kind of had a different vibe about her. I remember I met her, I had a broken arm and I went to get my cast done and that was the first time I met her. I still remember it to this day. And I remember just a certain level of seriousness and there was a certain type of energy that I definitely was aware of. And what happened is my dad started to date her and after a year or two, that first year or two, she was, She was really nice. Something felt off even though I was only 7 or 8 years old, but something did feel off. I didn't really feel much of a connection necessarily. But then what happened is about a year or two into it, she started to get more and more power. At first it started off, you know, we were normal kids. We had like a Nintendo, we had TV in our rooms. You know, we were doing normal kid stuff. We're allowed to have friends. We were riding our bikes around the neighborhood. After about a year, she started to get comfortable and started to take back her power. All of a sudden, She tells my dad that she didn't have TVs or Nintendos growing up, therefore we shouldn't. No big deal, right? You might look at that, well, that doesn't sound like abuse or anything wrong. So the TVs get taken away, the Nintendos get taken away, and shortly afterwards, she then starts to become more of an angry person. We start to see that more and more as we're around her more and more. She then, anytime we then go to our mom's house and then come back, 'cause our parents are divorced, we then get in trouble for stuff. We then start getting in trouble for, uh, not putting something away the right way, not doing the dishes correctly, all these different things. And then after a year or two, we moved to a new house, and in that new house it was being remodeled. My brother and I weren't allowed to have friends. We weren't allowed, you know, we were just allowed to go to school and come back. We were normally working outside doing yard work. We weren't allowed to watch TV at all. We were constantly in trouble for things. We weren't bad kids. We weren't We were just kind of doing what we thought we were supposed to do. But shortly after that, it kept on progressing where if we started to be able to see, like, we would get physically abused, mentally abused, and, and in a way she was running the show. So my dad wasn't really— he kind of— my dad's a firefighter. He was gone 24 hours a day, back 24 hours a day. He kind of knew of some things, but he wasn't completely aware of the extent. But the challenge for him is how does he challenge someone like her who has all the power and who like strives on that power. So if, if it was something that was going on, who could my brother and I go to? Because eventually we stopped going to our moms. She in a way kind of turned us against our mom. And every time we came back from our moms, we got pain, we got punished. So then eventually we're like, okay, so we didn't have a relationship with our real mom for about 5 or 6 years. And what happened is we would then want to go to a school activity and when we eventually got into high school, or, you know, I was in high school, I was 2 years older than my brother. If we got in trouble for anything, if, or if, or if we just, you know, we wanted to go to something, what would happen is if we didn't do something correctly, we would have to pretend, uh, it's like we wouldn't be able to go. What we'd have to do is, this is how I'd have to work it out, I'd have to pretend like I didn't want to go to band camp, because if I did want to go to band camp Then she would see that and she'd say, you're not going to band camp because you didn't do this. And it would be something that, it would be something really dumb. I mean, I'm worried. My brother and I were literally normally, this house that was being remodeled, we were living in the mother-in-law's quarters, which had a gate to the main house. We were locked out of the main house. We had a bowl of cereal in the morning and a TV dinner at night. We were both very skinny. We were locked out of the house most of the time during the day doing yard work. And when we were inside, sometimes if we were watching one of our younger sisters that was like a toddler at the time, what we would try to do is watch a little bit of television. We'd have the thing on the last channel, the button, the last channel, and one of us would watch to see if anyone is coming home and we would try to watch TV. That was our way of, you know, be able to do normal stuff. However, if we wanted to do anything and we got, and they found out about that, what would happen is then we would get that taken away and we'd have to pretend like, so we'd have to pretend like we didn't want to go. And I'd be like, I don't want to go to band camp. If I were to go to band camp, man, I haven't been practicing and stuff like that. She's like, no, you're going to band camp. You think you're not going to band camp? You're going. And that's how it was. And it was a lot of control. My brother and I really had no control at all for between 7 to 15 years old, probably like 8 or 9 to 15 years old is when it started. But till up until the peak at 15, then my dad pretty much had no choice but to do something about it. And the thing about this that was very interesting is that my ex-stepmom, she would do anything she could to twist the truth in her favor. So even if something wasn't true, she'd be like, oh, you did this or something like that. I would have to lie and say I did something I didn't do. It's like, you're not going to that band camp thing until you confess that you did this. I didn't do that though. But I would have to confess and say that I did. So I'm being forced to lie about something and I would get punished in physical ways as well for things that I didn't do. But then what would happen is the truth would get twisted around. So even now my dad still has to deal with her and he has to go to court and stuff, just try to get, he tries to, you know, my younger sister Lizzie, she's woken up and she does not wanna be around her mom at all anymore. So my dad's, you know, she's 17 years old, so she's working on not having to see her mom anymore. And it's very interesting, but my dad still has to deal with going to court with her and she will lie about anything to get the court to work in her favor. Now this is a mix, I think, of narcissist and sociopathic tendencies. Now just the reason I kind of share that story is so that, you know, I'm not just reading this out of a textbook and sharing it with you. I've seen my dad go through this and I went through it for a period of my life and I see the kind of effect that it has on people in general. And I also see it as very common for narcissistic mothers to treat their daughters a certain way. And I see that because I see the way my ex-stepmom treats my younger sister, and it's very uncalled for. It's very much not fair. But it's very obvious that what this is— and you might say, why would a narcissist be in my life? Well, understand this. At first, first off, if you look at it from a spiritual perspective, We're all spiritual beings having temporary human experiences. If you study any of the ancient, if you study any of the ancient, uh, um, texts that have been around for thousands of years, it points to this. Even quantum physics, energy cannot be destroyed nor created. So in the same way, we are energetic spiritual beings having temporary human experiences. Now we come into this life and we come into this body and we also have an ego. Now, this ego is what we use to navigate through this experience. The problem is that many people in this reality end up becoming overly identified with the ego, and they then think that this is who I am. Now, why a narcissist may be in someone's life is there's normally a lot to learn from a narcissist. What do you learn from a narcissist? How to take your power back. How to create boundaries, how to have compassion. What really helped with my ex-stepmom is I realized that my ex-stepmom was treated a certain way growing up by her dad and abused by her dad, and that's why she is the way she is. In a way, she's kind of like a bully that never grew up, and she was bullied when she was a kid, and that's why she's a bully. So then it's easier. So you might not be sold yet on that idea. I understand if you're experiencing a lot of pain, you're like, yeah, I don't even want to think about compassion yet. You may just be in a place where you need, you want and need to take back your power. Now here's the thing. There's two sides of the spectrum right here. You will see on one side we have that. Let me go and move this over just a tad. You have that and you see that of the narcissistic personality trait or even sociopathic as well. Will do anything they can to survive. But the problem is, is that while we all are here to have this experience using our ego, we also have the ability to see beyond ourselves. That's called empathy— being able to see beyond ourselves or be able to feel and see what other people are going through. Now, a narcissist becomes so entrained with their own ego and self-importance that they in a way lock into that ego structure where then they need to do anything they can to survive in that form. Now, that is the thing that happens. And then what they do is they then need to in a way tear down other people's buildings in order to feel powerful. If anything starts to threaten them, then they come in. The narcissistic ex-stepmom that I had turned my dad against his own mom because she felt threatened because his own mom had the ability to influence him. And his own mom, which is my grandma, ended up influencing him. That ended up having a strong influence on the decision that he finally made to break up with her when I was 15 years old. And then all of a sudden, my brother and I, I have all this freedom. We're able to have friends again. We're able to eat food again, uh, you know, enough food to look healthy. We're able to go to school and not worry. I'll be honest with you as well. I totally get it when people say that they are afraid to leave a narcissistic relationship. And I understand, like you would think like, wouldn't you just wanna get out and become free? But when you become so, this is what I'm realizing right now, wow, this is a big epiphany. What the person that's not the narcissist that's in the narcissistic relationship with someone that is, what they get out of it is certainty. Certainty and what they feel as safety. Even though they're being controlled, they feel that sense of safety. I remember that when my dad divorced my ex-stepmom and we were all of a sudden— we, I mean, we ended up— there were 3, 4, 5 of us living in my grandma's house when the divorce was happening, and it was a small 2, 3-bedroom house and it was like packed. But I remember the transition of that. There was something about it that felt unsafe. It's like we— my brother and I could do other things now, but we— I felt like it was like, whoa, this is almost scary. Like, who knows what could happen? I don't feel that sense of certainty that I used to feel. So I kind of get it. But here's the thing: this narcissistic personality feeds on external energy and will siphon it from other people. And part of that siphoning is twisting the truth to make them appear greater. Part of that is is taking away and making someone else feel small because then it makes them feel best, they are relying on external energy completely. They are relying on external energy and external validation because they've locked into that ego and that's where the energy is being emanated. Now here's the thing, the person that's not the narcissist, most likely you watching this video, you have magnetized that experience into your life learn how to create a more firm ego yourself. Now, not ego like you have to be identified with it and there's this negative consequence of it, but what I mean is normally the person that is in and around a narcissist, normally what this person needs to build is a sense of self, a sense of boundaries, a sense of, of power to take back their power and to stop giving it away. So that's what the other person can learn. Is how to say no with compassion, how to say no, and also understanding that some of the characteristics, you know, that relationship with my ex-stepmom turned me into a people pleaser for many years of my life. I then identified with the more I can give to other people, the more value that I get back, or the more, the more I give to other people, the more then I can feel validated, the more then I could feel like I'm worthy, rather than knowing I have worth just for being myself. So what the other person can learn that's in the narcissistic relationship is how to say no with love, how to be aware, and how to build boundaries, and how to really step into not feeling safe and knowing that that in itself is safe. It may seem— if you're in a narcissistic relationship right now, it may seem hard to hear this, but understand that you can have compassion for somebody else, but also understand that the most important thing is your compassion for yourself. And I understand it can be hard. It's easier for me, for example, to never have to see my ex-stepmom again than it is for my sister, who that's her real mom. And I see how she's challenged sometimes because she's like, I don't want to be seeing my mom, and you're right, I don't want to be around her. But still, there's part of her that I imagine still wants to have a relationship with their parent. But this is the thing, it's about understanding that that situation is there because of the part that's being played. The karma that I talked about in the other video, which you can click below to check out, the karma that I talked about is the reason that karma is in place and it doesn't seem like this person is getting their karma is because there's people that are still balancing out the scale and playing the other side of it. There's somebody that's in a way playing the part of letting it happen, of feeding that energy. Here's the thing about a narcissist. You want to know how to deal with a narcissist? This is what you do. Narcissists and sociopaths, they feed on negative resistance. They need something to hook onto. If they don't have something to hook onto, then they aren't being fed. That's literally how it works. They feed on that energy. So for example, let me, let me share with you, like, my ex-stepmom, she would have to talk us down or like argue with us, and then if any— if we would argue back at all, then she'd have something more to feed on. This is what I told my dad to do. This is the way you deal with them. First off, realize that you can have compassion for them. They do not know how to respond to compassion because it is so far outside of the way that they view the world, because they have trouble seeing beyond themselves. So what happens is they're seeing focused only on them, focused only on them, focused only on them. So what happens is when you're able to And the thing is, what we gotta learn, the other people on the other side, is learn how to see that beyond the self we've already done, but to see the self, the value in the self. Now the thing to do though when you're around these people, it's what I told my dad to do. My dad was going to these mediation things for a while with my ex-stepmom. And the funny thing is, any mediation, any therapist or anything that they ever go to, it never lasts because eventually the therapist won't deal with my ex-stepmom. And she then has some excuse to why she won't deal with it anyway. She's never found somebody that can work with it consistently. My dad's easy. My dad will talk to anybody. I can see as well, the thing that my dad is learning is boundaries and how to be in his own power. Now here is the thing, and here's what I told him to do one time going to that mediation thing. He was going to the mediation thing and every time he went, what would happen is they would sit in the waiting room And then what she would do is she would just start bickering at him, just start tearing him down, just start yelling at him in public at his therapist's office. She would do that every time. So my dad would go and my dad would just sit there and then my dad would get into these arguments with her and it was just completely unprofessional, or, you know, like it'd be in public, it's completely uncalled for. And what would happen is one time I told him, I said, do you realize that she feeds on that reaction? If you don't feed her, she can't, she has nothing to play with. I said, try this. The next time you go, just sit there, and as she's, as she's complaining to you, just sit there and just smile and pretend like she's not even there. Not smile, not smile like mock her, make her feel bad. Just smile and sit there and pretend like she's not there. This is what happened. He did that one day. He probably didn't do it for a couple times. He probably thought it would be kind of weird, but he ended up doing it. He went there, he sat down, she came, she started bickering, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, in public. And he just sat there with a smile on his face, didn't even look at her. Just like this. You want to know what happened? After about a minute or two, she just. She could not even stand in that energy. She left. Didn't even stay for the appointment they had. She left. She could not be in that energy. If you don't feed them energy by arguing or give them resistance, then they can't take your power and they don't feel powerful. They won't be able to deal with it. So the best way you can deal with it is to stop feeding them by becoming aware of your own energy and doing it with compassion, not with your, your, uh, there's something wrong with you, all of this stuff. Do it with compassion and love. We're all here. They're literally, I believe, in society to help balance out and to help teach other people how to really be powerful. There's always something to learn. You know, I have the ability and have such a passion for helping other people break out of their own belief system, break out of their limitations, because of the pain I went through with my ex-stepmom. So it actually served me in a positive way. So the thing I want to share with you is that's what you can do, is to stop feeding them, to have compassion, and to understand that you can develop your own power, your own boundaries, and that once you do, you will no longer magnetize those kind of relationships. So like I said, if you want more information on this, check out the— I have 2 or 3 other videos on this. I'll go and link them in the top of description box below. Check them out. They will help you through this process in such powerful ways. And other than that, as always, I'll talk to you in the next video. Peace, much love, namaste.