Why Attachment Is Blocking Love (if you let go it would come)

If you let go of your attachment to attracting love, if you let go of your attachment to outcome, if you let go of your attachment to a specific person, love would naturally come towards you. The challenge is that when we are attached to anything, we create resistance. And one of the most insane insidious beliefs that we have in regards to attachment is we believe subconsciously that if we were to let go of that thing, of the person, of the outcome, of the desire, we believe deep down, if we let go, that we would not attract that love into our life. That's the only reason we continue to hold on. That's the way it works. We hold on to things that we believe are beneficial for us to hold on to. And we believe that if we were to let go of the outcome, let go of the person, let go of the desire, let go of the identity, whatever it is, we believe that if we let it go, then something bad would happen. Now here's the interesting thing. It's actually the opposite. If we were to let go, we would actually receive it. Because when we let go, we then allow these things to come into our life. When we let go, we let go of resistance and the resistance is the only thing blocking that from coming into our life. So this episode specifically in the connotation of love and how you are literally blocking love from coming into your life. Because of attachment. And if you simply let go, you would allow it in. And it's a big paradox, but it is so true. I'm gonna share with you my journey through this process. I'm gonna share with you the different levels of attachment. There is attachment to desire, attachment to a specific person or a person in general. There is attachment to a label/identity. There's attachment to outcome. There's attachment to a certain belief about who we are or a belief about just life in general and the way reality works. There are people that have attachments to believing that all men are dirtbags or all women are just after this or this, the stereotypes. And because we believe this subconsciously, sometimes we attract into our life. I was attached to a belief for a long time that said, women try to control and manipulate me. And the reason that belief was there was because back, you guys know the story, 7 to 16 years old, I had an ex-stepmom in my life that was controlling and manipulative. And because of that, what happened is I then developed a belief about women specifically that they're always trying to control me. And because of that belief, guess what? It kept being reflected in my life. I attracted a first girlfriend that I really, long-term girlfriend that I had that was trying to, that was very jealous of me, trying to control me, broke up with her within 2 weeks, got transferred at Nordstrom's in women's shoes to a better women's shoe department called Salon Shoes, which is designer shoes, better department. However, the manager of that department was the same exact personality as my ex-stepmom. There was always a woman in my life reflecting reflecting back to me the belief that women are trying to control me and that I need to protect myself. And therefore I always had that belief coming back to me. You may have the belief that you always attract a certain type of man into your life that has a certain type of energy dynamic. And we remain attached to these beliefs because this is the way reality works. Subconsciously, I had a belief that said, this is the way women are. This is how women relate to me. Because that was my experience for a bulk of my life up until that point. So a lot of this is about understanding attachment. You know, I've been also reading different books lately on attachment. There's this one, maybe I'll read it to you right now. It is a quote by Anthony DeMello. I don't know if you guys have ever heard of Anthony DeMello, but Anthony DeMello, It wrote a book called, there's a book that is on, has to do with awareness of love, like love meditations or something like that. And then the other one's just called Awareness. And they are very powerful books. So let me read you this little section. What can one do to attain happiness? There is nothing you or anyone else can do. Why? For the simple reason that you are already happy right now. So how do you acquire what you already have? If that is so, why do you not experience this happiness which is already yours? Because your mind is creating unhappiness all the time. Drop this unhappiness of your mind and that happiness that has always been yours will instantly surface. How does one drop unhappiness? Find out what is causing it and look at the root, at the cause unflinchingly. It will automatically drop. Now, if you look carefully, you will see that there is one thing and one thing that causes unhappiness. The name of that thing is attachment. What is an attachment? An emotional state of clinging caused by the belief that without some particular thing or some person, you cannot be happy. This emotional state of clinging is composed of two elements, one positive, the other negative. One positive element is the flashing pleasure of excitement, the thrill that you experience when you have what you are attached to. The negative element is the sense of threat and tension that always accompanies that attachment. Think of someone gobbling up food in a concentration camp. With one hand, he brings this food to his mouth. With the other, he protects it from neighbors who will grab it from him at any moment that he lowers his guard. There you have an image of the attached person. Man, that was powerful, right? So attachment really is the root of all of this. And the key to letting go of these attachments is simply first off becoming aware of the attachment and secondly, making the choice to let it go. Even the book by Dr. David Hawkins, "Letting Go," is almost too simple. It's like what the letting go technique is, you feel this emotion You allow the emotion to be there. You don't try to control it. And then you just make the choice to let it go. That's it. But our mind tries to make it way more, it can't be that simple. I've gotta go through some crazy night of the soul. I've gotta go through some crazy dark night in order for me to let go of it. No. All you gotta do is feel it, allow it to be there, not try to control it, and then let it go, make the choice. Now, the problem and the challenge is that it's hard to let go of something that you literally believe is going to get you what you want. That's the nature of these control dynamics. So I'm gonna share with you some stories from my own life of how I've worked through this. But yeah, there's like, it's almost like, you know, if I let go of this outcome, then I'm not gonna get it. And that's the belief. If I let go of this person, that I love, then they may never come around. But that's the funny thing. You know, when I first started to get on YouTube, one of the first videos I had that went viral was like 3 ways to attract a specific person into your life. And the whole message of the video was like, don't, don't try to attract a specific person in your life. Let go of them completely. It's funny, have you ever noticed that in dynamics, let's say a boyfriend-girlfriend breakup, Let's say one is chasing the other and wants to get back with the other person. Well, in the chasing of the other person, that other person can feel the resistance. They can feel the person chasing and they immediately put up a guard and a wall because of the energy dynamic that this person's trying to control them. The other person's trying to be in a relationship with them and trying to get them to do what they want. It's a form of manipulation. Now then what happens is this person eventually moves on. When this person moves on, they let go. And when they let go, this person can then feel the letting go of that. And then this person many times may wanna come around, may not, but they may. And they are more likely to come around in the letting go when this person has let go than when this person is attached and trying to control. Now, one of the reasons that is, is because when we insist or we have a certain expectation, it's a form of almost manipulation and control. And the other person then resists giving what that other person wants. It's just the energy dynamic that goes. If somebody were to buy a very cool shirt and walk around wearing this really cool shirt, one thing they may do is what they then do is they want someone to compliment them on the shirt. They go around like waiting, like, "Hey, Matt, how's it going?" Do you notice anything about my shirt? They're like, yeah, you're wearing a new shirt. Yeah. And it's like they're expecting that compliment. And when they're expecting it, they don't actually get it because they're in a way putting off something that says, I want this, which means I lack this, which is in the energy dynamic 'cause at the end of the person doesn't wanna give it to them. Now, this is why we are literally robbing the other person from making the choice to give us the compliment. If we're trying to control love dynamics in attracting someone into our life and we want it to go a certain way, we have a certain expectation, we're literally blocking them from making the choice to choose us. Why? Because we are attached to the outcome and we're trying to control it. They feel that as resistance and they can't give it to us. We're trying to manipulate their decision. When if you would simply let go, if you let go of needing a compliment, If you let go of trying to control someone else to do something, they're gonna feel that inner freedom and they're gonna want to give you what you want, but not 'cause you want it, because if you want it, you lack it. You get in life a reflection of who you are, always. The challenge is that if who you are being is needy, then you will get a reflection of you being needy. Other people will feel that neediness and it's not even attractive. So this is the key to attracting love. It's letting go of attachment. It's being free. It is letting go of a specific person. It is letting go of a label/identity. It is letting go of the outcome and it is letting go of negative beliefs or beliefs that are holding you back. Those are the different levels. So let me first off, let me, in general, when it comes to love, And you know that book that I'm reading by Anthony DeMello, a lot of it's about like knowing you are unconditional love and that's what you are. The challenge is that we attach ourselves to different things. And remember, what did Buddha say? The root of all suffering is attachment and desire. If we were to let go of attachment and desire, we'd be happy. But we're primed growing up, we are programmed growing up to believe that we need all these external things to be happy. We need an abundance of money, we need an abundance of unnecessary objects and things, we need to compare ourselves to other people that are in these magazines. And if we don't compare in the way that we believe we're supposed to based on the programming of that society, then we believe that we're not enough. So a lot of what's happening right now in the world is detaching from negative programming. And when we talk about love, many of us have been brainwashed by Disney movies. And I don't wanna blame it all on Disney, but a lot of us grew up watching Disney and we've been brainwashed to believe that this is the way love dynamics works. The person meets this person, then they live happily ever after. Before that, they ain't happy. And because we then externalize our own happiness, it takes a while for us to actually feel that. So let me talk a little bit about attachment and blocking love. One of the biggest, you know, I wanna open up also and just share some of this with you guys. But one of the biggest epiphanies I've had this year is in regards to letting go of my own different aspects of my own shadow, but also just letting go in general. You know, I moved out of a relationship at the end of 2019, the beginning of 2020, I was, you know, I'm still great friends with this person, which is awesome. However, there was a challenge with letting go of it, letting go of the person, letting go of the attachment to the way I thought the relationship should be. You know, prior to this person, I'd never had a deep spiritual connection with, in a romantic partnership with any woman. I've never had a deep spiritual connection with that until this person. And by deep spiritual connections, I mean like somebody that understands at like a deep spiritual level and is also doing the deep spiritual work, I realized that for a long time I was attracting love into my life that was a direct reflection of where I was. So for example, I was working a 9-to-5 job I hated. I tend to attract other women that were also working 9-to-5 jobs they hated. It was a direct reflection. That's why I always say that one of the best ways to attract love into your life is for you to be doing what you are meant to be doing, to doing what you're passionate about because the level to which you are doing that means you're gonna find someone else that's doing what they're passionate about. And when you are in your ideal frequency, your ideal energy of doing what you're passionate about, you're going to attract that reflection, somebody else that is in their ideal frequency. When I'm out of alignment, I attract women that are also out of alignment. So, you know, after going full-time on YouTube, The first 2 or 3 years of me being on YouTube was me working my ass off, was me making videos almost every single day, me learning internet marketing, me learning the different aspects of owning a business. So, you know, there's many different layers to it. And it was mainly me learning about all of that. And what happened was I didn't really have time for a relationship. So when a relationship eventually did present itself, I went, we both went deep into it. And it was something that, you know, kind of was very surprising. Didn't expect it. I'm like, this is my path. I'm doing speaking, I'm doing this, I'm doing this. And then for like a year or two, I was, you know, in between that relationship. And it was something that we were together for like a year. Many of you may know about this. You know, it was public. For 3 months, we traveled at the end of 2019 And a month into it, we broke up and we were still great friends. Even while we were traveling together, we're like, we have all these expensive Airbnbs, we might as well finish it out. But then in 2020, after we traveled, we're like, okay, she went back to LA, I went back to Vegas. And it was easy for a while, but then for some reason it kept bringing up different aspects of my shadow. I think what happened is I was attached to this person and I was attached to a belief that this person was the only deep spiritual connection that I would ever have. And I was neglecting my own deep spiritual connection with myself. And I went through back and forth for like months. I went back and forth between me going through this process of letting go. And it was hard for me to let go, but I realized the only reason it was so difficult for me to let go is because I believed that if I did let go, that I would lose that deep spiritual connection that I felt, not knowing that deep spiritual connection was already inside of myself. And one of the game changers for me though was realizing one, that I was attached to this person. And once I began to realize that it was actually only harming even the friendship, that's one of the things that helped me really let go is I realized that the friendship to me was more important. What would've been worse is us not talking at all and not even having a friendship because We were friends before we even dated. Now, when I started to let go though, I also was reading the book "Letting Go" by Dr. David Hawkins. And in that book, what he talks about is he talks about how, you know, it's all about letting go, like the key to raising our vibration. You know, you see that scale of consciousness that I shared before, you got shame, fear, guilt, anger, all the way to the higher vibration emotions of like acceptance, you know, willingness, acceptance, reason, which is the intellect of the mind, love, joy, peace, and enlightenment. The key to raising your vibe is just letting go, letting go of attachment, letting go of desire, letting go of positionalities, what they're called, these perspectives we have. This person did this thing to me and it was wrong. That will keep us attached and feeling that anger with inside, which means that we're gonna attract it on the outside. So the key is letting go. But what I realize is that that analogy that I kind of use of like, anytime we're trying to control the outcome, what I realized I was energetically doing is I was literally holding the universe at the throat, demanding the universe give me what I want, trying to control the outcome. This is the way things are meant to happen. And what would happen is it's almost like the universe would then kind of clench up and then that resistance would be like the kink in the hose and then it would give me a reflection of that resistance. And the epiphany for me was when I realized the energy dynamic of controlling an expectation of how someone else should be, whether you want someone else to give you some type of love, validation, confirmation, whatever that is, when you need it or you crave it for someone else, you're trying to control them and manipulate them to give you what you need. It's like a drug. It's like a drug. It's like, hey, I crave significance and validation. And if I am nice to you or I have this expectation of you giving it to me, please give it to me. And if you give it to me, then I'll feel happy. And that was the main root of suffering for the whole middle and beginning of 2020 for me, was that I believed that the external could give me something that only the internal could give me. I believed that my sense of deep spiritual connection was in someone else. I believed that it was external to me. I believed that controlling the outcome and controlling different things in my life was the key to me feeling happy, not knowing that if I simply let it go and I let go of control, those things would gravitate towards me anyways. That's when I started to become emotionally free. And here's the thing, when that happened, Holy shit, I let go of so much resistant energy. And guess what? In that freedom vibe, I remember months after I went through this transformation of like letting go and realizing like the more I let go, the more life is magical, that when I went and I would talk to people, there was a new level of attraction. It's because I was so free and I didn't care how different interactions went. All of a sudden there's more attraction there. I had more magnetic energy. I wasn't attached. And even now I can tell that when I talk to people, it's a different energy because I don't care whether they validate me or not, whether they like me or not. I was also attached to what other people thought for a lot of 2019, '20, the beginning of 2020. I think I was very much driven by significance. Now being driven by significance means that if I have more people like me, if I have a bigger sense of identity, identity status, then I'm more loved. But what I realized is I don't give a shit about any of that. You know, they say that once you get it in some ways, then you realize how shallow it is. And that was a big lesson for me in 2020 as well. I was craving for like 2 or 3 years on YouTube. I was imagining that gold play button that's right over there. And I was like, oh, when I get that, then I'll feel worthy. I went to bed like every night thinking about that, like trying to manifest it being on my wall. And guess what? You wanna know when a big influx of subscribers came onto the channel? Anytime I let go of trying to control how videos went viral, anytime I let go was when things flooded in. I'd say that the blessings that have come into my life are a direct reflection to the degree to which I can let go of attachment, of outcome, of that level of significance or whatever it is. Now, here's the thing. Because I'm much more carefree now, I have more attractive energy. We all have the ability to have this, by the way. I know it sounds cocky to say, but the more carefree and the more freedom I feel, the more attractive my energy is. If I was trying right now to get you to like me and I was telling you all of these different stories and you could feel this rigidity in me in my energy field, and I was like, hey, did you know this? Then you would feel that energy. You'd feel that resistance. The old me would've even said this like, you know, I realized that gold play button, the million subscribers doesn't really mean much. You would feel that energy difference between me saying like, you know, I'm just literally saying, oh, got it. Didn't feel like what I thought it would feel like. I thought it was gonna be this blissful feeling of like, oh, I've accomplished the goals, blah, blah, blah. But instead it was like this feeling of, Feels pretty natural, feels pretty normal. And I can tell that the root of when I say different things is to like lessons to help people understand more of that, you know, 'cause it's easy for everybody to say this, right? 'Cause I remember even before I had money or a status of identity or whatever the hell you call it. And here's the thing too, not that I don't, enjoy it. I'm not saying I'm famous and like some like celebrity, by the way, I'm not saying that at all. But I am saying that a lot of that significance that I think I craved, there's levels of reflection of that to where, you know, sometimes I'll go out and I'll meet people that recognize me from the channel and stuff like that. And I used to dream that that would be the coolest thing ever. However, I realized that I actually value, you know, as much as I do enjoy meeting people. So I'm not saying that if you see me in public, or something like that, not to come up to me and say hi or something like that. But what I've realized is it's not what you think. It's more so sometimes I'll be, you know, sometimes I have to establish boundaries. Sometimes I'll be working out at the gym and someone will come up to me and they'll want me to coach them in the middle of my set. I've had things like that happen before. Now it doesn't happen all the time, but the point is, is there's things that come along with what you think and you identify within your mind that then you find out, oh, the happiness was always within me. I was just prolonging it and waiting for it to come. Now, the funny thing is that when you give yourself and you let go of attachment and you give yourself more permission to be happy now, you will have more magnetic energy now. And then more people will be attracted to you now because you're allowing yourself to feel happy, higher vibrational emotion. It's an interesting thing, but the degree to which you let go is the degree to which you will be attractive. And the more that the universe can give you different ways of things coming into your life. Now, the next thing I wanna talk about is identity. So a person, how do you let go of a person where you realize first off that that person that you are attached to, first off, you believe that you being attached to them and you trying to control the outcome of them is gonna actually get you what you want. And what do you want? You want a sense of deep spiritual connection. You want love and connection. That's what you want. They are a symbol. You know, this reality we live in, if we expand the scope out a little bit more, this reality we live in is a dream. We are all dreaming right now that we are these avatar structures, these people. We're actually eternal spiritual beings having temporary human experiences. But what we do is we have these symbols and we have these reflections in our life that reflect back more of us. Everything is a reflection. Now, when you find someone that you're in love with, what you are doing is you are relating to another aspect of yourself. And the challenge is that then if we become attached to that person, we literally believe that that person is the key to our success, our happiness, and that sense of love and connection. And because we believe that, if they act any different than the way that we expect them to act, then we start to feel resistance. We start to feel like something is wrong. And then what we do is we clench closer to them, thinking that if we clench closer to them, it'll bring them closer. Closer to us. But in fact, what that does is it repels them because then they feel that sense of control and energy. But the reason we keep doing is because we believe that if we clench it closer, it's more likely to stay to us, but it has the opposite effect. And it's a form of manipulation. It's trying to manipulate the universe and it's trying to manipulate somebody else to do something. So that's the ironic thing. That happiness though, that we think they are giving to us, yes, it's great to share. It's great to connect. Of course, I mean, I guess you could have sex with yourself, but it's a little bit different, you know? But it's great. It's much better to share that with someone else. We came here to also share energy, but we came here first and primarily to understand our connection to self, our deep connection to ourself, because then we can actually see that as a reflection in someone else. Everything in reality is a reflection, but attachment is the notion that somebody else is attached to our level of happiness or our inner sense of self-love. So letting go of a person is about realizing first off that what you think is bringing them closer is actually pushing them away. When I let go of trying to attract love, when I let go of this specific person or even an ex, I feel that energy free up. And then guess what? That person then doesn't feel me trying to resist or anything, and it's more likely to bring them to you. Now, even if the answer isn't to get back with an ex or something like that, if you are attached to your ex, guess what you're doing? You're not allowing someone new to come in. So you being attached to how things happen, you being attached to this person, it's almost like a dog with a bone in its mouth and it wants another bone over there. Well, guess what? Because it hasn't let go of this one, it's not able to, It'll just sit there and fumble both bones, not able to put both in its mouth. But you won't actually energetically be open to someone else coming into your life if you are attached to somebody else. What is the key to this then? It's letting go and being free. Letting go and being free. And then you allow other opportunities to come into your life. You are then in an abundant state. And when you're not trying to control anything, you're not trying to control outcome, you're not trying to have somebody like you or validate you, guess what's gonna happen? They're going to, you're just naturally gonna have magnetic energy and you're gonna draw people into your life. So the other key to letting go is realizing that when you make the choice to let go, that you are then allowing something into your life. So you have to associate more pleasure with letting go than holding on. The problem is that prior, you were associating more pain with letting go and pleasure with holding on because you thought that if you held on, you'd get it. It doesn't work like that. You have to let go in order to receive it. And you have to allow it. Resistance will only create more resistance. And there'll be times you can get results from forcing things, but I promise you, the energy we're moving into on the planet is one where it requires much more freedom and allowance. It's a higher vibrational energy now. What used to be able to force to work doesn't work as powerfully anymore. Now, the second thing I wanna talk about is label and identity, letting go of that. For me, I used to have this identity and belief that I had ADHD. I had a lot of energy, I have a lot of energy still, but I was so ungrounded. Therefore, I took Adderall, the prescription drug for ADHD, and that's how I saw myself. And therefore, my thoughts, my emotions, my actions were equal to that version of me. and I just had a lot of energy. This isn't directly related to love, but it's an example. What happened is I let go of ADHD and realized that it was a belief that I believed I had, and I could redefine myself in any moment. And yes, even though there's supporting evidence there, a doctor told me that I had it, I was prescribed Adderall. What I realized though is that I just have a, I reframed it. I just have a lot of energy. I'm not saying you can do this for every medical condition, but this is what I did. I said, I just have a lot of energy. And what I learned to do is I learned to meditate. The side effects of Adderall were you could not eat very much, you could not sleep very much. Therefore, I had to smoke weed every single night just to go to bed. So I felt like I was on the seesaw of having to do these different things. Then I learned about meditation. I started meditating. I literally dropped the identity of having ADHD and I wired in an identity that I am this meditation zen guy that likes to ground myself in grass and study Ascension material. And that was a process of me letting go of one label and then adopting a new one. Now, the other part of this I wanna talk about with identity and label is the shadow work. If you wanna attract love and you have an attachment that you are a people pleaser or a nice guy, I'll tell you right now that until you let go of that part of your identity and realize that it's not authentic, you may continue to attract situations in your life that reflect back that shadow aspect. This year for me has been a massive year of me letting go of being what is called a nice guy. A nice guy or a people pleaser. There were aspects of myself that was afraid of telling people what I really thought, afraid of confrontation. What a people pleaser is, is a people pleaser is somebody that says, if I act this way, If I give you what you want, if I'm nice to you, then you will give me love, validation, support. Many times people pleasers are bred from parent pleasing, meaning that you had to be a specific way growing up for your parents to give you love. So because I have this shadow aspect of myself, and here's another thing, my dad is the most traditional nice guy you'll ever meet. So nice that I find out that his dad was also nice and my dad got it from his dad. And I'm breaking the cycle. Why? You might say, what's wrong with being a nice guy? The problem with being a nice guy is it's not authentic. I even watched my dad and my ex-stepmom. I don't have to ever talk to my ex-stepmom again, who's a manipulative narcissist. My dad though still does. And sometimes I watch how he bites his lip and how he's nice to somebody that he doesn't really wanna be nice to. And now it's very honorable. It's very like, oh, well, he's doing the right thing. He's being the bigger person. In some ways, yes. But being a nice guy is a shadow aspect that says that if I am this way, then you will give me love, validation, support, whatever. And what I've learned how to do this year especially is how not to be, not that I need to try to be a dick, but what I've learned to do is to not be the shadow aspect of a nice guy, asking myself the question, what feels authentic to me? What do I feel like doing? I remember times I'd be on dates and there'd be a certain, I'd be catching myself trying to like be agreeable or doing something they wanna do. And I'm like, you know what? I don't really wanna do that. Doesn't mean you have to be a narcissist and only do what you want. But what I've learned is like to express what I want when I wanna do it, to also be more comfortable with tension. A lot of spiritual people are not okay with tension because back in the day, if they got in trouble, they got pain. But tension is actually a good thing. If you can say what you believe, if you can be yourself and even be more polarizing, it's not a bad thing. And the more that I've been accepting of myself and being this and really going into my own shadow and doing what I wanna do and letting go of the shadow of being a nice guy, the more attractive I've become. So realize if you're a people pleaser or you're a nice guy or whatever, nice chick, I don't know what we call that. Then realize that it's not authentic to be trying to exchange you being nice in exchange for validation, love, and support. Now, what I've done is I've had to go to my own shadow and I've had to give myself the love and support that I craved growing up, the love and the support that I maybe lacked, nurturing my inner child. And as I've done, I've realized, man, I can be myself even if it's polarizing and people will still like me and love me. and here's the thing, even if they don't, it doesn't matter because I love myself. And as I have that frame, I carry with myself a more magnetic energy. So the other aspects of this I wanted to mention is letting go of the label/identity. And what that does is letting go of that label and that identity, or being a people pleaser, nice guy, whatever it is, then allows you to become more free so that you can be your most authentic self. And when you are the most authentic self, you are gonna attract love easier than ever because you're not being inauthentic. So that's another aspect of this. Now, another thing I'm letting go of right now is I used to have, even this video, I'm gonna post this video. And those of you that don't know, this is from the podcast. There's the Aaron Doughty Podcast on Spotify and iTunes. And I'm now gonna be posting these on my YouTube channel. I used to be afraid to post these on my YouTube channel 'cause I used to say, I'm a YouTuber, I'm a YouTuber, I make YouTube videos. But now I'm learning to let go of that old identity so that I could wire in a new one. I like making podcast episodes now. And if you didn't know, I have the podcast on Spotify and iTunes. You can click below and listen to the whole episodes. There are hundreds of other episodes just like this. It's more raw. It's very, I'm much more vulnerable on the podcast than anywhere else. And I'll be bringing people on and doing interviews and stuff. But every now and then I will post them on the YouTube channel. But letting go of the old identity is scary because it's almost like if I let go of being the image of a YouTuber, then I'll lose everything I've built. And it's like, no, it's not true at all. I can then become even more than I thought I was before. So realize it's okay to let go of those, of identities, of labels, of even beliefs. We'll get to that. But the next one is outcome. Letting go of outcome. Like I said, the more you are attached to the outcome of how things happen, the more resistance you create. If you go on a date with someone and you really want them to like you, first off, that might be the people pleasing thing or the nice guy thing coming up. You can become aware of that and you can give yourself the love that you crave. You could literally do a meditation as well where you imagine the childlike version of you, you giving yourself that love, that support that you crave. And you may find that you start to feel more whole and complete just for being you. And really, by the way, transformation is where it's about letting go of false beliefs. What is the belief I have that is causing me to be a people pleaser? Well, if I have their validation, love, and support, then I'm worthy. Why don't I just let that belief go? Ah, I feel so much more free now. Now I can be myself. And it's like, it's a process if we believe it has to be a process, but I believe it's really simple. Now, outcome. When we try to control the outcome of anything, we are implying resistance. The problem is that we believe that if we control the outcome, we're gonna get what we want. I'll tell you from many levels of experience, the more I tried to control the outcome of what someone thought of me, the more they resisted from actually giving me love, validation, support. The more I've let go, the more they've naturally given it. I remember this, an analogy of this or an example of this is I used to work that 9 to 5 job selling women's shoes. I worked at Barney's New York and Nordstrom's. I would greet thousands and thousands of people a month that would be walking by. I'd say, "Hello, how are you?" Now listen to the difference in my voice with this. There would be times that I would ask people, I'd say, "Hey, how you doing? Hey, how are you?" Can you tell how I'm seeking validation? Will you please like me? Will you just please validate me? Will you acknowledge me? Will you show me that you like me? Or the energy of, hey, "Hey, how you doing? How are you?" At the end of that, I'm not attached to what the fuck you say. I could give a shit. And guess what? People respond way better to the one where I don't give a shit if they respond or not. Isn't it interesting how it works? It's that seeking compliment thing too. I would experiment with this. Literally, it was a law of attraction playground working at that commission sales job. And I could see if I was attached to the outcome of someone bought, they wouldn't have walls up to buying because I was trying to control them and it was considered manipulative. But when I was helping people and I was just having fun and I wasn't attached to the outcome, many times that's when people would buy. But same thing when greeting people, hey, how are you? How's everything going today? They'd feel that resistance, they go, hey, Hi. But when I was like, just, hello, how you doing? Namaste, joking around. Sometimes I do little funny, I do little things that was self-amusement for myself. And self-amusement, I'm not attached to if they think it's funny, 'cause I think it's freaking funny. There were times I'd greet people with accents. I would say the word belly button in conversation with people all the time. I know this is like, if you didn't see the other episodes, but that's like a, "This little stupid thing that I did," that would self-amusement, upping my own vibe. But anyways, attachment to outcome. If you go on a date with someone and you don't care whether they call you back or not or whether they like you, you are in a much more level of power and freedom and fun because you can really be your true self. Let go of the fricking outcome. Be yourself. Have the intention first off of having fun, then have the intention of connecting to the other person And then thirdly, don't give a shit whether they like you or not. 'Cause if you do give a shit if they like you or not, then they're probably not gonna be as attracted to you. If you don't give a shit 'cause you fill up your own cup, then it's a different level of attraction. And it's a different level of self-reassurance. So letting go of that will make you more— Everything I'm telling you, by the way, you let go of the person, you let go of the label and the identity, you let go of the outcome, you are going to have more magnetic energy and you're gonna allow love to come into your life. Now here's something that's very important that I wanna mention as well. Focus primarily on doing what you love in your life. Focus primarily on filling up your own cup, on having fun with friends and family, on doing— If you focus on that, your energy's gonna be so high that people are gonna gravitate to you. It's when people are trying to attract love that they block it from coming into their life. It's when they're trying to attract that specific person that they don't. Why? Because by trying to do it, you're implying that you're not good already. You're neglecting the happiness in the present moment. When you focus on you, you will have more magnetic energy and other people, they may come around. Other people may just find themselves attracted to you. It is insane how it works, but it is how it works. Now, the last thing I wanna talk about is beliefs. Letting go of beliefs. You may have the belief that, And it's also kind of connected to the identity thing. You may have the identity of being a people pleaser or whatever, but beliefs, like I had to let go of the belief and become aware of the belief that I believed women were trying to control me. Once I let that go, guess what? I started to attract women that weren't trying to control me. You may attract emotionally unavailable men or women depending on what your belief is about your relationship patterns. And maybe you are being emotionally unavailable yourself. I've had to realize this about myself. A certain, I realized that subconsciously I had a certain level of pain that I associated with committed relationships because when I was a kid and I saw that relationship dynamic, I got a lot of pain even between my ex-stepmom and my dad. And because of that, Subconsciously, I'm like, oh, well, if I get too close to someone, it might not be safe because maybe that person will try to control me or harm me like the ex-stepmom situation. You see, awareness of these beliefs will free you. So become aware of what are the most common patterns in your relationships? What things do you attract over and over again into your life? What are your beliefs about love in general? What are your beliefs about yourself? What are your beliefs about who you have to be to give and receive love? Do you have to be a people pleaser, a nice guy, or can you start to fill up your own cup? The key to this is becoming aware of the beliefs and then making the choice to let them go. But realize this, the only reason it is hard to let go is because you subconsciously believe that if you let go, you won't get what you want. But the news I have for you is it's actually the opposite is true. If you let go of attachment to a person, if you let go attachment to labels, if you let go of attachment to outcome, If you let go of attachment to those beliefs, you will then allow more love to come in your life than ever before because you will be more magnetic than ever. You will be more free than ever too, more detached from outcome, more free to be yourself, giving yourself more permission to be yourself, and you will have more magnetic energy and the universe can then bring it to you. So the main message I have for you is just to let go. That's it. Let go. Allow things to happen. Allow yourself to be free. Allow yourself to feel that self-love and worthiness within yourself, and you will have more magnetic energy than you can even imagine. One of the main reasons we stay attached is because it's a self-worthiness thing. It's like we don't feel worthy, so we attach ourselves to someone else to try to get something from them. Now, one of the most important things is confidence. How confident do you feel? When you are confident, you are attractive. One of the most powerful videos I have made is on 5 Secrets to Confidence that will help you become attractive and have that kind of non-needy energy. Check that video out if you haven't already. It'll really help you to gain that confidence and to let go of the self-sabotage and everything that doesn't serve. People feel what you feel about you. The energy inside of our bodies are contagious, and based on how we feel about ourselves, that energy is being emanated out and other people are responding to us based on that energy. Now,