Why being a Control Freak in 2021 will NOT fly (and how to heal it)

The main belief that control freaks have is that they believe that they lack control. And one of the most important ways of overcoming being a control freak, I believe, is looking and questioning that belief. How much do you need to control your life? And what I've learned going into 2021 is 2021 is really all about flow. Welcome back to another episode on Into the Vortex with Aaron Doughty. Right now I'm creating the vortex in Vegas because I'm not in the vortex of Sedona yet. Some of you know I just recently changed the podcast name from Aaron Doughty Podcast, which is all about my ego and my identity, to Into the Vortex, which is raising our vibration. Also understanding that Sedona, where I Liv is a vortex, high vibrational place, and Into the Vortex just seems so fitting. So soon I'll be doing episodes there, but for now I'm in Vegas for the next couple of weeks because my house is being remodeled and I'm so excited for it. In 3 weeks, it's gonna be completely different house. And I'm so excited. Maybe I'll do like an MTV video cribs or something like that. I'll do like a mock of it, like a spiritual cribs where like there's kombucha. I show my fridge and there's just kombucha in it. And then there's like, this is my sage pile. Hey guys, do you guys like my crystals? And then I just like show all my spiritual stuff. I don't know, maybe not, but cool idea, right? Okay, so this week's video and episode is about understanding control freaks, okay? I'm a recovering control freak myself. And I wanna go deep into the psychology of understanding why you might be a control freak or you understanding why your mom, your dad, your family may be a control freak. 'Cause when you understand the psychology of it, it helps you understand more about yourself and then also how you can navigate through it and really why they are that way. And recently I went to Tulum, Mexico for a trip and I was with a buddy, my buddy Matt, and I spent a lot of time with him and he really enjoys, we have these really deep conversations about psychology, about understanding things like this. And there's this thing, I don't even know what it's called, but I have some friends that have been through some like transformational event thing, like place they go for like, I don't know, like life training or something like that. And sounds like dog training or something, but they go to like life training and there's this thing where it's called like, there's these four sectors and there's one called a controller, one called a promoter, one called an analyzer, and one called a supporter. So these are the four different quadrants. And in each of these quadrants, the way it works is we all have a, primary and a secondary. And a controller is somebody that likes to, I mean, control different aspects of life and really value certainty, likes to get things done, very singular point focused. This is what I'm gonna do and I'm results-based focused. That's a controller. Now, a promoter is somebody who It gets very excited, very hyped up about things. You know, if you look at like real estate agents and salespeople, they're a lot of times promoters. Their energy, they get super hyped up about things and that's the kind of the focus of that personality trait. And then there's an analyzer. An analyzer likes to really think about things, likes to know many different angles of things before making a choice. And the challenge is sometimes a controller wants the results, but then the analyzer wants to think about it and wants to really like know all the different details before doing anything. And an analyzer will sometimes be someone that's intellectual, that's very logical, and that's an analyzer. And then a supporter is somebody who supports and is very, a lot of life coaches are supporters. Supporters are very supporting. They like to support other people. And a lot of times they, you know, there's certain shadow sides of each different quadrant. Sometimes I think supporters can be a little bit too people pleaser-ish. And here the thing is with these two, you've got controller and supporters are opposites. So nobody's a controlling supporter. And then an analyzer and a promoter are opposites. So no one is an analyzing promoter because they're opposites. However, You can be an analyzing controller. You can be an analyzing supporter. You can be a promoting controller. You can be a promoting supporter. So yeah, there's, and your dominant one is normally the last one. So for example, I normally thought that I was a promoting controller. I'm a very strong controller, which is why I'm doing this episode on control freak because I'm, recovering, not out of that, not that I, each of these quadrants can be both a superpower and also something that is like a shadow. And I'm realizing that being a control freak is the shadow side of being a controller. And what I've realized about myself too is I'm such a hype beast that I was like, oh, I'm promoting control. I like to hype things up. Anytime I find something cool, I'd be like, even as I was showing my new house to friends, I'm like, look at this, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna do this. But when I was with my buddy Matt, you know, he studies this stuff a lot. And I realized that I actually have a lot of analyzing and an analyzer in me. And he used to make a joke about me. He's like, you're a closet analyzer. You know, 'cause I wouldn't admit to being an analyzer, but it's true. I look at, you know, I think that a lot of this stuff that I share in my YouTube channel, the practical side of things, I study things like crazy. I read books like crazy. I'm analyzing like crazy so that I can help other people understand more about themselves. So I think that I do have a very strong analyzer in me. And when it makes it challenging, I think being an analyzing controller can be very challenging because there's some things that kind of contradict themselves. And I wanna explain, let me see if I can find something real quick just by looking in on my iPad. It's funny, so even as I was going through this article that I found, I was like analyzing it and I was realizing, oh, I'm more of an analyzer than I thought. So the 4 different, let me kind of go over very quickly 'cause there's a, now that I'm analyzing it and I'm looking through this, there's a couple different things I can add to each category. So the controller is normally a dominant personality. They like to be right. They're very powerful in their convictions. I think a lot of people that watch my channel, they like, that I say things very confidently, and especially things that are very esoteric, I make them practical and relatable. That's always been the goal. But I have a certain level of, I think, dominance when I speak that makes people feel safe and comfortable. And that's something I was talking about with Matt too. A lot of the audience or the people that listen to me, most likely, you know, some will be controllers, but I think a lot will be promoting supporters. Because they'll feel more safe and like understanding of me being kind of on the opposite side of the matrix in a way. So it's kind of like that yin and yang. So there are probably a lot of you listening right now that may be promoting supporters and realize that these 4 personality types exist within all of us. We can activate any of them at any point. And all we have to do is we, there's certain things we can do that I'll talk about that help with this. Now, controllers make excellent bosses and leaders, excellent at taking charge. Controllers have weaknesses. They can appear insensitive. They're often focused on having all the ideas right. They don't take criticism well and they're inflexible. So if you're a controller, you need to work on your social skills, your relationship skills, your listening skills. This is so true. And even when I was with my buddy Matt in Tulum, At the very end of it, he's like, I just wanna say like, thank you, because there were times that you were listening and you were really trying to understand me. And I know that's very difficult for a controller. And it was so true, not in a mean way, but like, I was like, yes. And I was really focused on trying to listen. And it's interesting 'cause I can tell how these different personality matrixes within each of us, these four, how they're activated. So now the supporter is somebody that's, is the opposite of a controller, like I was mentioning. And they're far less focused on that of the results. And they're more focused on feelings. How does something feel? And they wanna make others feel loved, acknowledged, and respected. And when it comes to communicating with others, it's important to acknowledge them. And this is an interesting thing 'cause when I was with my buddy Matt, who was a very strong supporter, the balance that we had when we were with each other for a week hanging out in Tulum was me listening and kind of activating more of my supporters sometimes, but also thinking about what did he wanna do? You know, I've been to Tulum, I lived there for a month and he wanted to go to cenotes, he wanted to go to the ruins, he wanted to go to, we did a lot of stuff. And some of it, I was kind of like, you know, I think I could really tell I was trying to control, even know the timing of things. When are we gonna do this? When are we gonna do that? And I had to kind of be a little bit more sensitive of other people's feelings and desires, which is very interesting because that was something, it was very easy for him to mold to do because he's a natural supporter. But for me, it was a little bit more challenging. Now, promoter, promoters are the life of the party. That's what I also wanna say. They're very passionate people. They get excited. They are energetic and fun and spontaneous, but sometimes to a fault. So they're very good at starting projects, but not very consistent at finishing projects. They may suffer from ADHD and there's a lot of energy within a promoter. That's why I know that I also have a lot of promoter in me. And at different stages of my life, I think I've activated different personality matrixes. So for example, myself, I can see that when I started making daily videos on YouTube, I became more of a controller. I started controlling my work ethic, how much energy I was putting into my passion. And I can tell that I started to kind of mesh into that matrix a little bit more. We're gonna talk about the shadow sides of these two in the deeper psychology. And then the fourth and the final, the opposite of the promoter, which you could still have part of it. Like I'm realizing I'm more of a closet analyzer than I think, but I know that I activate different personality structures between different times of my life, even different parts of my day. And I want you to know that you're not trapped by any of these personality tests. You know, I'm an INT, I'm an EXMPFA7ZP90X, you know, Like these things do not matter as much as we think. And I think there's a trap that many of us find ourselves in when we identify too much with a personality test to where we become more rigid and we start to, in a way, close off different aspects of ourself. I think we're all eternal spiritual beings and are not limited by any level sense of identity. We label and limit ourselves, if anything. So when we're looking at these different personality structures, The controller, the supporter, which are opposites. The promoter, the analyzer, which are opposites. We all are either a controller or supporter with a secondary or a primary of a promoting or analyzer. So you could be a controlling analyzer. You could be a promoting supporter or a promoting controller or a controlling promoter or a supporting promoter. You see, so whatever dominant one comes after and the dominant, yeah. So anyways, this personality matrix of these 4 different ones that what I wanted to kind of talk about is how we all have these activated within us. I am now learning in a way, there's times of my day and when I'm talking to other people, I could become more empathetic. Become more of a supporter, even though it's not natural for me. I'm like, sometimes when, you know, it's a shadow side of it too. Sometimes when people are talking, I'm like very much get to the point. You know, Matt was even telling me, he's like, I've never seen someone that is so singular focused. When you have your mind on something, that's all you can think about. And it's so true. And it's a power because, It's a superpower 'cause I'm able to really focus on something to achieve something. But the side effect of that is then maybe I don't recognize or I'm not aware of as much that is going on other than the thing that I'm primarily focused on. If you wanna listen to the whole episode, I share with you more about controlling. I share with you how to transition out of being a control freak and moving into more of understanding these different personality profiles and how I've moved through it, how it's completely different completely changed my life, and I'll show you exactly how to do that. The full episode is right here or in the top of the description box below. Also, if you didn't know, the Into the Vortex with Aaron Doughty podcast is twice a week. There's hundreds of episodes that you can check out. It's on iTunes and Spotify, very easy to download and listen to while you're on the go. You'll see that below as well, and you can subscribe there. Talk to you guys on the next one. Peace, much love, and namaste.