Why detaching is the only way to get what you want

Why is it the only way to get what you want is you have to actually detach from it? In fact, you have to actually let go of even wanting it altogether. Like, think about it. The more you want anything, the more insistence you have, the more that you are trying is the more you are resisting. It's the more that you actually repel away the very thing that you want. And why is it when you actually let that thing go, that person go, or whatever it is, that thing finally comes to you? In this video, I'm going to show you how you can actually begin to shift your identity around attachment, how you connect to attachment in general so that you can begin to be more present to the moment, have more fun in the process, And understand that when you heal some core aspects from childhood and you begin to meet that inside of yourself, you will no longer be craving that certainty and that significance on the outside. Because the truth is, this is a deeper thing than just some surface level, I'm going to let go and it's going to happen. There's something deeper here that when you begin to tap into will completely transform your life from the inside out. So you're going to learn step by step how to let go, detach, how this is the only way to get what you want. But you're going to learn how to go a step deeper to where you are literally good either way with what things happen and how things happen because you feel more calm and centered inside of yourself. This will allow you to have more fun, enjoy the process, and create identity-level transformation from the inside out. The only way to actually get what you want is you have to stop wanting it, which is very interesting because you're like, well, I want it. So, okay, you're telling me to stop wanting it and then I'll actually get it. But just think of everything in your life that you've ever gotten and think of the things in your life that you wanted that you weren't getting, that you finally let go of the outcome around. That then came into your life. I see it happen so often that people attract love into their life when they stop wanting it. In fact, a lot of times people will say things like, you know what, screw it, I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna be single. I'm gonna enjoy my life. I'm gonna have fun with my friends, and I'm gonna have zero desire at all that I need to meet the right person. Then they let go of having an agenda. They let go of the insistence and the pressure, which is the resistance put into the situation. And then after that rule happened, like a month or two later, they're in the right place at the right time and they meet the person. This happens more often than you think. How often is it that even biologically, you'll see people that are trying to have kids? They're trying to have kids. They're trying to have kids. They eventually not give up, but they let go and maybe they adopt. And within a month or 2 of adopting, they then get pregnant. Happens very often. Because what happens is when you let go of insistence, you let go of resistance. When you stop having an agenda, you start getting into the energy of flow and you're in the energy of allowing. So when you are committed to anything and you're doing it because you love it and you're having fun with the process, you're also in a very different energy and doing something because of the result it gets you. So the next thing you want to realize about this just in general is where are you putting insistence on a certain outcome in your life? Where are you putting also a certain level of importance? onto a certain area of your life. Because both insistence and importance actually blocks those things from coming into your life. But let's take this a step further. Because when we look at even watching a video like this, it's like, okay, well, I'm gonna let go of the outcome. Because if I let go of the outcome, I'm then gonna attract it into my life. But that is then an agenda to get somewhere else, which kind of keeps you stuck in the pattern. It kind of keeps you stuck in a version of control. And this is why on my channel a lot, you won't hear me making too many videos about manifestation in like the old traditional sense. Because when you wanna create something and when you have a desire and you're trying to create it and it's coming from a level of, if I'd create it, then I'd feel differently, it's a means to an end to get somewhere else. When instead you do something because you love doing it or because it's who you choose to be, that is a very magnetic, expansive energy. Like, I remember when I used to sell women's shoes and I got, you know, I got paid commission. I could tell the difference every day with me going into work. If my intention was to sell, there was an intention of agenda. There was an intention of me gaining a certain amount of money. Those were days full of resistance because also I would beat myself up along the way where when a customer came in and they weren't buying from me immediately, I'd start to feel resistance because there's an attachment to outcome. And what would happen is those were the days that I would have a lot of resistance and I wouldn't have the greatest results. Even though I was thinking about it, I was envisioning it, and I was intending for it. But the days I went into work selling women's shoes and just wanting to add value to people, to have fun with people, to connect with people, those were the days I had the best days. Which means if you even think about the steps along the journey, imagine in both these scenarios. One scenario, I go in and I want to make a certain amount because I will then feel good about myself and I will have my paycheck. It's very internally focused. It's very much making the pressure of needing to control reality. A lot of pressure that comes with controlling reality, doesn't it? And then it's also me-focused, benefit for me. Now, over here on the other side of it, there's an energy of going into it of not being attached to outcome because I'm also enjoying the moment. I'm having more fun. I'm adding value to other people. And guess what? When you think about it, this idea right here might completely shift your perspective. It's an idea that comes from an esoteric metaphysical book called Reality Transurfing. It has to do with this idea that is called outer importance or outer intention. So, when you think about it, we all have our own inner intentions of what we want. It's like, I want to make money. I want this. I want to attract love. And it's all me-focused. When you have the intention of having fun, when you have the intention of adding value, when you have the intention of being in the present moment and you're just being it, you are in an expansive energetic energy that also is good for other people. They like to be around that energy. And me adding value to someone else, someone else enjoys having value added to them. You having fun with the process and not being attached to outcome, that's fun energy to be around. So what this means is that their inner intention is my outer intention, but their inner intention is to have fun. Their inner intention is to maybe solve their problem of wanting shoes when I used to sell women's shoes. But it's a win-win-win all the way around. Like, if I can— like, think about the difference even in this video. If I wanna make a video that gets lots of views for me because I will feel good about myself and everything will grow and people will come to my live events, very contractive energy, very much me-focused. If instead I focus, I wanna add value, I wanna have fun. That's also your intention. You probably wanna watch this video and you're like, I wanna get some value and I wanna have a little fun. I wanna feel the energy under the surface of that fun. Feels good, right? Different energy. So when you talk about detachment, when you talk about letting go and why that's— it's literally the only way for you to get what you want is to let go. But what you're letting go of is you're letting go of trying to control the outcome. You're letting go of trying to control what other people think and feel. Your job is not to manage that. Your job is to show up, to have fun, to be present to the moment, and The deeper layer of this is to begin to become aware of what the desire is that is there, that's maybe a desire that you can begin to meet inside of yourself. So for example, when I have a— if there's an energy there around, I need lots of views because I will feel significant, I will feel enough, that is rooted in a lot of times an unhealed, unprocessed, and unresolved childhood energy under the surface. And that's why the value is so strong there. You see, this is why so many people have trouble letting go, because they think letting go is going to get them what they want. But what they're really letting go of is a survival strategy from childhood. Of course it's going to feel hard to let that go. For so many years, that's been your survival of getting your needs met. So you might be letting go of people pleasing or overgiving. or being invisible, the patterns around self-sabotage. You might— this has been a strategy for you to get by. And the thing is, is it's like, just let go of that strategy. You're like, what do you mean? That was my survival strategy. That's who I am. It's not who you are. But most people, when they say, I want money, I want love, I want this, it's also rooted in an unmet, unresolved energy from childhood that's rooted in attachment to outcome, because to have the other side of that outcome means pain. So, when you think of it, there's this other side of the coin you may have never heard of before. You've got attachment, which is what you're trying to get, and you have aversion, which is what you're trying to repel away and not get, right? So, you might have an aversion to being rejected by people. You might have an aversion to certain types of people or certain types of dynamics, certain levels of scarcity, and that aversion Many times can actually attract those things to you because you have an insistence. So if you're watching this video right now, you're probably becoming aware of, oh, I have an attachment, and attachment equals insistence and resistance. And insistence and resistance does block you from what you want, but part of it is you've taken on the responsibility of getting a certain outcome because that certain outcome will mean something about you. So often people will say like, I'm trying to let go of an ex or something. It'll be very hard to let go of an ex if letting go of the ex— and you believe the ex has the approval and validation from you, you believe that the ex was the other half to your soul or something, and you believe that if the ex didn't choose you, there's like a level of untapped shame, and focusing on them is a way of avoiding feeling something. So think about this for a minute. What if the attachment and the resistance in your life that you've been focusing on and the feeling that it's not here yet has become a project that distracts you from feeling a certain emotion? Like, what if there's something on the inside that's like uncomfortable to feel? And that's the aversion. That's the other side of it. But if you could let yourself feel it, and you could develop a new relationship with that part of yourself, you would then begin to process this unresolved stuff from childhood. Because remember, if you have a new desire, like I know for a long time when I was first getting on YouTube, I was initially wanting to add value to people. That was an aspect of it. But there was definitely like an inner child part of myself that felt significant in my ability to add value to people. And it felt significant in my ability to have a lot of people that needed me and my channel and my content. So, significance was like a value. And you'll tend to value the things that you didn't receive growing up. So, if you think about Tony Robbins, for example, there's 6 core values he talks about. He's like, there's the value of connection. There's the value of significance. There's the value of certainty, uncertainty, growth, and contribution. These are like the 6 core values. And what you'll find is that if you live according to the values that make up your identity and your top values are significance and your top values are significance and maybe like certainty, then attachment will be something that's very high on the totem pole for you because you'll be attached to whether they like you or not. And you'll be attached to the outcome because to not have the outcome is uncertainty, which is no bueno. So a very important thing to realize is that the part of you that craves significance or certainty Is many times the unresolved inner child part of you that craves it. And if you can begin to see, hear, soothe, and nurture that inner child part of you and validate that part of you, you will find that then you can create a very powerful healing on the inside out because you begin to feel more calm and regulated inside your own nervous system. So it's like then you can choose values of growth Contribution, adventure, other values even than the 6 core. But do you see how the difference in identity there is a huge part of this process? So when we talk about that survival mechanism, again, by the way, the survival mechanism is the pattern from childhood. Okay? It's the pattern that values these things high because it wants its needs met. And the thing you wanna become aware of is how you can begin to See, hear, soothe, and nurture that inner child part of you, and that will begin to heal your life from the inside out. But recognize that if your intention is to shift and to let go, the key to this is recognizing that the energy that you're getting into around being tied to the outcome is— you're tied to the outcome because what you believe you will receive from it, like what it means to have these outcomes. What it means to have these attachments. But in actuality, the attachment is just the meaning you give it. So it's a powerful thing to realize that the reason things mean so much to you is because of the meaning you're giving it. And when you think of importance, that's on a pedestal, you're making something more important. You put it on a pedestal and you immediately separate it from you and you put it over there. And then it's looking down at you. And this is why they say when you treat someone like a celebrity, they will treat you like a fan. Because anyone you treat like a celebrity, you're not really connecting to them. You're connecting to the image of them. So it's like then it creates a dynamic where it feels kind of weird because you're not actually connecting. So when you think of whatever it is you want, If you put what you want on a pedestal, it makes it weird because it's projecting more meaning onto the thing than actually exists in reality. Now, this is why, by the way, you might find someone that you're attracted to and you might put them on a pedestal. You give them more meaning than they have because you— they might look a certain way or you might like something about them. Makes it weird. But what happens is you put that on a pedestal. And then you find blocks with connecting with that person. But then there's someone else that's out there that you don't put on a pedestal and it's very easy to connect with them. But look at the difference in energy there too. With one person, the stakes are high because you want something from them. It's important that they like you. When in actuality, it is not any different between whether this person likes you or this person. But in our minds it is, and that's what creates resistance. So when you take that person off a pedestal by recognizing that that person represents a certain energy or pattern, you can begin to create a very powerful way that you're relating to this energy and realizing you're the one that's generating it. Like, here's the crazy thing to think of. You think it might be that person that you want in your life or that outer thing that you want in your life. Really what you want is you want the person you get to be around that person, the person you give yourself permission to be when you have that thing. So it's not just them. You're the common denominator. It's just that if you believe they need to be there for you to feel a certain way, then you're putting the power and the authority outside of yourself. And when you put the power and the authority outside of yourself, that may feel familiar to childhood, by the way. You know, it's interesting. We tend to attract people into our life that replay back that same familiar childhood dynamic from childhood. So if as a kid, authority wasn't meeting your needs and authority wasn't fair like it was for me, you'll continue to attract people in your life that don't meet your needs. And that also you feel like it's not fair around. So it's a replay dynamic. So attachment is really a lot of times a replay dynamic from the mother-father-child dynamic as a kid in some form. And if you think about it like you in a— as a kid playing in the sandbox, just having a good old time playing around, at certain points something happened in your childhood where you decided, I can't just play in the sandbox, I can't just have fun, it's serious. I need this thing over here. I need this thing over here. And you hear from grown-ups growing up, who are you going to be? Who are you going to be? What are you going to do? What are you going to do when you grow up? I don't know. I just want to play in the sandbox. But what happens is that moment, that something sparks and you say, I can't just be myself. I need to get this result. I need to be perfect. I need to overgive. I need to please. I need to be invisible. It's not really you. But you may have gone to work trying to like, trying to manage the whole sandcastle, trying to get everything to happen a certain way. Not recognizing that actually you'll get the best results when you take that back and you start to have more fun with the process. You'll have more fun when you make it about how you can add value to other people and enjoy the process along the way, letting it be a win-win. Because the truth is, it is a win-win. When you're enjoying yourself and having fun, you will get better results. When you're attached to outcome, it's become very serious and there's an agenda. And when there's an agenda, other people can feel that agenda. And it's like trying to— it's trying to make your own needs met. It's really a survival strategy if you think about it. Attachment is a survival strategy to getting your own needs met because it's saying, I don't trust my environment, I don't trust God or the universe, I can only trust myself. And that's cert— that's the ego survival mode. But when you shift into a level of consciousness of allowing the moment to be, of having fun with the process, of feeling the uncomfortable emotions underneath the other side of that attachment, which is the aversion, you realize that you begin to complete something from childhood. So like I said, if you want to go deeper with this identity-level transformation, we're going to be doing that in the next 3-day challenge for becoming the most magnetic you. It's deep inner child healing stuff. This isn't just some surface level thing. It's not about just becoming aware of the patterns. Okay? Awareness can only get you so far, and sometimes being aware is a distraction from feeling. And what we focus on is bottom-up feeling and transforming from the inside out. So you can grab your spot below. And then also, if you want a video that'll show you the most powerful steps of how you can actually let go and and how you can let go so fast it literally feels scary, I have a video right here you can watch next that will show you exactly how to do it.