Why Do Empaths STRUGGLE To Attract Love?

In this video, I'm gonna show you why empaths struggle to attract love, and I'm gonna show you how empaths can completely transform that energy to have that attractive energy, magnetic energy from the inside out so they stop sabotaging it for themselves. Now, first off, let me say that I have been through a total transformation over the last year, year and a half when it comes to being somebody considered an empath, meaning I could feel other people's emotions, what people are thinking many times. And I would tune myself to others a lot in order to really even just get by in life. And that was something that many empaths do. Empaths are very sensitive. They can feel other people's emotions and other people's energies. And in this video, I'm gonna show you the thing that transformed everything, allowed it to be so much easier for me to be in that attractive magnetic energy and exactly how you can do it too. Now, first off, let's realize why is somebody an empath and what is it about being an empath that actually repels love, that repels that attractive energy? Now, an empath is somebody that is sensitive, that can feel other people's emotions or energies, and they're normally very much in tune with the external, with their environment, where they could feel what's going on. Now, the thing with this is understanding that one of the things that happens as an empath is if you tune yourself to other people too often, you then lose your own center of gravity and you're tuning to everybody else, which means at a certain level, you are abandoning yourself to get your own needs met, abandoning yourself to get other people's validation, abandoning yourself to get other people's approval, abandoning yourself to get other people not to feel tension. And the challenge with this is that you're abandoning yourself in order— it's all this energy that goes towards fixing the environment and getting everyone to feel safe. And it's a really, it's a form of manipulation. That's what I had to realize. I'm like, wow, so many times I'm trying to manipulate my life in different ways in order to get my needs met. But what that's resulting in is me tuning and losing my own center of gravity. And feeling kind of like a leaf in the wind, like I'm getting pulled in all these different directions. So one of the things that really blocks empaths from being attractive and having magnetic energy is a certain level of neediness in order to manipulate the outer environment. Now, neediness is anytime we need something from somebody else, they can feel that. Neediness says I'm not whole and complete already, I need you to meet my own needs. And what ends up happening with this many times is because we need someone else to meet our own needs, we end up repelling the very thing that we want. Whatever we crave, we must learn to give to ourself. If we crave validation or approval, we must learn that validation approval is not outside of us, it's within us. And that's something that I had to learn to do. First, I had to stop abandoning myself. I had to start becoming aware that the empath, you know, super, like the empath, what do we call it? It's like a superpower in a way for some people because they can tune to other people and they could do these things. People are like, how do you know this? You know, I'm very in tune. Anytime I meet somebody that has any type of similar energy to my ex-stepmom, I can feel it like that because it's like a red flag. I know how to spot it. "By my ex-stepmom, I mean someone that's like a narcissist." The funny thing too is that empaths tend to attract narcissists. One of the reasons empaths attract narcissists is because narcissists have a very strong frame. Even though that frame is built upon insecurity, they still feel that, and there's something about that that attracts them to it. And I think a lot of times as well, empaths tend to have very strong figures growing up that maybe they felt like they had to please, which can many times be the type of narcissistic personality pattern. But in general, the reason empaths attract narcissists is because in a way they put up with it and they're trying to get the validation, the approval, and they're willing to completely abandon themselves in order to make the narcissist happy. So one of the things that changes this whole entire energy dynamic around is when you realize that this whole empath thing was a survival mechanism as a kid in order to get your needs met. But at the same time, it's a form of manipulative energy where you're trying to manipulate everyone else into feeling a certain way about you, trying to manipulate other people into, manipulate yourself in order to like look a certain way to other people. And that ends up literally depolarizing relationships and also repelling that of the love to which you want to attract. Be in. So the key and the reason empaths struggle to find love is because they are tuning themselves to other people too much. For a long time, this is what I did. I tuned myself to someone I was dating. I would wonder, what do they wanna do? What do they want to eat? And it would have me not being in my own masculine frame, me being in my own masculine energy. And one of the things you want to realize for love is that you must embody the values that you wanna attract. So if you want somebody that values personal growth, for example, or values integrity, or values vulnerability or authenticity, then you want that on the outside, you must embody it on the inside, which means you must live according to those values. So one thing that I had to do is I started, instead of living to the value of, the values are kind of like virtues that you live by. They make up also our beliefs as well. They stem from our beliefs about ourself. For a long time, I would tune to other people because I valued other people's approval or validation over my own. That was kind of my north star. Everything changed when I started to value vulnerability and authenticity because then I would start asking myself, well, what is most authentic for me in this moment? And instead of doing what I thought they'd like me to do, I'd start doing what I wanted to do. I started to express the real me. And one of the biggest keys and the biggest things that will help all empaths to become more magnetic is to understand that being an empath is not a curse, but it can be if you let, if you give your power over to it all the time and you're not aware of it. One of the things you can realize is that in a way, empaths are normally also very good listeners. They're very good at understanding people. So a lot of times people go on dates and someone talks, talk so much, and they think, oh, I'm gonna get this person to like me by talking a lot. But actually, it has the opposite effect many times, because it's normally coming also from a place of insignificance and wanting other people to like them or to manipulate the experience and to other people thinking a certain way about them. Listening is a superpower. And what you can begin to do is instead focus on that and focus on being present to the moment with that energy. Now, if we go a little bit deeper here though, when it comes to being an empath, the thing that really changed it all for me is I realized that my ability to feel other people's emotions, that sensitivity was alive because I was trying to meet my inner child needs or whatever, was also because at a certain level, I felt like there was something wrong with me. I felt broken, I felt shame that came from childhood. And this a lot of times can stem because of something that happened when you were a kid. Maybe your parents divorced. My parents divorced when I was like 5 years old. And as kids, we don't realize it now, but as kids, we internalize everything. At 5 years old or 3 years old or whatever age, we may have then said, "Oh, they're divorcing because there's something wrong with me. If I would've been different, maybe then they wouldn't have divorced and they would've stayed together. Maybe I wasn't worth them staying together." And we make up this belief that says, "I'm broken, there's something wrong with me. Maybe if I tune myself to others, maybe if I change myself, maybe if I abandon myself, then everyone will love me." Everyone will understand me or validate me or approve of me. And something that I had to do is I had to realize and become aware of that shame, the belief that I was broken. And I had to realize that my parents' divorce when I was a kid wasn't my fault. Mom or dad becoming emotionally unavailable growing up wasn't my fault. I was able to then separate the identity from saying this, internalizing, there's something wrong with me, to realizing, wait, that was their stuff. And we're able to realize a lot of times too that the patterns of our parents are passed down to us because that's what they went through and they just didn't know better. It's not necessarily their fault, but it's like a generational pattern. So one of the most powerful things you could do is to become aware of these patterns within yourself, to stop abandoning yourself, and to realize that mom or dad physically or emotionally abandoning you wasn't your fault. It wasn't 'cause you're not good enough. And one of the reasons a lot of times empaths have trouble finding love is because they have an initial belief there that says there's something broken, there's something wrong with me. Which is interesting too, because empaths tend to attract narcissists, and narcissists also believe there's something wrong with them. They just try to hide it, and they try to manipulate their environment to get their needs met by demanding reality meets their needs. Whereas empaths do it a little bit different. They manipulate their environment by giving, by being very nice, by being very sensitive, and then that's how they get their needs met. Met, but they're both rooted in the same core issue, the shame. There's something broken, there's something wrong with me. So instead of tuning to other people, and the key is to actually bring the energy inside of your own body, inside of your own hands, inside of your own feet. If you've ever heard me talk about the frame technique, is one of the most powerful meditations you can do as an empath, because when you bring the energy in your hands and your feet, You're bringing the energy back home. When you've abandoned yourself, you started projecting yourself into your environment. You probably go into a room, you could feel what everyone else is thinking because instead of being in your body, you're tuning to everybody else. No, is it safe? Is it safe? Is it safe? Going on a date with someone, just tuning to their energy. Is it safe? Is it safe? Am I good enough? Am I good enough? Am I good enough? Bring your energy back. Pull your energy back into your body. Bring it into your hands and your feet and actually feel the separation between you and other people. And that was a game changer for me. When I learned the frame technique, I'd go out into public, I've shared this in other videos, I go to like, I was living in Sedona at the time, I go to Whole Foods, go on hikes and stuff, and I bring the energy back to my body and I feel the separation between me and people in public, even without saying anything to them. And it was incredible how much more magnetic energy I was and how people just would flock to me. And all because I was being present in my body and I wasn't seeking anything outside of myself. I wasn't tuning to anything else saying, oh, I hope they say hi to me, I hope they, Am I good enough? Do I need to do this? Do I need to do that? That changes a lot. Now, another thing as well with being an empath, there's a lot of time empaths may be people that have been through a spiritual awakening and developed this belief that says, I'm alone on this journey. Nobody else really understands me. And that belief, once again, causes you to live in your own little reality bubble where people don't understand you or you feel like, you know, for a long time I went through a spiritual awakening and I felt like nobody understood me. So guess what? I would attract people into my life that reflected that back. I went through a thing where my parents, my friends kind of thought I went crazy when I went through my awakening in 2012. And I was like, oh, people don't understand me. And I rationalized it too. I was like, well, they're just asleep. They don't get me. And that also once again creates a belief system based on ego that makes it harder to connect with people. So one of the things I had to learn to do is I had to learn to let go of the belief that people don't get me and that there are not other people out there like me. That would keep me in my own reality bubble. But in general, bringing your energy back is one of the most magnetic things you could do. Stop tuning to others to find safety, to get your needs met. Stop abandoning yourself, pull your energy back, live according to your own virtues, your own values, be vulnerable, be authentic, Focus on this and your whole entire life will change. Now also, if you haven't seen it yet, one of the most powerful meditations I have that will help you to cure all of this is doing an inner child meditation. This inner child meditation will help you to revisit as a kid, your own inner child to heal that energy so that you stop living within the patterns. It's one of my most powerful meditations I have. You can go to aarondoughty.com/child or click the link below. That's the child meditation. And then also, there's a video right here on the frame technique that will show you exactly what to do to have magnetic energy from the inside out. We're gonna do this little activation exercise that you can come back to for the next 21 days and see how different your energy is. Now, before, the way that I was and the way I showed up in the world is that I was hyper, like, I was hyper,