Why Do I Attract People Who Don't Commit? (The SECRET Reason)

In this video, I'm gonna show you the secret reason why you may be attracting the same type of person over and over again, or why you may be attracting people who aren't committing to you. This is gonna explain so much. There's a lot that's gonna be unraveled here, and I really believe that by the end of this video, you will have a completely new perspective of your sense of self, your sense of power, and you'll feel more magnetic because you'll understand more about who you really are. Now, the first thing to understand about this is that we experience in life a direct reflection of what we believe we deserve. We get in life a reflection of also what we believe to be true. So sometimes we may have a certain sense of self-worth or a certain sense of value where we may not believe we're actually valuable. That may then reflect and result in us attracting people that reflect back that self-fulfilling prophecy, that belief we have that says I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy to be committed to. I only attract people that are narcissists. I only attract people that use my energy or want something from me, or it always feels imbalanced in the relationship. And the thing to realize with this is that the common denominator has to do with having the awareness to understanding that the energy we are putting out is what we are getting back as a reflection. Now, something new I wanna share with you that I don't know if I've talked about ever in YouTube videos, but it has completely transformed my perspective of understanding who we attract into our life and why. Now, there's this theory or this, it's called the imago, all right? I-M-A-G-O. It's called the imago. And there's therapists and psychologists that have talked about this thing. And I think it's Freudian psychology, But anyways, it has to do with shadow work. And this imago is the secret to why we attract who we attract and understanding why we feel attracted to certain types of people and maybe not other types of people. And it explains why in our relationships we play out certain patterns and there's certain levels of power struggles once we do attract somebody. Now, the imago is an image that we all have of our ideal partner and the image that we have of our ideal partner, believe it or not, some of y'all not wanna hear this, but the image that we have of our partner contains both the positive characteristics and the negative characteristics that we experienced growing up from our caretakers, whether that was our parents, our grandparents, or whoever was raising us. So based on the dominant energies of our parents or our caretakers, both the positive and the negative, what we do is we project this idea, this ideal version of what we believe this partner is. We project that out. And on the other side of that, so this person will have some of the things that triggered us and some of the things that we liked about both our mom and our dad. And unless the person that we're dating has some of these things, then we normally won't feel that attraction. Now, the other side of this is normally we'll also, part of the imago is we all have a part of our lost self. It's what's called our lost self, the part of ourselves that we feel like we lost. And we also search for that inside of our imago. So somebody that we feel a very deep connection to, somebody that we may be attracted to, will have both the characteristics, positive and negative, of our mom and our dad or our caretakers, and a lot of times the lost self version of this. And this is sometimes where we look at that second part of it, the opposites. So for example, like my buddy Victor and his wife, he is like very much more an introvert and he goes internal a lot. He's much more quiet and sometimes he could be loud, but mainly, He's more introverted. His wife is the total Leo. She's very outgoing. She's very, she could be very like extroverted. And there's other ways as well when it comes to their temperaments and their personality that they have great polarity because they're completely opposite in those ways. And in many relationships, there's things that we're able to learn from our partner and it helps us understand more about how we can kind of close the loop and heal our childhood. So in a way, we attract people into our lives that replay the same familiar childhood dynamics that we had. I know that when I was getting out of my relationship with my ex-stepmom, when my dad divorced my ex-stepmom, I no longer had someone in my life that was trying to control me, 'cause from 7 to 15 years old, I had no freedom. Well, guess what happened when I was out of that? Secretly, I was searching for somebody to give me like a box to tell me that I could and couldn't do this or that. And I attracted in a girlfriend that was very controlling, very jealous. And I was always in trouble for something just like with my ex-stepmom because subconsciously that felt familiar. So for 4 years I was in a relationship like that. And after I broke up with her, I then got into and had a manager at Nordstrom's in women's shoes that was the same as my ex-stepmom. I always had a woman in my life to reflect back the belief that I had that women are trying to control me and that I have to like fight for my own sense of freedom. So we will attract these patterns into our life to recreate familiar childhood dynamics. So when it comes to somebody that won't commit, Sometimes we may be recreating this cat and mouse game that we experienced when we're kids. Maybe we had a parent that either physically abandoned us or emotionally abandoned us. And what happened is we then felt like we weren't, we didn't have that emotional availability. We didn't have that love or support. So now we attract people that can't necessarily give it, or we attract people that are emotionally unavailable because that feels familiar from childhood. Now remember, the word familiar comes from the same Latin of the root word family. Family and familiar, so familial, familial. But the idea behind this is understanding that we're in a way fighting to recreate the same childhood dynamics that we experienced in childhood because that feels safe, that feels familiar. So if we had somebody that wasn't giving the love or the validation, that what may end up happening is we attract somebody that we search for that love or validation from. And then we are in a game of like replaying that childhood dynamics because secretly we're trying to heal our childhood dynamics. We're trying to prove to somebody else, wait, I am enough. And when we say, oh, this person's not, a lot of times the people we date, they're reflecting back the same patterns that are around when we were kids. So somebody that won't commit many times is because there's an aspect of ourself that believes we don't deserve to be committed to, feels and is maybe even addicted to the feeling of feeling not enough. And the power of this video that I'm sharing is becoming aware of these because until you understand why you attract what you do, it's like we continue to live in those patterns. But once we're aware of it, we can then change it. Because these patterns are always reflecting in our life. Now, I also know for myself, another example of this is my girlfriend and I. My girlfriend is very emotionally expressive. Her cat, Sekhmet, who's with me right now, I'm watching him. He's a very emotionally expressive cat because he's reflecting the energy of his mom. And my girlfriend is very emotionally expressive. And because of that, I believe that part of the reason her and I attracted each other is because there's parts of myself that I believe that I've repressed certain emotion. Because when I was a kid with my ex-stepmom and my dad, I wasn't really allowed to express emotion. If I was expressing emotion and like crying, I'd get called a baby, I'd get gaslit. So I was like, I got pain for expressing emotion. Whereas my girlfriend, her and her family, they're all very emotionally expressive. They're all very loud and emotionally expressive. Because they were in a way maybe rewarded for expressing emotion or they were allowed to at least, they felt safe enough to do that. Whereas I have that repressed. So a lot of times the partners we have may be opposites in that way. Now on the other side of that, my girlfriend's challenges are setting boundaries. She says yes to a lot of different things and setting boundaries for her has always been a challenge because she rationalizes every type of personality and like everyone in her life. She has like this unconditional love for everyone. Whereas for me, I'm very clear with setting boundaries with people. I'm not afraid to set boundaries with people. And that's something that her and I are able to learn from each other. Also, she's also very feminine. So she's a lot, there's times where time to her is like this 5D construct, you know? So it take, you know, for her to get ready and her to like show up at a certain place, like that's something that is something that she works on. Whereas me, I'm very, very on point and on time. I'm also masculine and more masculine, very linear thinking, you know? But these are all things that we get to learn from each other in relationship. It's not a bad thing, by the way, that we attract our Imagos. Our Imagos are there to help us. The Imago we have, the image that we project, we're gonna project our childhood shit onto our partners, whether we know it or not. And the idea though is that we're able to meet somebody that also has similar childhood dynamics to heal so that we can heal with each other. So the cure to this though, the cure to why we attract people that won't commit and why we attract the same person over and over again is because inside of us, we may have energies that we haven't completely healed or forgiven. I attracted the whole ex-stepmom person in the form of ex-girlfriends and managers because I hadn't forgiven my ex-stepmom. And I think sometimes we may have not forgiven our parents. From things that happened, and that active energy inside of us is attracting partners to reflect that back. So awareness to this is so powerful, but now I wanna share with you what really changed everything for me. And that was learning to, one, open up my heart, and two, to be vulnerable. Now being vulnerable means you express your real emotions, you express how you really feel. And we're normally afraid to be vulnerable because we're afraid of abandonment. We're afraid someone's gonna leave us. Like maybe mom or dad emotionally or physically left us. And the reason we might not attract people that won't commit is because we don't believe, or we don't believe we're worthy of being committed to. But also a lot of times it's because we haven't committed to ourselves. We haven't committed to feeling safe inside of our own bodies. We haven't committed to believing that we deserve to be chosen. So we attract people that don't choose us. So the challenge or the opportunity we have is to look at these patterns and to make new choices about who we are, what we deserve, and to look at our own childhood self, our own lost self. My lost self wasn't allowed to express emotion. So I attracted a partner that can reflect back emotional expressiveness. Sometimes the lost self may feel gaslit, the lost self may feel Like the lost self for Heather, my girlfriend, is definitely, she feels like she can't set boundaries, maybe even express anger. So in ways I'm able to show her this is healthy. It's healthy to set boundaries. When you set boundaries with someone, you're saying no to something, you're saying yes to yourself. But committing to yourself, because sometimes when we attract people that aren't choosing us, it's 'cause we're not choosing ourself. People aren't committing to us is 'cause we're not committing to ourself and making ourselves happy and living according to our own values and feeling safe in our own frame and understanding our own childhood self and committing to really like making that part of ourselves happy and expressing out into the world the vulnerable self. Because when we are vulnerable, that changes everything. So that's something that I encourage you to do. Now, if you have questions, by the way, on relationships, on feminine and masculine energy, on attracting love, on feeling safe in your own frame, text me your questions to 424-304-0104. And then also 2 or 3 times a week, 3 times most, I text out my top insights, epiphanies, and books I'm reading. So if you wanna be, and you want me to text you, text that number or click the link in the top of the description box below. And then also, if you want to know why anytime you let go, they always come back, It's one of my most powerful videos. Check this video out right here. Why is it that when you want someone, when you desire them, they feel that energy and it literally repels them away like a magnet? However, the moment you actually let them go, like right now as I do this, it's really, these are really strong magnets by the way. I gotta be careful.