Why Do Setting Boundaries Make You Magnetic?

To be in your own frame or to not be in your frame. That is the question. And the difference between the two has a huge magnetic energy difference between the two. When you are in your own frame, you are more magnetic. Setting boundaries is easier. People respect you more. When you're in a room, people's attention turns to you more because you're more present to the moment and other things I'll be sharing with you in this video. When you're not in your own frame, you'll find it very easy to tune to other people. You'll find that when people say something to you, it probably gets internalized or it affects you a lot more. You may be looking to other people for approval or validation, and you'll find that you feel kind of like a leaf in the wind in many circumstances. And what I share with you in this video is gonna show you the game changer for me, what changed everything about my own energy, helped me to assert my own boundaries in a positive way. And I'm going to show you exactly how you can apply it in your own life. So the first thing to realize when it comes to boundaries and when it comes to frame is that the way you're showing up in the world is, is the reflection you are getting back. So the way you think, feel, and act you are getting a reality that is reflecting that back to you. Now, at the same time, anytime you have two people that are meeting each other or two people that are in the same room, when it comes to a frame of reality, what that really means is what reality are you asserting? Not even, it doesn't have to be through some manipulative way, but what reality are you projecting energetically? And between two people, they say that the person with the most dominant frame wins. Now, that's a way of looking at it in a form of a game, but think about it like this. Have you ever seen the show Game of Thrones? And the show Game of Thrones, that could have also been called the Game of Frame because it was these different people of these different places that wanted to assert their own frame so that they could lead or they could be they could have the power in a way. So it was really also kind of like a show about power. But in a very interesting way, what happens is when we are showing up in the world, many people that have been through a spiritual awakening and many people that struggle to be in their own frame, they tune to everybody else and they abandon themselves to make other people happy. They may have trouble saying no to doing things they maybe really don't wanna do, but they feel like they have to do it because they feel obligated. And because of that, that then also displays an energy of, of codependency, of tuning to someone else to get your needs met. Now, how this looks for me just a couple of years ago, and even now in some ways, I'm learning how deep this goes at different levels, but I'm getting much better at catching it and it's changed everything. Now, let me give you an example of frame and how I've used it in my life and how it's completely transformed. How I would have reacted to how I react now. For example, the other day I was with some buddies in Sedona and we were sitting down and we were chilling and we were at this creek and it was about to, it looked like it was maybe gonna rain. And there were some dark clouds in the distance and we drove, spent like 30 minutes hiking to the specific spot and we wanted to chill in this, at this creek. What happened is, We're chilling there and there was somebody else that we met and we're talking to this person and he then tells us, you know, it's gonna rain and it's gonna get crazy. And when it gets crazy, you do not wanna be here because if you were here, it's going to be hard to get out and all of this stuff. And he was like, it was all this fear. And I'm thinking this creek place I've been to, I've been to many times, I've been to when it was raining and he was just asserting about how horrible it is and how bad it's gonna be. And I'm sitting there with my friends and I'm like, okay, the old version of me would've been like, oh, we need to listen to this guy and buy into it and then leave. But there was a part of me that just didn't buy it. I was like, I felt inside my body and I was like, I don't feel like there's anything wrong with being here when it's raining. I don't think there's anything, even if it was raining, I think we'd be fine because I'd been there when it was raining before really hard. And I could feel inside my body and like, it doesn't really matter. Well, we talked to this guy for a minute. He then goes and does his own thing. He comes back 5 minutes later when he's leaving and he's like, guys, just listen to me. You do not want to be here. I promise. He reasserts himself and says, I think he was also maybe part of him was offended that we weren't listening to him and we just continued to chill after he told us that. But basically he then leaves and is kind of like disappointed. Like, why are you guys still here? This is crazy. And we ended up staying and chilling. And hanging out for like an hour. Guess what happened? It didn't even rain. No rain even came. It just got, there was just dark clouds in the sky. And on the weather app, by the way, it said it was gonna rain and there was like thunderstorm warnings and all this stuff. We tapped into ourselves and I tapped into myself and said, I don't think anything's wrong. I think everything's okay. And what I learned from that experience is to trust my own frame. And even if it did rain, I don't think it would've been the end of the world. I was like, you know what? It'd be kind of cool if it rained. I've been here when it was raining like crazy. So the reason I say this is the old version of me would've been like, oh, I wouldn't have even tapped into myself. I just would've done what somebody else wanted to do. Now, you know what's funny? Similar to the rain, here I am in Costa Rica. I'm with my buddy Victor and his kids and some people, and we had to drive to this retreat center because we're doing a retreat this week. Like a plant medicine thing. And anyways, while we were here, we— it was raining so hard yesterday that it took like 2 hours to get here, 2 and 3 hours to get here, like half an hour to 45 minutes longer than usual because there was so much rain and there was like this puddle that all these cars would just stop around and not go through, even though it wasn't that unsafe. And a very similar thing happened where we're getting calls from everyone that's already at the retreat center and we were going to go there for dinner. So we came Here, packed stuff into the Airbnb. We're at this like cool little Airbnb, as you can kind of see. And we wanted to eat, we were starving, and we wanted to drive 30 minutes away to the retreat center. We get all these messages from everyone that's there, and a lot of them are people on my team, they're friends, and like, it's so dangerous to come, you could lose the car if you come, all of these things. It's just this thing, you do not just trust me, do not come to dinner, and blah, blah, blah, blah. Similar thing happened. My buddy Victor and I, we thought about it and we're like, I think it's gonna be fine. And we drive, we then, they're literally calling us on, don't come, don't come, it's dangerous, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, man, they really don't want us to come. And we just both intuitively felt like it's gonna be fine. So we drive all the way, you know, all the way to this, it's a pretty crazy drive, I will say. Well, we have a 4x4 and we drive all the way to where there's this spot where there's these crazy water coming through and it does look pretty sketch. I'm not gonna lie, it looks sketch. But then in front of us, guess what happens? A kind of motorcycle goes through, it's totally fine. And there's this little kid that's like waving people through and he's like, it's okay, you just have to come slow. So we just went really slow through this one spot and then we're there and everything was fine. And the reason I'm sharing this is because the old version of me would've been like, okay, we're not even gonna try to go. And now that that's not the answer, there may be times by the way where you need to trust your intuition and not do something like that. Or, and the idea we had is, oh, we maybe we get like, you know, all the way to that spot and then we realize we have to turn around, but it's worth like a 20-minute drive to figure out because we really wanted to eat dinner there. We really wanted to go there and see everybody. And when it comes to being in your own frame, the thing that I've had to learn to do is I've had to learn how to tune to myself and to see what do I intuitively think instead of tuning to everybody else. I've noticed too that like the more successful I've become, the more I have to have boundaries. I remember when I first made videos on YouTube, the first time I had to decline hanging out with friends was because I was making YouTube videos. I was working 40 hours a week at a job and making YouTube videos 30 hours a week. I was very busy. I had to say no to hanging out. And the old frame that I had was like, I can't even say no. I gotta do what everybody else wants me to do because I don't wanna disappoint them. That was something that I feared. I feared people's disappointment and I feared, and what I would do though is I'd abandon myself to make everybody else happy. But then it's like, I wouldn't be growing my own YouTube channel or something like that. I have a buddy of mine who I can tell, I have a really good friend that I know from high school. And he, I was talking to him recently and he says like, it's a very interesting dynamic because once he gets in a relationship with a girl, or a woman, he totally, he loses his frame in a way to where he starts doing whatever they wanna do. And I could tell that then the feminine masculine energy begins to kind of change. He was having it to where his girlfriend was and is wanting him to do a lot of housework, wants him to do the dishes, wants him to do things like that. And he wants to, he's really passionate about certain things in his life, and he wants to focus on that. But instead, he's in a way letting go of his frame to then make her happy, but then he's abandoning himself and his purpose. And as the masculine energy, it's very important to be directional and to be on your purpose. And I thought about this 'cause I thought it was interesting. I was like, I couldn't imagine somebody demanding me, like, you know, like, when you get up, you need to do, "You need to do these dishes, you need to do this yard work outside," like somebody telling me to do that before I got to my purpose and made my videos, I couldn't even imagine that. I was talking to my girlfriend about it. I'm like, "Can you even imagine?" I couldn't even imagine you saying that to me because the boundaries that I exist in are to where that wouldn't even happen. So being in your own frame is very much about tuning to yourself and having your own vision, having your own integrity that you live by, and not letting other things penetrate that to change you, and realizing that as you are on your own frame, you know how people say, hold the vision, trust the process or something? It's also like, hold the frame, hold your own frame, be focused, and don't abandon yourself, and focus on what you and how you wanna show up in the world. Because back in the day when I was dating, I would like lose my own frame to do whatever the person I was dating wanted to do. You want this kind of food? Okay, we're gonna do this. I was like always tuning myself without tapping into myself, which ironically enough then would lead to the feminine not being able to feel safe because I'm not in that own, that masculine energy. And I realized this recently, even within my relationship, my buddy and I were talking about it last night. We were talking about masculine and feminine energy and how, Both of our partners are very feminine, and it's kind of a reciprocal of us being very focused on our purpose and us being very masculine, which is the opposite, by the way. Years ago, I used to be much more— it was a struggle for me to be in my own masculine energy, but now it's very easy. It's very natural, I should say. But what we realize in our relationships is sometimes the feminine may be going through a little chaotic storm, might be having these things come up, The thing that we're realizing that we're learning to do is to hold our own frame even when the feminine is freaking out a little bit or going through some emotional thing. Not to say assert our own frame and be like, "You shouldn't be feeling that way," and shame, but just to hold it like, "Oh, you're feeling this way. Let me give you a hug," or something like that to where it's like, it's not reacting like, "Oh my God, you're feeling this way. I need to fix it." You're feeling like, oh, I'm not doing this enough, or I need to do this differently. Like, oh, let me fix it for you instead of, or let me fix it for you, or there's something wrong with you and we need to fix it. Which of course the feminine doesn't want to be changed like that. Instead, in the way that my shadow work coach has explained it to me, it's like a rock. A rock is steady level of gravity. Now the feminine going around the rock, Sometimes the feminine will pull away a little bit, and sometimes they'll get really close. What happens with some of the masculine energy, or some people, is that they're tuning. The feminine starts to pull away, they start to tune away with it, which then shows the feminine, "Oh, it's not safe. There's not a consistent level of gravity." Or it gets a little bit too close, and then the masculine pulls away. The moving of the center of gravity is like the abandoning the frame to fix this orbit is what then makes the feminine feel unsafe. And what I'm learning more to do in my own masculine energy is how to stay solid. And even if the feminine feels a little bit chaotic at times, to still stay solid and to hold my own frame and not be like thinking there's something wrong, trying to fix it, being more present. And when it comes to magnetic energy and frame in general, the thing to remember is that most of us, many times I think, are, if we're watching this video, we abandon ourselves in order to make other people happy. And then we're like the leaf in the wind. but everything changes when you bring the energy into your body, into your hands, into your feet. When we're focused on being present, when we're thinking about what do I want to do in this process? What is authentic for me and for my own integrity? Those are all different things. And then realizing that energetic boundaries, it's about like knowing who you are and embodying that and not being attached to outcome. These are all things that completely transform your own levels of boundaries and help you to feel more magnetic than ever. Now, with that being said as well, if you haven't checked out my inner child meditation, it's one of the most powerful meditations I've ever created. It will help you to go to the core of this inner boundary stuff and transform it from the inside out. You can listen to that meditation by going to aarondoughty.com/child because it's a child meditation and, or clicking the link in the description box below. And then I have a video right here that's on the codependency cure. This is the most powerful video to watch next that will wire in everything we're talking about in a very deep way. You can check that video out right here. In this episode, I'm gonna be showing you the cure to codependency, how to never be needy again. I'm gonna share with you also my journey through this