Why Does He RUN AWAY The More You LIKE HIM? (what to do about it)

The only reason they're running, by the way, is because you're chasing them. You're like chasing them, like, "Come back, come back," energetically. Or you want something from them and they're like, "Oh my God," and they just start running because that's the energy dynamic that's being played. So instead, there's something that if you do will change absolutely everything and it will allow you to then have that magnetic energy naturally. When we think of energy dynamics, think of this in the form of, people are always responding to the energy we are putting out, and they're in a way playing according to the role we are playing. So this is why when we run after someone and we chase someone, or we really like someone, and if we have that kind of energy, they naturally begin to run. They're playing off of that energy. Think about it like a dog. If you have a little dog or something like that and you're like, I'm gonna get you, and then you start running after them, what do they do? As you're chasing them, they're literally running away from you because they're playing according to the energy that is being embodied. Now, in a very similar way, people respond to us based on how we either allow them to treat us or the energy we're putting out. I've seen it before where maybe people didn't respect me. This is especially like, when I was working that 9 to 5 job selling women's shoes, people would respond to me in a certain way, and it was because I wasn't necessarily respecting myself. And a lot of times as well, it was when I wanted something from someone else that then that rejection or that energy would come because I was wanting something from them. So the thing that I'd like you to become aware of for this that makes all the difference in the world is understanding being solid in your own frame. Also meaning being solid inside of your own body. Because I will tell you from experience that I learned the shadow work integration technique, I guess you could call it. I have a shadow work integration coach who has a double PhD in Carl Jungian psychology. And one of the things that he shared with me is this process of bringing the energy into my hands and my feet and how, as I would feel the separation between me and other people, and me being inside my own body and feeling the space, that had such a profound effect on my own energy field. I would do this and then go out into Whole Foods or I'd go on hiking or I would do something and people respond to me so differently because I'm in my own frame, I'm inside of my own body. Prior to that though, I was tuning to other people. And when I tune into other people, that was me wanting something from them. I was either wanting their frame or I was wanting their validation, or I was wanting some level of them to give me authority, or there are a lot of many different things people can want from somebody else. A lot of times that's with validation though. And the thing to become aware of with this is don't confuse liking something, someone, with wanting their validation. Because the thing is, is when we are attached to outcome, That's when we want something from somebody else. And what ends up happening is the more we want someone's validation, the more we want someone's approval, the more we want someone to act in a certain way around us, the more we actually end up resisting having it. Think about this. This is something that comes from something called the Backwards Law. The Backwards Law from Alan Watts, he coined this term, simply states that the more you want something, the more you resist it. It actually ends up doing the backwards thing. So the more you try to control your life and the more things have to be a certain way, the more out of control you feel. The more you want someone to like you, the more you're gonna like not be authentic and natural in your own frame. And then the more the energy's gonna be messed up and the less they're actually gonna like you. But the more detached from outcome you are, the more you don't care if somebody likes you, the more they like you. Isn't it funny how that works? So really what this is a game of, not a game, 'cause sometimes people put dating and game into the same category, but really what the key focus here is releasing attachment to the outcome, letting go of being attached to whether someone likes you back or not. You see, it's almost the same thing, but it's coming from a different place. You can practice this too. I have a buddy of mine, I was at a seminar a seminar speaking with my buddy Owen, and he was talking about how he had a buddy who would go out and what they would do is they would approach people they wanted to talk to and they'd get out of their comfort zone. And one thing that he would test is he would test doing all the things that you're told not to do. Like don't go up to somebody and tell 'em, you know, like if you went up to a girl, for example, like, you're beautiful. You know what I mean? Like, that's generally something that's stereotypical advice, but you normally wouldn't do it because the energy that normally comes from is like, "I really like you," and it's kind of creepy. But one thing that this guy was saying he did is he went out and he actually did all the stereotypical things that you're told not to do, but he did it from a place where he didn't care. And because of that, it was much more attractive and it actually worked when it's normally not supposed to work. Because 9 times outta 10, it doesn't work. So the thing with this to become aware of is where is the energy coming from? Because if it's not attached to outcome, you'll notice it is just so much more attractive. So the idea then is it's more so if you do like somebody, you can express you like them. Doesn't mean you have to play a game and then not like them and then all of this stuff. It's more so you just, don't have a specific outcome you are trying to get from them because they can feel that. It's an energetic dynamic. When I would help customers back in the day, so when I was selling women's shoes, if I wanted them to buy, if I wanted something from them, they could feel that and they could feel that I was attached to outcome and it would actually end up resisting that which I wanted. But the funny thing is the less I cared whether they bought or not, the more they actually bought or the more they would say yes. It was incredible. I would focus on just, instead of focused on wanting their validation, their approval, support, or whatever, focus on being present to the moment and sharing the energy. Focus on having fun. Focus on connecting. Because when I went to my 9 to 5 job even, and I focused on connecting with customers, I would sell more than if I had the intention of going to my 9 to 5 job and making $3,000 to $4,000 that day in sales commission. Well, I would sell $3,000 or $4,000, which means I'd make like $300. But the reason I share this is because the difference between both of these energies is you could be doing the same thing. I could be helping customers but not caring about the outcome and having fun, or I could be helping customers and really attached to the outcome, and I'll tell you, they get very different results. Now, the thing to become aware of with this as well is how present are you inside of your body? Because when you are present inside of your body, You have magnetic energy and people literally can feel that off of you. What's the difference here once again? When you're present, you're here, you're having fun, you're in the moment. When you want something, anytime you want anything, it's immediately, your energy's not here and it's in the future and the energy's diffused and it's like you want something right now that you don't have so you feel that lack and then they run. They're running because you're wanting something from them. Instead of wanting something from them, the way that you, to change that energy is actually a little bit deeper than you might think. It's not just one little, like, little hack you do and it's like, oh, I've healed now. I do not have anything to deal with. It's more so the thing to realize when you really like someone and you want something from them is what you normally want is what you did not get in childhood. Oh shit. What you want from them is normally what you didn't get in childhood. So maybe you didn't get approval or validation. Maybe you felt like one of your parents or both your parents didn't really like you or didn't really express love in the most authentic way to you. And there's a story there that now that says that I like someone else, but they may not like me. And I'm gonna try to search for it. I'm gonna try to find it and everything else. And that's why it can hurt so bad as it gets to the core wound that we might have. So what this really is about is an abandonment wound. We feel abandoned. We may have had an emotionally or a physically abandoning parent and we made a decision when we were a kid that said that there's something wrong with me. And what ended up happening is we then wired in that belief and we go out and we're trying to find our sense of validation and love to rewire that belief, but we're looking for it on the outside. And then what ends up happening is we change our sense of gravity and we do all of these things 'cause we want someone else to like us and to validate us. But guess what that ends up doing? Diffusing our own energy. And guess what has actually happened when we are trying to please other people or we want someone else to like us? What normally happened is we stopped liking ourselves. We stopped validating ourselves and we started abandoning ourselves. So the reason I share this is because the thing I'm asking you to stop doing is stop abandoning yourself. Stop not liking yourself. Start liking yourself. Start letting go of the childhood meaning that we may have given to stuff. We may have given the meaning that says, I'm not worthy. My parents left. They didn't validate me. I'm looking for that on the outside now. And the more we work on the inside, the more that then the outside begins to change. But why does it change? Because we aren't attached to outcome. Because we validate ourselves. We love ourselves. We are not abandoning ourselves. We can say no to other people and not have an explanation of why we're saying no. Have you ever felt like you over-explain yourself in a text message? Oh, well, I can't hang out tomorrow because I gotta pick my mom up from the airport and then I gotta do this and then I gotta do this. And you gotta do like 8 different things just so you can feel not guilty about not going to your friend's whatever, going out to drink with a friend or something like that. You can just say no, period. End of story. It does not need an explanation as to why. And the more you set your boundaries, by the way, with things like this, the more attractive and the more value you will be able to actually put out into the world. 'Cause this is what this really is too, adding value out into the world by being yourself. Not because of who you are, if you're funny and all this stuff, you are valuable because of who you are. It's wiring in that belief letting go of attachment to outcome and being present in the moment and having fun because energy's contagious. People feel what you feel. And if you feel lack, I want them to like me, I want something from them, then they're gonna go, I don't wanna give it to you. And they're literally just gonna run. And the only reason they're running, by the way, is because you're chasing them. You're like chasing them like, come back, come back, energetically. Or you want something from them and they're like, oh my God, and then they just start running because that's the energy dynamic that's being played. So instead, there's something that if you do will change absolutely everything and it will allow you to then have that magnetic energy naturally. So let go and be in this moment right meow. And as you do that, you will have magnetic energy, but stop abandoning yourself. And part of this is becoming aware and becoming present inside your own body. Because as you do that, you rewire and you reframe a lot of these things. Now, if you haven't checked it out yet and you want to let go of these codependent patterns, of these patterns of not being in your body, of the anxious or avoidant attachment style, and you wanna become more secure, one of the most powerful processes you can go through is a 21-day Magnetic Love Challenge. You can check it out below or go to aarondoughty.com/love to join it. It's a 21-day transformational process. Read the testimonials on there just to see what's possible and go through that process and watch what happens. And then also, if you haven't checked this video out yet, this is the 5 secrets to letting go that make you confident AF. Watch this video and watch how much your life changes. People feel what you feel about you. The energy inside of our bodies are contagious, and based on how we feel about ourselves, that energy is being emanated out, and other people