Why Not Giving a F*ck Makes You Attractive AF

The degree to which you detach from outcome is going to be the degree to which people attach themselves to your energy because your energy is more magnetic the less detached you are or the more detached you are. So the less attached, the more magnetic. There's an, there's an intimate correlation between the two things. Now in this video, I'm gonna be showing you how to let go more to become more attractive and how to stop holding on so much to things that actually damper down your energy. Now, these are things that I've learned from either hundreds of books, but also like my own life, like things I've held onto, when I let go of, changed absolutely everything. And I'm gonna be sharing with you what I learned in this process that has allowed me to release that resistant energy from my field. Now, the first way I wanna describe this that really helps understand this at a deeper level is that if the goal is to become free, which I would assume it is, it's become free from attachment, a lot of times what we must remember is that people feel what we feel. So if we feel attached, then what happens is attachment is resistance. So we're putting out an energy that says, I am complete if I have this thing, We're feeling resistance. And then what happens is that energy's emanating off of us and other people are feeling it and that repels them. So the key to having irresistible energy, think about the word irresistible, means no resistance. It is void of resistance, irresistible. You wanna take out resistance, which means taking out attachment. When you let go and you're not attached, to what people think about you, you're not attached to outcome, you're not attached to what somebody else does or feels, then you are more free. And when you are more free, you're not so stifled, you can express yourself, and it's a completely different energy. So remember, people feel what you feel about you. And a lot of times as well, this gets down to confidence as well, because if we feel like we're not good enough, If we feel like, oh, people are noticing the mole on my face or something, that energy says I'm not enough, there's something wrong with me, please don't notice it, and people then perceive of it because people are picking up on the energy we are embodying. They're reflecting it back to us. So the key, and one of the most powerful concepts I ever learned how to do, was to focus more on my own energy rather than focusing on the things and the attachments and the other things that were were what I thought I wanted. And it's been something I've had to learn how to really become aware of when I start to become attached, whether that's a person, a thing, an outcome, a story, an identity. These are all things that we become attached to that end up creating a ton of resistance in the process. Now, there's a book that's called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck." And in this book, it's by Mark Manson, he explains that Basically, when it comes to letting go, the thing to remember is that this is really about more so our values. What do we value? Because our values are what make up our identity. And we get in life a reflection of who we are being. Now, what happens is when we're attached to what people think of us, when we're attached to what people are doing, or we're attached to anything on the outside, or even a label or identity, what has happened is we are putting a lot of our stock and we're putting a lot of our value on things that a lot of times are past things that we valued and they've just been on autopilot. So for example, and a lot of times what you realize too is think of it like this, we think, feel, and act, it's been on autopilot. We have this little identity that we live in equal, we live equal to, Now what happens is if we value other people's validation, then it'll be very important for us to get it. And if we value other people approving of us, or we value when we don't want other people to feel tension around us, so we'll try to fix everybody else to make sure that it's safe, then what ends up happening is we don't understand it or realize it in the moment, but we're valuing other people's approval. We're valuing people pleasing. We're valuing being a nice guy or whatever it is, nice girl. By valuing that, that means that we are attached to what other people think. We're attached to, in the belief that if I have someone else's approval or validation or they don't feel tension and I help fix them, then I can feel safe. Then I am good enough. Now, the key and what we're looking at in today's video that I think can completely transform your life when you begin to apply it is becoming aware of your current values letting them go if they're not serving you anymore in a positive way, and then wiring in values that you actually choose versus the values you were either given or you learned from the autopilot mind. So for example, a lot of times what I see is some people, they may feel like they've lost their own frame, meaning like they're not in their own frame of reality. They're not the star of their own movie. They're not moving towards a specific vision. They feel like they're tuning to everyone else's reality. A lot of times what that means and what's happened is there's a valuing on other people's emotions and energies and approval and validation. Once you become aware of it, you can then see that you can become aware of it, let it go, and then also start asking yourself the question, what do I actually value? For me, this meant I had to let go of the people pleaser, nice guy personality that I learned from my dad. And years ago, I had to become aware of this and then make the choice to like, I actually realized that there was a lot of pain that came from it because things we do, we do because there's a certain payoff. So being a nice guy, people pleaser, the payoff is I'm gonna be this way and then I'm gonna get validation and approval. And that's the belief and that's why people are that way. But then what happens, you become aware of, wait, I'm actually losing myself in the process. Actually, people don't really respect me because I move my center of gravity all the time. When I do set boundaries with people, they take it personal because they've gotten so used to taking advantage of my own energy. Wow. And then you start realizing what happened to me is I actually got very, I got angry at myself for a while. I got angry at my past version of me because there were circumstances I allowed myself to get into to where I completely abandoned myself, completely overextended myself because I agreed to it for some reason. And then I felt like mad at myself. So I was like bitter towards the nice guy, people pleaser version of myself. And what I had to do is eventually realize that I'm grateful that I'm aware that I sometimes had that shift and that I could be like, wait, I shift back into remembering my own value, remembering my own sense of self-worthiness and remembering to be on my own vision, to be in a certain direction. What ended up happening is I let go of valuing validation and approval And I became aware of those patterns within myself and I started to value instead authenticity and vulnerability. Because what I realized is vulnerability was the thing I was avoiding by valuing people's approval and validation. Vulnerability is the ability to express the real you. Nice guys and people pleasers, they don't want you knowing what they really think and how they really feel. So they hide it and they say, I'm good, everything's okay. How can I make you happy? "Hey, how can I help you?" A lot of times people pleasers and nice guys, they may also be in the service industry like I was for a long time, like selling women's shoes or waiters, waitresses, 'cause they get off kind of on pleasing other people. It's not always a bad thing if you're being kind or you're really passionate about it, but a lot of times pleasing, the energy of pleasing is I'm going to give this to you and then you're gonna give me this back, so I'm getting something out of it. It's transactional. And the key for me to let go of a lot of the things that were like needy energy, because really what this is, is it's needy energy that's come from childhood many times where we felt like our needs weren't met as kids. So then we look for it on the external. We look for it from our external environment. And what I realized is this was also for myself, it was rooted in an abandonment wound. I felt abandoned growing up. And then what I did is I said, well, there's something wrong with me, I'm not good enough. In order to get people's approval and validation, I must abandon myself in order to make everybody else happy. So what I ended up doing is I wouldn't set boundaries, I would overextend myself, I would do all these things that were a reflection of me abandoning myself. And that's what I had to realize, wait, why am I abandoning myself? What would I actually say in this experience and in this dynamic. And then what I would focus on is actually expressing the real me, being vulnerable. Being vulnerable, by the way, is the cure to shame. Shame says I'm broken or something wrong with me. I'm gonna hide shame and become a people pleaser or a nice guy. Instead, vulnerability is shining light on the shame. That's what brings it into the awareness, the light of awareness. And then the energy begins to dissipate. A lot of times people that feel shame, they'll actually speak about the shame of what they're afraid to share with people and they have huge breakthroughs because they realize, wait, there was nothing to really worry about. There was nothing. This was all an intellectual idea. They feel free. So in a similar way, what you could do is become aware and be vulnerable. You start valuing being vulnerable over that validation approval. You start to not be so attached to these things that were like the ways of getting your inner childhood needs met for us kids. Instead, you begin to realize I can stop abandoning myself. You begin to realize that like, I am worthy for being me. And what ends up happening is you end up feeling way more empowered because of that. You end up also beginning to value being the star of your own movie. This is really about an identity shift. You're shifting out of the old self that was attached to these old belief systems even. A lot of times people might go through a spiritual awakening And then they develop a belief system that says, people don't get me, people don't understand me, everyone else out in the world is asleep in the matrix. Well, guess what? That a lot of times will create the belief system, creates this reality where people don't get you, people don't understand you. For a long time, I had beliefs and even subconscious beliefs that says like, you know, people don't choose me. And I would attract people that wouldn't choose me. Why? Because I wasn't choosing myself. So it's about really becoming aware of these stories, these beliefs that have been on autopilot, and those attached stories are what keeps you locked in a similar reality. Become aware of them and then you can actually let them go and it becomes a whole new world for you. Literally a whole new world because you've broken out of the old belief system, the old identity trap that was there. So you want to become aware of what do I believe to be true about myself? Where am I limiting myself? What do I believe I need to be attached to? Some people go through a spiritual awakening as well, then they develop like, oh, I have this one other half to my soul, this type of specific soulmate, I need to find it. And then they get all heady about it and energetically they create this story and then it becomes so heavy and it ends up like really being something that like, you know, that you can't be happy, I'm not whole and complete myself. And they externalize their own power, their own energy. So become aware of these stories. And if you believe that other person's the other half of your soul, then guess what? You're gonna really attach to them. You're gonna really want them to do it, be a certain way, and you're gonna give it all this resistant energy and you're gonna end up messing it up. So the key is detaching. And the way you detach is by becoming aware of the stories, the beliefs, the identity, the attachments, the people that you've been attached to, and realize that the only reason you're attached to them is because you believe there's a story there that says that without this thing, you can't be happy. There's a story that says you need it in order to be happy. It's just a story. You think it's the attachment. It's not even the attachment. It's the story. There's the story about the person that's the other half to your soul. The story about the job that you need to get or the house that you need to move into or the person, the friend that needs to come around or whatever. It's all a story. That's it. And you become aware it's a story. You can then begin to let it go and realize that you can bring the energy back to source. And also, if there's inner childhood needs that weren't met as a kid, there's ways you can complete the patterns of the past. One of the most powerful ways I've learned how to do this is through an inner child type dynamic. And if you haven't checked it out yet and you wanna learn more about this process, I call it the MAP process, the Magnetic Activation Process for healing, letting go of this energy, and then activating high vibrational, non-attached energy inside of your body. It's called the MAP process, the Magnetic Activation Process. If you wanna check it out, it's a completely free video that'll show you step by step how to apply it. You go to www.aarondoughty.com/map, M-A-P, or click the link in the description box below. But in general, for this process, this really is about understanding that the more you let go, the more magnetic you are. Now, if you want a video to show you step by step the 5 secrets to letting go that make you attractive AF, it's one of my most popular videos. Watch this video. Right here. In this video, I wanna share you 5 secrets to letting go that will make you more attractive and that will completely transform your life. And when you start applying them, it changes everything because you start realizing who you really are and you start letting go of what you are not.