Why Relationships Mirror Your Subconscious Mind…

Have you ever noticed that the same relationships continue to attract themselves into your life over and over again? Maybe there's a pattern where you are overgiving in relationships and underreceiving. Maybe there's a pattern where you always attract emotionally unavailable partners. Well, what if the reason behind this is simply because It is a reflection of your subconscious mind. It is a perfect one-on-one reflection that allows you to reaffirm what beliefs you have, what wounds are active in your subconscious, and what unmet needs are there. Well, very often what people wonder is, why do I keep attracting a narcissist? Why do I keep attracting controlling people? Why do I keep attracting emotionally unavailable people? Well, the reason being is it is in complete alignment with your subconscious mind. And when you begin to look at your subconscious mind and you begin to release energy that is stored and beliefs that are held onto, you will find that then you begin to repattern yourself to attract new relationships into your life. New energy patterns. I remember for a very long period of time, because of a certain energy pattern where in childhood things weren't fair, people tried to control me, that was the belief because that was my reality from 7 to 17 years old, having a controlling authority figure in my life meant that years later, here I am in a way in dynamics that are reflecting my subconscious mind that says I must fight for freedom. Things aren't fair. People try to control me. And what I eventually had to do is I had to look at this energy and realize I was the common denominator. I would, in a way, find myself in situations, find myself in opportunities that would reflect back that same pattern. And one thing that you can do right now to really become aware of what this subconscious energy is is look at what are the common patterns and emotions that you feel in relationship. Maybe it's, I feel unworthy, I feel like I always abandon myself. Maybe you feel worthy, maybe there's positive emotions you feel as well. Well, understand that those emotions, those subconscious emotions are inside of your body. This is where a lot of people get tripped up because they go out into reality trying to change what people think about them, trying to change how they relate to people, trying to attract an emotionally unavailable partner to help them become emotionally available. And in an interesting way, this is the inner child part of someone that wants to convert mom or dad and to become emotionally available so that then they can meet their needs. So it's interesting that that's how the subconscious works. Now, the subconscious mind, by the way, this is an iceberg, not a ghost, okay? This iceberg right here represents the subconscious and the conscious. Only about 5% of our life is ran by our conscious mind. 95% is what's under the surface, it's what's under the water. And in the subconscious mind is the patterns of the beliefs, the wounds, and the unmet needs that may have felt familiar to when we were younger. And this is why many times people have trouble because they want to attract consciously, they want the emotionally available person, they want someone that loves them, someone where it's equal reciprocity. What's that word? It's equal exchange and dynamic in relationships. And what happens is they're so used to tipping the scale one way or the other because maybe as a kid that felt familiar. But understand, if you really want to transform your life, what I'm gonna do is in this video give you a 3-step process that you can apply in your life to help you get into the energy of transforming your subconscious mind, because your subconscious mind is running your life whether you're aware of it or not. So first off, let's look at this. Imagine someone right here as a stick figure is having familiar energy, which we all do. We all have familiar energy, which also the word familiar is so close to the word familial. Because in family this is what felt normal. And within this familiar energy, this is what we're used to feeling. So what we do is we attract people into our lives to reflect back certain beliefs, certain stories we have. Now, one of the reasons this very often is, by the way, is because those stories feel certain. We feel certainty because this is the way people act. This is the way people respond. And even though the way they may act or respond is they may let you down, they may not emotionally meet your needs, there may be an imbalance of energy there, there's a part of you that's like, at least this is predictable. I know what to predict. I know how people are. I expect them to let me down. Let me down, I expect them to betray, or whatever that energy is. If it's a darker energy that you're trying to subconsciously heal, but there's a payoff there. And this is what a lot of people don't see. They just see there's this story and almost this energy like there's something wrong in the world, people let me down. Like it's always the energy is going outwards and there's something wrong over there. And sometimes it's, there's something wrong with me as well. That's shame. The belief that there's something wrong with me is, the belief that, that shame is there. Now what happens is if your needs were not met and that felt normal, you'll attract people in your life to reflect these back. So the question you want to begin to ask yourself is what patterns were active as a kid that I have normalized and where are people in my life now reflecting this back? So for example, if it felt normal to abandon yourself for other people, You might overgive. That may also be connected to trying to prove your sense of self-worth. I can tell in the past, in a certain way, there was a part of me that wanted to become really successful. If I just grew my YouTube channel and had more and more success, I'd be more and more valuable, be more and more worthy, and I'd be able to prove my sense of self-worth to people that didn't believe in me. Even growing up feeling like my dad wanted me to, you know, go to college to become a lawyer or something like that. He always says, you know, kids could do whatever they want, but there was a part of me that always felt like my dad wanted me to go to college because he's like, you're so smart. And I went to college for a couple years, but I didn't graduate because I wasn't passionate about it. And the most successful person in my family was my uncle who had no college education. He owned a business. That always kind of inspired me. And I was like, I want to own my own business. I want to work for myself. I don't need some, you know, my dad grew up with like a steady paycheck 'cause he's a fire investigator. So he got pension, steady paycheck, and his thought process was go for like what's safe. It's traditional, but it's what's safe. It's predictable. That was his value, not mine. And what I realized is I like the unpredictability of having no ceiling. Yes, things are more risky when you own a business, but there's no ceiling there. I can make way more than fire investigators make. No shame on that, but I'm just saying like, that's me realizing in my sense of self that energy. But because I didn't go to college, there's a part of me that when I was first getting on YouTube, I was like, I need to be successful. I need to prove it. 'Cause if I prove it, then I'll be good enough. So there was a part of me where I was like, I remember even every time I would talk to my dad, there'd be part of me that was like trying to show my success. Yeah, I am doing this. I'm traveling here. I'm doing that. Like I could just tell it, just tell it would subconsciously kind of come out and I would be trying to prove it. Abandoning the self. I remember, you know, we talk about how relationships are mirrors of the subconscious mind. I remember years ago especially, there was like this energy where if people were late, it would bug the heck out of me. So like, if I was, I remember this one specific story of this handyman that I had in Vegas. He would always come and he was so nice. I liked him and he'd come, but he'd always come 2 or 3 hours late. So if he was supposed to be there at 1, at like 3 o'clock, he'd be like, I'm coming, I'm coming. You just keep texting me. I'm on my way, I'm on my way. And he was never really on his way. And then I'd sit there for like hours waiting. I'd get so frustrated. And could it be that there was a part of me that was in a way holding back from expressing. And that relationship was mirroring my subconscious mind. Part of that subconscious mind is maybe that the fear is this person's not valuing my time and energy, which was the belief, which was the energy, but also that I had to put up with it even. I remember eventually I said, listen, if you're gonna continue being late, then I'm gonna have to find someone new. And that's like a breakthrough right there, just expressing that. But you see, part of the process of recognizing what energies are familiar is becoming aware of the patterns and then starting to, in a way, meet your own needs, reprogram your own subconscious mind, give your inner child what it felt like it lacked growing up. And what happens is when you begin to meet the inner needs of your inner child, you'll find that you feel way more emotionally free. Like, if you feel like growing up you weren't validated or approved of, there may be a part of your inner child that's looking for validation or approval, and it comes out in subconscious ways in your life, and you look for other people to stamp a card of approval for you, not recognizing that you only want it from you deep down. There's a part of you that doesn't feel validated, supported, et cetera. What really transformed my life is when I started to look at the inner child part of me that felt not seen, heard, soothed, or nurtured as a kid. And as I started to look at that version of me, I started to feel differently. Literally, like I began to feel more worthy, whole and complete. I began to not look to the outside so much and it really transformed the way that I showed up. Now at the same time, when we talk about emotional unavailability, it's almost like if you wanna attract more emotionally available people into your life, the first thing you have to recognize too is there's a part of you that has normalized emotional unavailability. Like the blueprint for relationships, the blueprint for money, the blueprint for friendships, like our blueprints are very often imprinted from what was familiar when we were a kid and we've normalized it. So if you imagine, imagine you have someone that is secure in their attachment style, someone that has healthy relationships, maybe even grew up with healthy relationships, And imagine they meet someone that's emotionally unavailable or someone that's playing games. They look at that, they notice it, they might be like, yeah, this isn't a game that's familiar for me. This isn't something, this isn't the kind of person that I wanna surround myself with. I surround myself with people that have equal exchange in relationships. I don't need to abandon myself to make you happy. Because you making you happy and I make my, that's where the job is. Like your job, it's not my job to make you happy. So what ends up happening is that person may not see that as a reason to go in and to really connect with this person. It's in a way like a red flag. I can look at my own life and definitely see how this has shifted for me. Back in the day, I would be attracted to someone that subconsciously I felt like I could fix, someone that I felt like I could add value to, come add value to them and help them in some way. And what would happen is that imbalance in energy was something that felt normal. It felt normal for me to be with someone, to hold a whole bunch of space for them, to help them, to see the potential in them. But guess what? That fixing energy is also an enabling energy. It's keeping someone in a victim role. It's keeping someone out of their own power. And also it depolarizes the relationship and it puts your, it's like it's safer to be up here. That's kind of what it is. It's like it's safer for me to be the coach or to be someone that's helping someone else. So immediately creates almost like guaranteed no connection because there's an imbalance of energy. So if you believe you need to fix and you want to play the game of fixing, you're going to attract people that need fixing and that need you to fix them, which is a form of codependency. So do you see how based on the energy we are embodying, the energy that we tolerate, the energy that we believe as the stories we believe to be true, that is the lens through which we see the world and we attract people into our life to reflect that story back, to reflect that energy back. And on one hand, it's, are you attracting people to mirror that energy back? That's one part of it. Could be that those are the people you attract because normally if you are insecure, the secure attachment, your own power, you'd maybe say no to that energy. You'd see it as a red flag. Well, now you see it as something that you could fix or whatever. So you might be attracting people that that's the game to play. The other side of this though is what if you're attracting people that maybe barely are showing that energy, but you project onto them even more of that story? I had an ex-girlfriend once. I'll share this. It sounds really small. This wasn't that big of a deal, but I remember I always— it always stuck in the background because this is a long time ago. This is over 10 years ago. Basically, I had a girlfriend and what happened is we would go out to eat dinner, and this is back before I was on YouTube, before I was successful. So it was like we both worked 9-to-5 jobs and we go out on a date, and what I would do is I would pay for dinner. And then I'd never done this in the past ever, but I decided this one time we went out, she'd be like, "Lo, let me get it." And I'm like, "No, I'm gonna get it." Like, you know, after, you know, when you're dating someone, it's like eventually someone would say, "Oh, I'll take care of this." I think at the time she actually made more money than me too. I was like, "No, I got it, but if you want, you can tip." So I said, so I was like, "If you want, you can tip." Well, what I found out later is that in her past relationship, it would trigger her anytime she was inside a relationship. She had an ex that basically would pay for the meal but say, "Oh, you can tip." And that would trigger her. She's like, "If you're gonna pay for the meal, you pay for the meal or you don't." That was like her thing. But what I found was interesting is I'd never had that thought before, never done that before, but in relationship with her, I said, "Yeah, if you want, you can tip." I found that interesting. Now, I'm not blaming her to say she caused me to do it, but what if subconsciously in that relationship it was equal to her subconscious mind for someone to even offer that, to even say that, even though it was a trigger and it was something she didn't enjoy? So it's almost like other people are replaying out energy patterns that are active inside of our own body. And what's interesting is that on one hand, it could be we attract the people to play those energy dynamics out. On the other hand, it could be they feel that subconscious energy and they're playing out the same patterns because it's active in the field, it's active in the subconscious. So what do we do about this? How do we shift this if it's like our subconscious mind is what's determining and mirroring, we're getting things in our life reflected back to us based on that, how do we go about changing it? There's 3 simple steps to this. The first off is reflect. Reflect on what are the patterns that are active inside of your energy field? What are the patterns that are familiar inside of your past or that you see in every relationship you have? What are the unmet needs? And the wounds that may be there. And as you start to become aware of them, you see that they're in your energy field and maybe everyone is in your life for a reason. And maybe that reason is for you to learn a certain lesson, to integrate a certain energy. Very often people may hear that and say, I don't want to take responsibility for saying I keep attracting controlling narcissists. But they're in your life for a reason. Maybe that reason is for you to stand up for yourself. Maybe that reason is for you to heal and integrate a part of yourself that you haven't allowed yourself to. But whatever the lesson is, once you learn the lesson, you don't have to keep replaying it over and over again. I kept attracting controlling authority figures in my life, or control— specifically controlling women in my life, up until I healed that aspect of myself. From 7 to 17, the whole ex-stepmom thing. After that, ex-girlfriend that was very controlling and jealous, tiptoeing around her. She was always like, I was always too loud, whatever. There was always these stories. Broke up with her, got transferred to Salon Shoes at Nordstrom's. Manager, same personality as my ex-stepmom. Boom, boom, boom. It was always in my life. I was the common denominator until I healed and integrated that part of myself. I also forgave my ex-stepmom, and when I forgave my ex-stepmom, that manager left my life. What if our subconscious mind is attracting people into our life to reflect back those energy patterns also that we have not forgiven yet? There's a charge there, and if there's a charge there, it's in your field. It's like, this person better not be late. This handyman better not be late 'cause there's a charge. And then guess what's inside my energy field? Better not be late 'cause it's gonna trigger myself to feel uncomfortable emotion. It's serving the purpose of allowing myself to feel what's familiar. So wherever you go, there you are. So it's about taking ownership of the stories, taking ownership of the patterns, Taking ownership of the wounds and realize that it exists within you and it's serving a good purpose. Be grateful for it. When I transformed that energy, part of it was I realized that my ex-stepmom energy led to my spiritual awakening in 2012. I went from, why did this happen? I didn't have much of a childhood, to then realizing I would not have gone through my spiritual awakening and learned meditation if it wasn't for this. I would not be helping maybe millions of people that have seen my videos on YouTube and other social media platforms if it wasn't for this. I'm grateful. And that makes it even easier to forgive, is when you realize that that energy, you begin to reprogram. Now, that's the second step. We got reflect, reprogram is the second step. How do you reprogram? One of the ways you reprogram is you allow yourself to feel it to heal it. This is why I recommend breathwork. You don't have to understand every little story and belief. You just feel it and heal it. And if you haven't seen it, I do have a free breathwork ceremony that is in my High Vibe Tribe. It's a free group and you can go in there and you can check it out. If you go to, if you click the link below, you'll see it. There's an hour and a half ceremony in there for releasing the stored energy. Some of the most powerful work that I've done. I got certified in this process years ago. Completely transformed my life. But when you feel it, you heal it, you let it go and you feel way more emotionally free. But then as you reprogram, you're also giving new meaning. So the meaning I had was things aren't fair, someone's trying to control me. And then the meaning was, thank God, because this led to my spiritual awakening. Reprogram that meaning. When you realize, oh, I don't have to prove my sense of self-worth. Love is not, as a kid, I believed love was conditional. To tiptoe around a controlling stepmom, ex-stepmom. But then I realized, wait, I'm worthy just for being me. The tension of my ex-stepmom or the tension of people in my life is not my thing to manage. You see, that's how you start to reprogram. You might be afraid of tension and then tiptoeing around other people and then realize, wait, it— I store so much tension in my body all the time by not expressing the real me. So by expressing the real me and leaning into the tension, there's less tension under the surface. That's a paradox, by the way, of people that are people pleasers. So they don't like tension, right? They absolutely love tension. They love it so much they carry it with them everywhere they go under the surface. Like Hello Kitty in Lego Movie. Like, how are you? I'm great. I'm doing great. Hey, hey. There's this energy that wants to release. So when you realize that, oh, tension is good, actually I can express myself and just feel tension. Maybe I feel the tension, but I realize that's other people's things to deal with. If I'm expressing the real me, I don't have to manage their emotions. You see, this is how you reprogram. Instead of abandoning yourself and saying yes when you really wanna say no, you learn to say no. You learn to set boundaries. And this is where then in the third level, you realign. You realign in your relationships. You realign in your clarity of what is the line for you of what is acceptable versus not acceptable. What are the red flags? What are the green flags? What are the values you have because you wanna attract that in your partners? What are the lessons? Realize that once you learn the lesson, you don't have to continue to repeat it, but you are the common denominator. You are the common denominator in all of this. Very often on social media, on Instagram, it's like I'll make videos on like narcissists and empaths and everyone loves being able to blame this, but let's blame the narcissist, let's blame this. But ultimately there's active energy in your body and they're serving the purpose of reflecting back an energy pattern that maybe no longer serves you. But until you own it, you can't do anything about it 'cause it's just The world's messed up and there's all these people. So understand that a huge part of this process is these 3 Rs, reflect, reprogram, realign. Realize everyone's reflecting back to you that which you believe to be true for you. So if you subconsciously believe I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough, other people, how are they gonna stick around? You believe you're not good enough or not worthy. They're serving the purpose of reflecting that back to you. But feeling worthy, feeling good enough. This all happens through reprogramming, feeling and creating mind and heart coherence. This is also something that we do in High Vibe 101, my $1,000 course for free. It's at High Vibe Tribe. You can check it in there and learn mind and heart coherence practices for feeling and reprogramming yourself to then be in that energy and to know that once you're in that energy, people can reflect back a new energy to you because the most important energy is in relationship is your relationship to you. And when you reprogram that, that's when these other mirror reflections begin to change. So if you want to watch a video that will show you how to get to the deepest core to really heal from the inside out, I share in a video at a live event that I did in LA. It's one of my most popular videos as of recently for people that can feel other people's energies, how to heal all this energy on the inside, transform your life from the inside out by going deep, one of the most powerful videos for you to watch is this right here next. So empaths, people that can feel other people's energy, this is both a superpower and sometimes a curse on the other side of the spectrum.