Why They Come Back When You Stop Thinking of Them

Why is it the moment you let go of needing anything from them is the moment they come back to you? Why is it you have so much more magnetic energy when you are good either way with whether they like you or not? And what is a very powerful insight that will completely shift the way in which you show up in the world and how you relate to other people? So much in your life will shift when you realize when you need things from other people or you want them to give it to you in a certain way, you are projecting an incredible amount of pressure onto other people, which has them repelled from actually giving you what you want. But ironically enough, when you are centered in your own frame and you are good either way, that's when you're in magnetic energy. That's when people are attracted to you. That's when you'll find that you're genuinely good either way with whether they do or not, but you'll find that things come towards you when you're centered inside of yourself. So in this video, I'm gonna show you that energy dynamic and some stories and metaphors that will completely shift how you show up in the world. And you'll notice that as you begin to make this inner shift inside of yourself, people relate to you in a new way. You're no longer projecting pressure onto them. And as a result, you find yourself more in your own magnetic energy and people naturally gravitate to you. So often what people do when they hear ideas like no contact, people hear it all the time. Like they get to a video and it says the best thing to do when you're letting go of someone or after a breakup is to go no contact. So what some people do is they literally believe, I'm gonna let go because if I let go and go no contact, they're gonna contact me again. Which is interesting because there's an intention there of doing something in order to get a certain result, which means there's actually still an attachment. So you've now become attached to this thing thing as a mechanism, but what happens, and one of the reasons it's so powerful to go no contact and to bring your energy back when you're really doing that at a deep level, is what happens is you finally bring the energy back to you. Now, most people, even though they've been through, they're in a breakup, especially when it's fresh, they haven't actually left the person energetically. If you think about it, like we're all connected, through something that metaphorically or metaphysically is called an energy cord. Think of it like this energy cord, which is just an idea, by the way, it's a symbolic, an idea of the connection that we all have to each other. What happens is when you're thinking of them and you're wanting them to do anything for you, it's like you're funneling energy to them. You're funneling energy through that energy cord. It's going to them. Your energy has never actually left them because you're constantly thinking of them. So what happens is when you finally stop sending them energy because you bring the energy back in yourself, what happens is people can feel that energy has now left, and that's when they can reach out. That's what happened recently at the London live event I did where I brought a woman up to the stage that was having trouble letting go of her ex. She then goes through a process where energetically I represent him and break up with her. And as she begins to make this energetic shift inside of her body, what happens is within a very short period of time, within literally an hour of doing this in London at this live event, her ex texts her and says, "I miss us," blows up her phone 'cause she's not responding. The energy shifted because she stopped projecting energy at him. She was not attached to whether he even reaches out to her or not. And she started to become at peace with the acceptance that they're not right for each other. That was the biggest insight she had. She accepted that they weren't right for each other and that that wasn't an energy she wanted to continue living in. When she made that shift, yes, this person came back, but the key was, is she really was not attached one way or the other with whether he did or not. It wasn't a mechanism to get a result. It was something that she came at peace inside of herself. And what happens for many people is if they find it hard to let go of somebody else and they're wondering why it's so hard to let go of someone else, many times it's because that someone else represents a certain energy and that someone else you've been sending lots of energy with the hope that if I can turn them, if I can shift them, then I can feel whole on the inside. So a big shift happens when you begin bringing the energy back inside of yourself. Now, if you're wondering why also you might find that with certain people, you repel people that you have a deep, that you'd like to have a deep connection with, and some people that you don't care one way or the other whether they, like you or not, that energy comes at you even when you don't want it to. Think about it in the form of energy and where you're projecting pressure onto other people. You see, this one idea here will completely shift the way in which you show up around other people. Now, here's the thing. When you need someone from someone else, what ends up happening is you are projecting pressure onto them. That pressure then they feel and it repels them from wanting to connect to you. Now, this is why so often when people bring the energy back inside of themselves, what they're really doing is they're claiming back the pressure that they were projecting. So think about it like this, this one idea I think, this metaphor I think you'll remember will completely shift the way in which you show up in whatever room you go into. Imagine you go into two different rooms and imagine that in these rooms I tell you, you're gonna go into this room over here, you're gonna give a 10-minute speech. Now in this room that you go into, there are doctors, lawyers, there's someone from your past that reminds you of your mom or your dad, a teacher that you wish gave you approval growing up of. They're all inside this room. And what you're gonna do is give a 10-minute speech. What comes up inside of your body as you think about that? You might start sweating. Your heart might start beating kind of fast. Now imagine you go into that room and you might start thinking, who do I need to be to get all of their approval and validation? All your mom and dad stuff comes up. All your authority stuff comes up because there's a projection and a pressure that you put on yourself from wanting something from them. You might want their approval or validation. And then what happens? You start to be kind of weird. You start to be not yourself because of the pressure you're putting on. And when you're in there, people can then feel in the crowd that you want something from them. You might want their validation or approval, but it comes off as pressure. And that pressure blocks connection. Now imagine in another room, I say, you know, you're gonna go give that same 10-minute speech, a 10-minute speech, but instead there's gonna be 30 kids in this room that are in first grade. How much pressure do you feel then? You might be like, ah, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I don't care what these 30 kids think of me. Also, maybe I could just be kind of goofy and silly. Maybe your inner child kind of comes out. So what's interesting between these two scenarios and is one scenario, lots of pressure and you, what comes out is a performative action, a performativeness that's not real and that is very, takes a lot of burden and energy to be in. But this energy over here, you can, if anything, be your inner child fun self. So guess what happens in those two different energy dynamics is one has pressure, One does not. So think about this. This is the key to understanding why you might repel certain people in your life, or it feels draining to be around certain people. It's because of the pressure you put on yourself of who you think you need to be in order to get validation and approval, in order to get and to turn someone else into a deep connection or to seeing your value or worth. Now, very often this is what blocks people from simply being their most congruent self. Now, I would say that the big insight here for you is that when you go out into the world, everybody that you see is a choice to whether you project authority stuff onto them. It's a choice. Like when you go out into the world, If you see people, when you meet people, you realize they're just human. And if anything, there's an inner child part of them that you can begin connecting to. And that's really what we're all wanting to do, by the way, is all of our inner child just wanna play with each other deep down. But there's a lot of freedom that can come from that. Like when I'm in certain cities and I'm around in certain places, I recognize we're all just inner kids. Like we all have an inner child that just wants to be seen, heard, and soothed and nurtured. But we have all this performativeness of who we believe we need to be that creates pressure. And this is why many times we can block depth and connection. It's because we project onto other people authority and pressure. We make them an authority because we're letting them write, like think of authority. Think about this, authority. We're giving other people the authority, the ability to write our story. We then become the cameo in other people's movies instead of the star of our own movie. And when you're becoming the cameo fix-it person for anybody else, guess what? You can't really create depth and connection. If you think of the cameo in a movie, you think of a movie and you think of the star role and you think of someone else that maybe is the love interest, many times for it to be a deep connection, there's an equal, there's an equal connection there. But the cameo of like a third string person that's like a, that's in the background, that's just catering to someone else, that's an energy that some people have when they go into love and connection. And they wonder, why do I keep attracting these roles where people take advantage of me? Why do I keep attracting people that I don't really feel connected to? Why do I keep attracting people that I feel like I need to prove myself against? And what happens is when you take back your star role, that's when a lot can begin to shift inside of your life. You know, it's funny, I've realized that like, especially when I was single and I was dating, I'd become aware of when I would go on dates, I could see when I was projecting onto someone else like pressure. And I could see that when I was just, and when I was giving myself permission to be me, and I was recognizing that like they weren't gonna complete me or that no matter how much beauty or like visual components you project onto someone else, you're just also human. There was this more equal playing field where I just give myself more permission to be the real me. And when I was the real me, what I recognized is that whether they liked me or not was not showing me whether I was good enough or not. Whether they liked me or not was not my thing to manage. But you see, when you walk into a room and you have pressure that you're projecting onto other people that you want to like you, that's why it's hard for them to like you because you're projecting a need onto them. You're projecting pressure onto them. Now, I don't know about you, but anytime someone wants something from me, and I feel pressure, I naturally rebel because I wanna have the free will. And for many people watching this right now, this may be the biggest insight you have around this entire process. This may give you the keys to the freedom that allows you to actually be the real you. It's recognizing that you have to give people the ability to choose you or not. That's when you're actually free. If you put pressure on people that they need to like you, what you're doing is you're projecting that pressure onto them and telling me, I don't want you to not choose me, I want you to choose me. Well, guess what? You're not giving them the choice, you're demanding. And when you're demanding, people feel that. Now, why are you demanding that? Well, subconsciously, there may be an inner child part of you that feels not chosen as a kid that's looking for people to choose them now. But you see, the only reason it's looking for them to choose that inner child now is because you are not choosing that inner child now. So you project it onto the outer world. I think of my own inner child of even being on YouTube for the last like 7 or 8 years. And I've become aware that sometimes there's this energy that I've been projected in the past where it's like, I need to be so much value to other people. I need to give, give, give, give. And a lot of that is rooted in this belief that it's like subconsciously I'm trying to fix mom. I'm trying to fix another aspect of myself. And it feels like that's who I need to be. I need to be good. I need to give. I need to help fix. I need to do all this stuff. And there's a shadow side of my own ego that I've had to look at with this to realize that I'm both good enough either way, whether people watch my videos or not, whether they choose me or not, whether they like me or not. You see, that's when I've actually become more in freedom. But just like, you know that if I give you pressure and I'm like, "Hey, can you please like this video? Can you please do this for me, please?" And you see this desperate energy off of me, naturally you will repel doing it. You'd be like, "Ah, this energy is like kind of manipulative." And that's kind of what happens when you go into a room and you go in front of doctors and lawyers and the person from your past and your old high school teacher and a celebrity that you really look up to when you want them to like you, that is a form of control. That's a form of demand. And it's interesting because when you're not attached either way to whether they like you or not, that's when you're free. And why are you not attached to whether they like you or not? Because you like you, you accept you. Take out like, even just accept you. Accept not everyone's gonna resonate with you. The more I become okay and accepted myself, whether people like me or not, that's the degree to which I become more free. And what's funny is, as I've, you know, if I even think about my journey of speaking at live events, I've been doing live events for about a couple years now. And the first couple live events I did, there were a lot of nerves. There was a lot of like almost fear. I'd be projecting onto the crowd. I hope you like me. I don't wanna mess up. And if I don't wanna mess up, if I mess up, then something bad might happen. But what I eventually realized is the more I did it and I would eventually keep stretching myself, 'cause at first I would give, I do live events Then I do hot seat coaching where I bring people up and I hot seat coach them on stage. And you don't know where it's gonna go and it's completely in the unknown. And I remember the first couple times I did that, there was a lot of energy that came up, a lot of, what, I'm in the unknown. Well, guess what happened? The more I did it, the more comfortable I got being in the unknown to where just recently when I went to the, I did this London live event most recently and I'm getting ready to do even more live events here in this coming year. But what happened was just recently, there were no nerves whatsoever. I did a 3-day live event, no planned content whatsoever, 8 hours a day, no nerves whatsoever, even as I'm walking out on stage. It's kind of trippy. I was like, does this mean I don't care about it? 'Cause all this stuff is coming up. And I had more fun with it. But what I recognize is I'm no longer projecting onto the crowd that I need their validation or approval. I have a genuine intention of allowing the divine to flow through me. I have a genuine intention knowing some people are gonna like me, some people aren't. That's okay. I'm just gonna show up and be the best person I can be and let the cards fall where they may. But no longer was I putting pressure on the audience to like me. No longer was I putting pressure for them to even have a breakthrough. You see, that's another, that's a whole other conversation, but If I put pressure on, I would sometimes do live events and I do live events and that's where a lot of my content comes from nowadays. Put pressure, these live events need to get good content, pressure again. But when I am most non-attached to whether I get good content from live events or not, the best content comes. When I don't put pressure on people to have a breakthrough and I'm just creating a safe space and connecting with someone else, they have their own insights. When I'm not putting pressure on people to have, to like me or not like me, it's a different energy. So in a very interesting way, the key to you bringing that energy back into yourself is recognizing that the pressure you're projecting is a pressure you're only projecting because you believe somebody else is better than you or on a pedestal. And what you could begin to realize is that everyone is on an equal playing field. Everyone's on an equal playing field. If you went into that same room with the doctors and lawyers, et cetera, and they were still doctors, lawyers, et cetera, but you looked at them and you saw their inner child energy, my guess is you would feel more free. You would give yourself more permission to be the real you. And people, it's funny 'cause people can feel the energy. People feel what you feel about you. And when you're accepting you and you're not performing and trying to be a certain way, That's magnetic. People can feel that energy and it completely shifts the way in which you show up. So recognize that if you're trying to become the most magnetic version of you and you wanna stop projecting energy at other people and you recognize that the more you try to get people to like you, the more you repel them away, the key is simply to bring the energy back inside of your body. The key is to bring it back inside of you and recognize that that pressure you're projecting onto them is really pressure that your inner child, you could begin to be with. There might be tension. It's responsibility too many times. Think about that for a minute. That pressure you're putting on yourself is the responsibility that you're feeling to get them to think a certain way about you. And that may be reflective of a responsibility that you felt as a kid where you felt responsible for mom and dad. You felt like mom and dad, who did you have to be to be approved of and validated growing up? Normally I'll say, who do you feel like you need to be to be loved? But many times, who do you feel like you need to be to be validated and approved of because you believe validation and approval is the condition to being loved for many people. If love wasn't the norm. And as you, who is that? Maybe that's the perfect one. Maybe that's the nice one, the pleaser. These are all the dynamics, the subconscious parts of ourself that when we begin to integrate, authenticity comes instead of performance, instead of letting the pattern run you. But that pressure is your medicine. It's just that you've been putting the pressure on them. The breakthrough is when you realize, let them like you, let them not like you. Instead, realize that's not your responsibility. That's when you can let yourself be with that part of you where that tension is what you could become familiar with. That tension, that's what I had to realize inside of myself is I had to become okay with the tension of not needing to fix anyone else in my life, not needing to get other people's approval and validation that I would normally project onto everybody, normally project my ex-stepmom stuff onto other authority figures, wanting their validation or approval. Who do I need to be? And instead, I would start to be okay with them being not happy, them not seeing me in a highlight, That was a big breakthrough for me and a big level of freedom that came when I began to realize this. So some of the most powerful insights you can have around this entire process is recognizing where in which you are projecting pressure onto people and where are you giving yourself permission to be the real you. As you start to give yourself permission to be the real you, knowing it's not your responsibility to fix them, that's when you'll start to be more free. When you can let yourself let them like you or not, that's when you'll be more free. When you can give yourself permission to accept the real you, that's when you will start to feel more free inside of your body. And as you begin to make that shift, you then realize you no longer have to project this energy outside onto them. And that's when your life will change in a very powerful way. Now, if you wanna watch a recent video that I did at that London live event, where I show you something called the frame technique, where you feel the energy inside of your body and you feel the separation between you and them, so you don't take on the responsibility of what they think about you, this will completely shift your life. It's one of my new popular videos from a live event where I show someone how to stop feeding a narcissist on stage. You see a live demo of this and you see her bring her energy back to self, and you can do that same exercise and watch how much your life changes from this point moving forward. Once you simply watch this video, you can watch it right here.