A therapist explains why you might sabotage relationships even when you sense trouble coming. The fear often traces to childhood wounds, not your partner's actual character. Processing those old feelings, rather than avoiding them or trying to control the outcome, is what breaks the cycle.
I was in a relationship, so my gut was telling me that he's gonna break your heart basically or whatever, right? But my therapist was like, no, no, no, no, it's not him. He's a great guy. He's not gonna do that. It's your childhood wound. And yeah, it ended up happening. How do I know if when I'm feeling something, it's for real or it's that old pattern, which I'm hoping is not gonna come back, you know, of like just self-sabotage? If you're hoping it's not gonna come back, it's definitely gonna come back.
It's coming back for you to process it. The emotion, that you want to avoid feeling because if you could control outer reality—
and I'm a control freak.
Well, right. The mechanism you're using is trying to control feeling uncomfortable emotions. You don't want to feel whatever emotion of the heartbreak or whatever the other emotion is. So do I trust my gut? Do I trust the therapist? Do I trust this? How do I get it so this doesn't happen? But the thing is, is where is it happening? Inside of you. Wherever you go, there you are. It's unprocessed energy that's inside the field. The next live event that I have coming up is in Los Angeles, California, January 31st to February 1st. If you want to join, go ahead and click the link in my bio or comment the word event and I'll send you the ticket.
