Two people explain why avoidant partners pull away and come back. When an anxious person focuses intensely on an avoidant partner, the avoidant feels controlled and retreats. When the anxious person lets go and refocuses on themselves, the avoidant feels the loss and reaches back out. The cycle repeats until the anxious person stops reacting to it.
Anxious attachment here.
I have a situation with an avoidant where they like leave and then they keep coming back.
Do they come back once you've kind of let go and you're kind of focused? Yeah.
And, but I still have that pull.
Anyone else experience something similar to that? Yeah, right? What happens is when we are thinking of someone else, think of it energetically. This will sound esoteric, but imagine that energy is leaving your body and going towards them because you want something from them. And then what happens is they feel that. And what happens when someone feels like they're trying to be controlled? You cut, you know, right? You don't wanna be controlled. But then what you do is you bring the energy back and you say, you know what? I'm gonna let it go, whatever. You start focusing on yourself. That energy cord kind of goes away. You're not projecting energy at them anymore. And then they say, huh, can't feel this person think of me again. Something feels like they're missing. I miss them. I'm going to text them. So then they come back and then you just keep playing that pattern over and over again. Well, the key is you'll keep playing that pattern until you decide to stop playing that pattern. Every time you respond to that energy, you're continuing to play the game, which is continuing to perpetuate them come to you.
