Why Wanting Them Makes Them Pull Away (& How To Be Chased Instead)

Have you ever noticed that the more you want someone, the more they pull away? Have you ever noticed that the more you put someone on a pedestal, the more they're looking down at you? The more you treat someone like a celebrity, the more they treat you like a fan. There's a subconscious reason this happens, and what we're gonna be talking about is where that subconscious energy comes from how to heal it, and how to start feeling good either way inside of your own body. Now think about this analogy. You ready? Have you ever noticed that if there was a butterfly, imagine a butterfly just fluttering around, it's just fluttering around. If you were to chase that butterfly, "Butterfly, come here," What does the butterfly do? Just continues, just continues to fly away. But then what happens? You just chill out. You're in your own frame, you're reading a book, you're enjoying life, you're by the garden meditating or something. And then what happens? Just flutters. What is that, like Napoleon Dynamite thing? It just flutters and it just freaking lands on you. You let go of wanting, you let go of controlling. And what happens is if the ego wants to feel validated, wants to feel approved of, and it wants something, it's coming from a desire to control. And anytime there's a desire of control, it creates resistance. Does this make sense? So the key to this is recognizing what's going on here. What's going on? What's going on? Well, what happens is whatever you want, you also lack. Whatever you chase is running away from you. If you were to have a rope in your hand right now and someone was to pull the rope and you had the other end, what are you gonna do? You're going to pull back. You're not just gonna willingly go because that's the energy dynamic that's at play. So people are responding to the energy dynamic that you're embodying. And one of the things to realize about this is that it's a mere reflection that you can begin to bring your energy back. You can bring your energy back. Does that make sense? So in this video, that's what we're gonna be talking about. How do you remove the blocks that are literally blocking love from coming in your life? How do you remove the energy of leaning in and trying to control reality to try to instead not focus on outcome, Now remember, some of you have heard me share this story before. I've shared it many times, okay? Guilty of sharing this story a few times, okay? You guys ready? The time I went to Costa Rica and there was a consciousness teacher there that was teaching energy. She said, "Everyone in the room, send me energy, send me energy, send me energy to the front of the room." She said that when that happens, there's this repellent effect. Everyone's projecting energy at her. You wanna get away from it. And what happens is instead everyone bring the energy back in your body, bring the energy back in your body, bring the energy back in your body. Then guess what happens? Magnetic effect. Because someone that was present in their own body and that someone that doesn't, isn't trying to control is magnetic. It allows that, think about it. If someone is in a calm regulated nervous system, and present inside of themselves, it through osmosis is magnetic to someone else next to them and it has this powerful effect where then they feel safe in their body. Does that make sense? So think about that. One of the best ways to communicate value and attractive energy is being in a calm, regulated nervous system, being present inside of your body, not attached to the ego's desire to control, even though that ego desire to control is a mechanism from childhood. Do you guys see this? In childhood, it may not have felt safe to be in a calm, regulated nervous system, and maybe all you had as a reference was chaotic nervous systems. So the conditions to love and approval then became, I must mitigate the tension in the family. I must fix. I must please other people. Control mechanisms to feel safe. Conditional love. That's why a huge part of attracting love is allowing yourself to let go of the conditions of who you need to be in order to receive that love. Because if love was not familiar as a kid, unconditional love, and the conditions to be loved was to get validation and approval, you will then search for validation and approval instead of recognizing love. You've given up the game of love and gone to the next best thing, which appears to be approval and validation. But approval and validation is the ugly step cousin of love. It's the thing you settle for that isn't love. But remember, it's the conditions you believe are necessary to feel love. Does this make sense? How many of you see what I'm saying here when it comes to this? Because really what chasing energy is, is it's chasing It's chasing validation and approval, thinking validation and approval is love when it's not. It's the conditions you believe are necessary for you to hit to then feel love. So then, see, I'm seeing some wows in the comments. Pfft. You believe you are only worthy if you get approval and validation because if you had, you believed as a kid, If you got mom and dad's approval and validation, then you could feel love. But when you start abandoning yourself to get everyone's approval and validation, you don't even approve of you. So a huge shift in energy here is recognizing that belief, recognizing that pattern. And instead of focusing on controlling the outside, which is what the ego does to feel safe, focus instead on regulating your nervous system. Does this make sense? Something we will be doing very soon, by the way, if you're seeing this right now, is we're going to be doing a Magnetic Love Challenge to help you remove the blocks to attracting love, to help you remove the blocks to this chasing energy to have love start going towards you because you feel love as your natural energy, not validation and approval. So as you start to be in your own frame of reality, you take down the masculine or feminine shield that's blocking it from coming into your life. You learn how to embody the energy of being in your frame instead of codependent energy. And if you want to feel more secure inside of yourself and all of this, you can join the Magnetic Love Challenge. And all you have to do is respond, or you'll see the— in the magnetic— so respond magnetic for the magic. How about that? So if you respond and comment magnetic, you will get that. And we're gonna be doing a 21-day challenge. It's gonna include live videos, hot seat coaching, meditations, et cetera. You might already saw on my story, if you go to my story right now, you'll see a comment because when I said, "Hey, we're gonna be doing the Magnetic Love Challenge," somebody from the last one I did in 2022 said that they met their husband 3 months after that challenge. They said, "I did that in like October of 2022 and I met my husband in December of 2022." I was like, that's so cool. And there are other, if you go to the page, you will see other people saying similar things. When you shift the inner energy, that's when reality shifts on the outside. Does that make sense? Things shift on the outside when you begin creating mind and heart coherence on the inside. But if you believe and you're playing the game of looking for validation and approval, Guess what happens? You're not playing the game of, I mean, is it a game of love? Instead of the game of love, you're playing the game of validation approval. So you're not looking for people that can actually love you. You're looking for people that normally don't approve of you, but you try to win their approval. Does that make sense? Does this make sense? If you have questions about this, Go ahead and put it in the Q&A section or comment the question. So someone says, why does the love energy feel like chasing rather than attracting? If you believe that love as a kid was something you could only receive if you leaned in for it, then what might happen is that is the way in which you relate to love. Normally then what can happen too is people say love is when I give. When I overgive, I can feel love because if I overgive, people will actually love me. They'll see me a certain way, they'll value me, they'll never leave. It's really a codependent energy usually. So why does love energy feel like chasing rather than attracting? Because feeling safe in your own body wasn't something that you were encouraged to do as a kid or you learned how to do. So instead you look for somebody to chase that from because you're probably playing out mom-dad dynamics and projecting it into reality onto people. Does that make sense? This is where a lot of this work, by the way, is about becoming aware. We wanna get to the core of it. Mother, father, child. This triad is what affects every area of your life. So if, who did you have to be to receive the love of mom or dad growing up? Did you have to be perfect? Did you have to, did you have to like absorb the chaos in the family? Did you have to be quiet? Like who did you have to be to receive love? Did you have to constantly be sick? Did you have to stay in your room? What can happen is whatever your beliefs are about that, are your rules and beliefs about who you are to be loved. You may be playing those same dynamics even though it's not mom and dad you're fighting for their energy for, it might now be your partner. This is something we will talk about in the Love Challenge. It has to do with something called the imago. Any of you ever heard of the imago? The imago is the image of the most positive and negative traits of mom and dad We have this subconscious image called the imago that has the things that triggered us the most about mom and dad and the things we like the most about mom and dad. And we tend to attract people into our life that have a close imago to our inner imago. Some people say amigo, it's imago, I-M-A-G-O, imago. Comes from a book, what's that book called? "Getting the Love You Want" or something. Which is I guess a little bit different than the title of this video, right? 'Cause we're talking about not chasing. It's like getting the love you want. I want it. If you want it, you lack it. Does that make sense? So love energy feels like chasing rather than attracting because you may not believe you are worthy for just being you. And the conditions for being loved are you must approve of other people or you must get their approval and validation. You must chase them because that love was not readily available. And I remember when I had this powerful experience when I was going through a healing process called family constellation. Have any of you ever heard of this? Family constellation is a German process where you replay child dynamics, like ancestral dynamics with random strangers. I did this in Sedona a few years ago. And it was bananas how accurate some of the energy dynamics were about a side of my family I didn't even know because my mom was adopted when she was a teenager 'cause she ran away from home 'cause it wasn't safe in the house. And my mom was going through a lot when I was the, I'm the oldest. My mom was going through a lot when I was born and my mom's dad died even though she didn't have a good relationship with her real dad. When he died, she went through a lot emotionally And one of the things that happened in this family constellation session is I realized just how much my mom was emotionally going through and how I believed subconsciously as a kid that I wasn't worthy of that love because I had to be quiet and not be a burden to mom. And at a certain point, I decided that in order for me to be loved, it's based on what I do. It's based on what I do. So instead of, there was a moment where in this family constellation session, which are basically like 5 strangers I've never met playing different family members on my mom's side of the family, one person, the guy that was playing me was like 70 years old. And at one moment he was like going and like kind of pulling on the lady that was playing my mom's like skirt. And then when he realized that she was just in her process, He just said, screw it, and he started playing with toys. And that was when it was like, I am, I can soothe myself by what I do. So here I am as adult, and when I first got on YouTube, by the way, and I first started creating my business, and even when I had my 9-to-5 job selling women's shoes, one thing that was like very, I was very adamant about is like always doing things, always working, always doing things, crazy work ethic. It was beneficial in some ways, but it was like, I am worthy if I can add value to other people. I am worthy if I'm very busy. I am worthy if I give away and just do as much as I can for people because the more I can do and give to others, the more I can feel love for myself. Does this make sense? And I was playing that game, but of course then it's like, if I am only worthy for based on what I do, There's a feeling like, am I worthy for just being me? What if I decide not to make videos for a few weeks? Am I worthy then? This was part of the self-inquiry practice for me to really open up to like opening up my heart. And the more I realized that I had value for just being me was the more I was in that magnetic energy where it was like, I don't have to keep playing that dynamic of trying to prove myself. Does this make sense, by the way? Yeah, people are mirroring back to you that which you believe to be true. Someone says, what's your take on SP obsession? How to trust the universe more. So when anytime someone says, what's your take on SP? So I had to look this up because when I first started on YouTube, people would ask me like, how do you manifest your SP? And I'm like, what the heck is an SP? Like sp, sp, what is that? What's a sp? And then I looked it up and it stands for specific person. So what happens is people that want to manifest love, here's the challenge with manifesting love. It's trying to control people, it's trying to control the universe. It's the ego's desire to get what it wants. And what I recommend is not manifesting. I recommend focusing instead on being and integrating these aspects of your psyche, doing the shadow work, but on realizing that God is what brings you the people when you are going within yourself, being yourself, and living on your purpose and like getting in alignment with that. So when people say SP too, they go, "I want to manifest my SP, my specific person back," you can replace specific person with specific pattern. 'Cause a lot of times when you're fighting for love and approval, it's a pattern. You're attracted to a pattern. You cloak it as a person and you want to manifest them. You want to control reality to get them to like you because if they could like you, then you could feel good inside of yourself. And what I'm saying is that that is trying to play God instead of letting God flow through you. You can use the word universe, God, whatever you want. Ultimately, people are reflecting back the energy you're embodying. And remember, anytime you are wanting something from someone else, they pull away more because it's manipulation. And instead, when you start being yourself, like what happens by the way, when two people go through a breakup, this happens a lot. Two people go through a breakup, maybe one person doesn't want the breakup. They're thinking about this person, they're thinking about this person, they're thinking about this person. And if you energetically think about it, like energy that is projected is energy that is leaving your body. So when someone is thinking of someone else, wanting that person to come around, wanting that person to text them back, They're projecting energy at them. And remember, when you project energy at people, it repels them away. It's control. And what happens is what a lot of times happens. This person wants this person to text them back, thinking about them, thinking about them, thinking about them, and then they don't text them back. And then what happens? Eventually, this person might begin to heal or they might begin funneling that energy back in themselves. They might putting that energy into their purpose. They might start hanging around with friends and family. Then what eventually happens? Right when they finally start letting go, this person texts them. Happens a lot because the strings of energy are no longer being projected at them and that at energy is repelling. Now, even as I tell you this right now, here's the trick. I show this to you and if any part of you is like, okay, Aaron, "Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to not project energy at them because then they're gonna give me what I want." That is still within the frame of manifesting with manipulation. And what I'm saying is you don't need to manifest it when you are in alignment with God or the universe, whatever name you give it. Some people, I say God and they go, "Ooh." I say the universe and they're like, "Esoteric new age," whatever. Whatever name you wanna give it. When you like, remember this quote or this self-inquired practice, can you make a plant grow? Can you make a plant grow? You probably heard me talk about this a lot. Can you make a plant grow? Some of you say, yes, I can make a plant grow. No, you can't. You cannot make a plant grow. You can set the conditions up for the plant to grow. You can put it in the sun, if it's in a pot or something, you can water it, you can't make it grow. God makes it grow. And when people are trying to manifest their SP back, they're trying to play God instead of letting go and asking life, what is this reflecting back to me? If this person isn't just a specific person, but they are a specific pattern, what is this pattern teaching me? What is this pattern showing me? And then working with that. And when you begin to integrate that, that's when God can bring you what's an equal reflection for the parts of your psyche you've been integrating. That's why shadow work is so important here. When it comes to manifesting love, if it's just the ego's desire, and it's coming from the ego, it's control, resistance, and repels. When you are good either way, that's when you're in powerful energy because good either way says let go and let God. Good either way says maybe I don't know what is best for me. Maybe I don't, maybe my ego thinks it knows and maybe the ego is just playing in old dynamics. Maybe the ego is literally just playing in trying to get validation and approval. When remember, validation and approval isn't love. It's the conditions you believe are necessary for you to feel love. But then you don't approve of yourself in the process. Does that make sense? You reject yourself over and over and over again. When you are trying to get someone's validation approval because your frame changes, right? Go into a group and you feel people's energies. Like, I need to be this way. Let me do this dance move for this person. Let me do this dance move for this person. And you're just doing all these confusing dance moves instead of just doing the dance move you wanna do. Does that make sense? So when someone is obsessed with somebody else or their SP, their specific person, That's a pattern from childhood and it's not the person, it's the pattern. And the obsession is the belief that if you focus on them and you can get them to give you what you want, then you can feel whole and complete. And what I'm saying is look at approval and validation within yourself 'cause most likely what's happening, You guys wanna take this one step further? Knock, knock, knock. Someone's at the front door. Someone's at the front door. Someone's knocking. Imagine opening up the front door and there your inner child is. Your inner child might be needy, want approval and validation. Your inner child might feel not safe. Might feel like they are the sponge to the family and the chaotic nervous systems. And you open up the door and you look at that inner child and what do you do? Close the door. Get outta here. I'm ashamed and embarrassed. And your needy energy is causing me to have a lot of things happen in my life that's not good. And if there's shame around that energy, and what I'm saying is instead of the shame around that needy chasing obsession energy, Embrace it. Let it be there. Let it be there. Be present with it, acknowledge it, and let it be okay that it's there. Let that inner child inside the house. And guess what happens when you do that, by the way? Guess what happens? You start to integrate that past part of you that's looking for validation and approval from everyone else only because when you open the door, you don't give it to your inner child. Is this inner child real or is this inner child a part of your psyche as like Carl Jung would talk about? Is this another aspect of your subconscious? My answer to that, who cares? Is it real, is it not real? It's a symbol and a metaphor that's coming up that's revealing something about your subconscious. And what most people try to do is they try to change what is at the front door instead of accepting it and letting it in. Let it be there. Actually, let the needy, the funny thing is if you let the needy energy be there, you let yourself feel the energy of, I want to chase, I want to chase the butterfly. The butterfly is just fluttering around. You're like, I want you, I want you, I want you. Just let yourself feel that energy. Part of the reason you keep feeling it is 'cause you think you shouldn't feel it and then you feel ashamed for it, which keeps you in that energy. Does that make sense? So huge healing happens when you begin to accept this inner child part of you. And by the way, in the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge, we're gonna be doing inner child work for looking at this energy, healing it from the inside out. We're gonna be letting go of the blocks around what has you attached, what keeps you pushing away love, the intimacy blocks, the vulnerability blocks, the belief that everyone else is emotionally unavailable, and really start to own the energy so that you begin taking ownership of your energy so that you begin allowing in love and you begin approving of yourself and you really get to a place to where you're good either way. That's the goal of this 21-day challenge. Yes, love can come as a reflection, but when you're good either way, guess what? You're more magnetic, you're more present. So if you do wanna join that 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge, go ahead and reply magnetic and get some magic there, you know? And basically what it is is a step-by-step process for transforming your view of yourself and starting to be the most magnetic version of you and removing the blocks to love, attracting love, and in 21 days creating a huge shift in energy. And like that thing you saw on my story of that person that met their husband a few months later, look on that page, you'll see other examples of that, of people that attracted similar experiences and you'll see what's possible. Magnetic. Let's see. Okay, someone says, how can I make a new relationship as a single mom? Now here's the thing, a lot of times people will have blocks because of the story they tell themselves as of what it means to be a single mom. And you can apply this towards any area of your life. You could be like, somebody else said, I've been single for 2 or 3 years. "how do I even start dating?" You might literally believe that because you've been single for 2 or 3 years, what that means is it's harder for you. If you believe that as a single mom, if you believe it's harder for you, it will be harder for you. But that's partially because you're like siphoning your own energy and believing it is this thing that holds you back. And therefore, you are more likely to put that energy out so that people feel that from you. Does this make sense? Are there people that have been single moms that have met their soulmate or they're like somebody they have a deep connection with and they've been together for years? They're guaranteed. There are many people that are single moms that attract love. So the question is, why not you? And what story do you have to believe and buy into that says that this is This is something that holds me back. You can let, but you can apply this towards any insecurity, by the way. You could apply this towards any insecurity at all. You could say my age, somebody could say, how can I make a new relationship 'cause I'm this age? Well, that age, if you believe that age is bad or that age is like not attractive, that gets infused and projected onto reality and other people and people feel that. You are more magnetic if you just own it. If you just own it, that's magnetic energy. Do you guys see the difference here? It's like somebody that's insecure about their height or they're insecure about a freckle or they're insecure about whatever. That insecurity gets projected off and what happens is if you were to just own it, that's magnetic. Are there people with whatever insecurity you have that own it and that are very magnetic? And you'll find that very often, yes, almost every time. There's 7 billion, 8 billion people on the planet. It's like, why not you to just own it? If you can accept that part of yourself, you're more magnetic with it. So that's one thing to become aware of. Or what are your beliefs about what it means to be a single mom? About what it means to be single for 2 or 3 years, what it means to be a certain height, what it means to have a certain freckle or a certain characteristic. And what if you could own it? And what if that thing could actually become something that you believe is like magnetic about you? You just completely own it. Do you guys feel the energy difference in that, by the way? The energy is different when you just own it. Someone says, Aaron's video, when you think of someone, you're sending them energy, powerful video and plays into understanding how powerful your focus is. Yeah, that video went viral on, it goes, I've had a few go viral on Instagram and a YouTube video go viral on that as well. So it's when you think of someone, you're sending them energy. I explain this energy more deeply and I have a new YouTube video coming out soon that explains this as well. Okay. See if there's any more questions about this. Let's see. How to find balance between giving and receiving, compromising SaaS boundaries. So giving and receiving, something to become aware of is what is your intention with giving and are you overgiving? Because if you are overgiving, you are probably attracting overtakers. You guys see that? You overgive, it's like the bait to overtakers. And who do you believe you are by overgiving? Do you believe you're good? Do you believe you create, you help heal them, and then if you heal them, then you heal yourself? Or that then you could feel accepted? Remember, if we're chasing validation and approval, and we want that for, it's like, if I can do this, then I can give. Maybe part of the rule is if I give, then I can receive, and you'll never leave. So this is where you find awareness behind why are you giving or overgiving? And why is it hard to receive? Would you, what if instead of overtakers, they're like, I'm not an overtaker, I'm just an over-receiver. Doesn't sound so bad, does it? You know what's funny is they actually have something to teach you. I remember one time I had this old, this person that I used to know when I was living in, where was it? I was living, I was at a house, I was somewhere and in my fridge I had all these like drinks and I had someone that came over and they grabbed a drink and there was like $3 to $4 kombuchas each. They grabbed one, they opened it, they drink it. And I was like, yeah, you can have one, cool. And I had a whole bunch in there. However, all because there was a whole bunch in there, it was like they would drink a little bit of it, they'd put it to the side and then like 30 minutes later they'd go back in there, open up another one, drink a little bit of it. And then there was like 2 or 3 drinks around and I'm thinking to myself, the audacity of someone to just come up here and just drink a little bit, waste it, drink a little bit, waste it. And I would get triggered from this and I'm like, why? There was a couple breakthroughs in that. One breakthrough could have been to express and be like, wait, why don't you finish the one you started? But the other breakthrough or the other thing I realized is like, I would never do that. I would never go to a friend's house and to drink a little bit of a drink and then drink another bit of a drink and then waste it over here and leave it over here. Like, so there's this self-inquiry where I was realizing in a way that actually what triggers me in this person is the thing I could begin to embrace more. Like, I don't even think sometimes going over to a friend's house back in the day, I'm like, "No, I don't need anything to drink, I'm good." But my breakthrough could be just like, "Yeah, I want the, let me get that kombucha. Look, look, look, just leave it over here. Let me get another one. I want this flavor." "Now, of course, I'm being sarcastic with this, but do you see how this thing is something somebody else has done as they're able to really receive or take?" There's a little bit of medicine there for you that of something that you could, that's like the medicine for you. Learn to receive more in a healthy way, of course. I think it's the same thing when you see empaths and narcissists. They're the opposite sides of the spectrum. Empaths give and give and are very sensitive to emotion, and narcissists take and don't feel that emotion. And what happens is one has a strong sense of frame, even though it's like a false sense of frame, but that sense of frame, the empath actually gets something out of. They get to know where their boundaries are. And if they were to have that level of fight inside of them, that could be their medicine. Learning how to actually like direct their life and find their own strong frame of reality in a healthy way, of course, instead of a toxic way. But do you guys see how this is like the opposite side of the spectrum? So that's why, by the way, one of the days inside the 21 Day Magnetic Love Challenge, by the way, will show you exactly this energy narcissist-empath dynamic. And how to begin healing it, going deeper inside of yourself. So if you do wanna join that 21-day Magnetic Love Challenge, it's the most popular challenge I've ever done. The last time I ran it was in 2022, and we're doing it again here in 2025. And you can just respond magnetic for the magic. You want the magic, magnetic, okay? Other than that, how many of you guys have had fun today? How long has this been? About 36 minutes. How many of you guys had fun today, huh? Fun, yeah? I think that's it for today. I'm hungry, I have to go to the gym, I have stuff to do. I appreciate you guys all being here. We have the London live event coming up soon too, which is gonna be epic. You respond London if you want those tickets. Other than that, I think that's it. Do you guys want me to post this live? You guys want me to post this live afterwards? Go and like this video for me to keep posting these lives. Other than that, I think that's it for now. I'll talk to you guys later. As always, peace, much love, and remember, don't chase the butterfly. Chill out, relax, let the butterfly come to you because you're good either way. You're good whether the butterfly flutters on your shoulder or not. You're good either way. Why does the butterfly need to get to your shoulder for you to be happy, huh? Why you giving reality that rule? See what I mean? Okay, anyways, that was a tangent. Talk to you guys later. Peace, much love, namaste. If you wanna check out that video on how and why when you think of someone, you're sending them energy, it's one of my most popular newer videos on this concept. Go ahead and watch this video right here and watch how your viewpoint shifts around energy.